This goes back over the day i had first then leads into it. November 1st 2011, today was my preliminary hearing for the court martial coming up in December sometime. I was the victim of a rape and was now forced to sit in a room in front of 5 high ranking officers a high ranking Sgt, myself, and my offender... Afraid before i even entered i was getting myself worked up... so worked up. I couldn't stop shaking, I burst out into tears as i answered the questioned they asked me, not wanting to relive those moments ever again. My tears turned to weeping and then heavy sobbing, the Col asked me if i had ever given promission, in a high pitch eratic voice i said NEVER! still crying.
After this was all done, after having to stair this man in the face knowing he did what he did to me.. I was so existed.. i feel empty, my heart hurt, my body was sore. Everything was gray ( not literally ) I went to my bfs house and laid on the couch with him. He pulled the futon out into a bed. But i couldn't sleep. I was so worked up still. Finally i got up and i went to his bed, at about 2 am i finally closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I was dreaming of being in the forest. I was watching a toad... ( was a fox ) as i am in allot of my dreams. I pounced on the unsuspecting toad and had a good laugh as it ran. Suddenly i heard someone calling i think they were saying hello.... It pulled me, out of my body. I was in the living room, looking over my bf laying on the futon. there was a figure standing next to his head. It was a man clearly, but i could not make out what he looked like. He seemed lost, unhappy, maybe regret. He leaned down over my Boy Friend and looked at him a moment. He turned and looked at me. He wanted me to pass on a message... When he spoke, i knew who he was. It was His father. A man I never knew and never will get the chance to in the land of the living. he said " Tell my son I miss him and i miss my family" To tell him he was sorry, i don't know for what though, And to tell Eddie that he loved him.
As the man turned to leave the room I quickly and aggressively grabbed on to him begging him to wait. He stopped and turned to look at me.. His voice was so smooth when he spoke to me. I felt compelled. There had to be something more... He was this mans father... so i said " You... why don't you tell him..." the man looked at me with confusions and almost sadness. He looked over at his son and knelt down next to the bed. I did everything i could to wake him.. but all he did was open his Astral eyes, looked at me a moment... and then lost consciousness again..
His father just whispered in his ear that he loved him. With that he was gone... I woke myself up as quickly as i could to recall what had happened. It was only 0420. I ran to my laptop and i wrote it down.
When he woke up i told him what had happened... i described his personality and his voice. he just bowed his head and nodded. I really think it was something he needed to hear... " my father was never good at emotions..."
Ive been thinking of it ever since.
After this was all done, after having to stair this man in the face knowing he did what he did to me.. I was so existed.. i feel empty, my heart hurt, my body was sore. Everything was gray ( not literally ) I went to my bfs house and laid on the couch with him. He pulled the futon out into a bed. But i couldn't sleep. I was so worked up still. Finally i got up and i went to his bed, at about 2 am i finally closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I was dreaming of being in the forest. I was watching a toad... ( was a fox ) as i am in allot of my dreams. I pounced on the unsuspecting toad and had a good laugh as it ran. Suddenly i heard someone calling i think they were saying hello.... It pulled me, out of my body. I was in the living room, looking over my bf laying on the futon. there was a figure standing next to his head. It was a man clearly, but i could not make out what he looked like. He seemed lost, unhappy, maybe regret. He leaned down over my Boy Friend and looked at him a moment. He turned and looked at me. He wanted me to pass on a message... When he spoke, i knew who he was. It was His father. A man I never knew and never will get the chance to in the land of the living. he said " Tell my son I miss him and i miss my family" To tell him he was sorry, i don't know for what though, And to tell Eddie that he loved him.
As the man turned to leave the room I quickly and aggressively grabbed on to him begging him to wait. He stopped and turned to look at me.. His voice was so smooth when he spoke to me. I felt compelled. There had to be something more... He was this mans father... so i said " You... why don't you tell him..." the man looked at me with confusions and almost sadness. He looked over at his son and knelt down next to the bed. I did everything i could to wake him.. but all he did was open his Astral eyes, looked at me a moment... and then lost consciousness again..
His father just whispered in his ear that he loved him. With that he was gone... I woke myself up as quickly as i could to recall what had happened. It was only 0420. I ran to my laptop and i wrote it down.
When he woke up i told him what had happened... i described his personality and his voice. he just bowed his head and nodded. I really think it was something he needed to hear... " my father was never good at emotions..."
Ive been thinking of it ever since.