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Yesterday morning I woke up around 4:30, tired and groggy because I wanted  sleep but I had to get a project going. So I got up and started planning for it, and somewhere along the way, I dozzed off again. Unintentionally, I did something very close to an interrupted sleep pattern.
I had a dream, though what it was about is kind of murky. But at one point, I remember I was flying in the dream.
Now, my mind has been programmed to go Lucid as soon as I start flying. And because I can't handle lucid very well, I snapped out of that one pretty fast and got plopped into a state of sleep paralysis. I put my "hands" in front of me, but I couldn't see them. I thought I was having another one of those "feel them there, but don't see them" days. If I "moved" them back and fourth, the vision I "saw" before me would distort, and look a bit funky.
Then I did something I never really tried to do. Instead of trying to project, I concentrated on just feeling the vibrations and willing them to increase.
When I opened my "eyes" again, I started into a pair of really chalky hands. I wiggled them a bit, but didn't get much further, because I mind told me it had had enough and wanted to wake the heck up.


Could this mean something, did I dream it, was it a lucid, a projection of something....some kind???


AD

Hi.

I have had this problem for most of my life, or for as long as i can remember.

I've had problems with anger. And sometimes, the anger doesn't even feel like mine. I've always been extremely aware of negative things milling around me. And sometimes, I don't even know if its me, but I feel a connection with negative forces and some deep part of me keep calling to it.

At night, the nights are the worst. When I close my eyes, some of the most disturbing images come to me. I've been working on overcoming them and blocking them, but its like being flooded, and combined with how i experience sleep paralysis so much, this doesn't help.

Any thoughts please?

AD

I need a hand.

For the past few weeks I have been having lucid dreams a lot, and most of the time not intentionally. But what happens is usually right after I recognize that I am having a lucid dream the dream immediatly starts to escape me. I can never manage to keep the dream for more than a few split seconds after I recognize I'm dreaming. The all I see is black, and then when I "see" again, I am in a state of sleep paralysis, and eventually my body wakes up, still tingling, almost pulsing. Everytime I have a lucid dream, the tingling/vibrations I feel as I awaken are incredibly strong.

Why does my dream just fade out like that? I'd like to be able to control the dream for a while...
I have flying dreams often and am familiar with those.


AD

Hey guys and gals....

Just was wondering about something.

Well most nights before I doze off to that wonderland/nightmareland of sleep, I usually go through some relaxation which may or may not lead to anything.

I always try to work on developing my awareness of my body and to be able to relax and feel the "hum"

more and more recently, while I work through my body, I begin to feel this aching pain at the top of my head, where, I think, the skull seals. Its the kind if pain that makes you wince a bit and can just BARELY ignore, and it kinda feels like ti runs down the back of my nasal cavity.

any ideas please?


AD

PS. Nowadays, even when I am not working on relaxing or energy or anything, I constantly feel this very faint buzz at the top of my head. Its a tab annoying but not too much....at least I know I still got my head....

What I really wonder about is those hands. I really wonder what I saw, or did I not see them and just thought I did. Anyone catch my meaning?

Well, the flying part is actually quite simple. I have had flying dreams a LOt, and am used to them. In times in the past I would love the flying, but never know it was a dream until I woke. Only recently, after I started questioning myself a lot "is this a dream?" did my flying dreams go lucid so much ((which isn't all a good thing because my lucid dreams never last long.))

Last night, just as I was felling asleep, I saw this dead body and it started to rot right in front of my eyes, and then I saw someone stabbing someone or someTHING with a knife over and over and it was really bloody.

I just watched it, but its downright distrubing. And I heard people yelling.....

[]

I've had times where I have seriously wanted to hurt, injure someone, and sometimes its not even someone who has done anything against me. sometimes I do things I don't really know why. I do it to see other people hurt.
This has been a problem with me and I'm trying to solve it.


AD

The anger part is something i want to explain.

When I get angry, sometimes the level of how angry I am is practically destructive.
And I try to control it as best i can, but sometimes it doesn't work that well.
A lot of it is spawned from my parents. They're both two very angry and irrational people sometimes, tempers are very short.
And I'm a person who feels trapped because all they nail about day in and day out are tiny details in a whole huge spectrum of life. And they don't think before they talk. What you end up with is me taking a lot of verbal assault and exercising a hell of a lot of control for a 17 year old.

Just now my mom knocked on my door, shut for the very reason that i would like to have some time to meditate ((let me tell you now that my mother doesn't know english worth @#^%# and so I have to communicate with her in chinese, and that's difficult for me))

She yelled at me and said "What, is this a hotel, where everyone closes their door?" And I told her like i did a million times before in as calm a way as I could "I need privacy" and she responds with "You always say you need privacy, privacy. Don't close your door, this isn't a hotel."
By now, this shouldn't be a huge deal, but my anger level is way high, but I turn back into my room with just "ok."
Then she says, "Clean your room and vacumn the carpet!"
And I turned on her and yelled and told her to get the f*** out of my room.


My immediate logic is this. If this is a hotel, would I clean and vacumn my room? No. So if I have to take care of my room, why can't I do something as simple as close my door? She is always free to knock to talk to me. But she insists I keep my door open.


I've had to deal with this kind of thing, something that is so simple but my parents make a huge deal out of, and a lot more besides. And Because they don't even listen to themselves sometimes, i take a lot of "I don't care what you do... get out of the house" and "You don't care about us, we don't care about you." and a lot of "You're useless" type of thing. They say it and don't think before they talk.

The only reason why my parents don't lay a hand on me anymore is because they know I'd break a bone, and it wouldn't be mine.
This is where the base of my anger comes from, and put that along with the anger that flares up when I don't know why, I've got an issue in my hands that's going to take me a while to get on top of.

sorry about venting my personal life on here.....I'm angry and I'm trying not to break anything.

AD

Hey! I just posted something about flying...and look what this is?!

Well I wanted to say that I have been having flying dreams for a long time now. I've had them since I was a kid. And Just recently those flying dreams I've been able to go lucid with those..

My flying is always something like mentioned above. I move my feet, and in my mind there is no gravity and air is being shifted below me, and so that I can actually 'step' into the air. And sometimes I can simply glide from a higher place to a lower place. The feeling is INCREDIBLE and it feels SO real. Because in all my dreams I KNOW I can fly.

The big thing I can say is this.
1) I watch WAY too many chinese-ku-fu movies where people defy gravity
and
2) you have to KNOW you can fly. Just know. Without a doubt, and without question. You KNOW you have the ability to fly. Just keep that in mind. you can you can you can. It's an ability you've always had, so of course you can fly!!!



I know that sounds a bit funny, but keep that in mind,and keep that mindset.

Hope to hear about you flying over treetops. ((step on the STRONG branches though...))

AD

Should I just leave it, in that case? Or is there something I should do?

AD

Its like this.

Recently I've been noticing a faint buzzing at the tip of my head, and a slight bit foward. It's real faint, but when I lay down to relax, I will usually work with my energy a bit, getting "in touch" with it, because I'm not far into any kind of energy work.

This is when the faint buzzing in my head grows into an aching kind of pain, and it feels something like someone is trying to tear my head apart.

that explain better?