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Of course not, but it can help towards awakening something in me that I may take as an ability like healing or something, i'm just tired of this depression that I've lived with since the death of my mother in 1995, looking for a new outlook on life,  or maybe become more intuned to the other side, not just the abilities, i'm not really expecting it to work cause, everthing else in life has failed me in my pursuit so I know this will too.

Hi Bloodshadow, =]

I just wanted to make an observation.  The solution to the problem likely lay in the statement above.  Depression first off is a grump.  It can take root and fester and grow.  The only solution to it is to attack it (Depression is usually a manifestation of fear of some sort, that is for each person to figure out).  The issue is when depressed the last thing one usually wants to do is confront anything.  Its counter intuitive.  Never the less it is the proper course.  In your case on some level there is fear of death.  Simply because you stated the depression has been since your mother passed.  (This is a hefty topic for you to attack and its usually lonely because only you can do it) If you had no fear of death a passed loved one would look and feel wholey different than the fear of the unknown or fear of death.  It is likely why you would like OBE experiences.  To KNOW deep down your mother is okay, and youll be okay and everyone will be okay etc.  (This is a generalized fear FYI many people have I dont mean to single you out if you may be inclined to feel that way) Now there are a million sub sets of other reasons and things but because it was important enough for you to mention to us here.  I feel safe with the majority of my statement.  

Also you may begin to see the ability to heal is subjective.  For example.  If anything I say or do here may lead you, or anyone to an "enlightening" experience I would consider that healing.  Depression, fear etc may be healed and removed.  On top of which another new worker is brought into the fold.  That type of mentality.  You may understand that through the power of the mind cancer can be cured and with the right words and the right pushes to someone in the right direction they may really attack their demons head on and decide to live, at the core level.  Those types of thoughts.  You never know where you will be led.  Unless that is of course you dont want to be led anywhere because fear holds you back.

(Mind you this all comes from someone who has only "sneak peeked" it.  So to speak.  So I very well could be speaking out of my butt.  Please feel free to prove me right or wrong.  Or don't.   Up to you)

Anyhow the statement "everything else in life has failed me" is telling.  That is that depression talking.  That state of mind showing itself.  The flip side to that would be everything you experienced in life led you to right now.  Everything you know, and feel and want is because of those past failures.  And that is a great thing.  That is years and years of hard word that are about to pay off.  You are now asking the right questions, now reflecting on the big excrement.  No more kid stuff.  And yeah.  That is depressing.  Or can be.  But I would say this.  Who are you.  What type of person are you.  If you dont know, you need some self reflection.  Do you give up easily?  Do you run away when it gets too hard?  If you do why? (confront it). 

Let me say this to you.  (Someone else can espouse their belief on you but through your experiences build your beliefs and you have not experienced the same things as I so you will not see things the same way, there is nothing wrong with that you must build your own beliefs and that is a difficult thing to do.)  Your mother is completely fine.  She has done what she needed to do and is progressing as she should and would want to.  Can you really believe that?  I know you want to.  Of course you want to.  But unless you have experiences that tell you as such, how can you believe that.  Until that point you will hunt tirelessly for that answer which is why you keep getting pounded against the AP wall.  Until you do some self care, some self work you will keep hitting the wall.  As you work on fears things begin to open up.  Light can be gleaned from the darkness and a bright colorful picture painted.  Do not give up.  Life is a wonderful thing and it doesn't end here.  We aren't that amazing that all that is and ever was ends with experience here.

When you finally turn around and look at what you have been running from it will look like farming monsters for experience.  With each one conquered a new "ability" is gained.  Work hard, keep up the conversation here and everywhere and just never give up. 

So I would like to chime in on this topic based on my own experiences.  I have not done Aya however I do understand it very well.  I consider each entheogen to have a potency related to physical or non physical.  From say Mushrooms up to Aya (and everything in between)  As you progress on this spectrum you go from more physical related experiences to NPR experiences.  For example, many people attribute shrooms as a "body high"  that is accurate in that your body is heavily involved in the trip.  It is mostly an Augmented Reality experience so to speak.  Things are heightened but your still in your body and rather tightly tied to this physical realm.  LSD can be both depending on the state of mind (expectation going into the trip) and environment tripping in.  Proper environment or guided trips can lead to full OBE type experience or you can also experience it much like shrooms in that your tied here physically.  (Alot of people who use Entheogens never make it past the "fun" or "party" aspect of these Entheogens) this ties your experience or trip to a physical one.  Once you get up a bit higher on the Entheogen spectrum that physical or non physical trip becomes less of an option.  You forecfully access your avatar and put some level up points in a skill so to speak.  Or you may not be ready to level yet but you can review your oversoul avatar before entering back into this game world (sorry for the comparison its an easy one for me).

Salvia is the Entho where you sort of have a choice to remain in the physical.  If you cant let go for fear of death or some other fear your stuck in an extremely warped physical reality.  Things become so odd and honestly many people have "bad trips" because they cannot let go of the physical but what is happening to them is so "other" (different) it freaks them out and they feel sick or gravity becomes super strong (seems to drag you down) , people have experienced huge arms wrapping around them from the back etc.

When you get up to DMT there is not much choice in going to NP so to speak.  You get sling shotted there for 15 seconds to 7 minutes or so.  Physical time.  Obviously in the NPR there is no time, or if there is its vastly different,  often time people can live weeks months years in a trip and come back to only 10 minutes being passed.  These are good to experience it but not much can be brought back from this other than shock and awe.  Imagine trying to explain your entire life in a few words, that is similar.  DMT shoots you to deep parts of yourself (this is pobviously debatable, many people think this realm is outside yourself, I happen to think it is one and the same)  where you can begin to converse with yourself.  If your under the impression this experience is outside yourself perhaps youll encounter an entire civilization but that would IMO just be an aspect of yourself your visiting for whatever reason (likely just a glimpse if your playing around with drugs for unknown purposes other than having fun or enjoyment)  You could also meet ONE entity (yourself?) or just a few,  That doesnt seem to be as important as actually having the conversation.  The internal dialogue that may translate back to your game "Earth".  Whatever experience you get from that game translates to your oversoul or avatar and can be used in the next game, but your not done with game earth yet, you only temporarily exited.  

Aya is an animal all itself.  It takes the DMT experience and stretches it over many days.  It FORCES a lasting impression in the physical.  You have no option but to attack and confront the darker parts of yourself.  The trick of Aya is that it almost entrains your brain.  They make it last so long in the physical it rarely is just a "fun experience" it has long lasting life changing effect.  In the end we all know there is nothing to fear but fear itself but we mostly only know that subconsciously.  So until you confront it and realize its bovine excrement.  It stick with you.  This gives you the ability to become david vs goliath so to speak,  or run scared.  (Aya forces you to stay,  for a very very long time so your likely going to deal with the big bad and not be able to get away)  that can be terrifying but in the deepest part of that terror is giving up.  Letting go,  understanding.  This is where Aya has strength.

