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Hi you may have seen me when I acquired a dead wiki about lucid dreaming. I kind of just let it sit there.

There was a reason for this. Not an excuse, for I did abandon it myself, but a reason. Have you ever had a time in your life, where you had a serious amount of negative enrgy clining to you? I've had it for the last six years. Now-- most people advocate removing it. I set myself the task of intergrating it to attain a state that I call perfect grey, For six years, I fought the negative force and it's sypmtoms. For six years, if I had gone to a psychologist, they would have diagnosed me as one of the most depressed people on the planet. I have some very deep scars. Some, I'm sure will never heal completely. But thats okay. Without the scars, how would we not know we were imagining it?? Thank whatever entities may exist that I had always intended to battle it untill it was in submission. Today was the last day in my battle. You know what it came down to? Choosing wheather or not to listen to a piece of music. After I tell you the what it symbolizes to me, and the title, you'll understand.

This music can make you feel lonely. It makes you feel alone, uncared for, but at the same time, full of hope. Throught the years, I  was that song. It was my anthem. It's title? "For the endless fight".

Simply beautiful. Powerful. It can overwhelm you.

On this night, I thought that I had beaten it, that I had won against the negative force. I. Was. Wrong.

When I had moved through my playlists, I came to land on this song. I thought I had already beaten the darkness. I was afraid to play it. My thoughts word for word are:

"This song... The journey... (Pictures of myself under the influency of the negative force flashed through my mind) If I play this, will I lose myself to it once more?," and here, I hesitated,"It doesn't matter, all I can do is tilt my head back... And laugh in the endless rain."

Yes, I actually did think that las sentance in those exact words. Here's what it means.
Translation: Every time you arise, I will knock you back down. Every time you come back, I will be there, waiting to defeat you once more. Every time you rise from the depths, I will be the one who causes you to fall.

My body felt more and more bouyant as the song played itself. The reason why? My guilts and regrets no longer forced me down.

As cheesy as this sounds, It's totaly true. I just have one last fight left againt this negative force. The subconcious one.

I have found a technique that generates Pseudo Lucid drams for me whenever I use it. It works like this basically. I first challenge my subconcious. Then I use a set of binaurals, one for theta(custom-made), one that fades from alpha to delta(Abyss, get it from gnomad.info). This suceds in putting me into a semiconcious sstate where I have to "beat" my subconcious at whatever it decides. By beating it, I can name a condition to hold it to. Unfortunately, I've never won. The last two times I've done it though There've been some truly horible things. The negative force has one last refuge. And this is it. My subconcious mind.

And so, This is my end. I've managed to escape that last two times. But this time, It's do or die. My darkness is a monster. In the first battlethat the darkness was involved in, I was shot twice. Head and heart. But it was nothing campared to the second. In the second, a horrible beast that I can't even comprehend in my waking hours breathed in. And in that single act, almost destroyed the reality of the Dreamworld I was in. You need to see such a thing to know what I'm talking about.

This will be my end. Unless you help me. I need enough energy to take the darkness on. No amount is too small. Please help me live.

If you need a target. Send it to this name. Jitenya Renorae. It will surely find me.

Thank you very much.

I was just wondering, does anyone know where I can find decent free software for binaural beats and subliminals?

I recently put up a request with Wikia to have one established. I don't know the verdict yet, but I'll post as soon as I do.

Every once in a while, little glowing white dots move around my vision. Focusing on the makes them dissapear. Am I hallucinating, or is it somthing else?

Also, if I shut my eyes for about ten minutes, then get up and start moving around, I have a nearly perfect sense of where everything is, be it a fammiliar or foreign place. I can bove beyond what I last saw when I closed my eyes, so that rules out an extremely good mental map. Anybody know what that is?

My name is Jitenya, I've been on the internet for a long time, predating its rise to popularity. I hate emoticons, and only use them when its actually very significant to the topic. I'm working on developing a RPG called Chrono Rae, which is a fangame to the RPG Chrono Trigger. So, now you know a little bit about me, and what I do.

I leave you with my personal motto, and yes I relize how incredibly corny that sounds.

Here it is: Don't do anything for a cause, don't do enything because you must. Do it for the sake of doing it, and for nothing else. If you can do that then, perhaps, you might have enough good memories to not have led a bitter life.

Was today... or rather, last night. It was good luck, but I quickly lost lucidity. This is how it happened.

The dream was quite... normal, as my dreams go. I was walking through a city with a nameless, faceless entity. We reached a verdant, green, square, which I recall is being near to, but not at, the middle of the city. Me and the entity sit down at a large table, aand partake of Jalepeno pizza, there are also other ingridients, but I cannot remember. This dream was in the first person perspective, at that time, from my perspective, the entity had been for the entire dream at the left and slightly behind me. After one or more slices, I get up, move to the left side of the table(it's a square) open the box of pizza there, and start to talk. I say somthing like this: (I grab the pizza) "Y'know, I always hated Jalepeno pizza. ( I start to spit out the Jalepenos). And I continue eating the pizza. Then I sit down, and look up. There's a monster truck or a pickup truck behind the entity, and to it's right side, there I am, sitting down. So I say: "This... can't be real. I know that I'm here, I know that I'm me, you can't be there, because I'm you, I 'm remember moving here so I'm me, I cant be here, here, or here, because I'm there. This is a dream!". Well, actually, I only said the this must be a dream part, but I thought everything before it. Now within the lucid dream state, I, uh, morph the reality around me to a low ceilinged lobby made almost entirely of granite, with tall potted evergreen plants, and begin stiding down it. For what purpose, I cannot say, as I extremely rapidly lost lucidity. The perspective made a smooth transition from first to third person. And, then the dream became extremely convoluted..... And that the end. I would like to know how to induce more lucid dreams, anything would be appreciated.