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It's not him that I'm worried about... it's the other one

I can't share anything with him. Trust me, no one can. He has this habit of telling everyone everything about everyone.

Because I'm different, and people don't like that I guess. Even if I'm not mean or rude.

I've experienced the brush off at least a hundred times. I'd tell you if it was, but I'm not the only one who knows him that has noticed this dark aura about him.

Hello, all. Sorry for not being around for a bit.

I have a friend. Let's call him "Bob". Bob and I have been friends since we were 2 or 3. He was never secretive and always behaved relatively normal, his personality rather steady. In high school, I met another friend. Let's call him "Jim". I introduced Jim to Bob, and they really seemed to get along, which I liked.

Fast forward to after I graduate high school. Whenever I visit Jim, I am alarmed by a sense of darkness. His home seems to be getting darker, both visually and in feeling. Also, I've noticed that Bob seems to be spending much more time with him doing the same routine. They hang out the same hours, do the same things, go to the same places at the same times. Jim has become very secretive and apprehensive, and I've seen Bob becoming the same. Now, while Jim has no real way of knowing that I am spiritually inclined, if you will, I was told that when my name came up during suggestions for who to invite to a gathering, both Jim and his father became very uncomfortable and were enthused to change the subject. I have never done anything to cause this.

Jim has been behaving in more simple, mundane ways. Everything he does is simple, almost empty in feeling. I often see in him a person wanting to cry out. When I contact either of them, they tend to lie about where they are or what they're doing.

I am truly concerned for my two friends. Please offer whatever insight that you may have.

Thanks.

You said it, Lionheart!

My experience wasn't nearly as visual as yours, as it was more of... a sense that I didn't know I had xD

Thank you!

Yes, I do believe that my experience was as profound as it was due to the use of the mantra. Bear in mind, however, that it was not unaccompanied by the acknowledgement of the mantra's meaning:

"Om namah shivaya" = "I bow to Shiva".

"Shiva is the supreme reality, the inner self. It is the name given to consciousness that dwells in all. Shiva is the name of your true identity - your self."

^ The website from which I learned the mantra is the source of that quote.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

~Don

Hello, everyone. I'm sorry for my absence. I'd like to share with you an experience I had today.

For a good while now, I've made it a habit to practice meditation for half an hour or so about three hours after I wake up. Today, I decided to use a different mantra. I usually use "Om". Today, though, I began using the mantra "Om namah shivaya". I sat cross-legged, on my living room couch. The house is empty, besides me and my dog, as both my parents are at work and my mother brought the other, smaller dog (she's a nanny, and they love her). I sat there, took a few slow, deep breaths, and eventually settled my hand posture as having my palms open on both knees, facing upwards.

I closed my eyes, ran the mantra through my mind a few times, and began chanting. My focus was continually drawn inward, and my eyes rolled gently toward my third eye area. I kept going deeper, and eventually I found a good way to chant the mantra, so it would resonate properly. I kept going deeper, and suddenly, I was... I don't really know what or where I was. I could sense myself, my body, chanting in the room, and I could sense my surroundings; but I could also sense something bigger. It was this awareness, and rather than noticing it suddenly, it was more of a realization that I've always known this, but not in a conscious level.

It wasn't so much an external intelligence. It was an internal, infinite mass of awareness, from which all minds protrude. The best way I could describe it would be like this:

In a forest, trees are often connected underground by their roots, and therefore, the entire forest of trees is one large tree. In my experience, I was one of these trees, and I was able to look downwards and see the soil from which I'd sprouted, as well as everything underneath. It was truly an amazing thing to behold.

Then, my dog began to bark loudly, scaring the crap out of me, for lack of a better term. I screamed involuntarily, and was thrown from the state. I suppose that my consciousness must really have shifted away from the physical world if that startled me so much.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks for reading and any replies!

~Don N.

Hey, thanks for the reply. What do you recommend I do to progress? I have a few ideas myself, but I'd like to get an outside perspective.

