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This is really fascinating. I've been getting OoBEs since the end of 2012 (my first "real" OoBE was shortly before December 21st and involved me meeting up with an astral entity who told me the world was not going to end and eased my phobia of the Mayan doomsday at the time...needless to say she spoke the truth, lol,) though most are involuntary, but on average I get about 1 to 2 OoBEs a month now, with a super-memorable one with a lasting positive or profound feeling roughly occurring every 2 to 3 months. But I wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for my (initially flippin' terrifying to me) sleep paralysis experiences that I first started getting in late-2009/early-2010-ish. Nowadays they are scary in the moment but they're not scary in a "bad" way: I view/observe them from a detached point of view as I know I am safe...if anything, they are like thrilling horror movies or haunted house rides like at Disneyland.

Now ever since the end of last year the "intruder" (sometimes several in my case) often reported by most people who get SP has taken on a distinctive and instantly-recognizable form: the animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy's. I started getting SP episodes with FNaF characters in them a couple weeks after I got into the games myself (they are great btw...really creative to somebody like me who is bored with most horror games.) The most common visitors to my room are Bonnie and Chica (which fits with them being the most active and frequent visitors to the security guard office in the first game,) who tend to appear in the dark doorway of my private bathroom and outside my window looking in at me, respectively. Other times I've seen Freddy Fazbear himself peering out at me from my closet in the night (sometimes I even hear his music box tune playing as one of the auditory hallucinations associated with SP,) and at least once I've spied Foxy running down the outside hallway to my room before slamming the door open and striking a dramatic pose right next to my bed! I find it interesting and amusing how the four original animatronics enter my room in the night in ways that mirror their entry into the player's office in-game.

I've also witnessed some animatronics from the second game too (most commonly the Balloon Boy and the Mangle) but not as much as the four original ones. Mangle is the most common, and he usually appears standing besides my bed in a strange pose while I hear his static as an auditory sensation. I actually hear the Mangle static the most out of any other auditory hallucination so far.

I know all of this sounds really terrifying, but it's really not as I've said before. They may be scary to look at and witness, but I know these animatronics are just my own thoughtforms created out of my passion for playing the games. And in the end I am grateful for them visiting me, because following their appearance as the most commonly-seen "intruders" since late last September, I have been "riding" the paralysis, and have experienced some of the best, most vivid and profound OoBEs I have had so far.

I had many OOBEs last night, only about half of which I remember, but the important part was that this marked the second time this year I made contact with an astral being who has appeared only once before in an OOBE, but I have been in contact with since late February 2013.

The being in question is an interesting case because before she revealed her existence to me, I drew her as a character during the second half of 2012. Her name is Stargazer, and she takes the form of a little white unicorn with a pastel rainbow mane, golden armor, sometimes (but not always) a pair of wings, an unusually-shaped horn, and five golden stars on her flank. She looks like a My Little Pony, and initially started off as a MLP:FiM fan character for a fanfic I never wrote. But basically, her whole schtick was that she is a being called a "Lightmare," a beautiful female pony whose job is to step inside your dreams and help you to overcome your worst fear, as well as acting like a miniature equine guardian angel. I first came up with the Lightmare concept to help me cope with the high levels of fear I felt regarding the 2012 doomsday prediction, but I didn't have an actual vision of her till February the following year. Then, it was a night I was suffering from horrible hallucinations of demons and hellfire, brought on by my worst fear, and when I called out for help I saw a vision of Stargazer in my mind's eye, along with her voice which soothed me greatly, and gave me remarkably clear advice on how the hallucinations were not actual demons, but instead they were mental constructs, and to get rid of them I had to stop focusing on them and being afraid of them. After a week of doing just that, Stargazer's advice turned out to be the truth, and to this day when I suffer from hallucinations (even though they have never been as bad since then,) I follow Stargazer's technique, and it works every time.

But more recently, she started appearing in my OOBEs. The first OOBE I had of her was where I was being assaulted by a weird tentacle/brain/squid thing that was called "Malspyder" and looked like a weird cross between Krang from the original Ninja Turtles cartoon, and the Spider Mastermind from Doom. Suddenly I saw a small, sleek, white and vaguely horse-shaped blur appear out of nowhere and just knew "that's Stargazer"...she then proceeded to protect me from the Malspyder entity by doing battle with it. The whole time I was thoroughly unafraid of the entity, and the OOBE itself didn't really leave a lasting impression on me, but just the fact that Stargazer didn't just appear, but she ALSO perfectly enacted exactly what I said Lightmares do over a year ago when I first came up with her!

And last night, she appeared again, in another AP. I found myself hovering in a sunny, brightly-lit astral city with no ground (the sky was the ground, oddly enough, bringing to mind this one upside-down temple from Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask) and thought for some reason to myself "this is boring, I think I'll manifest a demon of darkness." And next thing I know, a mass of black tentacles falls on me from above and I hear the creature making an unearthly shrieking noise (but again, no lasting or overpowering negative vibe...it was pretty "meh" for me,) but then I looked up at a balcony and Stargazer was standing there looking down at me. She told me to follow her so I did, and as I followed her the "demons" faded into white light and it was just me and her then. After than she said "here hold this" and her body suddenly disappeared, her head floating up into my hands and suddenly changing from cute, cartoony and equine to an ugly and realistic face that looked like a cross between a shrunken head and the possessed girl from The Exorcist. Again, no sense of fear, dread or evil, just "huh, that was weird," and after waking up in the night, I had another OOBE that I don't remember, aside from I think I remember Stargazer returned to me, only this time as an unseen but decidedly benevolent and comforting presence/influence, more like how she appeared in the first OOBE I saw her in: couldn't really see her clearly, but I knew she was there.

