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I had this thought while I was out running 30 minutes. How do you get angry at will? I figured that I would be able to run much better if I was angry.

The thing is that I am not a very angry person. Or said in another way I do not get angry in situations where normal people will get angry and that alone is annoying for me. I am a very "closed" person. If somebody does something to me I never yell back at them or hit stuff or anything. I usually blame myself of what is happening and I try as hard as possible to find some sort of logic to what has just happened. It ends up in despair most of the time. I even felt it now when I was out running. I felt pain but I knew that my body was capable of keeping running and perhaps even faster! But for some reason I stopped and had to catch my breath again. I got so annoyed with myself for not being able to run on but that did not make me angry, it just made me frustrated. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't.

How do I turn this constant chatter of "control" and "self blaming" that's going on in my head OFF? I must say that it feels like I am choking especially now when I am aware of it. I am tired of being so endlessly passive and not being able to feel the realize of rage. It is ages since I have really cried or screamed or destroyed something out of fury.

How do I get angry?

Well, I was wondering about something. Something actually very basic. Something that is commonly talked about - "Who you are".

My theory is that we are all schizo. That we are actually many personalities in one single body.  I constantly hear about how we all put up masks all the time. How we take different roles and how we in the end are not acting like our true selves. So I thought "who is your true self"? Are we in the end not just a massive collection of masks? Is there really anything behind the masks?

I will use myself as an example.
I have a mask for when I am in school and together with my friends there I am usually very witty and light spirited and I am the one telling every body not to worry so much about life and just take it easy. That is me when I am together with people. Then there is the "me" when I am alone. I can get very negative and depressed when I am alone. I think alot when I am alone but it never makes me happy in any way. Then there is the me when I "do things". That "me" does not think very much ahead because if I did, I would not get anything done – that is my experience.
I find that different situations call our different personalities in me  

But who is the true me behind all these different "Is"? Which is the main personality? Is there really anything behind the masks?

So here I am, once again, wondering about something.

I can see that most people here are into the "spirituality thing" and from my point of view spirituality is great...... if it is a choice.
My thoughts go in the direction of thinking that many of you simply ended up here (not in this forum in particular but in this way of thinking) because that you were unable to function in a normal society and be successful there. That you were forced to go this way because you couldn't fit in anywhere ells. Does this ring true for some?

That would at least take some of the glamour of "I skipped society because I find spirituality to be more true" when in fact it was you that were skipped by society.

If you think about it would you then have chosen spirituality if you where happy and satisfied in the normal society?

If spirituality is chosen based on one being unhappy and unsuccessful where one was, are the spiritual people not in fact just the outcasts from somewhere? And if so are they not in some way trying to glorify their weakness and inability by saying that this is a HIGHER PURPOSE when they in fact have no idea of what being successful in society would offer them?

How many here have honestly chosen to be here by will and not by need?

I came to think about this as my father told me that he never wanted to be a rich moron because rich people are simply evil...... He talked on about his theory for this when I suddenly realized that he had no choice of being rich..... because he simply lacks the skills it takes to build up firm e.g. and then not to seem defeated he said that this is his choice – not being rich that is. He can't say that because he had never had the option of being rich and very successful otherwise I am sure he would have taken it!

Any comments?

Just stumbled upon this link. damn..... He "reads" my mind every time lol!

http://www.sithsense.com/flash.htm

[skipped]

Now I have finally bought Robert's books "Astral Dynamics" and "Mastering Astral Projection" (which I will not read until I finish AD)  and I have come to the "NEW" part. I have tried NEW before but I stopped almost before I really begun. The problem is that I experience difficulties with the very first and basic exercises.

I simply cannot feel much of my body. When I try to feel my hand it goes just fine. But when I try to track a path up my arm this "feeling" of my arm just disappears and I feel nothing. That is have a really invalidating effect on me as I try and try over and over again to feel my arm. I even did something I usually don't do, I skipped and tried to "feel" my corpus instead. But I couldn't !!!!! Just like last time I tried NEW. I can feel my hand and feet but not really anything ells.

I really need to able to do this before i progress. I want this to work!! I really do but I get so insanely frustrated when it won't work.

Is my energy body broken or something?

What can I do that would help?

I feel ten times lighter now. I have finished those damn agonizing exams and now I will taste the delightful taste of my complete and restriction-less unlimited freedom. I have no where I have to go. No things that I have to do, no duties not anything, just 1½ month of total freedom. It is an awesome feeling; I didn't know that the air would actually smell sweeter now that I have no obstacles in front of me. It is great!!

