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Hello, all. Sorry for not being around for a bit.

I have a friend. Let's call him "Bob". Bob and I have been friends since we were 2 or 3. He was never secretive and always behaved relatively normal, his personality rather steady. In high school, I met another friend. Let's call him "Jim". I introduced Jim to Bob, and they really seemed to get along, which I liked.

Fast forward to after I graduate high school. Whenever I visit Jim, I am alarmed by a sense of darkness. His home seems to be getting darker, both visually and in feeling. Also, I've noticed that Bob seems to be spending much more time with him doing the same routine. They hang out the same hours, do the same things, go to the same places at the same times. Jim has become very secretive and apprehensive, and I've seen Bob becoming the same. Now, while Jim has no real way of knowing that I am spiritually inclined, if you will, I was told that when my name came up during suggestions for who to invite to a gathering, both Jim and his father became very uncomfortable and were enthused to change the subject. I have never done anything to cause this.

Jim has been behaving in more simple, mundane ways. Everything he does is simple, almost empty in feeling. I often see in him a person wanting to cry out. When I contact either of them, they tend to lie about where they are or what they're doing.

I am truly concerned for my two friends. Please offer whatever insight that you may have.

Thanks.

Hello, everyone. I'm sorry for my absence. I'd like to share with you an experience I had today.

For a good while now, I've made it a habit to practice meditation for half an hour or so about three hours after I wake up. Today, I decided to use a different mantra. I usually use "Om". Today, though, I began using the mantra "Om namah shivaya". I sat cross-legged, on my living room couch. The house is empty, besides me and my dog, as both my parents are at work and my mother brought the other, smaller dog (she's a nanny, and they love her). I sat there, took a few slow, deep breaths, and eventually settled my hand posture as having my palms open on both knees, facing upwards.

I closed my eyes, ran the mantra through my mind a few times, and began chanting. My focus was continually drawn inward, and my eyes rolled gently toward my third eye area. I kept going deeper, and eventually I found a good way to chant the mantra, so it would resonate properly. I kept going deeper, and suddenly, I was... I don't really know what or where I was. I could sense myself, my body, chanting in the room, and I could sense my surroundings; but I could also sense something bigger. It was this awareness, and rather than noticing it suddenly, it was more of a realization that I've always known this, but not in a conscious level.

It wasn't so much an external intelligence. It was an internal, infinite mass of awareness, from which all minds protrude. The best way I could describe it would be like this:

In a forest, trees are often connected underground by their roots, and therefore, the entire forest of trees is one large tree. In my experience, I was one of these trees, and I was able to look downwards and see the soil from which I'd sprouted, as well as everything underneath. It was truly an amazing thing to behold.

Then, my dog began to bark loudly, scaring the crap out of me, for lack of a better term. I screamed involuntarily, and was thrown from the state. I suppose that my consciousness must really have shifted away from the physical world if that startled me so much.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks for reading and any replies!

~Don N.

Hello, all. I've recently had something amazing happen.

Earlier today, I began meditating, sitting leaned-back on my parents' bed (it's darker in their room), my legs straight and my hands at my side, the covers up to my waist for comfort. I used the 'Aum" chant for five or ten minutes, and then stopped. Focusing on my breathing, a ringing sound in my ears, and my third eye, a hard to describe feeling overtook me. It was likely sleep paralysis. I knew I had a body, but I couldn't tell what position my body was in because I couldn't feel it. I knew my hands were by my side, but in this state, the dimensions were different. My hands could've been far away or close to my body, above or below my body, or any combination of those. Remaining focused and relaxing even further, I witnessed for a brief instant something amazing. I saw my body lying in the bed. I was viewing from about four inches above the top of my head, and about one or two inches back. I remember it perfectly. I was bald, and naked for some reason. Like I was plastic. I saw my entire body, even though the covers were on me. I saw the room I was in, and the lamp on the floor I had to keep it dimly lit. Everything had a blue tint to it. Lighter spots were lighter blue, and darker spots were darker blue. The room was very plain, the walls were faded and the bed looked almost fake.

After this, I snapped back to waking life, and it was over.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks for reading,

~Don N

Imaginary Sun

Written by Don Nadzieja

Being to only be, she sinks into night, and nothing changes. A light breeze destroys all in its
path, and the kids fly kites in heavy rain. Horizons - temporary; But one thought is all it takes
to yield an infinite darkness. For after she descends upon them, never has existed a before.

I think that this poem does well at conveying what I felt during my descent into mental illness and depression, especially the last line, which tells how after I became depressed, I could never remember being happy.

Thanks for reading, feedback is welcome & encouraged

~Don N.

Sept. 9th to Sept. 10th

I was watching a youtube video about how to steal video games from stores. The video said that the chip that sets off the alarm for stealing was glued onto the part of the video game case that was the paper that has the title and details on it. Soon, I was in a store in a mall with my friend Jeremy. I'd just told him about the technique, and he thought it was cool and we should try it out. I managed to steal some "Food Network" related game for the xbox 360, and left. I experienced a great amount of guilt and paranoia afterwards, however.