What I say is if someone has thought about Aya for years, saved up money, done research planned a trip.  Thought that heavily about it (they likely are already under the mindset that this will be a life changing experiencing of good nature) meaning this is exactly what it will be.  In the end its the power of YOUR mind that is doing the changing.  

In my experience everyone who uses Entheogens for fun, and transfers to the "spiritual" realm (NPR can almost always be considered spiritual if you consider it as exploring yourself and learning from that experience and bettering oneself) drops drugs altogether.  Eventually they realize they are what they are a tool.  And we all know teenage kids dont keep riding their bike with training wheels.  Most of us as we grow so to speak take those training wheels off.  Your hear Xanth and others say similar things.  They need less "tools" to get there,  their intention and commitment often times does it for them.  I often felt "dirty" as I delved into Entheogens.  It felt like cheating, and now as I gained knowledge in the NPR realm be it AP info or OBE even LDing what have you.  The more I learned the more I understood what my drug based experiences were.  They were glimpses into what could be , and in the time I experienced them I had NO frame of reference for what I was experiencing.  Which may or may not have brought be to the brink of sanity for a minute there heh.  With no reference you begin to question what is real and what isnt.  Depending on your history and up bringing that can be very harrowing.  Thankfully without to much "action" based on those experiencing and doing some reflecting instead made me a stronger person and I learned but I can easily see where people alone could tip the other way.  

A big issue I have with Entheogens (Drugs in general) is the way with which it is framed and discussed.  When its looked at as the big bad and framed in a bad light (just being illegal gives many people a "bad" perception of it) and it almost immediately places a roadblock on the usefulness of these drugs.  The mindset behind the usage is highly relevant.

An observation I have made is that it really doesn't matter each person has their own path and it seems they all lead to the same point, same end game.  Some "people" get more experience (or "time") out of this "reality".  Some use drugs, some have a near death experience, etc etc.  There are so many ways people get a peek, then they can go back to the same, they can make a slight change, or they can make a drastic change.  Again this is another spectrum really.  

Everyone gets nudged in a new direction by self preservation.  The system perserves itself by perpetually evolving.  How it does this is dialect.  It would be the Thesis.  In order to be anything but itself it would reconcile the Antithesis with itself to be the Synthesis.  Of course repeating the processes endless to perfect itself.  To experience all that could be.  Itself,  fully.  

Anyways before I get off on a tangent.  Heh.  Someones reckless use of Entheogens I would be more worried about than someone who showed enough intent and willpower to want something bad enough to put a ton of time and effort and thought into it like an Aya experience.  

I do love this conversation.  You all rock.

EDIT:  I would like to point out that most drug use (other than maybe the higher tiers) are done for recreation, meaning it is an unconscious trip so to speak.  There is not much to be gained from this,  Its much like dreaming in that way.  When you consciously decide to use a drug for the purpose of self exploration IE. Spirituality.  Things get interesting.  Much like what I hear about the NPR realm from the people here on Astral Pulse.  You can only "get lucky" so many times before you have to put in hard work for yourself.  IE.  You consciously do it or you dont.  You dream, or you explore. 

[you didn't change anything]

As far as Phasing is concerned, the technique is still utilized by various people, but from a wider perspective, finding an entrance into NPR seems to be a moving target, and I am still trying to figure out the pattern or if there even is one.

The last thirty years for me were a mixture of LDs and the classic 'etheric/RTZ' OBEs. Once I came to the Pulse and learned of Phasing, I pretty quickly started doing that and it became quite easy to recognize the proper moment and just 'go'. For a few years, I was certain that I had found MY method and that was that. But over time, it became harder for reasons I haven't yet understood. The experiences themselves continue to become increasingly complex and introduce me to new concepts and abilities, but the last couple years have almost exclusively been LDs even though I have attempted various other methods. One theory I have considered is that I am being pushed to learn other techniques. Having said that, I am getting some variety of old and new exits and experiences, but the old days of easy Phasing seem sadly unavailable for now.

I do sense that there are certain discoverable patterns in all this, but the sheer variety of experiences multiplied by countless individual interpretations, makes discerning patterns rather difficult. It does seem, though, that many experiences appear to maneuver us, to circle us back around to certain lessons, before we are allowed to move on. One of the first battery of lessons is obviously confronting and controlling our emotions such as fear, sexual desire, excitement, confusion, etc. This all serves to achieving a stable mindset. Alongside these lessons, we are learning movement, navigation, communication, entity-recognition, etc. The use and application of Intent is a big one. So, why wouldn't learning a variety of exit techniques be encouraged as a part of this?

Lumaza certainly has some great stickies on Phasing methods such as the Doorway or his 6 Point method.  If visualization exercises such as these don't work, then maybe try Szaxx' Astral Blueprint, Frank's PDF, Major Tom's Vigil method. These focus somewhat on passively 'noticing' the hypnogogia as it develops; this worked for me in a WBTB situation, which was really the only way I could be relaxed enough to relinquish control enough to get to a Focus 10 level or deeper.

I know as a novice at best I don't have much voice but an outsider opinion sometimes does some good.

Taking some advice from you. Or using your own words.  Have you even considered that you may have gotten done with your reason for having OBEs. You got out of it all you could with your current INTENT for wanting it?  I don't know this is a genuine question.

One thing I have been noticing is more often than not people are allowed to go to the NP. However they get there.  They are allowed to play and to do all various sorts of things essentially building themselves up but there is a ceiling if they are not doing it on PURPOSE.  So to use Xanth as an example he might find he doesn't even have to phase anymore because his INTENT to focus on spirituality goes hand in hand with OBEs when you can only been shown so much spirituality before you have to do it yourself so to speak.

Again this is more of a question for yourself I would happen to be interested in the answer of.  But what I meant in my other post is the entire point of being here is the ride.  You can use it as much or as little as possible.  Passively observe and reach a certain bar.  Or do more hard work and push farther.    I don't know yet if this is right but I plan on exploring it in the near future.

I have a gut instinct that while you may have changed techniques often or many times but you may not have gotten a new reason to keep doing the same thing you've been doing [IE OBE]  I guess this because it's natural for us to think that way.  You didn't change anything why the heck did it stop working.  You can't find out why.  But the one thing that stands out is the "you didn't change anything why the heck did it stop working." Part of that sentence.  Maybe it's time you changed INTENT .  The WHY for having an OBE.  Playtime may be over.