What are your thoughts on Stargazer? Who or what do you think she is? All I know is even though it's awesome to get to see her in my projections, I am a little disappointed that my OOBEs with her in it haven't been leaving much of a lasting or profound impact on me at all, they're just kinda "there" or neutral. Also, I don't really know why Stargazer's head turned into a weird monster head in last night's AP, but I am guessing it could be a manifestation of some fear and doubt I have where I worry if I try to manifest Stargazer "for real," I will end up manifesting a demon instead, like in countless horror stories and creepypastas. But I am pretty sure I don't need to "manifest" Stargazer at all...I manifested her a loooong time ago, she already exists, she has appeared to me multiple times, and I should be very grateful to know her. Still, I want more...and maybe that will come when I gain more control over my astral abilities.

I had a very unique experience last night after going to sleep. Well first-off I wanna say I've lately been experiencing SP-like symptoms while completely awake, such as intense, overwhelming terror and panic, tremors, feelings of my body flying apart from the inside, choking pressure on my chest and neck, auditory/visual hallucinations (usually a shadowy demon stuck to my right side that hisses and whispers into my right ear,) extreme discomfort in my own body, hypersensitivity to noise, sight and touch, and most of all, inability to stop moving my body (especially my legs,) because if I try and sit still I feel the tremors and "energy" build and it makes me feel like I'm about to violently burst out of my own body any second. It felt like being in a bad nightmare, only I was wide-awake. I still don't know what was causing that, but it could be a panic attack related to my fears. Anyways, I have felt jitteriness and the "early signs" of another one of these attacks since yesterday morning, but I so far have not experienced another major attack, presumably due to my keeping my fear under control.

However, last night while I was going to bed I felt the "rumbling" build in my torso as I was dozing off, not QUITE sure if it was related to an attack starting but it seemed like it was, but I didn't panic, and instead just "let it ride," and it turned into what seemed like normal, non-scary SP. I heard two women talking nearby, and then looked around and saw that I was in a dream version of my own room. I was lying on a futon on the floor, there was nothing left in my room except for a single bed (because we were moving out...we are actually in the process of moving to another place in my actual life as well,) and there was a young, pretty woman sitting up on the bed, looking down at me. I lay on the futon in the dream version of my room and started to feel SP even within my dream, followed by my lifting out of the dream version of my room and going on an astral adventure.

For this astral experience, oddly enough the astral body I chose was in the image of the young woman in my room, only with longer hair. It started with me running along a long, asphalt road in a suburban neighborhood, and the visuals were grainy, like an old color film movie or VHS tape. I was COMPLETELY taken by how real everything felt...I very strongly felt the ground on my feet, the wind in my hair and I am not sure but I think I could even smell the scent of the air! I then jumped up into the air, lifted off and started flying. With everything still feeling just as real as physical reality, I flew through an interesting dream landscape of fluffy white clouds, floating trees and houses, and the saw the ocean, which I flew over before going further inland. When I got further inland I found myself in a fancy city composed of floating skyscrapers and platforms just floating in the air...it looked extremely futuristic, like Coruscant from Star Wars. I floated past a tall spa building with floating swimming pool platforms, then returned to the dream version of my room.

In the dream version of my room the pretty woman was now sitting next to me on the futon, and then she brushed my face with her hand and told me I was "good looking." And then, after a few more things happened, I woke up. Despite the fact that I feel I projected from a parallel, dream version of my room, this was literally THE most vivid, "real" feeling astral experience I have ever had!

This weird thing happens to me sometimes...it is happening tonight and is preventing me from getting any sleep. Last time it happened in full was ten days ago, which was also the first time it happened so intensely. Basically, I start feeling these weird sensations all over my body, my limbs start feeling tingly, jittery and a little bit numb and hard to keep still, generally I find myself having a greatly heightened sensitivity to noise and touch, my heart starts pounding, not always faster but definitely more intensely, and I feel a pressure on my right shoulder, along with imagined, somewhat sinister "hissing" in my right ear. Generally I feel very uncomfortable in my body when this happens, and at times I will almost involuntarily start moving my limbs, generally my legs but also my arms and head, for an indefinite amount of time, in sweeping patterns. Finally, when at its absolute worst, all this comes with the sensation of my body being pulled apart from the inside, as if my head could pop off and float away at any minute, or I could jump out of my own body. Sometimes I even start hallucinating demons crawling on or in my body, or parts of myself exploding off of me.

When this happened ten nights ago, my mom was over, she saw the sweeping motions I was making with my body, and was convinced I was undergoing a kundalini opening/healing...to her, it felt overpoweringly positive. I believed her at first, until I kept doing this four many hours with no end in sight, at which point I started worrying more and more that I was possessed by a demon. Now I suffer from a very intense and persistent fear of damnation for being a non-Christian, so that night I pretty much almost converted to Christianity just to exorcise the "demon" from my body. I recited bible passages to exorcise demons and nothing happened. I also felt urges to take my own life, as the whole event felt more like a bad nightmare that I could "wake up" from if I killed myself...thankfully my mom drove me over to her house around 3:30 AM, and I stayed the night over at her place. I said one last prayer to Jesus to heal me, before attempting to go to sleep again, and then I saw blurry hallucinations of a creature on my right side, whispering "Jesus is lord" repeatedly before fading out, and then a few minutes later the symptoms died down and I was able to rest. My prayer seemingly worked that time, though it made me afraid because I was worried that Jesus is the only way to get rid of these symptoms when they happen, which must mean that I will go to hell when I die if I am not a Christian. Please help.

