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Hello all,

I have a expierence to tell you all and i am desperately looking for help with this.

One day i was using a drug, an inhalent, probaly the most stupidist thing i ever did.
(The hallucinations of this drug where in my minds eye, i believe, seeing as i didnt ''see'' it but ''knew'' it was there, in my imagination*1000%. ) While on the drug and it kicked in, i was unaware i had taken it.

So here it goes:

When i took it for the 5th time or so, suddenly i didnt felt happy at all but there came this dread across me, When i looked outside the bushes turned into skulls and this robed black harry potter like figure came toward me, I was kneeling on the floor ( while in reality i was standing facing the wall Or something like that ) and this figure ''sucked'' itself into my throat, I did not moved, i was in complete terror and thought i was dying and going to hell or something. But it got into my throat and into my stomache.

I then prayed to god please please forgive me ! and this white light shined for a flash of a second and i was still alive.

So there is still a lingering feeling in my throat of a blockage of some sort, like a belt straped just beneath my adams apple.

So 1 year later while smoking marijuana i tried some prayanam breathing techniuces, and i felt this flow of breath going to my stomache and the demon dissolved and just ''puffed'' into nothingness on exhale.

It was for me like the combining of 2 minds or something - i felt i had a soul, and i knew i was carrying a lot of hatred in my heart wich i never realised.
I felt perfectly clear.

( i hyperventilated  almost all my life )

So this feeling of the ''belt'' is still with me in meditation, i just cant breath fully and my head is very foggy.
This cant last very long i need to get this sorted out before i spend my life wasted
Please help me 

Friendly greets Exzalibar

Hello all,

I am lurking here for a while but after a expierence i had i want to contribute and seriously develop my self.
I will describe the problem for you here for i seek some help and preferbly from somebody who recognises te traits.
I Am currently unable to function in normal life because im sensitive? or thats the excuse im living for whole of my life.

Until highschool i managed with my inflated ego but then i found myself unable to function because of total absence of emphaty, I cried and wallowed in my pain and found pried in being different only to found that i am completly empty in side.

I am also for the last 3 years smoking marijuana wich in term only sustaint my illusions, I also find myself searching and thinking obsessivly for an solution, going over and over playing heroistic fantasis in my head wit no basis in reality.

4 years ago i used a inhalent wich i am not proud of but wihtout i would not be here so please listen:

While i was using that i felt like i was in a dream world, Things would hallucinate the same exact way if i would perform the same movement or triggering some thought:bending forward while inhaling etc... I would be wishing,,: just start the trip etc'' but when it started i would be oblivious to the fact that i had taken any substance, it was after i while that i had the most distrubing trip to wich im still uncertain how to fit in in my reality.

Suddenly evrything turned dark outside ( sunny suddenly bit dusk-dark) wich was the trigger for the trip, suddenly i saw a big bus outside ( I did not see anything, but i knew it was there, i saw it in my mind as to speak ) and a hooded figure like te one in harry potter moved towards me and i was going to die, It ''sucked'' itself in me and i felt a chemical cloth so to speak being lodged in my throat i was crying hysterricly PLease PLease O please dont let my die WHY ! Why Aharhgh etc.
But then i Shouted YES I BELIEVE I BELIEVE and i felt to my knees praying--> this white light appeared for only a brief moment tho and i felt wonderful crying tears of happyniss. I felt a weird electrical sensation over my whole body wich i thought was good...

Yesterday i was reading a piece about Narscistic personality disorder and i noticed that my throat clogged up very badly and i knew this piece was treu but i was almost fainting, so intoxicated by marijuana i started meditating ( as i did 15 times or so ) but while there was this threshold previously of this scary sensation in my throat i know continued.

Then i had this amezing expierence, my whole body was electrified and i felt very light and every breath i took felt pure bliss and releving me of the pain.

So i ask anyone to please give some information about the throat, stumache problem, The expierence i had was so real but seems so distant like a foggy memory, but it happenend yesterday ! so any help is much appreciated espesially in relation to this narscistic Personality disorder i feel at a lost here and need some affirmation.

Blessings

Exzalibar
Bit long but i had to get this thing of my chest