I know I am thinking about all this more which I like.  I somehow now have a sleep mask, some ear plugs, various binaural or meditative music ebooks bookmarked blogs etc.  So I like it.  I guess I am also very nervous.  Like i said before that may be irrational but it's that unknown [you can tell me something until your blue in the face but until I experience it I truly can't convince myself I know] that is scary I think.  All this information scattered all over the internet with such varying degrees of opinion is daunting then you throw in misconceptions, movies, retoric, what have you you can build more fears.  So when people say overcome the fear of death I can see why that's so powerful if you do that the rest sort of get conquered.  You may build a new set of fears to conquer but it cleans the slate so to speak.  Tier up start over keep moving along the "enlightenment" spectrum.

It's funny I have so many opinions on a topic I don't have much first hand experience with.  Technically they are all preconceived notions and I guess this process is me trying to talk myself into this as being beneficial and not harmful [subjective terms in this case].  Baby steps is likely right for me to do that to convince myself.  If I can put my toes in the water I can maybe smash some of those notions I have and move on to the next.  But I have a hard time convincing myself to dive head first into the deep water.  [IE shooting right for an OBE,  or even one with extreme intention on change].  With a general foundation my mind can refer to and pull off of to verify the information it's receiving I should be able to strengthen the entire practice of exploration.

No manual is possible because each individual is different, so different events occur.  A manual where a person projects belief in, would be limiting to just that pathway ...that set of results.  Not much help.

Then you are responsible for what that person experiences also.

Best to let the will of each person result in what it must.

Anything is is control of others.

I do get that.  However I also see patterns in what the majority of astralnauts go through on their journey, while it's true each journey is different and each gets there their own way there is a similar engine in each if those cars .   The function and basics overlap and there doesn't seem to be one coherent place for this.  Of course all these answers are here in this huge repository I am just if the opinion if there was a jumping off thing a good explanation of what fundamentals might effect results and why.  For example the replies in this topic are superb.  I am not convinced a jumping off point is needed it is more a question.  I can see you believe the person's intent can be shown their through willingness to pursue and find these answers and modify and adapt along the way essentially building you up to where you need to be.  I can't argue that really. All just really fascinating stuff to me regardless I just adore the topic in general and the people associated with it. 

Awesome responses thanks for the input it helps sink easier with me in conversation format over just digesting reading. 

I've finished reading your other posts now and I think I have a fair view at what you are wanting know.
You say you don't dream and never have. That is fine there is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to instead you might prefer phasing which is simply meditating (or just sitting quietly) and allowing whatever comes to you to come. It will take practice and patience. Think of it as daydreaming. Did you daydream as a child. Same thing here.

The other thing I got reading your posts is this idea that AP, OBE and LDs are all about enlightenment. Forget that, if that were true the world would already be a much better place than it is. It is about learning if that is what you want or having fun if that is what you want. Some people are simply more spiritual than others, the ones that seek it already have it. Those who don't aren't likely to seek it so there's the rub.

However having said all that there is this feeling of growing away from much of the matters that once concerned you. But it does not replace whatever is at your own spiritual core.

Enlightenment? The last time I got enlightened I accidentally cut a live wire with a butcher's knife, landed on my butt a whole lot more enlightened than I was before I did that.

So I guess it's not that I don't dream I understand everyone does.  For whatever reason [likely a few] I have 0 recall and have for many years aside from sporadic times I remember nothing. From what I understand however is simply spending more of my waking life preparing myself for sleep so to speak with affirmations and dream journal.  Keeping my focus on that will increase my recall.  Do people who have been through this recommend attempting to go "out of body" or simply focus more attention on the basics so to speak to better prepare.  Or is it better to attempt with little to no foundation so to speak [other than the obvious foundation we naturally have].  Or I suspect they all go hand in hand and focusing my intent on one or the other will lead to increased activity in either. [Also another reason I am trying to actively engage on the forums.  To keep that intent and focus / attention on the general topic daily.]

Well this post of yours begs the question: "What is enlightenment mean to you?"

I can best describe enlightenment with this old adage...
"Before enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water
After enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water"

Nothing truly changes in your life except how you VIEW life and how you ACCEPT those around you just as they are.

I understand the adage on a logical level but that's one of those never truly understand until the moment comes I imagine. Heh.

I guess enlightenment to me is more like a spectrum.  The journey and process itself up or down this spectrum would be considered enlightenment.  To me that basically describes exploration of the unknown.  Either higher or lower or the enlightenment spectrum.  Most people just refer to the big E.  Enlightenment when some people simply mean the process of moving up or down the unknown lighting up previously dark parts of consciousness.  While you do that either way the body for which you have in this reality is effected. Either subtly or extremely [IE rare cases like perhaps budda, Jesus etc] or more often a little e enlightenment experience perhaps say one ascended level above the current rung of enlightenment on the scale.  Something like changing eating habits to better the planet for example. 

Of course I may have it completely wrong I am always open to that possibility lol.  This is my view on it I think I am still generalizing the whole concept but without a better way to explain my opinion that will have to suffice.

I also get the feeling we are all here for the ride so to speak up or down this spectrum the experience seems more important than the place you end up stopping on the ride.  If not more important equally as important. 

I agree with what Karxx and Nameless and Xanth are telling you.

I will add a couple points, but I want to back up for a minute and analyze your lack of experience with dreaming. Are you saying that you have NEVER experienced or remembered even a single dream or a fragment of one? I find that hard to believe, but I suppose it is possible. I haven't read of any scientific research declaring a genetic or physiological reason. The culture one grows up in can definitely have a profound effect; some cultures embrace the relevance of dreams while many others almost completely disregard them. If they aren't important then you don't focus on them; therefore they are not remembered.

The sleep/dream research have consistently shown that EVERYONE dreams; it is an absolutely necessary physiological and psychological function much as a computer needs to routinely have its hard-drive de-fragmented and TIF files deleted, etc. If this is so, then the question becomes one of first remembering, then becoming lucid or 'present' within the dream and becoming familiar with your dream 'self'. And like any skill, it can be learned with consistent practice and patience. Your dream 'self' is arguably similar if not the same as your NP 'self', so if you are looking for baby-steps, then I think that is the place to start: Get to know your dream self by learning to remember your dreams.

Nameless touched on an important point that also occurred to me: Have you ever daydreamed? For instance, you were in class, not listening to the instruction; instead, your mind was far away thinking about something else until your awareness was pulled back by the teacher repeatedly calling your name. That is a form of Phasing, call it Phasing-lite. All forms of Non-Physical Experience, whether it's Phasing or OBE or Dreaming, etc. involve re-focusing your awareness away from the Physical body and re-directing it to some(place?) else. So if you have daydreamed then you already have some idea of what Phasing is...