Suddenly, I was talking to some of my old teachers. They were saying how they get the summer off starting tomorrow, but tomorrow was the beginning of fall, and they only got one day off. For some reason, their summer lasted only one day.

Then, I was in my kitchen talking to my dad about visiting my friend Zach, who lives in the opposite side of the state we're in. After I managed to be able to go, I was suddenly at the DeVry campus (which I will begin attending soon), talking to the admissions guy "Nick" about renting an airplane.

I'm suddenly in the sky, piloting a plane. It's at night time, and I'm flying over familiar roads. I felt the urge to find a runway to gain speed on. I apparently was only able to accelerate on the ground, not in the air. Anyways, I eventually landed at a town near his called "Rockie". Bear in mind, this town doesn't exist. It is a utopia architecturally, but socially behind. I avoid getting traffic tickets two times before I find out that the train from this town to Zach's will not be operating for another 6 months.

Suddenly, my Chevy Cobalt is waiting for me, and I drive it to his house. I meet his mom and friend, and discuss staying there for a bit. They are okay with it, even though Zach has school on the weekdays. Soon, Zach comes in through the front door and we hug. For some reason, he grabs my right hand and starts humping it, leading me to punch him in the face. This was all friendly fun, though, as he wasn't actually sexually attracted to me, and I wasn't angry at him.

The remaining portion of my dream was pretty much a summary of the ones I already had.

Okay, first off, I'm going to share with you my past experience with lucid dreaming, my current progress, my current obstacles, and my future goals.

Past:

I had months (if not years) of nightly lucid dreaming as a child. I never quite mastered control over it, but was able to make it very vivid. I remember, as a child, I had an "urge" - not sure if it can be called that, maybe a calling, or an instinct - to follow a "process". This process, as I later found out, was the WILD technique. Kind of odd, it was as if I knew exactly what to do and then read it as someone else had written it. Still, I never got around to trying it until just recently.

Current progress:

As stated in a recent post of mine, I managed to achieve SP on a majority if not all of my body while practicing the WILD technique, when the phone rang. Not only are loud noises and other distractions problems, there are more things.

Current obstacles: My allergies will not let me sleep. I'm always itching and can never get a good, deep breath. I take allergy pills, but they make me drowsy, and that places doubt in my mind if they are aiding me or making it worse.

Future goals: I am going to find a notebook tonight, as well as set an alarm clock for 5 hours so I can write down my dreams. I plan to do this as often as I can.

Second off, I'm not sure why I said "First off".

My main issues are in the "Current obstacles" section.

That being said, any help?

Thanks,

~Don

Hello, all. It certainly has been a while hasn't it? I hope you're all doing well. Anyways, I recently graduated high school, so I've had much more free time as I search for a job to put myself through college.

So, today, while I was meditating, I managed to coax most of myself into sleep paralysis. I could tell that I was soon going to overcome a milestone, when the phone rang.

Of course. The phone always rings.

After picking up, insult was added to injury - no one was there. I then lied down again. For some reason, the garbage trucks (which already picked up my subdivision's garbage YESTERDAY) have been driving around my block for the last two hours, doing what seems to be picking up random trash cans and putting them back down.

Pretty great, right? No but really - what I'm trying to ask here is, how do YOU deal with distractions while meditating / projecting / lucid dreaming? That is, while you are still awake, and able to be distracted.

Thanks,

~Don

Recently, I've informed my mother of my conversion to Buddhism. She wouldn't stop over reacting, no matter how many times I told her that it's not a cult-of-rejects who have to get their testicles removed (She actually thought that). I tried to inform her that it was another path towards the same, universal love that she believes in as God / Jesus.

She was convinced that I was turning my back on Catholicism, and wouldn't listen when I told her that I was bringing myself closer to God.

Anyways, here's my dream:

During this dream, my mother was crying, both due to that she loved me, and that she could not accept that Jesus did not completely take her side. That's just my stance, though. I remember experiencing a sudden feeling of anticipation, and then I was in deep space, surrounded by nebulae and stars. I looked over to my right, as if peering across a corner, and here comes Jesus. His height was greater than mine, and he wore a bright white robe. He had a look of understanding and acceptance on his face, however, if anyone else had a similar face, it would have come off as stern. He said no words, he simply wrapped his arms around me, and we embraced. I had never experienced greater comfort in my life than I did then. Many people speak of his eyes, and they should. His eyes were indescribable; they'd appear a dark blue, but if you looked closely, they were a light brown. If you payed further attention, they were medium green. I don't know how to describe the experience other than amazing.

--------

Now, many times I'd told my mother that Jesus encouraged people to choose what they believe, even if it's nothing at all. She is still convinced that he wanted everyone to follow him.