Now I can totally focus my attention on matters that I find interesting, and not feel guilty about it because that I am mend to do homework

Well I need your help on one of my projects; I am going to faste for 14 days! That is at least what I am planning and therefore I need to get a diet that won't kill me but in stead have all the nutrients my body supposedly needs.
It was Souljah333 that recommended me to do it and now that knightlight also seems to have done it without dying I think it must be my turn then

I have found this recipe for some wicked drink that should keep me alive through the whole thing
Here it goes :

keep seeing all these different figures for making the lemonade in bulk and I have no idea where folks are getting their figures from or if maybe they're just very bad at math ;+D. Below is the "correct" amounts for making bulk quantities of the lemonade.

To make 30 oz or approx 1 quart (32 oz) 3 drinks

24 oz water

3oz lemon Juice

3oz maple syrup

3/10ths tsp cayenne


For 60 oz approx half gallon(64oz) - 6 drinks - Multiply quart recipie x2

For 120 oz approx 1 gallon (128 oz) = 12 drinks - Multiply quart recipie x4

I have to get those oz translated to good old universal litres and millilitres but besides of that what do you think of it? Does it miss anything? Will that be enough? How much should I drink and how often.

Is there something I should be prepared for? Any good advices etc etc?

This is just a thought that occurred to me. It is said that you reincarnate here on earth, i don't know how many times (i haven't counted them yet sorry ) then it is also said that you can talk to deceased people in the astral.

so my question is, can you meet everybody that dies in the astral afterwards?

and people who die, do they reincarnate? if yes, then you can't meet "them" in the astral.... or can you?

i was just wondering (as always) because I seem to notice that everybody can talk to deceased relatives via mediums or whatever. well, do relatives not reincarnate or what ?

i have at least come to doubt the thing about reincarnation as you seem to be able to meet all your old friends and familymembers in the astral. you would not be able to do that if they have reincarnated here on earth..... or what?

then, if i have lived before, that means that i must have died before also (whoa guess that is the ultimate in terms of logics huh?), could i have a astral copy of my previous self floating around in the astral... or at least some thing containing the essence of my previous self?


Yes people, throw in your cents

Well, this is very simple. I am seeing that number everywhere. Mostly on clocks. I somehow manage to look at the clock when it is EXACTLY 19:11 and I have done that many times. It is never 19:10 or 19:12 but always 19:11. I also download a crack for a game (don't tell anyone ) and then I looked at the group that created it.... Razor 1911. that did it!
It is really starting to freak me out. I have never really believed in symbols, but I am seeing this number over and over again, too many times for it just to be coincidental.

What could it mean?



Ps. I have not seen the 19:11 number for about a week now. But I am still seeing the number 11 often.

I have been doing some reading about energy work, and I have even tried to practice it myself. I used NEW and I felt the tingling and so on that is to be expected with it. But then I stopped and thought for a moment. What is it that energy work supposed to do you? Is it supposed to make you happier or stronger or smarter?

I have tried to understand chakras and how they are connected to the different kinds of feelings of a human being. I then read that if you are hurt emotionally – ex. if your girl- or boyfriends breaks up with you, then it can affect you hearth chakra. Well that sounds logical. Then a closed down hearth chakra is the indication of that you feel bad but not the cause of it (very important).....
Let me put it in another way. You life is not caused by you chakras, you chakras are caused by life and by affecting your life you affect your chakras and NOT the other way around. Please comment.

Is it just me or do you people (sorry for generalizing) think that doing energy work will make you happier in life? I would have loved to weave that question a bit around so it wouldn't seem so direct and childish but that was my core-thought.
Are you people who are doing energy work unhappy for some reason? And is it not true that people that have never ever done energy work or heard about it can actually have much much higher energy levels than people that have done it for years?
Is it then not just an illusion that energy work will do anything for you but make you tingle a bit? Should the "real" energy not be used to correct the physical problems in stead of manipulating energy?

I can give an example. Yesterday I went to my Danish test-exam where I had to write an essay. I had been very nervous for that exam many days before, and that of course made me feel bad. So by some sort of reflex-thought I began doing some energy work. Then I stopped and realized that it was not going to help anything – the only thing that would help was going to that exam and finishing it. The reason I felt bad was because I doubted in my abilities to analyze a text and find the message of it.
When I had finished my exam I felt greater than I had felt and there was no energy work involved!

