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Eh, sorry I disappeared. Is bumping allowed here? This thread must have been a good 10 pages under the dirt by now.

Yes, the change has persisted. I live now with clarity and truth to the things I say and do. If I say something, I am being honest, now matter how much it may hurt. Knowing the root cause of things is better than to help someone fester emotions inside by passing off their troubles and thinking they'll learn on their own. My friends and I would often debate on relationships, of which I still haven't even tried once yet, because instead of seeing me as simply someone who doesn't know what they're doing or just trying to pass the time, they see me as someone who knows a lot about human personalities and who is as honest as he can possibly be. I only tried to help them see the truth about themselves and how they may or may not have felt and although it was a simple goal, it went a very long ways with that regard.
I also know clearly how I feel about things. Instead of breaking down with surprise emotions, I know exactly what I am feeling and why I feel it, whether it be anger, or simple regret. The book started me down that path you know, I'm pretty sure it was those exercises. The ones that make you spend a lot of time simply talking to yourself. I spent many many long lonely hours talking to myself as I read that book, and I'm better for it.
Disappointed me that it's being sold now. I've got a reliable computer, I'dve promptly stored it somewhere safe had I the file again.

Hm...
I think I'm having trouble with getting to the vibration stage. I know I could get out if I'd get to that point, but I have trouble reaching it. I end up falling asleep I think.
Either way, I've tried setting my alarm clock for like 15 min later but the problem is that I have to re-set it every 15 minutes and I always end up waking up however long later with my alarm off. I don't remember shutting it off... I don't think the alarm clock thing would work for me.
Any tips on getting to the vibrations stage? I get a strong feeling I'd be good at the rest, but it's like I'm not even being given a chance here.

*waves hello* XD

Changed my life. I used to be depressed all the time, but she helped me to realize what I should seriously be thinking about, instead of just walking around and slowly dying on the inside.
Of course, I never got to try her suggestions cause my hard drive crashed. (I had obtained the book a while ago by downloading it, it was available as a PDF some time back)

Here's the site link anyway.
Second news article last I checked.

Greeting to you as well...
How did you get such a gigantic avatar? I thought there was a size restriction...

*just turned 18*

Na, seeing as how she was younger than me, I highly doubt classmates.com is going to work- not to mention I never learned her last name (Curse my memory! I know I've heard it before but I don't remember it.).

For some reason, I'm not sure if from dreaming is going to work. The last time I actually had a dream was like 7 months ago (Now that I remember, I think I went lucid and started hovering for about 10 seconds until the dream ended.) My sleep tends to either be void of everything (When you just go to sleep and wake up after.) or some kinda premonition. Dreams are rare.
Although, I've noted a few strange things. I'll set my alarm clock for some absurd hour like midnight, but I'll wake up and it'll be off. This bugs me out- I'd have to have woken up to shut it off, correct?

Ah.
I don't know where she lives. Never did. Never saw her again after I left.

Hello, whoever would be reading this. Ya know, this forum looks ridiculously similar to keenspot, but I digress.
Lemme get to the point.
I'm sure you've all heard this about a gazillion times-
I need to learn to Astral project. Why do I need to learn? Well, it's a long one, so feel free to jump ship now.

*is not sure why he's trusting complete strangers with his most guarded story*

I used to be able to project as a small child. Albeit accidental, but it still happened at random times. I wold get an uncanny feeling of numbness in my waking body (As in walking around outside awake) and then for no apparent reason I'd enter what could best be described as a "Third person view" for a few seconds, until I realized what was happening, whereupon first person view would resume command rather quickly. It was kind of like the coyote from the old, old cartoons after he ran off a ledge. He didn't fall until he thought about it.
Several times during my childhood I would awaken from sleep with a huge start and I could see and feel the world re-aligning from my eyes, resembled being on a ship that's just been violently tossed, and having no recollection of any of that dream at all, assuming I had one.
The other major thing is that to this day I get premonitions. I will, instead of a dream, find myself living a portion of my life as normal in my dream. Maybe 2-3 months later, I am always surprised into silence when I re-live those moments to the letter- I mean to the thought! I even, one time predicting when I'd have a confirmation of a premonition, went on a random premeditated train of thought during the confirmation and it fascinated me when I realized the premonition had included that exact train of thought. These uncontrollable premonitions are important to my main story.