Words out of her mouth: "Buddha was a man, honey."

Me: "So was Jesus."

I'm (sarcastically) waiting for her to come back with "Well Jesus was in better shape." (This is actually quite likely for her to do).

Anyways, please respond if you want, it would make me happy.

For I am but a fortunate fool; in the shadows of lost love and false hopes I dwell, but alas – I rule hypocrisy upon my own will to emerge from and let fade the dark within. In memory, she was my one rose, my single way, my only truth, my everything, and throughout the tears shed, the skin torn, and the leaves burned, I have grown. Without a doubt shall the good men of this Earth die for thy beauty; yet I, a better man shall live by thy grace. In peaceful silence I bask, though never will I forget the unending kindness with which she'd carved her name into my heart – through a kiss, innocent, time was lost and all woe was forever vanquished, and if I were to die tomorrow – nowhere would I find greater comfort than in her arms, looking into her eyes, knowing they're the last thing I'll ever see. In ways, such has already occurred; for I am no longer the same man I was that summer – yet my immortal memories still remain.

Okay, so I have this friend named Matt. His mom and my mom have been friends since they were fourteen, so we've basically known each other our entire lives. He's a very nice kid, a little different, is all. People sometimes pick on him for his oddities. It doesn't bother him, thankfully. This kid hasn't a mean bone in his body. Anyways, we were discussing many spiritual topics, and eventually we decided that I would guide him into a meditative state. Here's what I did, if I recall correctly.

Don't speak. Just sit down on the side of the bed, you may sit cross legged or sit like you're in a chair. (he sat normally, like it was a chair.)

Now, be aware of your surroundings. There are things happening in the other areas of the house. You must not let them distract you; instead, use them to your advantage. A bond between you and your physical senses. If, say, a phone call arises, simply acknowledge it, and let it pass.

Now, close your eyes. Relax your back, and intense your facial muscles. Do this by simply tensing them slightly and releasing. Good. Now take a deep breath, but not too deep. Just a natural, calming inhale, and exhale. Pay attention to the rise and fall of your torso, and let it continue. Now, I want you to pay more attention to the pauses between your breath. After you inhale, there is a pause. Listen in to yourself during the pause, listen for your blood flowing, or your heart beating, or both, whatever you'd like.

Now. You're growing more and more relaxed. I'm going to count from five down to one, and by the time I reach one, you will be in a deeper state of mind than ever.

Five. You're still partially aware of your body, and you can feel your chest rising and falling.

Four. You're becoming more relaxed, and a feeling of calmness and safety comes over you. You can do anything.

Three. Now, as you become less aware of my voice, you still sense my words.

Two. You're almost to the point. You will soon be able to experience the fullest of your imagination.

One. You're finally calm, and nothing can disturb you.

Now, imagine yourself flying over the ocean, the sky is blue, and the sun is directly above, perhaps it's about noon. The water is a deep, yet fluorescent blue. You gaze up to the horizon, and you begin to see land.

It's an island, but not just any island. You begin to see a palm tree by the sand, and you realize that this is your island. Think of something that makes you happy, your girlfriend, for example. Now, as you explore this new land, you look down at the sand, and she's standing there, waiting patiently. You swoop down, and embrace her with all of your love. She looks at you and you both know that you love each other.

Now, begin flying again. You feel a rushing feeling. You've just bid farewell to your island, in hopes that you will return soon. You're flying up, and soon you're above the clouds, and you see this blue planet from above. You notice that, besides your island, there is no other land. You feel good about this. Now, you're surround by stars, and your planet has faded into the distance. You turn around, and there's earth. You fly downwards, and become aware of where your body is. You look back into the sky, and there's your home planet, an indistinguishable star that outshines the rest.

I'm going to count from one to five, and once I reach five, you'll be returned to awareness.

One. Sill relaxed.

Two. Getting warmer.

Three. You feel heaviness, but it's not overwhelming.

Four. You begin to feel your hands, and your body begins to tingle slightly.

Five. You may slowly raise your head, and open your eyes.

When he opened his eyes, they held a look of pure astonishment. I asked him what he felt and saw, and he was there in perfect detail. We had a handshake, and I was happy for him.

He says it was the most pleasant feeling you could imagine. It makes me wonder if I too have done this without realizing it.

Well, that's it. By the way, yes, I got the island thing and flying over the ocean from the API.

Thanks a lot for reading,

-Don.

All of the things that had troubled me in the past, I've now moved on from. If any of you all were wondering where I was, I was in a mental hospital for seizure-like attacks / episodes.

Anyways, I'm a changed man. I feel good. I thought I'd experienced Dr. Maslow's peak experience before, but this was about 100x more intense.

I cried tears of joy for the first time in my life in this past week.

Anyways, for those of you that celebrate the holidays, then happy holidays.

And for those of you that don't, well... Happy holidays!

Thanks,

-Don

My personality has changed. I'm different, now. I don't care if you don't care.

