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Last night i had a plethora of dreams and my memory of them is fragmented but i was with two of my cousins and we were walking down a street/hall and we knew we were being pursued somewhat until the zombies came out and we started to run, for some reason before they appeared i had said something about loving them too, which is out of character for me i think.

i ended up getting separated from one or both of them and i was still running as hard as i could push myself , now in a mall or movie theater.  now i also remember Christmas toy shopping for star wars action figures, just the act of remembering how i used to love action figures .  

ended up in another tall building , near the top levels, and me and my brother who is still a little 7 year old sneaking into the "executives" pad at the top floors, which we weren't supposed to be in i think.

my personal interpretation doesn't matter , I'm interested in what other people think about it, the zombie chase, executive and brother who couldn't keep up.

i feel like i was supposed to be in a transition point in my souls evolution but somehow screwed up by being really shy and lone dependent,  can astral improvement improve my life , or does that seem like cheating to anyone, do i have to improve my waking life before i deserve to project? would developing my energy body not matter?

 i ordered mastering astral projection with the intent of devoting myself to it, but what else does one devote a lost life to?

The other night I had a very peculiar dream and i was searching for some input, or guidance, or suggestions, or anything.  it started i was driving in my home town and my mother, in the passenger seat, pointed to the sky and what i saw i can only describe as i giant , cloudy, moon-like rock, about the size of 2 moons, slowly falling i believe, from the sky.  we figured it was the end of the world or something and it was some kind of asteroid, but it is strange that it was such a bright moon-like white.  the next oddity was the sun, which was farther away then it should have been, and very red. i didn't have time to think about this for at that point the driving had stopped, i don't remember why, and i was only examining the sky.  looking up i saw another out of place shape, not the moon, but some sort of foreign translucent planet, and close to that another white object i instinctly believed to be some sort of UFO.  unfortunately i didn't have time to think anything else, for at that moment, what i can only call a tear in my reality occurred and there invading the space of my dream and sleep, some kind of alien being humanoid, large and with burning glowing red eyes, starred at me, looking over me with his flashing beams.  i couldn't move for fear, but had time to think, i believed for some reason it resembled a creation of mine, i guess i would call it an art project, but anyways, it is a tall robot i made out of lots of wires and metal, but thats too off subject i think, anyways, it was only worth noting because it was the only thing i thought other then alien at the time i saw it. i struggled for a moment and moaned and then woke up in my bed.  later, while listening to an interview with Robert Bruce, i found that similar humanoid beings with glowing red eyes is common for coming projectors, sort of as an initiation or something, like a test, or challenge. i looked up some information on this dweller on the threshold and found some information that said it is somehow cast off parts of one's soul, lost in past lives, and that to progress, you must come to accept it, and leave it behind you, but then again, if it isn't part of me, i don't want to just ignore it.  then last night, i tried inducing a trance state (normally i have a hell of a time quieting my mind down, i am constantly in a state of talking to myself in my head out of habit, and the passed month or so has been devastatingly worse , because of some personal issues and depression) but thankfully, with some body awareness i was able to stimulate my legs and feet and then it quite easy to fall into a trance from their (legs are normally the hardest part for me to develop)  after this i got the strange sensation and feeling the being was at the foot of my bed.  i tried for some astral sight behind closed eyelids and found i could vaguely make out his figure.  i decided i should not fear it, and come to accept it, but then found that cold chilling  sensations came over my body, but like normal vibrations that i have experienced before.  i stayed in this meditative state for  a little while , tried to obe, but couldn't, or didn't notice and don't remember, rolled over and went to sleep.   i don't think Ive dealt with this entity, despite trying to accept it and have empathy towards it.  i also find it important to mention that as a person i am socially quiet and shy, except around a close group of trusted friends.  we are all creative smokers who always make the most out of those "creative opportunities" through music , art, and really an onlooker would be amazed that we as people would be able to function as diversely as we do.  having a wonderful time in our friends basement interacting and acting as any character we feel compelled to jump into and do any antic we feel like engaging in.  recently however i found myself sitting their watching them, not participating, in my own world of self doubt and criticism.  this led to paranoid thoughts of self worth and eventually i came to not even know myself.  normal overlooked antics of talking to oneself in a mirror or dancing  around to music after a shower ceased to exist because i would be to busy being aware and thinking about what i was doing, rather then doing it.  needless to say, its been over a month or two since Ive had any real fun, my routine is broken, my friends supportive but surely confused. also important to note is while this was going on, lymph nodes on the back of my neck began to swell and spread down and after weeks of doctor visits and tests returning negative, including radiology and biopsy, it came back nothing.  of course i suppose all my stress and anxiety could have been related to the appearance of the bumps, and the thought of death inevitably crossed my mind, and it could all be because of that.  i find it important to point out Ive read that the heart chakra is directly related to the lymph glands, and i almost feel like my heart chakra is blown.   please, i haven't been myself at all lately and any advice or direction or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.  I'm open to anything...