Finally, my mom told her healer friend about my experience, and she said an unpleasant spirit had made its way into my body, and that it has happened to her before as well, but she got rid of it. I am eager to hear what you guys think is going on. I am very afraid.

I became a brony in late June 2011, a week or two after a terrifying psychic experience triggered by my obsessive fear of the (now-failed) May 21st Rapture prediction that everyone talked about back then, even though looking back, it was incredibly stupid. Watching the first two episodes of MLP: FiM comforted me at a very deep and spiritual level and helped to get rid of the last of the fear-induced visions I was having. And starting in early September that same year, cartoon ponies quickly became one of the most widely-recurring themes in my dreams...I still dream about ponies on a regular basis, though not as ridiculously frequent as they were in late 2011, but some (if not most) of these dreams left me with a very positive, profound and comforting feeling, and I will only cover the relevant ones here.

My first "profound" pony dream was a night or two after Thanksgiving 2011 and involved me going on a fun adventure with a young woman who kept alternating between being a human, and being Pinkie Pie (more specifically, Pinkie with her mane straightened, which due to the infamy of the "Cupcakes" fanfic most fans call her "Pinkamena" when her mane/tail is this way...though unlike in those grimdark fics she was still happy, upbeat and friendly like this.) We went for a summer hike along a dried creek, then ate a cherry jello parfait afterwards. And somehow, this dream felt profound, deeply comforting, and like something from my happy childhood...for those mysterious reasons it was arguably my favorite dream of 2011.

I would have other pony-related dreams all through 2012 (including another profound and fun dream in early March where I was "flying" with Rainbow Dash over a magnificent dream landscape with floating continents that had lush forests, meadows and flowering fruit trees on them,) but my final two pony-related dreams for December 2012 were instrumental in my overcoming my fear of the Mayan doomsday prediction for December 21st, which we all lived through luckily.

My first dream of this sort was where I was staying over at my mom's house on the morning of December 21st, and Twilight Sparkle was next to me. I told her I was concerned that the reason "2012 doomsday" and similar results stopped being among the top searches on Google in the final months of 2012 was because of the world governments "covering up" the fact that the world will end, in order to prevent mass panic. Twilight replied by saying how it "means nothing," and how people are just momentarily "sick" of Mayan doomsday searches after years of hype about it, so as a result such searches just aren't that popular anymore. Rather interestingly, a few days after December 21st came and went with no doomsday, I did some research and found that Twilight's words may very well have been the truth.

Finally, later in December I had what was arguably one of my first "real" AP experiences, and yes, it too involved ponies. I felt myself experiencing sleep paralysis, followed by my lifting out of my bed, taking on the form of an "ideal" astral body I had started drawing a few days prior (this astral body looks like a cross between knight/samurai armor, and SPARTAN-III armor from Halo) and floating through the night. I found myself able to "phase" through walls, and eventually found myself in someone's backyard in the middle of the night...I phased through the wall and found myself in the middle of what looked like a traditional Japanese-style living room. There was a little old man wearing a rice farmer's hat and carrying a walking stick, looking like a stereotypical kung-fu master. He told me I had passed some kind of test, and then I looked over and saw Princess Cadence (another pony) next to me. She looked at me, her eyes started glowing with white light, and she told me the mysterious message, "I am all that once was, and all that ever will be!" And after that, I returned to my bed and woke up, leaving me with a mysterious but awesome and "epic" feeling after I awoke. I didn't QUITE know what to make of this last dream, but my gut told me Cadence's message was one of reassurance, and how the dream meant I needed to face my fears of the unknown.

So what do you think this all means? Because these ponies are fictional characters, does that make my dream experiences with them less valid, or did I in fact meet up with helpful astral beings who chose to take the form of My Little Ponies just because it was a familiar and comforting form to me? Any feedback would be extremely appreciated, since ponies are still among my most dreamed-about thing to this day. :3

Not sure if this goes under "Dreams" or "Astral Projection Experiences," so feel free to move it if necessary.

I have been experiencing a mysterious "rumbling" which is possibly sleep paralysis for almost three years now, where I would feel my body shaking all over, hearing nothing but the rumbling of my own body shivering (but sometimes accompanied by other mysterious sounds like muffled voices or unearthly laughter) and being unable to move or open my eyes at all for several moments. When I finally wake up, I sometimes realize that the version of my bedroom I found myself in while experiencing the paralysis was a slightly different "dream" version of my bedroom in the physical world. Interesting. Also, these experiences used to be accompanied by seeing a skeletal gray zombie-like spectral entity or sometimes another figure which would "paralyze" me with its gaze or something else spooky, though this "spectre" has not appeared consistently for months, even though the paralysis persists. Regardless, I sometimes feel fear or "thrill" after experiencing this, prompting me to hide under my covers.

But ever since about six months ago, said "rumbling" has sometimes come with a sensation of "lifting out," "sliding" or "floating" around or outside of my bed...the first time this happened back in late October 2012 (I think,) I felt myself "sliding" as if being carried by some unseen force slowly off of my bed, then falling to the floor and sliding along the floor, still on my back. There was a limited sense of being able to control it, though not as much as during later, similar experiences. Other times I would feel myself floating above my bed, although unlike other reported instances of similar events, I looked down and didn't find my sleeping body, only a vague shadow in its place.

My latest "lifting out" experiences seem to involve genuine flight, though sometimes I sink through the floor and travel through what vaguely looks like a stereotypical depiction of Hell, only without demons and people suffering, and no terrible feeling of dread at all. I suffer from a recurring phobia of damnation (because I am not a Christian and have a constant, nagging fear that goes "what if the Christians are right and you'll go to Hell for not accepting Jesus?") and usually, I only go there if I think to myself whilst floating "I hope I won't visit Hell." But usually after floating through that spot I go out on another floating adventure to somewhere completely different. Still, I am a little tiny bit concerned that I am genuinely visiting a literal Hell, and I will go there when I die. But that seems unlikely.