I'm not who you thought I was. At least not anymore.

Sure, some things remain the same. I'm probably still going to wear my hair to the left. But that's besides the point.

I can remember my old self perfectly, but I cannot put myself back in my own shoes.

I'm not who I used to be.

I don't know who I am.

And I don't care.

I could say "Have a nice day and thanks for listening", like I'm sure I would've if I was still the old me, but what would the point be?

I don't care about who I used to be. I don't care about who I am.

It doesn't matter.

-Don

P.s - I can barely remember the last couple hours. What I can bring up when I look back is images of bright, fluorescent, colorful light, which were forming waves of what appeared to be energy. It's like I was in hyperspace.

Yesterday morning I projected. I'm pretty sure it was not in the RTZ, because from what I can remember it occurred at around six A.M, and it was bright outside. That doesn't happen in the late fall of Chicago.

Anyways.

I was walking down the stairs and something felt off. I felt like I could fly, but I doubted it. I pinched myself, and didn't feel it. My hands were awfully.... different. Like there was something pure about them. If I remember correctly I may have been sparkling, or in other terms, giving off light. I don't know. I tried to fly, and I remember seeing myself from the back. I was younger in this image. Possibly fourteen or fifteen. I was standing on my left leg, and my right leg was crossed so that my legs resembled the number "4" almost. My arms were in a wing-like formation, like I was a ninja or something.



And now, potentially bad news.

I found out that I may have a brain tumor.

I know this because I've experienced many of the common symptoms, incl.

-Loss of memory
-Weakness in arms
-Small, sharp headaches, starting in the morning and decreasing throughout the day
-Hearing bells, tones, buzzing.
-Changes in personality.

And all of these are extreme. I'm going to the doctor's office on Jan. 4th, 2012, to schedule an MRI.

I hope I don't have it.

I'm too young to die.

ANYWAYS!

What do you thing of my experiences?

Thanks,

-Don

Yes, I realize I haven't posted in a while.

I need help.

I've been growing increasingly depressed. Most of this revolves around not wanting to move on from past relationships. It's like I put out all the love I can and none ever comes back. Maybe I'm just not seeing it, but I feel that most people just think I'm annoying. I don't know.

The problem is as follows:

I cannot move on.

There, I said it.

I loved a girl, and I tried to move on. I tried and fell in love with another girl, and it faded away. I'm stuck. I can't do this on my own. Maybe (or probably) it's this attitude that's causing this... I just need a sign, please!

I need to know somehow that things will get better and I'll find the one that will make me forget all of my past troubles and enable me to look forward to life, rather than dreading it.

I know it seems like I'm pathetic or w/e...... I really don't care. I need your help.

Please...

Thank you.

-Don

I realize that this may seem as though it doesn't fit well in the section I've posted it in. If you'd just hear me out, I'm sure you'll understand.

Lately, I've been in much pain. I want to cry every day but can't seem to bring myself to it. After school, I'm so tired from what I think is my mind automatically suppressing my feelings, saving them for later. I fall asleep shortly after getting home.

My dreams are a direct replica of the day I went through, only I cry when I wanted to in real life. I wake up, and the pillow is wet near my eyes, which are tearing up.

I think what this means is that I need to learn how to balance myself in a way that doesn't hurt others, and I was wondering: Could this be it?

Could I have been meant to save my crying for my sleep?

I don't know.

Please reply.

Thanks,

-Don

Sometimes, as I'm falling asleep, my entire body will feel as though it's twitching rapidly (about twelve times per second).

I'm confused, because it feels so real, but when I get up to watch my legs move, it stops. Now that I think about it, when I get up...

Dear God.

I think I've left.

Could it be? Could I really have left?

This has happened on numerous occasions... All of which I lie back down and fall asleep.

I don't know. I know some nutrient deficiencies can cause twitching, but I don't have any that I know of, and the deficiencies I've experienced in the past only caused occasional twitching. Twelve times per second isn't very occasional in my book.

What do you think of this?

Thanks,

-Don

I can't put my finger on it. It seems like it's been going on forever, now that I've adopted this attitude, without any thinkable meaning. Lately, I've been doing a lot of deep thinking. Philosophic thoughts enter day in and day out, and I get the unwanted pleasure of thinking about life differently.

Things of this nature feel as though they've happened to me before, which I'm sure they may have, but not to this apparent of an extent. I think of everything very... different. I think of things more often and for longer periods of time, examining why things happen, and the specific triggers that cause the chain reaction of the situation.