So how do you begin remembering your dreams? You need 2 things: A sense of purpose and a plan.

The sense of purpose is INTENT. I think that INTENT is likely the most fundamental and necessary 'first step' in attempting any NP activity, and also in sustaining the experience. If you become even marginally proficient in having any kind of NP experiences, you will quickly learn that INTENT becomes a component of practically every action you take. I capitalize the word because it is so very important. INTENT is determination, it is purpose, it is clear-minded thought, it translates into action, it is characterized by its intensity...this becomes readily apparent within the nearly instantaneous thought-responsive environment of the Non-Physical Reality. If you have no INTENT, then you go nowhere; if you have poor, weak or mis-directed INTENT then you quickly lose energy, lose direction, become distracted and the experience degenerates or ends.

So, in remembering your dreams, #1 Intent is needed to make a determined, dedicated and consistent practice of following #2, your plan. The plan is pretty simple- Affirmations. Write down 2 or 3 short, simple, positively-worded statements that you read out loud 3 times every night before bed. Do the same affirmations for a week, then maybe modify them as you see fit. Something like-

"I dream every night and I remember my dreams."
"Every night, my dreaming awareness and memory become stronger and stronger."
"I enjoy my dream adventures and look forward to them."

Write them down once a day, say them 3 times each night. Also keep a notebook and pen next to your bed and take the time to make notes of any impressions that come through. These are all various forms of communicating with your inner self, re-programming your subconscious to let it know what you want and expect.

Do this consistently for 2 weeks and I will be interested in hearing your results. It most definitely IS baby-steps.

So your of the mindset that building that foundation of intent on the NP mainly through building a daily practice of NP related stuff in this case LDing [eventually with the goal of OBE] and before LDing comes just recalling dreams with frequency, to do that is daily intent on journaling Etc?

I would like to add even though I majority lurked I did take a lot in.  The reason for this thread is 2 fold.  The most important being a daily or semi regularly conversation on these topics to keep my neurons fired up heh.  I also like that the experience for me will be documented and I can reflect on where I was to where I am etc. I really appreciate all the replies

I would also like to add.  From my outsider sort of mentality [being a complete newb] I can't help but big picture this whole thing.  I have n it yet compartmentalized this topic into categories because I have little to no experience with it.  So when I look at it the end result or goal looks like betterment of self.  Which in turn is betterment of whole.  That being said it seems to be each person's goal wether on a conscious level or not is enlightenment. Again I don't quite like that term because it means something different to everyone but what I mean is our purpose to some extent here seems to reach an ascended level of consciousness.  It is up to us to decide how high or low we rise in this limited time constraint we have.  So the blueprint says you must be here before going here.  And there are general rules that need to be adhered to in a self sustaining system.  So fear tests life tests everything you experience prepares you for the next rung up the ladder so to speak.  With each climb up the NP enlightenment ladder real world changes occur.  Your diet changes goals creativity religion etc etc.  With the use of drugs people can jump rungs and chest temporarily to glimpse the future so to speak but always come back down.  The one good thing that may be gleaned from that is it can be motivation to do it naturally without aid.  [Consciously so to speak again we are all moving towards control of ones self fully.  Np and physical. Mind and body] so to prevent harm from being done checks and tests and maps and guidelines are put in place. 

I could go on and on but if I expect whole hearted replies here I would like to show you where someone like me may come from.  I hope it helps again I'll go back and fix typos on home computer after work.  Thanks for reading.

I would also really like to inquire about the transformative effect [this may specifically be a better question for those that had more of a sudden dive into the realm opposed to exposure from childhood on up.]  But making the decision to OBE.  What made you want yo do it in the first place.  And when you did OBE did it have staying transformative effects on the way you lived you life etc.  If so what were they.  

The reason I ask this I think is because I imagine a fear of mine being doing this "to well" however funny that sounds.  Meaning many people through history changed so much through [lack of s better term] enlightenment process they drop family. Fixate on a problem to solve.  Or an invention or many etc.  Or become monks there are tons of explanations.  However I can't seem to convince myself or get past the fear of the great life change that comes with that.  Irrational or not that thought is somewhere in me, I feel it as a hindrance to this overall process for me.  From what I understand the drop from front line activity to none is what often causes OBE or [again I don't quite know how to properly term everything] enlightenment experience.  The exercises I see constantly on the forums involve the heightening of front lobe activity then the drop in it.  IE. Counting breaths rhythmic sounds OM etc etc.  

I guess it begs the question who dis you become after you dedicated yourself or really decided to change.  Now you are who are.  However the process for which you aid us newbies in doesn't touch on that part often.  Why you want to OBE what your expectations of it are or were.   And if when you did OBE was it life changing.  Etc.

Hello everyone.  I clearly lurk more than I post but I am still in the mode of taking in information and trying to make sense of it for myself.  For whatever reason fear blocks are something I still have to overcome I think.  I'd like to take a minute and give my personal opinion on why this may be difficult for ME personally.  When you come into this with little to no dream world experience it can be quite daunting.  I find people who have even experienced a lucid dream. Or dream recall and Deja vu basically NP practice.  When I try to take the information posted of in video format I can understand it but honestly I don't KNOW.  If that makes sense.  The way I often learn is termed "the hard way" but that is how I know something is real for me.  I experience it, I make a determination about it and process it in my consciousness.  What I would like to do is lay down a road map from infant to adult for people with no NP experience.  A general consensus by those still active here which baby steps are most important to have a base when something happens in the NP and I am conscious.  This way I can determine it's NP and not freak myself out or not really know What a going on.  Often times I try something get a new experience. Attempt to make sense of it wind up here googling or searching then repeating.  I do understand that is one way to build your own practice I just feel there is a better way for me.

I would like to start with your opinion on what is the single most important factor when consciously exploring the NP as opposed to doing it automated such as in the dream state.  Even gaining that much power to create inside yourself and utilize it here is a daunting thought.  One of those with great power comes great responsibility thing heh. 

Okay so first.  In your opinion do you see baby steps as more necessary. Like training wheels.  IE. Before learning to swim must learn what water is. How hot and cold feels what a splash is like everything that comes with it. Then start in a shallow pool with floaters. Etc etc.  Or take a kid out throw an to the deep end let them learn instantly.  Heh.  I feel like I'm tossing myself into the deep end of the ocean with no proper tools to swim or survive and I find it hard to convince my mind what I am doing is right. Smart. Logical etc etc. All the stuff I'm trying to avoid.  Very hard to remove logic from it, another road block I know.