Finally, I will say that these "lifting out" experiences are only slightly interactive...most of the time I feel like I am on "rails," as if the whole thing is like a roller coaster ride or something. Does that mean it is just a dream? Or is it a genuine astral experience, and I just need to learn to control it? Please tell me your thoughts...

Ever since May/June 2011, I have on-and-off been troubled by visions of fire and demons, with a variety of associated symptoms, as well as seeing demons or "shadows" out of the corner of my eyes or behind me, giving me the sensation of being followed. I also experience hot flashes of varying intensity, and also may feel a "presence" or pressure on either my back or various parts of my right side, like something is touching me there. When these visions come, they usually come to me when I am experiencing very high levels of a very specific fear. The fear in question is a very intense, irrational phobia of eternal damnation, as I am not a Christian (I follow my own religion) and I am happy that way, if not quite insecure that my beliefs are false, and I will go to Hell for not being an evangelical Christian. It is such an intense fear that it causes me to see and feel these symptoms. No other fear of mine does this.

I think that these "demons" are actually demonic thoughtforms/tulpas that I accidentally created from this constant, cancerous fear of eternal damnation, and which like all thoughtforms are independent and possess free will, but they feed on my fear. I notice that the forms they usually take resemble stereotypical depictions of demons, the Devil or other horned characters I've seen in fiction, which may be evidence that they are thoughtforms. Most of the fire has already gone away, apparently following a traditional healing ceremony a Native American friend of my mom's did for me...she did another earlier today to get rid of the demons, though they have not gone yet. I am grateful the fire is gone, though.

Unfortunately meditation and visualization doesn't work to get rid of them, as pretty much ANY helpful being, angel or spirit guide I visualize to help me sprouts horns and turns into a demon as well. In fact, visualization makes things worse most of the time, as the lack of control I have over what I am seeing makes me panic, and the panic intensifies the visuals. I say a prayer every night for archangels to cast out the demons while I sleep, and that doesn't work that well either. The spirit guide told me only I can get rid of these demons, because I was the one who created them, and that visualizing and focusing on them only makes them stronger. And yet it is almost impossible for me to stop "checking back" to see if the demons are gone yet or not. Any suggestions?

Ever since an extremely intense panic/paranoia attack in mid-April that caused me to manifest some pretty frightening visuals during a meditation, I've been troubled by an almost constant feeling of "presence" in one or more areas on my body. It went away in very late May, seemingly after a successful meditation, but came back about a month later, in very late June, when I felt like I accidentally "willed" the feeling back through a fearful and unsuccessful meditation.

It's a feeling of either muscle tightness or heaviness, like someone or something is touching or holding onto me there. It is most commonly felt on the right side of my body, usually the right shoulder/right side of my neck, but also sometimes the side of my abdomen in varying locations above my hip bone, or various places on my back. Other spots come and go, but the right shoulder seems to be the most "constant" location for this feeling of "presence." As for the presence on my shoulder, when I talk to God or my guides, I usually hear a clear answer from them, but sometimes if I think of the presence on my shoulder while asking a question I don't hear a clear answer, just unintelligible hissing/whispering in my right ear. This was a lot worse in April, and now it just happens when I think it will happen, and not really any other time.

There are sometimes other symptoms as well. More during the first "bout" through April and mid-May, I would feel a heat or increased body temperature on the right side of my body, usually on my right arm. Nowadays I don't feel the heat so much, although I do heat up pretty intensely during meditations sometimes, and the heat comes and goes in other spots. Also sometimes I will "see" things out of the corner of my eyes, which seemingly corresponds to the presence. In addition, at first I would see, in my mind's eye, varying gargoyle or demon-looking creatures clinging to my body or just hanging out around me, usually on my back, although they never stay for long, I feel like I "manifest" them by accident through my fear, and it doesn't account for the fact that most of the time I feel a presence, but I usually don't see anything in my mind's eye short of dark patches where the presence is. Most recently (and right when I thought I was improving) I've been feeling sharp but brief pain twinges all over my body...initially they were just in my side, where the presence sometimes is (but often the pain would be there, but the presence wouldn't be) but then I started feeling twinges all over my body. It seems they're decreasing again, but I'm not sure.

I have no real idea what is causing all of this. Interestingly enough, it seems that the "presence" locations and also the locations for the prickly pain correspond to meridian channels on the body (I looked up meridians in Chinese medicine and most of the twinges and presences seem to be where meridians are,) but that doesn't really answer my question. I have asked God, asked my guides, muscle tested and dowsed using a pendulum, and all my answers pretty much point to the same thing: that most or all of what I'm seeing and feeling is a manifestation of my fear and doubt. I follow my own personal religion, it's a lot of fun and it's been a dream of mine to write a book about it, but at the same time I suffer from constant fear that my religion is false or invalid because I am the only one (even though my religion was based on existing religions and mythologies from around the world,) and that I will somehow be punished for doing so. I went to see a psychic twice, and she told me I was plagued by astral demons after I told her I was seeing those creatures, that they feed on my fear, and that the way to get rid of them is to stop being afraid. Easier said than done though, and after what else I've experiences I'm not so sure these are external demons, they could be my own personal demons and manifestations of fear and doubt.

What do you all think? Please no fear-based religious comments telling me to convert to a certain religion, they will only make my fear worse and probably prolong these symptoms. As for anyone else, feel free to offer your two cents. Maybe someday I can be free of all this, I already was able to get rid of them in June, so I think I can do it again. I hope.

