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I'm going to be 18 in 9 days, so I wanted to post here while I still had the chance.
I've been interested in AP since I was 12 (with a three or four-year hiatus in the middle) and have done it 3 times. =P

Thank you so much!

I actually have gotten significantly better since my period ended, which makes me think it was my hormones. I am still feeling a little existential, but I think it is really a combination of the way I was before and the residue of what I just went through. Either way, I have developed a more positive outlook on the same thoughts and have regained some of my open-mindedness. I went back to school to perform in the senior play, and my happiness with my own persistence is fueling my healing. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for tomorrow morning, so that should tie up any loose ends that may still be hanging around. I appreciate your response a lot.

Hi everybody,

I have been coping for about a week now with what I can only call existential depression. Let me give some background on myself:

I am almost 18, and going away to college in the Fall. (Lots of people have been blaming the transition, but I think it is more.) I was a spiritualist in my preteens and early teens and often frequented the Jonas Ridgeway forums when they existed. I never really had any psychic experiences except for two OBES that didn't feel 100% real. In recent years, I have drifted toward atheism, although I preferred the term "agnostic with atheist leanings" or "extreme skepticism" because I think anything is possible. However, I always felt a real connection with nature and the universe, so in retrospect, I may have been more of a pantheist.

Anyway, within the last week, I have experienced an absolutely crippling fear of my own mortality and insignificance. I have been experiencing feelings of detachment, unreality, and extreme depression, and have been having constant panic attacks. I have missed a week of school. My mood fluctuates, but the fear never goes away. I have attributed part of this to the fact that I had a really bad menstrual period this month and my hormones were probably out of whack. It's true that it started just before my period, and just as my period ended (yesterday), I have become way more functional (as in, I am able to write this without having a total anxiety attack).

So maybe I will just get better emotionally on my own from here on out, but I was wondering if I could get a spiritualist perspective to cope with the negative thoughts that keep triggering new episodes. My biggest woe is that I have really lost my love for nature and life itself: I spend most of my time sleeping, and have not gone outdoors voluntarily in a week. I am finding it hard to feel pure love like I used to, even toward my parents. I want to find a way to either get myself to disbelieve the idea of nonexistence after death (I am hard to convince because, like I said, I am very skeptical) or find a way to be at peace with it (as I used to be).

I would give more details (I can actually cite some minor happenings that may have set me off balance), but I actually have to go now. If anyone has experienced something similar, or thinks they can send me some advice or good energy (I do believe in interpersonal energy) or something, please do. I'd really appreciate it and love you forever if you could help me feel love again.