It's amazing, yet unsurprising, how many ways things can turn out, when you really think about it. I mean, really, what is the point to anything? I'm not talking out of spite for the world, but rather distaste of how things play out almost all of the time. Have you ever seen "It's a beautiful Mind"? It's about that guy who has schizophrenia, and later wins the Nobel Peace Prize. In the beginning of the movie, his friends are all "Here comes Mr. Awkward, let's see how he messes up this time." He proceeds to ask a female within the vicinity if she'd like to do "something". I'm going to leave it at that. She hits him and leaves. Though, I somehow see why he said that. He was like me, in a way, and I was like him. I see everything very scientifically, not in that I don't believe in a God, which I do, but rather in the sense that I think simply and literally. I just don't get how people manage to go through all of these complicated procedures just to acquire an item of interest, or, in this guy's case, a session of intercourse. I don't understand why we have to get so nervous when we ask a question, or get offended when the wrong question is asked...

I just simply cannot understand where the rest of the world is coming from now-a-days.

It's so confusing.

That's about all I have for now.

Thanks for reading,

~Don

Yep.

A couple nights ago, this happened. I woke up in my room in my dream, looked out my window, I knew something was wrong. These lights kept appearing in the sky. Soon, they formed triangles and started taking my neighbors away. I went downstairs and to prove it to my parents, I began floating upwards. I don't know what happened next, but suddenly I was outside. I saw what appeared to be six moons in the sky. I remember hearing something about this once. The six soon changed into hundreds of different spots of light, and it turned daytime. Then, I, along with a few of my other neighbors, who had been spared from said abduction, began discussing last night's events. A fellow of the African - American ethnicity approached me in his car, and informed me that he lived in a different part of the state, far away. He asked me to copy some dvds for him, I'm sure this is irrelevant. But something odd about this guy was his necklace. I can't remember whether it was a yin/yang symbol, or a pentagram. Either way, it was some sort of symbol.

What are your thoughts on this?

-Don

Guys, I am a person who struggles with many things, but the things I struggle with the most are obtaining feelings of belonging, confidence, and avoiding feelings of betrayal and distrust. I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, because I don't want to have to type out my life story. So, in early 2010, I started to like this girl. She was different from the rest of the high school girls, in that she was rather shy, but still very friendly, and that she was a shorter girl. I thought she was beautiful, and then I got to know her. I was amazed.

Perhaps it was that she was nice to me without anything being said or done first, which is a rare occurrence to me. Perhaps it was her gleaming, brown eyes and long, dark hair that stood out to me. There was something different about this one. So, on March 31st, 2010, I asked her out after school. She said "Sure, a date would be good." I was ecstatic, but more relieved. I no longer was forced to keep thinking about when to do it. It felt like a dream.

About the second time I was hanging out at her house, we shared our first kiss. It was mine as well as hers. I played a song for her on the guitar, and I even sang. If there's one thing I never do, it's sing. But around her, I felt like I could be myself. It was amazing.

She drew a picture for me of two wolves who had met in the forest, eying each other curiously. (This is something I forgot to mention earlier; I was her first boyfriend. She was my third girlfriend, but the only one I ever told I'd loved.) To this day, I still have that picture hanging up in my room.

So, about two or three days before her 15th birthday, on June 12th, 2010, she made a phone call and stated that she wasn't comfortable having a boyfriend. I told her I'd been expecting this, as she had shut herself off from me for a few weeks prior.

This is what happened the night before.

She sent me an email saying "I'm still here, but I need to talk to you, I'll call you tomorrow."

I was frightened. I replied "It's not bad, is it?"

Anyways, some point later that night, the song "Hush, little baby, don't say a word" popped in my head. It was so strong and soothing and the opposite of what I was feeling. I broke down in tears and cried myself to sleep, as I did every night for a year after that.

Just recently, I had a dream about her. It was about her getting married. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. I don't like to talk about this dream, but I have to. She had kids with this guy and I visited them at their house. Of course, in this dream, we were older. I woke up crying.

What the dream meant to me was that I'd thought I'd gotten over her, but apparently not. And also, it made sense because I realized I really haven't gotten over her.

I couldn't handle this. Just the other day I asked her if she would ever consider to ever go back out with me, and she shrugged her shoulders and said "I don't know."

Now I'm here, hoping you'll have something to say. I really need help. I understand that this is not a relationship advice forum, but I just need to get this out.

Please help me.

I miss her.

-Don

Of all people to not be afraid of the presence and voices, me?

It wasn't panic-y at all. I was drifting off, and as I held myself in this state I began hearing very low, slow-motion sounding voices. I couldn't understand what they were saying. I heard a lot of hypnogogic things, too.

Normally, all of this would scare me... but I felt safe for some reason. I do always pray before I go to bed, so that was probably it.

What do you think?

-Don

This was, without a doubt, an astral projection experience. I was in a world strikingly similar to this one, but more, how do I put this? Medieval looking? Everything was like a castle. I don't know why. My house (which I was in the backyard of) had castle - like traits, such as a big, round, pointy tower. Anyways, I remember being told by a female, who had long, dark hair, and a few freckles, that I "was not aware enough to understand what's happening, because I've been too tired and sick lately."

Both of those are true. After this experience, I began to drift back into dreamless sleep.