Oh, and I should mention something I forgot. While I was in SP, and focusing on the ringing in my ears, I realized something. It felt like my ears were really small and far apart, and then I realized what this meant: Inside, it truly is infinite. There was just so much "room", if you will, within my mind. Would you figure this was my consciousness expanding?

Hello, all. I've recently had something amazing happen.

Earlier today, I began meditating, sitting leaned-back on my parents' bed (it's darker in their room), my legs straight and my hands at my side, the covers up to my waist for comfort. I used the 'Aum" chant for five or ten minutes, and then stopped. Focusing on my breathing, a ringing sound in my ears, and my third eye, a hard to describe feeling overtook me. It was likely sleep paralysis. I knew I had a body, but I couldn't tell what position my body was in because I couldn't feel it. I knew my hands were by my side, but in this state, the dimensions were different. My hands could've been far away or close to my body, above or below my body, or any combination of those. Remaining focused and relaxing even further, I witnessed for a brief instant something amazing. I saw my body lying in the bed. I was viewing from about four inches above the top of my head, and about one or two inches back. I remember it perfectly. I was bald, and naked for some reason. Like I was plastic. I saw my entire body, even though the covers were on me. I saw the room I was in, and the lamp on the floor I had to keep it dimly lit. Everything had a blue tint to it. Lighter spots were lighter blue, and darker spots were darker blue. The room was very plain, the walls were faded and the bed looked almost fake.

After this, I snapped back to waking life, and it was over.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks for reading,

~Don N

And no, I've already become pretty close to what's considered "insane". I was just dreaming I was writing stuff.

I'm not sure... I write music and poems in dreams quite often, but I rarely remember them.

Imaginary Sun

Written by Don Nadzieja

Being to only be, she sinks into night, and nothing changes. A light breeze destroys all in its
path, and the kids fly kites in heavy rain. Horizons - temporary; But one thought is all it takes
to yield an infinite darkness. For after she descends upon them, never has existed a before.

I think that this poem does well at conveying what I felt during my descent into mental illness and depression, especially the last line, which tells how after I became depressed, I could never remember being happy.

Thanks for reading, feedback is welcome & encouraged

~Don N.

I have returned. Many of the past nights have been unmemorable.

However, a couple days ago, I succeeded at the WILD technique. Involuntarily, somehow. I was falling asleep, and just noticing what was going on. Then I was in a dream (not lucid) and noticed that I couldn't run very well at all. You know how that happens in dreams? Well, I was all - "Screw this." so I flew straight up and woke up.

The last dream I had today, however, was a regular dream. I was at a lunch table in a school-like building. My ex-girlfriend and I were sitting there, talking about how our lives have been. We fell back in love at that point, and then all I remember about the rest of the dream was trying to protect my friends because there was a zombie outbreak going on.

~Don

So, lately I've been having a hard time remembering my dreams.

I did, however, just remember one thing about the past few nights.

Lots of my dreams included seeing the Northern lights. I remember driving down the road and seeing them.

That's about all I have so far.

9-12 to 9-13

I almost didn't remember anything, but I have a tendency to remember my dreams an hour or two after waking up.

Dream title (This is something I'm doing now) :

Grandpa & The Motorcycle Group

Scene one:

I'm in my kitchen, looking into the living room. It's day time. I see a rat, not fat, but huge nonetheless, running from the side near my front door to the other side, and disappearing behind the couch.

Scene two:

This scene was repeated a few times throughout my dream. Not exactly, but no noticeable differences.

I'm in a parking lot of sorts, with a bunch of people riding motorcycles and other vehicles. Some were hover bikes. It seemed to be in the future, and I remember that I felt like I was being forced to choose something. It was like I was a member of a rival "team", and had showed up here by accident, and was given the choice of dying or joining this team. I don't remember much else of this dream.