If you think baby steps is appropriate where do you suggest one start in practice with no dream recall. No remembered dreams through life or childhood.  Etc.  Does that person learn all about LDing to prepare them for real NP control and exploration? What would be your school curriculum for ages 0-18 in NP terms.  IE kids have a kindergarten even pre k base of information to store and later pull off of to progress.   Like the math I learned in kindergarten 1+1 =2 can now be used in the later years to learn algebra etc.  This was just a random thought I had as I try to learn 20+ years of case study essentially without any real direction.  I think this group coming to a consensus on how the general populous can do this type of thing.  I would like you to think in others shoes.  IE for you you may have had experiences through childhood and up.  You have a basis for the NP and it makes more sense so what might work for you is like taking an algebra trick to solve a puzzle when all I have are 1+1 skills.    So if you had to start all over again.  From scratch.  Knowing NOTHING.  And I mean it no direct personal experience with even a normal dream where do you start. What path do you try to follow before veering off on your own creation? 

I think insights gleaned from the answers to some of this will allow my more scientific mind to answer some of its stupid questions and push on past fear of the unknown.  I am an explorer. I love adventure but it often conflicts with my highly rational mind. So oft times my adventure comes from a single moment of spontaneity when I have removed logic even for a second and "go do something dumb" 

Thanks for reading.  This one was done on phone I am sorry for the typos.

11-22

No recall. [Just want to make sure I keep up on this to always keep it on my mind]

11-21-17

Before bed I listened to binaural beats.  Same experience as the one prior but more intense.  IE.  Vibrations came back. It almost seemed liked a countdown or check of sorts.  The energy kept rolling up and down my chakras [I think?] It got most intense in my chest I felt like my heart would fly through it [although my first spontaneous vibrations and near exit if I could have known etc was going on back then I may have been able to let go but fear kept me here that time. I was really scared.  I feel myself slowly building back to that point.  Anyhow I did have flashes for some reason part of your door technique lumaza.  My mind was both trying to see the door and walk a path to a bridge.  I mixed up things I read today. I will say pictures did focus. Albeit for a very very instant and brief moment.  In the were various roads which eventually morphed to a dirt road and lush trees on either side. I guess I didn't see the trees I just knew they were there.  Although I sort of switched to overview for a second and saw a huge shoreline with sand, water and a huge over hanging rock making a bend around the beach.  Somewhere in here I also saw a cave opening but this was out of the blackness it didn't seem to coincide with the beach or road. Other than that I seemed to be mixing visualizations.  I couldn't quite make it to the cave but the door did morph as I thought harder about what that opening was.  It became a huge set of square double doors. Like ones to enter an ancient banquet hall.  They were very ornate.  A large pull handle lay on both doors and the color of it seemed neutral at first until I really thought about it.  It turned from blue to purple and seemed to lean more towards purple at the end.  All in all I would consider this progress.  However it is still sort of a jumbled mess heh I will get there. 

[Sorry for any grammar mistakes I'm on mobile atm] I did not have any dream recall when I awoke this morning. 

Thank you Lumaza I appreciate the response.  As someone who has virtually no experience in any of this.  (Hell I cant recall dreaming for many many many years prior to what got me to come here a few months ago in the first place)  That leaves me having to build the foundation from the ground up and without a frame of reference.  Appreciate any and all input. 

To begin, what I had meant by not scratching is I successfully mentally blocked it out.  I knew it was to test my grit so to speak and I made it through that.  And the other various ticks so to speak.  (I had let them interrupt me too much in the past and tried to come to this realization consciously this time) The reason I thought it was counter productive in the past was because of the pull of attention from NP to P.  Of course that is just my rough interpretation based on the myriad of posts on this forum. 

Secondly, thank you very much some some clarification.  I guess I have zero idea what it is I am looking for, or attempting to accomplish because for all intents and purposes I have no framework with which to envision this.  So as I understand it that lens focusing (much like when you go to the eye Dr.  and they flick back and forth those glasses, but minus any color.  Just like (This one or this one?) but variations of dark.  So let me get this clear this is an initial point where I dont just observe?  If/when I get to that perception change of sorts I use intent to "go there"  There being the darkness?  Or the specs of light that were coming through?  Its hard to know what to focus on, especially when most places say to lose focus and just let be.

Sorry if I dont fully understand, believe me I am trying.  But its like someone trying to explain something 100% foreign to me.  Maybe no longer 100% but you get my drift.  Thank you for your time.

4 pm 11-20 everyone in the house took a nap so decided to break out some binaural beats.  The 30 min om one I did also put the other one on a playlist from multidimensional man.  Got through a full hour of laying completely still. I didn't readjust for anything. Itches eyes watering outside movement. It did take my attention momentarily but of always kept on.  At various points through both tracks the darkness would begin movement.  Overlapping variations of dark.  With specs of light thrown in like something wanted to come into focus.   I also distinctly recall there being a few times when my vision would adjust like trying to focus a picture.  Like an entirely different view of the dark. Nothing much changed except my perception of that darkness.  Nothing spectacular but I fully expect it to translate tonight into dreams. Ill keep documenting.

Before I forget I wanted to self access a bit.

I believe currently that one of the reasons for my lack of success (that is for lack of a better term,  it is most definitly success in terms of me thinking about this and still pursuing it, not success in the traditional sense of having an OBE or achieved the end result, however success can be measured in many ways, failures are often small successes) anyways one of the reasons is fear.  For whatever reason I think it has to do with not wanting to change so much that I become my father (IE. I leave my family and make my kids grow up without a father) however irrational this is it was a huge imprint on me growing up and it obviously built who I am today.  Everything ive done has been to not be him.  Why I didnt drink until over 21, or do drugs, or smoke for a very very long time.  Eventually I didnt let that control me and I went to experience these things,  likely to understand WHY.  Thankfully I made it out on the other side without repeating the mistakes of my parents.  IE.  neglect of my children and the seperation of my family.  (Even though I was cheated on and could have easily ran away)  Instead I had a moment of clarity where I removed myself from the situation and just contemplated MY part in it.  Anyhow that led to not placing blame, and understanding that I had a part in that event as much as she did. 

I think I am starting to break free from some of the fear blockages and I expect it will lead to more dreams, or lucid experiences.  Having never done an OBE I still have this irrational fear in the back of my head that I will chose not to come back and essentially leave my family the same way I was left as a child (like ill die or just not come back)  even though I know (KNOW) this reality is not everything I do not want to stunt the growth of those I love by selfish action.  (Something along those lines)  and not having the experience within the NP leads to an unknown,  an irrational fear.  Even though I read about all the people who have done it, explored themselves and came back I myself dont know that.  If that makes sense.  I have a very large dislike for being controlled and the fears that have been built up through my life are a control mechanism (likely a survival thing not sure)  I do know that I am sick of it and refuse to give my power to fear.  This is such an expansive new world with a cornucopia  of information it is so easy to take some new piece of information and infect it with fear. 