Can some of you relate to that?

Do you do energy work in order to overcome problems in your life? Or do you at least think that energy work will easy your lives?
In the end is energy raising not just caused by fear and doubt in one self? "oh I must do more energy work or I will have low energy – perhaps even lover than others' and that will in the end make me less of a human than them!!"
Can we call it a more accepted quest for power (and perhaps even more extended as you will take it with you when you die) do you think that it will make you more powerful in the afterlife?

Please prove me wrong.....

[Right hand]

Hi there. I have always wanted to have my hands read. But I never knew where to go. So I guess I will try here.
If anyone is interested then click the links below

Right hand: http://img7.echo.cx/img7/2254/cimg16736sb.jpg
Left hand: http://img7.echo.cx/img7/8824/cimg16752hn.jpg

Right hand closeup: http://img177.echo.cx/img177/3549/cimg16868pz.jpg
Left hand closeup: http://img187.echo.cx/img187/9892/cimg16870gm.jpg

Well go ahead. Tell me what you see  

ps. I am right handed.

Seeker of Matter



Joined: 23 Dec 2004
Posts: 5
Location: Denmark
   
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 11:05 pm    Post subject:  How to do something without a reason?    Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post
Sometimes I reflect on things that I have accomplished. I read through some of the essays I have written I school and I think for my self "hmm, you have got good point in that essay - bravo".

I also remember the times in gym where I have totally over performed in terms of strength and endurance and once again I think "hey you did very well"

But now as I think about it. I am pretty sure that it was not me who did it. But the expectation of others - the fear of failure that pushed me through - like I was only a lifeless cadaver a sort an excuse for the actions of others.

That thought did not please me. so I wanted to see I would be able to do something totally without motivation -totally without pressure from others - something that I in no way HAD to do.


Firstly I noticed that it is actually really hard to find something you can do that has no meaning at all. Mysteriously I could always find some sort of meaning in the actions I intended to do.
I thought about exercise. That is something I have NEVER been into. The only times have been in school where I was forced to run in order not to fall behind of the others - the group mentality I guess. But as I prepared to run I found that I simply could not drag my body outside. I was greatly shocked to find that I lacked such a huge amount of will that I was unable to run.

A couple of days later I thought that I wanted to read in my biology book from last year - I did not have that class anymore so I did not HAVE TO read it. I started reading but I gave up as the text was getting pretty advanced and I was unable to understand it. Normally I would have forced myself to read it more thoroughly but now as I had no need to - I didn't.

I attempted to do other "things" without any outside motivation except the one in my self. And the results where as above - either I could not do it or I would do it very sloppily.

I was wondering if this applies to other people? (yes you can wake up now hehe)
How do we motivate ourselves without anybody's help?
Or is this perhaps something that I just have to accept. Topics that I do not find interesting (natural motivation?) are not meant to be understood by me? Is this what happens when you try to move away from your destiny?

Last edited by Seeker of Matter on Tue May 17, 2005 11:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Scorpyn



Joined: 18 Apr 2005
Posts: 83
Location: Sweden
   
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 11:27 pm    Post subject:  Re: How to do something without a reason?    Reply with quote
Seeker of Matter wrote:
(yes you can wake up now hehe)

Doh, I was just about to go to sleep Shocked

First of all, when you go to school you are not deciding what to do yourself, you're told what to do.

If you consider what you're told to do to be important (as usually is the case about school), then it's fairly easy to get motivated enough.

If you decide for yourself that "I should exercise", or "I should read a bit in this book", then you're not specific enough and you don't actually give yourself a reason to do it.

If you want to really accomplish something, set goals for yourself and follow those goals. In the beginning it might be very difficult, but if you don't set unrealistic or simply boring and stupid goals it should be doable.

This has nothing to do with moving away from your destiny, in fact I'd rather say that it's probably part of your destiny to learn to do things without people telling you to do it. You'll have to learn it sooner or later anyway Wink
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CaCoDeMoN



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PostPosted: Yesterday at 8:05 am    Post subject:      Reply with quote
Quote:

I was wondering if this applies to other people? (yes you can wake up now hehe)

No. How boring the world would be if everything we do we would do because of expectations of others and fear? I am creating a computer game not for money or to show how good at programming I am, but only for fun. I think that your problem is that you never learned to do things just because you want to, without external motivation. This is the problem schools are frequently creating, but can be fixed with a bit of strong will.
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AstralSailor



Joined: 05 Feb 2005
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PostPosted: Yesterday at 11:55 am    Post subject:      Reply with quote
CaCoDeMoN wrote:
Quote:

I was wondering if this applies to other people? (yes you can wake up now hehe)

No. How boring the world would be if everything we do we would do because of expectations of others and fear? I am creating a computer game not for money or to show how good at programming I am, but only for fun. I think that your problem is that you never learned to do things just because you want to, without external motivation. This is the problem schools are frequently creating, but can be fixed with a bit of strong will.