Scene three:

It's night time, and I'm in my kitchen looking down into my living room again. My grandpa's half- decomposed body sits in a chair with it's head down on the desk, arms out on each side of the head. I look away, and look back, to see him, fully alive, sitting in a chair about 4 feet away from where I just saw him. I said, "Hey, grandpa. I missed you. How was heaven?" (He was catholic, and so was I. I am now more agnostic.) He replied, "There is no heaven. No Hell. Just nothing." Discouraged, I asked him "Well, can you still think after you die?" He replied "Oh, sure. You can still think, and feel." He said this in a way that enlightened me to this: The afterlife is created by your imagination. While this isn't what he said, I was sure that's what the case was. One of those dream things where you just "know", you know?

Anyways, that was about all I had last night. Thanks for reading.

Also, I've been working on some short stories and poetry, which I will post in the writer's corner soon, in case any of you would like to read it.

~Don

No dreams, or no recollection from the 11th to the 12th. D:

No problem.

09-10 to 09-11 2012

Very little dreaming in my memory. I remember I was skateboarding with my friend Cal, which was weird because neither of us care to skateboard. We were at our old elementary school. Then, I was in some sort of castle, an outdoor part, like a bridge between two towers. I heard a song start to play, and for some reason I expected it to suck. There were words in my vision like I was watching TV, and the artist's name and what not were on the bottom right. I saw "Mariah Carrey", which can explain why I expected it to suck. Suddenly, I realized that the song was written by or affiliated with something or someone called "lb". That's an "L", in case you were wondering. The song was actually pretty good, and reminded me of the music that would play on an ATV game I used to play.

Sept. 9th to Sept. 10th

I was watching a youtube video about how to steal video games from stores. The video said that the chip that sets off the alarm for stealing was glued onto the part of the video game case that was the paper that has the title and details on it. Soon, I was in a store in a mall with my friend Jeremy. I'd just told him about the technique, and he thought it was cool and we should try it out. I managed to steal some "Food Network" related game for the xbox 360, and left. I experienced a great amount of guilt and paranoia afterwards, however.

Suddenly, I was talking to some of my old teachers. They were saying how they get the summer off starting tomorrow, but tomorrow was the beginning of fall, and they only got one day off. For some reason, their summer lasted only one day.

Then, I was in my kitchen talking to my dad about visiting my friend Zach, who lives in the opposite side of the state we're in. After I managed to be able to go, I was suddenly at the DeVry campus (which I will begin attending soon), talking to the admissions guy "Nick" about renting an airplane.

I'm suddenly in the sky, piloting a plane. It's at night time, and I'm flying over familiar roads. I felt the urge to find a runway to gain speed on. I apparently was only able to accelerate on the ground, not in the air. Anyways, I eventually landed at a town near his called "Rockie". Bear in mind, this town doesn't exist. It is a utopia architecturally, but socially behind. I avoid getting traffic tickets two times before I find out that the train from this town to Zach's will not be operating for another 6 months.

Suddenly, my Chevy Cobalt is waiting for me, and I drive it to his house. I meet his mom and friend, and discuss staying there for a bit. They are okay with it, even though Zach has school on the weekdays. Soon, Zach comes in through the front door and we hug. For some reason, he grabs my right hand and starts humping it, leading me to punch him in the face. This was all friendly fun, though, as he wasn't actually sexually attracted to me, and I wasn't angry at him.

The remaining portion of my dream was pretty much a summary of the ones I already had.

Okay, first off, I'm going to share with you my past experience with lucid dreaming, my current progress, my current obstacles, and my future goals.

Past:

I had months (if not years) of nightly lucid dreaming as a child. I never quite mastered control over it, but was able to make it very vivid. I remember, as a child, I had an "urge" - not sure if it can be called that, maybe a calling, or an instinct - to follow a "process". This process, as I later found out, was the WILD technique. Kind of odd, it was as if I knew exactly what to do and then read it as someone else had written it. Still, I never got around to trying it until just recently.

Current progress:

As stated in a recent post of mine, I managed to achieve SP on a majority if not all of my body while practicing the WILD technique, when the phone rang. Not only are loud noises and other distractions problems, there are more things.