Okay sorry for the rant I had to put this here so I can see it and reflect on it and remember it as I document my experiences.

Yeah recently I have been under the impression that the reasons for our teachings are to make us DO so to speak.  Essentially training to become your own creator instead of being limited to others creations.  (Dont know if I expressed my thoughts on this properly)  Anyhow in my estimation this life is training.  The smile for me is fairly important (but obviously each experience is relevant to the individual, so take it how you will) the question for me seems to have been answered.

You seem to have gotten it exactly.  The chains themselves are questions, uncertainty, belief that the answers are outside yourself, that the guide you saw was anything but a part of yourself.  I have a feeling you are on the right path, and while the questions themselves may not be the chains it may be the manner in which you give power to outside forces rather than trust that it all comes from within and you are accessing yourself so to speak.  (Now mind you this is just a novices opinion, but I hope my reply makes something sit well with you and just reaffirm your thoughts on that you are making progress and doing exactly what you need.  Your teaching yourself in an infinite number of ways through various parts of yourself (as we all are) as you may well know each child or person learns differently than another based on experiences. 

(Dont mean to be intrusive, I am just deciding to become more active on the forums so this topic permeates my thoughts on a regular basis, I am trying not to fall into old habbits and put this by the wayside again)

Best wishes to you,  with every person who succeeds and documents or shares the ball keeps rolling. 

11-20-2017

Still no dreams to report or anything unsual, however this is to get me back into the swing of intent.  I am not entirely sure why I fell out of it but it must of been necessary.  Likely to give me a different perspective.  To get an outside look first.  Anyhow now that I am doing this again I fully expect to have a dream and document it to get back on track.  One step at a time.

(note: between 9-10-2017 and now I had not had any dream experiences I can remember.)

Before I read the rest of the comments I wanted to leave one myself before I forget.  I just wanted to point out a common theme I see, whether or not it has any meaning for you I felt the need to mention it.

From the beginning the first experience, all the way through I see the path (or paths) that are laid out for you.  Then there are snipits of you taking control instead of adhering to the scenario in front of you.  IE.  at the end you keep asking what you can do to help (IE you didnt ask which path to take, you figured it out for yourself)  Even in the second scene your the one figuring out everything yourself, taking control almost.  Where in the last one you in a way gave control up (in the sense that you weren't able to come up with a conclusion on your own)

Now I dont know what any of that means to you, if anything.  For some reason I felt the need to express that so I did. 

I really am in awe with the experiences you all have.  And I try very hard not to let "envy" come into play.  Heh.  I look forward to my own experiences that I can converse with others about.  The whole sense of community is amazing.  If we are all one like I believe most of us here understand or believe then posting a thread and having a conversation about it really is an inner dialogue with ones self.  Like asking yourself for a different perspective on something so you can condense it into a more comprehensible form for yourself.  (In turn for many other parts of yourself as you post it and share it with other selves)

I agree completely, after a small hiatus and re-taking in some of the information I did two years ago things are crystalizing a bit more in my head.  For this reason alone I feel is where that inception type thought comes in.  Training your brain to question reality always is key.  If you flip light switches and question whether your dreaming in your waking life that will natural transfer over to the dream state.  Once that happens things that happen in your usual reality (IE, follow the laws of physics etc) do something vastly different to "trigger" your brain or consciousness to "KNOW" that this is an alternate reality from which your consciousness normally operates.  Or maybe rather normally identifies with and recognizes. 

That being said I am rather new to all of this and my replies and comments are more to attempt to build a frame work for myself while experiencing a sense of community to reaffirm to myself that what I am doing is correct for me.  Or in fact what I want.  I wish everyone here the best and this type of community is irreplaceable.  Thanks to everyone who puts time and effort into this because it benefits all.   

So I am back, not even realizing I was gone until now.  While at the time I was extremely intent on "sticking it out" I somehow let it go to the wayside.  Maybe I needed some processing time.  Maybe I am being forced into old habits in order to break them, to be honest I am not sure.  That being said after 2 months or so of falling back into old habits I caught myself not wanting to do that.  What I am realizing is that much like an infant we as humans like to think we are consciously doing things.  But to me it seems we are on auto pilot until we are able yo train enough to take control of our own being.  Like we are in a gestation period taking it all in with a blueprint that moves us along until we evolve.  Any way that is my current thinking.  As we have more intent on becoming aware or conscious we get the needed help to do so.  I am on my mobile device I'm going to post on my laptop in a bit. 