I woke up, and two days later am writing this.

I also have a question... I have a friend, who is also interested in astral projection. He claims that as a young boy, a spirit appeared to him matching the description of my guide.

He claims to be able to sense and interact with this spirit at times.

What are your thoughts on this?

Thanks,

-Don

Okay... So. I'm a bit confused, as I'm convinced that this dream meant something. I was at a "touristy" part of Egypt, and was observing the pyramids. I went up to the top of the pyramid, by flying. You know how on the dollar bill there's the eye at the top? Well it was like this... but there were 3. They formed a triangle... And the bottom left and top ones seemed just like normal eyes. However, the bottom right one was very weird... It was like an alien eye.. it was all black and glossy. I don't know why. For some reason, my hand reached up to touch the odd eye, and as I got closer, I began to hear a buildup of what seemed to be chants... in a foreign language. I remember hearing the word "Christ", too.

I don't know what to make of this. Could it mean that to win some, you must lose some? By which I mean, I have to close one eye to open another?

I was also thinking, the bottom two represent good and evil, and the top one represents the third eye, and good, which conquers over evil?

Thanks for reading,

-Don

They were rather dull, however... Perhaps one was an astral awareness experience? idk. Anyways, I've gotten in the habit of pinching myself whenever something feels even remotely off. I attended a concert last night, and I pinched there, because I couldn't believe I was seeing MCR.

Anyways, that's about all I have for now.

What are your thoughts on this?

Thanks,

-Don

I just woke up from my second lucid dream of the night / morning. The first one was,  well.. It was  boring. I got to the point of trying to stay aware that I woke up. But the second one was amazing. I was flying over my ex - girlfriend's house, and I landed and said "Hi" to her sister. She was amazed at my flying skills. I told her to come fly with me, and then we both jumped about one hundred feet in the air, and then I woke up.

I love my brain.

-Don

It's always listening to you. It's ready to tug at your heart when you least expect it. People say to forget the past, and to move on. Meanwhile, time goes by while you contemplate the potential downfalls of letting things go. The past made you who you are. If one simply forgets it and moves on, and hops aboard the steadily moving life train, there will always be the subconscious urge to return to your special place, the one where you fit in, and belong. The place where you felt loved, and loved others. If you're a black and white thinker (such as myself), moderation is more than likely out of the question. The thing is, though, will pessimism be left behind as well? Does one always only carry their bad parts in order to remain the concept of "human"?

These are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, which I feel can fit well in this post.

Seems like, you're hanging on to the past too long...

She's gone, time to move on, life is passing you by...

Close your eyes, say goodnight, it's time to say goodbye...

To, you.

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Every time I hear that part of the song I remember my past and nearly break down crying.

Not that my past was bad, just that it was better than life now.

That's all I have for now.

-Don

It soothes me for some reason.

I've attempted to recreate the sound with synthesizers... I have a link to the mp3 here:

http://www.box.net/shared/xdmspr58raj632mml7fu

Tell me what you think this could be.

Thanks,

-Don

So... for some reason, for the last week or so, my left knee has been tensing up and dislocating itself. I wouldn't call it it painful, but it is definitely very unpleasant. The feeling of my kneecap being out of place is so strong that it follows me into wakefulness. It lasts for about 2 minutes after awakening, and it is highly unpleasant. Here comes the weird part : If this is happening to me, and It happens as I'm waking up, why can't I do it after I've awoken? I've never been able to tense up my knee muscles. I can still feel how the muscles have stretched and worked while I slept. Why could this be happening?

Thanks,

-Don

P.s - I don't know if it really slides out of place, but in my dream I can see my knee all mangled underneath the skin. All I know is that it's really really weird feeling.

I was aware that I was dreaming, yet things were different. It didn't feel like a dream... I tried calling out "MORE CLARITY PLEASE" or "More clarity NOW", but to no avail. In my dream (or whatever), I first became aware when I was moon-jumping in my living room. The weird part was, it seemed just like my normal living room. We actually call it the family room, but w/e. The main downstairs room with the tv in it. It wasn't dreamlike at all. It was just my normal, standard family room. The tv was off and the eyeball lights (at least thats what I call em, cuz they're in the ceiling and look like they have eyelids, cuz of the shades that angle the light at the fireplace) were on. I went through the back door, or at least tried to. It was quite difficult and awkward. This was the point when I tried calling "MORE CLARITY (please / now)". I saw the moon and then everything started swirling and I was back in my bed. During this, I had a moderate sense of every emotion, including fear. I conquered it easily by thinking of good things. This dream was really, really weird in the sense that it was so quiet and dark, and everything wasn't different than it is in real life. Again, everything in the house was the same.

....Now that I think of it, I can remember something. I got up out of bed and went downstairs. I forget how. But then I remember moon-jumping. It woke me up a little, and then I was semi-lucid. I don't know what this was. It was very tiring, though.