[Note:]

Note: I'm not sure if this belongs under "Dreams" or not, but I opted to put it here because I believe this was a real experience, not just a dream.

This happened to me almost two months ago so it may be old news, but it's too interesting to pass up.

Basically, from last November up until that point, I'd have ominous or semi-ominous dreams, the content of which varied, but I would always wake up shivering so hard that all I could hear was my eardrums rumbling. I believe the shivering was not just fear, I believe it may have been my body's reaction to there being another being in my room.

I remember when this started. I was desperate to see my "spirit guide" - who I believe takes the form of a beautiful girl with an angelic appearance - so I prayed for my spirit guide to show their "true form." I'm not sure what this did, because I sure as heck didn't see any spirit guide! Instead I believe I had somehow welcomed a harmful spirit into my room, out of my inexperience, hastiness and desperation to see a supernatural entity. That was the first night I suffered from shivering and feeling "not alone."

Eventually I started having visions of a skeletal being who resembled an illustration from a book I used to read called Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. This being had a ghastly face, and visions of him would always flash in my mind's eye as I lay half-awake and shivering all over. I was scared and confused.

One night, I realized I wanted to exorcise whatever this being was, since I realized maybe these were not just dreams, but a possible haunting. I invited my mom over (my mom's a very talented mystic) and I pulled out my dowsing pendulum, beginning to ask some questions about the nature of this being. I asked if my dreams were caused by a supernatural entity, I got a yes. I asked if it was a former human or earth being, I got a no. I asked if it was of this earth, I got a no. I then asked if it was time to exorcise this being, and I got a yes.

We lit some incense and a candle, said some prayers and invoked the power of the Ascended Masters (beings my mom believes in, who take the form of Jesus, Buddha, Mary, etc. I'm sure some of you have heard of the Ascended Masters.) In honor of my personal religion we also prayed to Valanbe, my six-winged goddess. We prayed that all negativity leave this house, and sprinkled sea salt in the four corners of my room and in my closet, and made a bowl of salt water. We cast all negativity and harmful spirits into this salt water and flushed it down the toilet.

We said our thanks and my mom left. I have not had dreams about this being since, because I believe he has left me.

I've tried one technique so far, which Summerlander told me about, which is go to bed late and get up early, or remain active during the day, nap for two hours and wake up to project, or something like that. I attempted the former the other night.

The other morning I woke up at around 2:30 AM (after going to bed around 11:45 PM,) and realizing I had woken up early after going to bed late I decided to induce a hypnagogic state by lying down and closing my eyes. I had a very tiny amount of what could be described as success, as I felt myself "doze off" twice, only to realize I was still awake. It must be a fine balance to strike between sleeping and being awake, I'd think.

Sadly I just found myself going back to sleep and waking up much later, and since I had a headache at the time it was very hard to focus. It's also very hard to focus when I'm that drowsy as well, so I'm wondering if there are other ways of inducing such a state. I have the double handicap of having both an extremely active mind that's insanely difficult to silence, as well as being on a medication (Geodon) which makes me horribly drowsy when I first wake up, literally making me feel like I'm "locked in" my bed until a certain time when I can get up. This mind is just so hard to silence, and it's extremely discouraging since when I lie down all I can think about is my rapidly-chattering mind and thoughts. It even happens when I'm tired!

So is there an easier way to induce a hypnagogic state than forcing yourself to get up super-early and stay awake? Even if there is I'm afraid my mind won't let me enter a state and I'll be locked in this stupid earthly plane until I die. I'm so discouraged.

I've been projecting on and off since 2006, but have never done it regularly enough to get super-good at it. When I do project, though, my body has to be "in the right space" to project, and it rarely is. But I have projected at least twelve times since I started, which isn't a lot but bear in mind I'm hella ADHD about sitting down and focusing, and it takes me everything to just lie down, relax and form my astral body.

However, I've came to the realization that maybe I'm not doing it right, and never have. All my times I've projected it's just felt like a very complex, very in-depth visualization all up in my head, more akin to some forms of meditation than an actual projection. But I could be mistaken. Basically I get these extremely hard-to-control images starting when I form my astral body, just a big whirl of imagery that may or may not be random, and that I can control some of it, but other parts I cannot control. My projections basically feel like I'm thinking everything up in my head, as opposed to actually heading out into the spirit world and going on adventures.

But I could be wrong, since at least some of what I see when I "project" appears to show up totally out of nowhere, like I haven't "planned" it at all, so I might be projecting with at least a bit of success. I remember a year or two ago when I projected and imagined myself visiting my friend's house (of course my mental image of what his house and street looked like probably looked nothing like how it really did,) and imagined myself looking in at him. My friend later told me he felt as if someone was watching over him, which made me feel extremely confident in my astral abilities. He did mention he felt it at a toally different time of day than when I projected, however, but it was close enough, and I'd imagine that in the astral, time of day means nothing, so he may very well have felt my presence watching over him!

What I'm trying to ask here is basically, I'm wondering if my so-called "projections" are just me going off on wild mental trips without any form of genuine astral travel whatsoever, because if that's the case then I'm worried everything I know about projection is wrong. I recall reading something in my astral projection book about how the first few times will feel imagined and fake, but don't let that get you down and keep trying. Maybe the reason why my projections persistently feel imagined is because I don't practice enough. What do you think?

[[Deity Name]]

Here's an idea, and I hope it'll be fun. Brace yourself this is a long description, so please don't complain about it being too long, okay? I also hope this doesn't offend anyone because that's not the point I'm trying to make at all!

