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Sometimes I dream of social gatherings or meetings. A while back I dreamt of walking past a social gathering, that I used to be part of. Another I woken to, became aware, when the dreams becomes different, real, as I was then present at a social celebration of someone I used to know. Some time later I checked and there had been a celebration in real life. I know I was not aware of it datewise but thinking subcounsely my brain did the math? I dream too of random People showing up after I first am feeling they are there but when I do see them the others in my dream are not acting as if they too see them.

Maybe this is not the place for it and if so I apologize. I've been told that when things are too stressful that they can't tell my emotions. Any other time they can. On the inside I feel very strong feelings but for what ever the reason nothing shows on the outside. I've been told that it feels as if we're not connected anymore. From my perspective I feel everything what is going on on the outside with someone or with some people, how they are doing, but because my face does not show off any emotions they think I don't care or that I'm not stressed out. Am I the only one being like this? Why is there no connection to all the feelings I have on the inside to my outside? The only way I can describe it is that I put myself on a break because what ever is going on on the outside with someone else or other people is taking over, like I can't see another person or people being ready to take on my emotions. I've heard more than once complains about this, as if I come off as cold or that I don't care, when I am taking so much consideration to how that other individual is doing right then, but it's not easy, there's no room for me. If and when I have tried to get a word out I get shut down because the other one is still too much in their own heads and feelings and interrupt or take the few words I was able to get out and twist them or cut my sentence short to fit into a category, or even finishing the sentence for me, only that is not the rest of the sentence, message, I had in mind. Doesn't feel as if there is any use at that point to say or do anything. I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me.

I've always wondered about this and felt hurt about it, been puzzled, and maybe someone on here knows what I'm talking about?

There has been few people in my life that turned out the same way with me and now there is two new of them but I'm not close to them like that so it does not hurt me the same way. But I see the same behavior in them. And it makes me sort of stand by. It makes me think about what happened with the few others in my past. Wakes that up.

The few I'm referring to would change their behavior towards me at the same time as they were drawn, to the company of certain others, and at the same time as I began to suspect they had some mental problem, that they not always wanted to let know they had. Instead of "holding tight" on to me, that they knew was there for them in their hour of need, they preferred the company of these other people (who ever they were). I could tell they were the important ones to them. They loved them. They had a bond with them. I was nobody. I was only somebody when they needed help and then off they went again doing their usual business. I was rejected. Could be they would make a small effort to pretend as if they didn't, but they did and it shone through.

Then, funny thing is, if and once they changed back to who they use to be (when first around me) they were then interested to rebuilt the relationship. Then suddenly they were drawn to me, they had such love for me. Suddenly I was to them what the others used to be. And it was too as if they wanted to pretend as if all of that was OK, could be fixed.

I went through this, I don't know how many times, with someone throughout my life, til that someone died. That someone had been an addict too (brought that someone into rehab more than once, only for it to fail, went with that someone to all the doctor's appointments, moved back to live with that someone to try to steer things up and be a support, more than once), and I could tell the love, the bond, that someone had with few other people, that too had mental issues and too were in one way or the other addicted to something. I was out of the picture. That someone did not even see me, like see me, for real. But saw the others.

I feel as if I am always rejected first, go on "stand by" and can't do anything except watch it happen before my eyes.

I've been told stories that make you think that once people who have mental issues and/or am addictive to something the others reject them first, but with me it is that I've always been rejected.

One of the things I can see two of them (two people that are no longer part of my life as I finally was the one to reject them) did was that they could never have enough. They were always in such a rush, always had so much going on, needed many people in their lives and many activities. If and when I began question what was going on and why all this and where is that someone going with it, it wasn't appreciated. I've thought about it and what I have come up with is that I think they were running from something and for what ever the reason they were not drawn to me anymore. It puzzled me because I could not see that I had changed in any way. I was still the same. It was just that suddenly I was of little or no interest to them. It was never about them not having the time for me, they did have time just like everyone else, but they were not interested. Then later on in life they had changed their minds again and wanted to continue the relationship, but I didn't.

To me it make no sense why someone would chose to reject the people that are there for you (because let's face it unless you are very lucky in your life most people have only down to few or one or maybe even zero people to rely on when it's bad weather), when to me it is actually then they should cling to you to get back on track. Instead they throw the love they use to have for you and give it to someone else.

I've tried all sorts of things in the past and none of them worked. One was that I would, despite being rejected, still be the same. One other was that I would go overboard and show more love. The other was that I would stand by. And another that I distanced myself. The last was that I went away. Funny thing is that they barely noticed I was no longer there and only found that out when they tried to reach out to me again. It takes two to tango and now it is happening again (but not that I take it that personally, they are not that important to me).

My first instinct tells me to distance myself because what ever they need they find that with one another, they don't find it with me where I'm at. They come to me if they need help with something, but that's it.

It is as if we used to be on the same floor but then they go up and down that elevator. I've come to the conclusion that it don't matter what I say or do, they are still going to do that.

This is funny I think and I am wondering if anyone else dream the same as I do. I often dream I am seeing elderly women and talking to them and hours go by like this in the dreams and it is just a Nice feeling, like they could be my grandmother. Just last night I had one of those dreams, an elderly woman living alone and I came to visit and we were talking of all kinds of stuff, we were mostly in her kitchen.

Not sure where to put this. Is there a way not to connect to someone I use to know irl in dreams? I wish to explore a past life. That someone was in it. I do not know if it is modern dreams where that someone is wanting to let me know that (that someone knowing about that past life himself) or my own fragments from the past life.

I ask too because in the past I discovered another past life, researching and simultanously someone else I know were having these past life experiences and I do not know if that was because of me and our connection.

In the life I wish to explore now there is I am almost sure of it that person too in it but I do not think if I happen to wake something up that it Will be bad. But I am afraid if it would work the same way it Will be wrong. Plus in such scenario that person is in my life and we are close sp I trust then I Will see a differens and if bad not go further.

Can I somehow close myself off and still remember without effecting someone else?

Sorry I Come off as crazy, lol. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.