What do you think if this?

Thanks,

-Don

I don't know if any of you are as equally affected by certain smells as I am. Some scents (such as that of method hand soap) invoke strong emotions within me. I can smell something and get lost in it's "story" - By which I mean the reason why I enjoy it. Scents have always had that subliminal meaning, because my subconscious would pick up on them, and once re-introduced to them in the future, will lay a temporary canvas over me in which I can feel, see, and hear everything that was going on at that time. Some of these scents include:

TAG body spray - .... I used to wear it occasionally in the 6th grade, and therefore it reminds me of the dances our school would have.

Calvin Klein Euphoria - Reminds me of the first time I went to see the trans siberian orchestra, because I was wearing it. (btw, these examples are not meant to advertise.)

Swimming pools : Because I spent most of my childhood swimming.

That smell after it rains in the spring: Because I got my first video game system (Sega dreamcast) in the spring, and I am now a gamer. sorta. lol.

The smell of winter that smells almost like burning leaves, but not quite. I had depression once and once I began recovering, it was winter time. Thus, winter time makes me feel the "sad" kind of happy.

My Grandfather's old coat, because he has passed, but I can still feel him when I smell smokey clothes and speed stick.

The inside of my dad's car, because I used to take that car to and from my favorite aquarium store, which has unfortunately closed down.

And, last but not least, the smell of a stove which has just been lit, so the fresh propane makes that one smell that reminds me of my best friend's house.

Smells and sounds always did a lot with me. In my mind, beauty is actually in the ear of the beholder.

I was always moved by music. It has always been a part of me. I hear it, I write it, I love it, others love it, I feel good spreading the love.

Some certain songs also play a major role in my life...

Dire dire docks from super mario 64, because it's just peaceful.

(this next one's a little different for a rock-lover like me) Beautiful girls / stand by me, because it was the first time I'd heard that chord progression.

Nearer my God to thee: from the sinking scene in titanic

That's all I have for now i g2g do some stuff reply with whatevers...

-Don

Okay, so as many of you may know, I've been trying to project for about a year now. I have been having a thought about when I was young, after my brief period of hundreds of lucid dreams had ceased, I was drawn, as if by instinct, to a higher, more complex practice. I don't know if this was the act of projection or not. I told myself that I would lay absolutely still and focus on awareness for as long as possible. I failed a few times. I vaguely remember buzzing feelings. More recently, I've discovered something. I have this really, really high pitched ringing in my ears (or my mind's ears?) that I can focus on. It drowns out everything else for a short period of time. With practice, I've been able to extend this period of silence to about one-and-a-half seconds. I was wondering what this ringing could be? It seems not so much like a ringing, but rather a frequency. It's been with me since I was born, and other people can't seem to understand what I'm talking about when I attempt to explain it.

What do you think about this?

-Don

I was falling asleep, and telling myself that everything from here on out would be a dream. After the hypnogogic sounds passed, I found myself in one of those short, flickery dreams. I knew it was a dream. I couldn't though, for some reason, obtain lucidity. I tried to. I couldn't. I'm hoping to have more success tonight.

Why couldn't I become lucid? Was I just so tired?

-Don

I was dreaming last night of going to the other side of my state (Illinois). I live in Chicago and had to go to Moline. Anyways, I got a helicopter lift there. After checking 5 wrong houses to find my friend, I ended up just walking into the 6th one and exploring. I could tell where people were throughout the house because I saw name-tags (like in the game minecraft) through the walls. I also noticed that each house had a similar layout, and each house had a fire going in a fireplace. Fire, in this particular dream, seemed different than real fire. It didn't have a source, and it just stayed in a pre-defined area. As I was exploring the house, I met my friend Brittany there. I thought nothing of this. I then met my friend Jessie there, and I knew something was up. I proceeded to attempt to push my finger through my hand, but then remembered that that doesn't work for me. So, I began pinching myself, and sure enough, I was lucid. For some reason, I couldn't do much of anything in this state. I think it was because I was far away from home in my dream. I don't know. But it was cool.

What are your thoughts on this experience?

Thanks,

-Don

Hello, all. I would like to thank you all for your help in the past. I would like everyone here to know that I am nearing the end of writing the first chapter of my book. I know, I know. I may not seem as much of a writer to you than I actually am. But I feel like this is going to turn out well... If you want, I'll post the first chapter once it is completed, and then perhaps you can help me decide a title.. Yes, I started the book without a title. I have a few ideas, but none too prominent.

I ask for only constructive criticism on this post, please.

-Don

P.s - Yes, the book will be free. And yes, it will involve mind / brain power, as to relate to this forum.

I have quite a few things on my mind. A few nights ago, I awoke in a slow haze. I had that buzzing feeling that you get when your foot falls asleep, but it was everywhere. Mainly in my chest. Could this be related to my heart chakra?._.