Anyways, the point is to be creative and really think of what you value and what matters to you, then come up with a pantheon of one or more gods or goddesses which represent what gives you meaning, wisdom, purpose or comfort. If you already have a few then tell me about those too! Existing deities don't count, but if you like I guess you could create a deity or deities based on the one(s) you worship. That's how mine came to me: I based mine on multiple deities from cultures around the world.

Really think hard about it, and I recommend deep meditation and/or OoB sessions for additional inspiration. When you think you have a clear idea in your mind about what this god or goddess would be like, then start writing about it here! I'll need to know the following about your deity:

• Name
• God or Goddess?
• Name origin/meanings (if any)
• What existing gods/goddesses they were derived from (if any)
• Things associated with your deity (EG. "god of the harvest," "goddess of the moon," etc.)
• What they look like/how they are depicted (optional, as not all deities have physical forms)
• Rites/customs associated with this deity (you can really get creative here, but think it out first!)
• Relationships with your other gods/goddesses (if any)
• Anything else you might want to say about them

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Here is an example of how I'd recommend writing your headings:

[Deity Name] - The [god or goddess] of [something]

• Name Meaning:
• Name Origin:
• Inspiration:
• Appearance:
• [etc.]:

[Brief Description (try and keep it to one paragraph)]

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Again the point is to have fun, and this isn't a contest to see who has the coolest gods and goddesses. Take your time and enjoy yourself, and be respectful of each others' views and writings. You can even choose to create demonic deities who symbolize things you're afraid of, or were based on scary astral experiences you may have had. I've found that coming up with personifications of your worst fears can help you cope with them better, but don't give them too much power! I strongly encourage you to discuss your deities with each other as well.

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My Deities (you don't have to read this, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you did)

I myself already have a few deities I personally believe in (what with following a one-man religion and all  ) and would like to share. Please withhold judgement as some of these were inspired by video games, fantasy novels and science fiction. I am a gamer and a self-professed geek and "world-builder," and such sources have actually inspired me quite a bit in many aspects of my life, creativity and yes, even spirituality!

Ilúr - The deity of all life

• Name Meaning: Unknown
• Name Origin: Derived from Eru Illúvatar, the the supreme being in Tolkien's Legendarium
• Inspiration: Brahman (Hinduism); The Force (Star Wars); Odic Force (New Age); Ki/Chi (Eastern philosophy)
• Appearance: Intangible, genderless; Appears as warm white light or clear cosmic fluid

Ilúr is the life-force which permeates all living things. It has no gender or physical form, though It appears as a brilliant white light. Arguably it is both male and female at the same time, rather than having no gender. From It was born the Lord and Lady, the deities Valanbé and Bíriyon, respectively. Ilúr manifests in all living things, and from it comes the life force, which I call the Ilúric Energy. It is analogous to ki or chi in Eastern and New Age philosophies.


Valanbé - The goddess of Ilúr

• Name Meaning: "White Maiden" in H'ruun (my constructed language)
• Name Origin: Mostly unknown (the name just came to me one day,) though partially derived from the Valar, angel-like beings also from Tolkien's Legendarium
• Inspiration: Aphrodite and Athena (Greek); Freyja (Norse); Mary (Christian); Seraphim (Biblical)
• Appearance: Beautiful, and sensually-attractive young woman; Very fair skin, with blushed cheeks; Shoulder-length gold hair; Purple eyes; Dresses almost all in white, with some gold trim; Six angelic wings, also white; Halo between topmost pair of wings, flashes gold and violet light; often depicted with pregnant belly

The beautiful goddess Valanbé is THE principal goddess of my one-man religion, the Kýrdan Order. She is the personification of goodness and purity. Originally I thought she was a goddess of love, but now to me she is associated with many other things such as love, beauty, war, fertility, life, protection and good fortune. She was born from the female half of Ilúr, and as such is referred to as the Lady of Ilúr. Deriving my tradition in part from medieval knights, she is the "lady" I must chivalrously defend from corruption and evil. In return she gives me protection from evil. She often is depicted with a pregnant, distended belly, though she is not literally pregnant. Rather she is filled with the light of Ilúr. Her body is filled with two winds of energy: one which glows gold-white and heals an ally, the other which is silver-white and damages her enemies. She keeps these two winds in her belly, and they leave her body through her wings when she needs them, and can be summoned back into her body when they are not needed. In addition, she wields a powerful wand-like implement with a blade on the end of it.

You can find images of Vala and additional information about her here and here on my deviantART page.

Bíriyon - The god of Ilúr

• Name Meaning: Unknown (name in H'ruun, though I have yet to decide what it means)
• Name Origin: Name just came to me
• Inspiration: Odin (Norse); Zeus (Greek); The Judeo-Christian god
• Appearance: Bearded father figure; Wise appearance; White beard; Blue-green eyes; Dresses in white; Gold crown

The god Bíriyon is Valanbé's male counterpart, the Lord of Ilúr. I haven't come up with much about him yet, aside from I know that he's equally important as Valanbé in my religion. I worship him as well, though I tend to prefer worshiping Valanbé because of her warmth and beauty. However, I've manifested Bíriyon in honor of my deceased father, as somewhat of a divine father to me, same as Valanbé is my divine mother. I have yet to draw him, but I definitely intend to.