-Neil

Night of 9-10-17

No recall.

~~~~~~~~

I already downloaded Xanth's ebook and read most of it (I only stopped because on his recommendation somewhere in there he said to practice some things before going further so I trusted that.  I have to dig back into it because somehow I got distracted, that was 2 days ago and in theory I should have been more disciplined in my practice.  Again with so much info though I find myself getting off track and moving on to another and another and another because of ALL this info.  I am positive I will get there though.  I am going to dig through the links you posted first and hit Xanth's again see where it goes.  Thanks again EV

I want to "Introduce" myself more.  I have a feeling as I go having the information of how I became to be who or what I am currently may ease in helping both myself and others to help me.  I will say my memory is pretty shoddy.  I seem to always retain only what I find important to myself and the rest gets pushed aside.   So while I dont have any secrets per se (as this point may come to indicate) that isnt to say I dont have things I have for some reason or another kept even from myself.  I dont think that is the case but hey.  I cant really know.

So I was born in Buffalo, NY.  (USA) 12-17-1984 (recently looked into some numerology, some unique things came out of this but I dont have a large basis for this so I dont know how seriously I took it.

I have a younger sister (3 years younger) and my dad took off with another woman when I was 3.  (maybe 4) I recall for a time my mother tried to involve him in my life but after waiting on a curb for hours for my father one to many times the thought of him having anything to do with us, or me went away.  He eventually moved and the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkcbxjWG9Mc (Father of mine- Everclear) turned out to be an anthem sort of for me.  My mother and father were both alcoholics (Dad still is as far as I know, not really sure tbh) My mom raised us alone and had a large alcohol and drug problem, so I lived in the poorest place in Buffalo, which is the east side.  One white kid in a sea of difference.  A training grounds I suppose.  It was alot of strife.  I excelled greatly in school.  Honors all around until somewhere in middle school when I started realizing I could literally learn and do anything I wanted all of that was so easy but I had a tough time with the WHY.  WHY am I doing this,  why do I walk through my young life doing the same thing over and over because someone else says its good for me.  Why is it good for me.  etc.  I had moved pretty consistently once a year (at least) until I was 13 or so.  Keeping a ground of friends became impossible and in my younger years I pretty much stopped trying to make friends knowing they would be out of my life no more than a school year later (so I usually had one good friend and a group of HIS or HER friends I hung out with until my next move).  I did eventually stick somewhere for a 2-3 year period when my mom decided to move my sister and I out of the East Side of the hood and into the suburbs.  That was... Interesting.  Somehow I was more of an outcast there than in the hood.  I seemed to be tested often even though I was big and much bigger than most I went to school with.  But it was like them saying, your not from the city, your not tough (not sure exactly) but it led to alot of fights, suspensions, detentions, etc.  I removed myself more and more from school.  The last thing I took from school was reading,  My english teacher in 9th grade introduced me to "The Hobbit" and that began a strong love for fantasy. 

I had a rather large group of friends all outcasts to some degree.  We learned runic (JRR's language) just delved into nerdom completely.  Magic the Gathering was a stample for a good chunk of my life,  dungeons and dragons etc.  Games, mostly RPGs. That type of thing.  I had convinced my family to get a personal computer for the house when I could and have lived an alternate life online ever since.  Much of my early years I escaped into my alter ego or online avatar often.  Got into Ultima Online and then started private servers which allowed players to actively create and interact with a fantasy world, much like visualized DND.  This was before DNDs actual games.  UO was the first.  (This is all just generic info obviously there are alot of gaps in between all this)

I eventually at 15 dropped out of school, it started when I was 14 when I just stopped going to school but until they forced me to go to Job Corps because I was a minor and they told me my mother would get in trouble.  I cared enough that I agreed and finished a 1 year course in 3 months and got out.  (Computer stuff ofc,  I had taught myself how to build computers from the ground up at 13 and anything software related I could immediately pick up because I knew how the entire process worked, how that software and program even came to life. )  By the time I was 19 one of my best friends had moved to TX to meet and be with a girl he met online.  He knew the most about my background and was very similar to me.  He said just leave.  Ill buy a bus ticket,  come stay with me,  after 1 year id get in state residency and I would go to University of Texas.  It sounded like another adventure to me and I really had nothing for me at home.  So I did.  I went to college there 4 years but much like my early life the "WHY" escaped me.  What was this all for, I was just being indoctrinated it felt like, pushed in directions others thought were good for me without knowing me at all.  A generic herd mentality.  Needless to say I dropped out of college and moved back to Buffalo.   My sisters finace had died in bed next to her (drug OD) and left her and my niece alone.  And knowing she had no one and grew up the same as I in alot of ways I wanted to be there for her.  Eventually I got into her life of socializing, partying.  I wind up starting selling weed around then 23-24 or so.  Took an eigth and turned it into a half ounce, into an ounce into a quarter pound into many many many pounds and off began my drug dealing career (uhg).  I ran the streets and completely controlled the flow of drugs into the suburbs and neighboring communities for years.  I was making a good 1-2000 a week of the green stuff but for some reason I got into cocaine (You would think my mom being a crack addict all her life would have kept me from doing this but I guess not)  The money there was insane and that 1-2k a week turned into 1-2k a day.  Throw some pharmaceuticals and entheogens and I had a real addiction to money and the power that came with it.  And of course sure I eventually created a drug habbit as I become delving into the life of the people around me.  I started getting high. 

Friends of mine began dropping like flies.  Their lives also followed a trend from weed, to LSD/Ecstasy to Cocaine to eventually heroin and those who couldnt come back,  well.  The passed.  In this mess after a very good friend of mine died (And of course as im going through this and losing people I had much guilt in having a part in their deaths.  A lot of times I felt if it werent for me they wouldnt be where they were, doing what they were doing and thinking of how different things would be with me removed from the equation.  Needless to say it took a while for that type of realization to take effect in real life.  I met the mother of my children in this mess,  at a funeral party (basically debauchery in the name of remembering the one we lost) a girl and I locked eyes in a room of 40 plus people.  I felt a shiver run up my spine and right then I knew we were meant to be together.  Many things happened but she eventually did pull me from those depths and I did much damage to her along the way, mentally.  Our life together today is very peaceful but we still deal with the consequences of our actions.  Mainly me.  I see how the lying and lifestyle I led had damaged her psyche and im still working on repairing that one.  I missed the birth of my first child because I got raided while she was pregnant and thats how she woke up and changed her life.  This was 5 years or more ago now.  I want to state somewhere in all this I did much LSD but not many trips were for any other puspose but recreation,  fun.  However across the universe has always had some profound effect on me while under the influence.  I had an experience I find extremely hard to put into words but simply it was bliss.  During a song or sequence in the movie (Friends in the real world said I stooped up and stumbled into the TV like I was being sucked in)  I realize now I must have been holding on to my physical reality very hard. I was transported to what I can only describe as ultimate vibration.  I feel like I touched that place OBE, AP talks about but I cheated so to speak.  I got slammed back down to reality very soon after and when I came out I was encircled by dogs and the friend I was with had a large knife out (presumably for self defense but I do not know.)  Inside the experience though I tasted the sweetest most pleasant taste you could ever imagine.  My whole being was simply vibration.  