I've also been telling people about lucid dreaming IN MY DREAMS. It was weird. I've been experimenting a lot with my sleep patterns, and seem to be making progress.

Thoughts?

I'm going to go lay down now... so I may not reply for a while. Not feeling so good.

-Don N

So last night, as I was falling asleep, I clicked out of consciousness for maybe a half second, and then woke up. I can't remember if I could move or not, because I didn't try to. I felt COMPLETELY WEIGHTLESS. I felt intense euphoria, as well. I felt very content. It was amazing. I enjoyed it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds before I fell asleep. This happened twice last night. There were no vibrations that I can recall. I just remember the pure weightlessness, and how awesome it was.

Thoughts?

-Don

P.s - I thought to myself, "Don't get too excited", and I immediately calmed down and was able to continue enjoying the experience.

I mean... preset-wise. Acquiring the application is of no concern, but I'm in need of a good, calming (and preferably not creepy sounding) preset for projection. Also, how loud (or quiet) should I play the tones (through my headphones, that is.)?

And also... I heard something about how they work better if you try to control the tones? What's that all about?

Why, world.... Life is but an unforgiving, long-forgotten dream... And you can row your boat until your heart's content, because no one will be waiting farther down stream...

Guys, I need help... I'm a very confused and depressed teenager... And my parents are not understanding me properly, and I cry every day... Things just suck!

Does anyone know of places I can buy sound proofing stuff? I need to lock myself up for a while where I can't here anybody's (excuse me) bitching. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm complaining.. but... I don't want this to go on... Just.... ahhhh

I sometimes wish I were in a coma.

What if everything you knew never existed? What if all we really are is just dust in the wind? Dammit, I don't know what I'm talking about... Not even sure if I want to post this, but here goes...

Okay, so many of you are not going to believe this, but... I induced vibrations with my eyes open. I was exhausted all day, and finally lied down in my basement. My basement is not finished, but I had a bed down there. Anyways, I looked straight up at the wooden beams that support the living room floor, and suddenly it occurred to me that this was the exact replica of looking at a bunch of shelves... This induced a LOT of vertigo, tingling, mild vibrations, floating feelings, and some disorientation. before this I listened to about twenty minutes of a binaural beat made for astral projection, but instead of focusing on the sound, because sometimes the sound gets creepy, I sang (in my head) the (excuse my language) "Pisswasser" song from GTA 4. It helped take my mind off of my surroundings, and I had something to focus on while the beats did their work. I later passed out, like I said, I was exhausted all day from mowing my Grandmother's lawn. I would appreciate some input... I find the basement to be my "sweet spot" to induce strange feelings, and there are quite a few things on the ceiling as I lay down to make into a "focus point".

-Don

Remember how I heard that awesome music as I was falling asleep? Well I took what I remembered at built a song out of it... I'll have the link to it up shortly. Is anyone interested in hearing it?

I can't stand life anymore.... I need to be able to have some sort of experience that shows me I'm still loved somewhere, but anything I get has to do with money and how much my parents love to not listen to me and blame things on me... I wrote this thing earlier... Sums it up pretty well.

Reaching

Every time I've gave and didn't recieve. Every word I've spoken held against me. Every action taken misunderstood. Every where there's someone or something trying to manipulate what I say or do to fit their ideals. Every thing just goes around in an endless loop of constant surveillance, monitoring, and distrust. Every time I am concerned for my own well being rather than others, I am scorned. I didn't do something perfectly, I am given the cold shoulder. I try to get help, they deny it and say I'm "fine". I'm just reaching for "another excuse". What do I need an excuse from if I don't know what stress is? I've never been under stress, and therefore can never comprehend it. Every thing I care for is just a shallow, simple-minded concept. I'm not allowed to learn what I want to learn, only what is recommended. Nobody would ever dare to take the time out of their precious life (that I support them having) to support one of my interests. No one ever listens for anything they don't want to hear. Everyone creates their scenario of what they think happened and never bothers to listen to the truth. It's always denial, denial, denial. They claim that I need to "grow up" and "move on". Do these things not involve searching for and understanding the truth? I try to explain the truth and it is rejected without second thoughts. They're always right, and I'm always wrong. There's always a policy or exception or rule that contradicts what I have to say. I am a speaker of the truth. No matter how much anyone wants to deny it. It is a futile effort, as no one is willing to change their corrupted views and ways. Their efforts to spread lies and invade privacy are always supported by greedy people who care for nothing except money and instant personal gratification.



I freaking can't take it anymore... What am I if I'm too cowardly to show my parents who I really am?! This is ticking me off big time.... I'm trying to hold back swears. Anyways, I started to hallucinate yesterday at school, and of course, my mom thought I was making up an excuse to get out of "stress". But, according to her, I don't know what stress is, I'm just lazy. God forbid I dare ever be concerned about myself rather than everyone else.... Who are rarely concerned about me. I'm about to invent a time machine so I can be 18 and move out, without them having a say in it...