At about the age of *can't remember...so long ago...* I'll say 12, I went to take some Judo courses at the dojo of a friend of my dad's, paid some amount a month (They never told me until later but that comes into play), and I learned basic S.D. there. Not bad until a younger (I'll say 10-11) girl called Sarah began coming again (I came in during one of her long absences) to that dojo. I instantly fell in love with her. No lies people. I couldn't classify or identify it then, but looking back, it was at first sight.
Well, being a shy young nerd, I never really made any moves at all. Never became her friend outside of that dojo.
Sure, during the time we trained together with the rest of the class, a few things happened I now reflect on- things like when she may have been showing interest in me by asking what I 'did', and I replied 'not much' because, ya know, being a nerd doesn't really count for too much when you're 12. Or at least, that's what I thought. Never did ask her.
*stops digressing* Or of a time when I accidentally hit her in the face during a follow-up exercise- I felt so bad after-wards but she kept insisting she was alright, that kind of stuff- the occasional smile between us, you know.
But I was always scared of rejection, amplified by my nerdiness. The antisocial bastard I was, I thought I'd never make a good friend for her, would never be able to defend her or even at that time, support her (If she wanted to go out on dates and all that).
Now, this could have had a happy ending. But about 4 months before I left that class, I had a premonition/dream. This one I remembered, and it was of Sarah breaking up with me. "It's just not going to work between us."
Needless to say, this devastated me, and I became terrified of being near her. When an opportunity presented itself, during a month when my parents wouldn't be able to pay for the classes anymore, I dropped out, to get away from Sarah. This was a mistake.? I never did, of course, have that premonition confirmed.
I miss her to no end. Every single day I think about her. I name things after her and she's constantly in my thoughts. The pain gets worse every day, and every year. "I never told her." I repeat those words like a death sentence before I sleep at nights, if I sleep at all (I try to avoid sleeping now.) Mornings are greeted by an empty "Why should I try again? I already missed my chance.", which isn't helped by the fact that winter kind of sucks here when you've got a corner room and no heating device in your room (one in my parlor.)
I've read about astral projection on-line, and read Anne's (www.astral-voyage is it?) book when it was still in PDF down-loadable format. It's helped me to clarify my thoughts and feelings, but identifying the pain doesn't help it to go away. I know I have massive potential for AP as was demonstrated by my youth and premonitions, but I simply cannot do it. I have tried so hard, setting my alarm clock to like once every hour to try to remember to project. Even when I try... I feel sad, perhaps empty. Burdened down almost.
During my days I act normal and seem normal, but a lot of my emotions are forged and forced, I don't really get 'into' stuff anymore. I've lost the ability to find anyone attractive in any meaningful way. Sure, I do...well, young puberty ridden boy stuff, but I don't really connect with people anymore, especially women in general. There's more to my anti-socialism but I've typed enough for an introduction post and that isn't really part of my initial question/problem/request, which is learn to AP, so I can visit my love, wherever she is.

I know that if I could just visit her, even if only once, in her dreams even, and tell her that I love her, and listen to how she used to feel, it would heal me. Even if she didn't like me, the unknown is becoming unbearable. I'm concerned about her. I don't know if anything has happened but I dread it. What if she's just like me? Antisocial, empty, and hurt. I don't want her to feel like that- I'm the only one who should bear that kind of burden. I want to protect her dammit, and I feel like I'm failing her.

The only way I would not visit her is if she is living a normal, happy life with her own love. Then, I guess I would be satisfied being the "strange little nerd who used to smile at me" to her. I don't want to cause worry and concern and unnecessary reflection on her part by just barging in on her life for my own selfish reasons.

Please, I'm feeling lost here.