Current obstacles: My allergies will not let me sleep. I'm always itching and can never get a good, deep breath. I take allergy pills, but they make me drowsy, and that places doubt in my mind if they are aiding me or making it worse.

Future goals: I am going to find a notebook tonight, as well as set an alarm clock for 5 hours so I can write down my dreams. I plan to do this as often as I can.

Second off, I'm not sure why I said "First off".

My main issues are in the "Current obstacles" section.

That being said, any help?

Thanks,

~Don

Yeah, my parents actually have a white noise machine I can use. I was just fed up because I'd never gotten that far before, ya know? Like, first I couldn't tell where my arms were. I couldn't feel my arms or the part of my body my arms were resting on, and soon this spread up and down. RIIIIIIIIIING. Vrooooom. Dammit.

Hello, all. It certainly has been a while hasn't it? I hope you're all doing well. Anyways, I recently graduated high school, so I've had much more free time as I search for a job to put myself through college.

So, today, while I was meditating, I managed to coax most of myself into sleep paralysis. I could tell that I was soon going to overcome a milestone, when the phone rang.

Of course. The phone always rings.

After picking up, insult was added to injury - no one was there. I then lied down again. For some reason, the garbage trucks (which already picked up my subdivision's garbage YESTERDAY) have been driving around my block for the last two hours, doing what seems to be picking up random trash cans and putting them back down.

Pretty great, right? No but really - what I'm trying to ask here is, how do YOU deal with distractions while meditating / projecting / lucid dreaming? That is, while you are still awake, and able to be distracted.

Thanks,

~Don

Recently, I've informed my mother of my conversion to Buddhism. She wouldn't stop over reacting, no matter how many times I told her that it's not a cult-of-rejects who have to get their testicles removed (She actually thought that). I tried to inform her that it was another path towards the same, universal love that she believes in as God / Jesus.

She was convinced that I was turning my back on Catholicism, and wouldn't listen when I told her that I was bringing myself closer to God.

Anyways, here's my dream:

During this dream, my mother was crying, both due to that she loved me, and that she could not accept that Jesus did not completely take her side. That's just my stance, though. I remember experiencing a sudden feeling of anticipation, and then I was in deep space, surrounded by nebulae and stars. I looked over to my right, as if peering across a corner, and here comes Jesus. His height was greater than mine, and he wore a bright white robe. He had a look of understanding and acceptance on his face, however, if anyone else had a similar face, it would have come off as stern. He said no words, he simply wrapped his arms around me, and we embraced. I had never experienced greater comfort in my life than I did then. Many people speak of his eyes, and they should. His eyes were indescribable; they'd appear a dark blue, but if you looked closely, they were a light brown. If you payed further attention, they were medium green. I don't know how to describe the experience other than amazing.

--------

Now, many times I'd told my mother that Jesus encouraged people to choose what they believe, even if it's nothing at all. She is still convinced that he wanted everyone to follow him.

Words out of her mouth: "Buddha was a man, honey."

Me: "So was Jesus."

I'm (sarcastically) waiting for her to come back with "Well Jesus was in better shape." (This is actually quite likely for her to do).

Anyways, please respond if you want, it would make me happy.

Yes, my own work.

I'm glad you liked it.

For I am but a fortunate fool; in the shadows of lost love and false hopes I dwell, but alas – I rule hypocrisy upon my own will to emerge from and let fade the dark within. In memory, she was my one rose, my single way, my only truth, my everything, and throughout the tears shed, the skin torn, and the leaves burned, I have grown. Without a doubt shall the good men of this Earth die for thy beauty; yet I, a better man shall live by thy grace. In peaceful silence I bask, though never will I forget the unending kindness with which she'd carved her name into my heart – through a kiss, innocent, time was lost and all woe was forever vanquished, and if I were to die tomorrow – nowhere would I find greater comfort than in her arms, looking into her eyes, knowing they're the last thing I'll ever see. In ways, such has already occurred; for I am no longer the same man I was that summer – yet my immortal memories still remain.