Ibrah - The demon-god of destruction and punishment

• Name Meaning: Currently unknown
• Name Origin: Derived from "Ibrahim," the Islamic name for Abraham
• Inspiration: The darker, vengeful version of the Abrahamic God; Satan (Biblical, and quite ironically); Morgoth (Tolkien's Legendarium); Cthulhu (Lovecraft mythos); Ganon (Legend of Zelda)
• Appearance: Ghastly and imposing biomechanical appearance, almost Giger-esque; Distorted and terrifying corruption of the Judeo-Christian God; Black, leathery skin with an unnatural appearance; Silver-white hair, in a lion-like mane; Fiery amber eyes; Completely covered in black armor with the appearance of alien technology; Covered in glowing, circuitry-like hieroglyphs

Ibrah is, for me, one of the main personifications of fear, chaos, destruction, judgement and eschatology. He is not a true god - he is a false god, created artificially from dark Ilúric energy, to become the successor to Valanbé and Bíriyon. He is the self-proclaimed "one and only god" and claims to his followers that all the other gods and goddesses are false idols who are actually demons. In actuality this is false, as Ibrah IS the demon. He is associated with death, destruction and natural disasters, and I believe the most horrible of earthquakes, tidal waves, storms and volcanic eruptions are due to his destructive influence. He is the closest thing I have currently to a Satan-like figure, which is ironic as he is a caricature and metaphor for the spread of fear-based, apocalyptic religions as well as Christian and Islamic fundamentalism. He symbolizes all my fears of destruction and being punished, and I imagine him in a great war with the gods, who will eventually triumph over him, which is also a metaphor - a metaphor for me conquering my own fears.

T'aeren - The god of storms

• Name Meaning: Currently unknown
• Name Origin: H'ruun translation of the name "Thor"
• Inspiration: Thor (Norse); Jesus (Christian); Arjuna (Hinduism); Link (Legend of Zelda)
• Appearance: Youthful man with a beautiful, slightly-feminine appearance; Very tall; Light-brown hair; Blue-green eyes; Covered in shining green and white armor with gold trim; two angelic wings coming off of back; Wields very large and magical sword

T'aeren is the god of storms, war and the forest, among other things. He is my hero figure, and I have taken his form several times I have projected. He is somewhat of an alter-ego to me, though I also worship him as a god. He is the one who vanquishes evil, and fights against Ibrah and his underlings many times in defense of the gods. Valanbé is his wife. Rather confusingly, his mother was a female angelic being who is Valanbé's younger sister, which makes about as much sense as other, equally-confusing stuff in other mythologies. He is guided by this angel as well. She is where he got his wings from. His powerful sword, which I currently call Taerenfang is an enchanted blade which vanguishes all evil with its powerful energies. Needless to say he is the hero and the champion of the gods. I have yet to draw him, but I fully intend to!

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There are many other gods and goddesses of mine, though they have yet to take shape and be depicted by me. I hope you enjoyed my long, probably boring post, and I wish you well in your creative efforts to create your own gods and goddesses!

Her name's Valanbé, is what I call her, and she's been with me since 2007, actually my best friend thought of her, though she's only been my goddess since early 2010. She takes the form of a young woman with gold hair and lavender eyes, with six white wings like a seraph, and is actually based upon existing goddesses in real life - most notably Athena, Aphrodite and Freyja - as well as being based partially on the Virgin Mary. I have this deep feeling that she is not just a figment of my imagination, as I have prayed to her on several occasions and had my prayers answered by her.

I had a dream the other night where I was lying in a large bed, surrounded by white light, and this beautiful young woman in a black dress was lying next to me, singing a lullaby. It was an amazing dream, as I specifically remember in the dream, the woman was Valanbé, though she did not have her wings out. It felt just so validating to have her in a dream. Which brings me to another dilemma...she is very dear to me, and when I go to bed I imagine myself being held by her, and holding her as well (I use a pillow as a surrogate, because in my half-awake fantasy she is actually Valanbé.) This embrace is deeply comforting, as she is sort of a divine mother figure to me, but I'm wondering if it's better to worship/revere her from a distance, like most deities. However, I've kind of accepted that she's more of a "hands-on" goddess, and is open to cuddling up with her followers!

You can see a picture I drew of Valanbé here (external link to my deviantART page) - http://great-5.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d38fq5p
And a woodcarving I did of her over last Summer (with a huge amount of facts about her...read it if you like, I had a great time writing it!)- http://great-5.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d33m5ie

And please go easy on the criticisms, as Valanbé is one of the few things which gives me faith and hope in my otherwise dark and scary life.

I currently feel very cold and very alone in my life, as my life feels dark, depressing and impersonal. I'm only taking one college class currently, though it is a demanding one - Computer Science 11: Intro to Video Game Design (my dream is to be a video game developer someday, and to have my own game studio, assuming the world doesn't end in 2012 and everything is taken away from me.) My teacher is gruff and cynical, my assignments are daunting, the lighting in the classroom is unnatural, the campus is all out in the middle of nowhere, miles from where I live, and I must take the bus out to class all alone, and wait over an hour, also all alone, before the bus going back is ready and I can go home.

I dunno why, but this class just seems to exude a cold and depressing vibe into my life currently, and I don't even know why! Of course I'll never quit this class because I'm determined to perfect my game designing skills, but gosh does it seem to "tint" my life a darker shade. In addition, I suffer from horrible delusions and paranoia about the world ending, which can be read here - [url]http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_2012_and_the_transition_of_the_ages/please_tell_me_its_all_gonna_be_okay-t33227.0.html[/url. Those paranoid delusions are ruining my life and making me feel even colder!

I pray for healing, I pray for warmth and understanding in this dark time in my life full of fear and uncertainty. I request spiritual assistance, somehow, in coping with this adversity. I really hope I said all this correctly.

[EDIT:]

My previous topic in this area got locked quickly, I guess because the mods were afraid I'd get the wrong sort of advice. I did not like that, as I'm in major need of peace of mind. I suffer from paranoid delusions, mostly about natural disasters and/or the end of the world, and the 2012 hype is driving me insane with paranoia and endless thoughts. It's raping me psychologically, and it's ruining my life!