Yes that's true Smile
Many schools does not give the will to the kids or show them in any form how fun it can be to do thing just for the cause of fun. They simply tell them this is good for you we know that and no matter how boring it might seem.. If you hold on you will grow up and get a good job become rich and that's good. I may exaggerate a little but this is much of the case i think.
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Souljah333



Joined: 22 Jan 2005
Posts: 101
Location: Far(south)East
   
PostPosted: Yesterday at 3:32 pm    Post subject: icon_impressed     Reply with quote
Dear Seeker: That might be the most profound and insightful thing I've ever read in this forum...YES I believe it is!!!

I was reading something not that long about "deprogramming" yourself. It was pretty basic...laugh when you're "suppose" to cry/cry when you're "suppose" to laugh, etc...till you hack in! I think you've tapped into something that is stellar, but most won't look at it. It's too close to screwing with their belief system, and who they "think" they are. People get freaked out when they realize they're nothing more than PUPPETS. Wink That's something that really turns me on about the "Viva La Bam" boys...that they do crazy excrement that's pointless. It's so refreshing! If I ever have kids...I want them to be just like that! It's amazing to me how truly unmotivated I am in my own company...I think it has something to do with taking a breather from all the BS. It's bizarre how different my function becomes when I'm alone, and then someone enters the room.
Do you ever feel like you're on television? Like some kind of residue from that "expectation" thing?!? How you can motivate yourself by pretending that you're in others company???
I catch myself doing that all the time, and it's spooky.

Let me know of your progress...oh Wise One (seriously)
333
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One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
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CaCoDeMoN



Joined: 22 Jan 2004
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PostPosted: Yesterday at 4:32 pm    Post subject:      Reply with quote
Quote:

Do you ever feel like you're on television? Like some kind of residue from that "expectation" thing?!? How you can motivate yourself by pretending that you're in others company???
I catch myself doing that all the time, and it's spooky.

Yes. Maybe living motivated only by your own expectations is the true way to happiness? Once I've started meditating on who I was and I found out that I don't really want to be computer programmer, nearly all my goals changed too. And I am much happier with who I am now. The change was even more drastic in my friend, he thought that he wants to be computer programmer too, but discovered that he would not be happy with that job, and wants to write book reviews after he finishes his education.
Living to fulfill the ambitions of others is not funny at all.
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Seeker of Matter



Joined: 23 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Yesterday at 5:25 pm    Post subject:      Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post
Hey thanks the replies, it is great to see the activity in here - gets the job done Wink

Okay - this will be my first try with the quotes so don't laugh!!

Quote:
This is the problem schools are frequently creating, but can be fixed with a bit of strong will.


I totally agree. a bit of strong will is all I need. but where are you supposed to find that will. I personally cannot make myself want something. as much as I try to focus on task and say for my self "I WANT TO DO THAT!!" it just does not light the spark.

I also think I am a bit confused of the concepts of will and desire. I remember as a young child when I desired something. a new toy or to go and see those great big aquariums with sharks that were fed and so on. I can remember how I felt - and it was a very strong feeling - I really wanted to have/do those things. but it is as if I have grown numb to the excitement as the years have passed and that is simply put annoying!

is will an induced desire then :S ? or is it something more pure, and is desire then impure? hmmm

I cannot stop having the thought about the afterlife - the life in the astral ( I have never AP'ed so I am only writing from what I have read) you are not supposed to have any sort of need there - not like in the physical like hunger and thirst. I wonder if I would just go and disappear like a blown out candle as I am unlikely to do anything I do not need to do. and if you do not have any needs in the astral.... I guess I am pretty f to the ucked...

Quote:
How you can motivate yourself by pretending that you're in others company???
I catch myself doing that all the time, and it's spooky.


I have sometimes done that. but I find it to be some sort of a hologram of the "evil" I am trying to escape in the first place.