It was sort of like the ultimate sexual experience (though that doesnt do it justice I just dont have words)  There were 5 ( think) golden beings I dont remember any difference in any of them sort of like a mix between this https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiyt4nVpp3WAhWnx4MKHXmCCsEQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fscifi.stackexchange.com%2Fquestions%2F33123%2Fdid-neo-die-in-the-end-of-the-matrix-trilogy&psig=AFQjCNFPNf_UyzRKq4dtvdp6iNhW6iTUNg&ust=1505225099458943 and this https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwj64_3hpp3WAhVh6IMKHaoMBWoQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fscifi.stackexchange.com%2Fquestions%2F95787%2Fwhy-is-seraph-gold&psig=AFQjCNFPNf_UyzRKq4dtvdp6iNhW6iTUNg&ust=1505225099458943 The entire "room" I was in was golden too,  and so were the beings.  But there was variation enough I could differentiate between the two one a room the other people (sort of).  Before I smashed back to reality I could only get out only one question (I guess two technically) in my extreme Ecstasy or elation.  "We do this? (Like we willingly chose to do this?)  I might add that these 5 beings radiated so much power and I felt the fluctuations in it when I asked that question.  Like the ultimate joy from them.  If they could nod or had any movement I dont know but i just "felt" responses.  So they agreed yes that was a correct question which I clearly already knew the answer to.  They were sort of observing.  I say "We do this over and over?" and an even STRONGER feeling of joy from them I felt.  That is the limit of this experience and I almost got there a few times using drugs again but I always felt that getting there that way could either cause harm,  or it was just cheating, like I was bypassing the process for which to get there and that somehow didnt seem right to me.

Anyhow sorry to get off on a tangent I am trying to lay as much info as to how and why I came to be here as possible.  There came a point in time in my life where synchronicity was undoubtedly real to me.  Too many things had happened to reaffirm my direction in the PR through events,  Some were as simple as 11:11 me for whatever reason chosing to look at the clock at the moment my mind was expanding,  when I was feeling that tingle in the back of my skull.  Or reading about spiritual stuff getting that feeling, going outside and seeing the world move much like when I would trip.  I could see like FUZ or electromagnetic auras around things (no colors so I dont know if it has anything to do with like energy aura) Id find feathers in odd places or people who never appear would show up out of the blue talking about the same stuff I was just researching.  I mean many things began convincing me of this.  So I cut out as many addictive things as I could (am still working on cigarettes currently) just because I do believe giving my will power away even temporarily for escape or whatever else it might be seems counter productive to what I am trying to do here.  I am going to leave this post here and revisit it and maybe fill in holes and gaps but as of right now I need to make a bottle for my 5 month old. 

Thanks for reading, hope I dont scare anyone away.  Again none of this is secretive.  I feel no shame in it as I love who I am and would not be who I am were it not for this constant learning.  I will say I have ALWAYS been then type who must learn by experience.  I find it very difficult being told what to do (Daddy issues?)  so I have never been religious in any way, I have extreme problems with authority and power figures that type of things.  It comes down to that "WHY" question.  I seem to have to convince myself something is good for me so I find myself digging to the core of everything, right down to the foundation.  I did it with computers I do it with breaking games beta testing finding problems and abusing them.  I do it with everything,  my mind tries to get to the root.  Anyways,  Thanks again I am thoroughly enjoying this. 

Thank you both very much.  I appreciate any and all advice.  I dont see like an ultra noob guide on the forums its all sort of mixed pieces.  What I did understand is for most the "advanced" stuff learning to do affirmations and programming my mind prior to bed (I didnt know through the day will begin toying with it).  But I honestly took a bit to figure out I had to even remember my dreams to aid in LD or AP etc.  So im getting there, this is one of the topics I find most interesting so I plan on sticking with it. 

9-9-17

No dream recall however I awoke several times in the night which I never do (I was attempting to practice wbtb to some extent but my newborn baby makes this kind of hard.  Im toying with it.  I did wake with vibrations ( for lack of a better term) and I am sort of suprised I didnt remember dreaming any of the times I awoke.  I am going to record every night even if I dont recall.  But as you said.  I WILL remember my dreams when I awake. 

9-9-17

This is my first attempt at training myself to put more energy and thought into the astral and the exploration and experience of it.  For various reasons I have put this topic aside as "real life" took me off course and I did not get far at all (unless you consider it as training for me to recognize it NOW and use it to my advantage).  I will keep this updated regularly as really it is a tool for myself and I find it easier than physically writing them down.  I imagine as I immerse myself in all things astral experiences will ramp up so I want to go through the training so to speak correctly, without jumping ahead or trying to achieve anything but inner peace.  To begin my only real purpose is communicating with my "guide" (or guides?) in hopes that I can further this training and begin adventuring.  Anyhow I want to preface this with I usually NEVER remember my dreams unless they were so forceful in that dream state it was shocking once I returned to this reality.  Even then I never documented.  Last night I told myself I would remember my dream, and I did.  So that is progress enough to keep me on this path.

Night of 9-8-17

I can not remember any specific people and the whole of where I was however there were other people in it and I seemed to be "trapped" (for lack of a better term) on one specific street.  I had an apartment or house (or rather I was in one it could have been mine or someone elses).  I recall  being in a house and for whatever reason I was forcefully kept there.  I took a weapon from someone and pointed it at him while exiting the house.  I fired a shot through the door if my memory serves. me.  When I went across the street I avoided going into a specific house a few houses diaganal from where I was, I curled up on the corner of the street and waited to see if I was being watched or followed (felt like I needed protection for some reason).  I eventually made it into the house I intentionally passed and fell asleep with a woman (not sure who, just assumed my GF as this house was VERY similar to my actual apartment) (Heavy front door to the apartment) however I was upstairs. I know this because I hid under covers while people entered and I heard the footsteps indicting for me to hide.  Someone slowly pulled the covers from my face and with glee eerily said "ohhh its you"  I remember talk of him saying he was having the utilities off and they took belongings out of the house.  I also remember this person having an omnipotent feel to them.  I could combat them using normal means,  he had friend cops outside his house coming and going and seemed to have unlimited power in that regard.  I deadbolted the door and felt safe after they took things,  Then I vaguely recall "starting a war" or just engaging in a fight or something, burning down their house with stuffed animals.  (I set fire to the animals underneath the house to start it) that was towards the end I believe or thats all I remember.  Most of it is very hazy and foggy as most of the time when I wake up in the morning its because of screaming kids that need to be fed and changed etc.  Not leaving me with much time to do anything but dive back into reality. 

Hello everyone thanks for having me.  The reason I joined and essentially was led here was due to strange occurrences in my life.  To sum up though what got me the most was an extreme buildup of pressure in my body and then energy vibrating through my body forcefully.  Whirling or swooshing sounds and I was excited and frightened it was getting stronger and stronger.  It felt like my head was going to explode and like my hair looked like Albert Einstein as in my hair stood up or felt like it did.  I was crazy ancient alien guy in that moment lol thought my mind was literally being blown.  I had to force myself to lay on my bed.  My eyes were forceably being closed I guess losing control of myself was too frightening to allow anything further.

(Sorry for chunks of text I am on mobile)

So I looked all over. I would get those same vibrations on a lesser scale through these past few months ever since it happened.  Mainly we syncronicity happen or the topic I am exploring is consciousness expansion.  Some guru videos did it to me.  Some religious sort of.  Gnostic tetxs.  Uh... Reading up on meditation and eventually one. Astral projection and the like.

I then remember something similar after my last entheogen use (many years ago) I had a blissful moment before I was sucked down to reality again heh I guess I should of listened back then cause I dove into binaural beats and keeping a dream journal.  Looks like it's been leading to this.


Anyhow to avoid getting off on a tagent I want to say I rarely ever remember my dreams.  I think it is because not enough conscious effort was being put into it.  After just browsing last night I did remember a dream when I woke and wrote it down.  So... Progress lol.  Thanks again and I'd like some recommendations of where to begin.  There is so much information here it can be overwhelming at times