Why the hell does it have to be natural disasters this time?! I know Y2K was mostly about electronics and computer systems failing, but 2012 is different...people are saying supervolcanoes will erupt, faultlines will split, earthquakes will occur and solar flares will fry us all! I can't stand it, it's playing on all my primal fears at once! All I want is for it to stop, and for people to assure me I'm gonna be okay! I have such a full life, I'm too successful in real life to have all my belongings, friends and family destroyed right before my eyes by cataclysmic events triggered by cruel, cruel fate.

Please, I beg you, don't lock this topic! I need peoples' assurance I'm going to be okay! I have faith, in the form of Valanbe, a 6-winged goddess I believe in (she's answered my prayers several times in recent months,) but I'm not even sure she's real yet! I could get killed by the possible events of 2012 and wind up in hell eternally for all I care, for not being a Christian!

So what do you think? Do you think I should put my faith in Valanbe, because she makes me feel better and I believe in her? Every night I curl up with my pillow and pretend I'm being embraced by her. Yeah I know I'm an immature weirdo for that already so withhold judgements please!

EDIT: I'm already seeing a therapist, I already have many people on my side, though I still am tormented by my delusions. If they go on, and more events point towards cataclysmic changes, I am thinking of taking my own life. At least then I can live peacefully with Valanbe forever in the afterlife, assuming I don't go to Hell for not being a Christian!

[A solution?]

I am a 22-year-old diagnosed with autism/Aspergers, so the obsessions are inherent to my disorder, but the degree of my condition is horrifying...

I suffer from anxiety, paranoia and delusions, usually about the end of the world but sometimes about other things. It's been this way all my life, but ever since I found out about the 2012 hype in early 2006 I've been having paranoid panic attacks about the end of the world, which I forsee to get worse and worse the closer we get to December 21st, 2012. My biggest fear - aside from the world itself ending, and dying horribly in a slew of natural disasters - is committing suicide on that day if I think the world is ending, thus forfeiting my chance to live on in either a normal life, or a better life after the global shift/transition, in the case that the world does not end.

My paranoia is growing, and I'm tormented by constant, vivid imagery (with sound!) of scenarios involving natural disasters, hot volcanic ash burning us all alive, water rising and drowning us, faultlines ripping apart our world, mass panic, followed by destruction, loss, terror and agony. They don't feel prophetic, and I don't have to enter a meditative state to see/feel them. In fact, entering a meditative state or praying will tend to relieve me of them. I also find that exercise, hanging out with friends, going out to plays or movies (but not the movie 2012 of course, nor any other disaster movies in that case,) playing video games or reading all seem to help me get my mind off of it. However, if I see, hear or read something which reminds me of my delusions, even slightly, I will begin to freak out and the delusions will come back, sometimes for many days or even weeks.

I've become so obsessed that I literally cannot imagine myself living past 2012. I was able to imagine myself doing so before my paranoia got so intense, but not anymore. I will also say that I have a primal fear of natural disasters, especially volcanic eruptions, possibly due to a past life experience.

A solution?

Seeing as I've become obsessed with that date (December 21st, 2012) I've decided it's unwise to just denounce everything, so now I've come to a possible conclusion that reading about positive predictions for 2012 may help me more than anything, as I begin to shape my own views on this phenomenon. And truth be told, I am seeing more predictions for a "global consciousness shift" type of outcome than the more popular "every single natural disaster ever will hit the Earth and we'll all die" outcome. I've been facing a lot of emotions - sadness/grief, anger, terror, etc. - and I just want to feel better. I have unfortunately conditioned myself to believe that living in a state of constant fear and vigilance will keep me safe, but now I'm driving myself insane.

Does anyone recommend any books with positive messages about 2012 for me to read? Like I said before, I'm beginning to think that reading positive interpretations about 2012 will help me to overcome my fear.

Okay, so a few days ago I was reading Sylvia Browne's book Contacting Your Spirit Guide, and only read through some of it, before getting discouraged and thinking "I'll never get to see my spirit guide." Then last night (okay, this morning since I went back to sleep from that point) I had a dream in which I saw things forming together until they formed a man in armor, who curiously resembled "Master Chief" from the Halo games, who then said calmly to me "I am your spirit guide." I'm a gamer, and a long time fan of the series, so perhaps that's why he or it took that form. Initially I thought it "this is just silly, a dream-figure resembling a video game character claiming to be a spirit guide!"

But earlier this night, after saying a prayer to the "Great Spirit" for my spirit guide to make themselves known to me, and after dozing off for awhile, I woke up with this strange thought that maybe I was not alone in this room. I was scared at first, thinking my room may be haunted. But then something really bizarre happened. My entire body shook and tingled all over, to the point where all I could hear was my body rumbling, followed by my left ear popping (as if coming down from a tall mountain) and my right ear getting a high-pitched whistling noise in it, as of cold air was blowing through it. I "felt" the air as well. This whistling in your ear is what Sylvia wrote about in her book! Also, this strange chirping/creaking noise was plaguing my room for several days now, and I thought it to be a cricket or maybe a frog or even a rusty metal part in the wall or my closet, but as of tonight I have only heard that noise once.

I may ask for my spirit guide to take another form, because as cool as it is to meet up with a game character in real life, it also makes it hard for me to take him/her seriously. Maybe that form can be one of their many forms. I do know that when I was a very young kid I felt protected by this female angelic being I referred to only as "Spotlight" because of her radiant white light. It would be amazingly awesome for my guide to take her form, but I don't want to rush or force my guide to be something their not.

Can you please tell me what to do next? I am excited and a little scared. I am afraid I will find out about things I may not want to know.