But now as I think about it I guess that I would be rather powerful if I somehow was able stimulate myself into wanting something with the utmost intensity. I could accomplish much. But it is as if it is already programmed into me what I want and what I don't. is this like trying to fly without wings?

Why can I just not jump three times and say a magic word?
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Souljah333



Joined: 22 Jan 2005
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PostPosted: Today at 12:52 am    Post subject: icon_fight     Reply with quote
apathy!
do you ever remember scream and crying and falling down in a fit of rage in any public place...just because you were so adamant on getting what you wanted?!? working it for all it was worth. i can't remember what that was like. where that passion went. there is something to older beliefs...Hinduism, Buddhism, etc...that see "desire" as something bad/weak. and will is very important for fighting this. have you ever fasted? that could be something you do that doesn't involve doing anything. Wink but it does utilize will. will to do nothing. i think that's where a lot of the mystic head of towards. i guess if you can first master doing nothing (or more appropriately NOT REACTING) then it might be easier to steer around the manipulation of expectations. (expectations are also something that Hindus and Buddhist let go of as the believe they do nothing but hinder performance) (a lot people think it's just about letting go of possession...but it's about letting go of everything).

GypsyWanderer mentioned something about Dennis Wier and his TRANCE research (i think he actually got in contact with him for a consultation, but the forum was shut down so i haven't heard about it yet).
You should definitely take a look at the site, because it talks about how we're all in a trance all the time, and how to break the zombie state. http://www.trance.edu/

Quote:
But now as I think about it I guess that I would be rather powerful if I somehow was able stimulate myself into wanting something with the utmost intensity. I could accomplish much.
WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS HIGH MAGIC! INTENTIONS! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. YOU HAVE ALREADY OPENED YOUR MIND TO SOMETHING VERY POWERFUL. I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF YOU REALIZE WHAT PATH IT IS YOU'RE ON?!? IT TAKES A VERY CLEAR MIND TO CONSIDER THESE THINGS. IF YOU CAN STAY CLEAR, SIMPLE...FORCE YOUR WILL UPON YOURSELF...YOU COULD ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING YOU WISHED. FOCUS.
IT WOULD BE WELL WORTH IT!

and keep as posted per request
333 Wink

Hi there, this is my first post in this forum. I have been doing a lot of reading here and I find this whole reality exploration very interesting - wow, there is a whole other world out there, or in here, or whatever term you want to use and people can travel to it by using different techniques.

I must admit that I feel a very great pressure at this very moment as I am writing this. Whatever I am going to write now can never have the same depths and perspectives of some of the other posts I have seen here. I feel somehow as if I am a drunk stupid person invading a party where I simply do not belong.

With that being said I still have many questions that at least have some relevance towards me.

The one thing that has been bugging me all along is.... you. All you people in here. How come that you do not have so called "flame wars" and that you always write in very polite tones (at least you have done so in the posts I have written). You all seem so clear on everything about life. I personally have a great fear of having an opinion on how everything is where we are going and what our mission is and so on. I am startled when I read that some of you actually think you know what life is all about. One of the statements that I get most upset about is where you say that we make up our own meaning with our own life. That we each have our very own path that we must follow. I get very upset because I have actually NO IDEA of what I am doing here and of where I am going and what my so called "goals" are.

Well, I usually turn to these forums when I feel bad about my self and my life hoping that I can then return with new "weapons" and beat the "monsters" in my life.
You all talk about this astral travel and many of you astral project. I have tried that for some time but I have never even tried having the vibrations. So I stopped and thought for a moment - why was I even doing this? Why was I trying to travel to a new world and then it hit me.... I was trying to escape this world because that I could not deal with the problems at hand.

That has made me think of if we are even meant to travel to this other (fantasy??)world when we are here on earth, nice and physical and all what that involves. This might be me being the odd one out, but I might have been reading about spirituality when I was meant to do other things like get in shape, or do my homework or hang out with my friends. This is what I mean by "escape" – at least that is what it seems like to me I just wanted to know if there are others here who might share my thoughts

Is the spirituality not the last step of our learning? Are we not supposed to learn everything we can here on earth about earth and how to be successful here about how we can sort to say "win" here?
According to much of the things I have read here we have an eternity to live in the astral planes. Why do we seek to learn everything about how to live in the astral planes and prepare for death when we are going to learn it anyway??

I am sorry I have made such a mess of a post but I felt that I had to start somewhere and i just feel so d*mn confused about everything

And hey I am Danish, so that excuses my lousy grammar