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Greetings, APers!  It's been a while, hasn't it?

Just wanted to pop in and say hey to all you lovely people, and let you know I'm still here and doing pretty well for the most part.  Currently, I am enjoying the quiet season of Lent, and using it as a period of discernment for myself... reflecting on my life and my faith, and discerning where I may be headed next and what I should do with myself.  I feel like I'm at a turning point.  I feel there are many possibilities and many things to do... I need to set some priorities.

No remarkable astral activity to speak of, although I do half-remember a talk I had with Patrick the other night.  April 28 will be a year since he passed.  I got the impression that he was gently, lovingly giving me a push forward, telling me not to worry about him any more, and to make the most of my future.  I felt a very gentle, but unmistakable separation of some kind.  Not a real separation, but... more like a release.

I'm fine with it.  There have been so many positive changes in my self and my life.  I finally escaped a nearly-year-long horrible work situation (did I ever mention the work situation?).  It can be summed up as new widow + new mother = worst seating arrangement possible!  Almost a year of constant distress... while trying to work.  BUT it's over now!  I'm a free woman, surrounded by wonderful, loving coworkers.  I can't tell you what a burden has been lifted from me!

That plus a new and rather intriguing relationship with God has given me many nights of utterly peaceful sleep.  And some interesting mental activity that I really can't describe... I just seem to be doing an awful lot of thinking in my sleep lately.  But I wake up feeling like a million dollars every day, so whatever it is, it's a good thing!

Well, I probably won't be around here much for a while longer.  But I hope everyone is well, and if anything really cool happens, I'll let you know!  

You can visit my LiveJournal if you want to know what I'm up to... I try to update it at least once a week.  Em, but it's not very interesting, really.  *sigh*

[I was "inside" her]

Oh my gosh, the most exciting thing just happened to me while I was doing the noticing exercise!  

I was just lying here noticing, and I started seeing snatches of imagery and scenes.  Then, I saw this one beautiful scene--it looked very Venetian, very Renaissance.  There was a beautiful large building, very ornate--a kind of palazzo, I guess, and in front of it was a big wide open plaza.  Both the building and the plaza were of red and white stone.  And along the perimeter of the plaza were decorative pillars.

I was looking at this place from above.  I saw it, and I felt a strong desire to take a closer look, and to my amazement, rather than disappearing as most images do, this one stayed.  And it was like a camera zoomed in on it.  And as it zoomed closer, I saw a young man and woman walking side by side across the plaza, toward the building.  I realized it was me and Patrick!  I had on a white short-sleeved blouse and a light blue skirt.  Patrick was also wearing a white button-down shirt, and black slacks--looking dapper as always. :desire:  

In a moment, I was no longer watching from above, but as if I was walking right beside the "other me."  "She" and Patrick were talking about something--I couldn't really hear what.  But there was such an air of happiness and excitment, as if "we" had a big day planned.  We went inside the building, which turned out to be some kind of shopping arcade.  It felt very cool, and was very pretty in there... everything was white and grey marble, and there was a fountain in the middle, and above the fountain was a glass dome, streaming with sunlight.

Patrick went over to a window in the wall to the left.  On the other side was a clerk, an old man with a mustache.  Patrick turned to the "other me" and said, "Just a minute, I'll buy the tickets."  The "other me" said OK, and wandered into a nearby shop, and I followed her.  It looked like a convenience store type of place.  There was a coffee and soda stand on one side, and various different kinds of merchendise.  The "other me" was in front of a magazine rack, and was reaching out to pick up a magazine.  In the blink of an eye, I was "inside" her!  I was looking at her/my hands, stretched toward the magazines!  All I could do was just stare at those hands--they were my hands!  Exactly!  

I felt a sort of odd feeling... do you ever look at your hands or any other part of your body that happens to be visible, and think, "Am I real?  Is this really me?  Is any of this real?"  That's exactly what thought was going through my/her head!  And I occasionally get that feeling in my normal waking life too--now it makes me wonder if when I get that feeling, maybe "another me" has just "phased into me" and is looking out in amazement!    Is that crazy?  I mean, it really is almost the same kind of feeling you get from deja vu!

Unfortunately, as usual, I got really excited at that point!  And naturally, I lost the phase!    And I guess that "other me" just snapped out of her funk and went on her merry way to wherever she and "her Patrick" were going!

Anyway---so what do you think?  Have any of you experienced something similar to this?  It was strange to me that I started out as just a disembodied, 3rd-person observer... seeing another me... then suddenly becoming one and the same with her.  But maybe that's how phasing always happens, only I'm usually not conscious at the time it occurs.  I have been a disembodied, 3rd-person observer before, but not like this--not seeing "another me."

I wonder exactly where I did phase to... do you think I could have phased into a parallel physical life (if there is such a thing)?  Or was this a parallel life in F3, or wherever?  Ah, wherever it was, it was happy!  I was with Patrick!  And this is the first experience I've had in quite a while that included him!

:hearts:

Also, during this event, I did not feel any of the strange physical sensations I did the other day--the energy, the paralysis, the difficulty keeping my eyes closed.  It was very peaceful.  I was just laying, very relaxed, the images started flashing, and I was very gently phased into this one image.  I wonder if maybe I just got lucky, that I happened to catch a scene that was really connected to me--and that's why I was able to latch onto it and enter it so easily.

I don't know!  I'll see what you all have to say!  :mrgreen:

I was doing my usual phasing practice today... relaxing, noticing.  And was able to do an especially good job of staying conscious.  I think I was able to stay conscious longer than usual today, because I experienced some pretty wild sensations I've not felt before.

I was having the normal pretty colors and snatches of images, along with the beginnings of a shift in consciousness.  This is normally where I either lose the trance or else fall asleep.

But today, I really felt the physical effects--including the infamous sleep paralysis!    I began to feel really funny... sort of tingly and really on edge, almost restless.  I was afraid I was going to be roused from the trance.  And then suddenly, my left leg jerked really hard, and then, just as suddenly--I felt like I was made of metal and my bed was a big magnet!  It was actually quite uncomfortable, especially in my head--I felt a very strong pressure on the top of my head--something with the crown chakra, maybe?  (The whole chakra phenomenon is quite new to me too.)

I couldn't move any part of my body.  My eyes, however, were going crazy--moving around, my eyelids fluttering--I really had to fight to keep them closed.  I saw faint starbursts, and there were colors and moving forms around the periphery of my sight.  It looked really darn freaky, and actually made me feel a bit sick.  :pale:  Finally, I just couldn't hold on any more.  I opened my eyes, and the paralysis faded pretty quickly.

Have any of you experienced things like this?  I don't know if it's "typical" or not.  This is the first time I have ever felt an onset of sleep paralysis--I've often experienced it upon waking, but never beforehand.  If I do have to experience this in the process of consciously projecting... it's going to take some serious getting used to!

OK, this is pretty far-out, and I've been debating all day whether to post it here, because of the decidedly religious undertones.  All I can say is, it was realer than real for me--both the experience and the consequences.  This was not some F2 whimsy.  If nothing else, I'm posting it for my own benefit, since the act of writing helps preserve things.

The last days have been pretty rough, emotionally.  Last night was especially difficult.  I was really depressed and feeling a great deal of despair.  I cried myself to sleep, and it was a rather tremulous, stormy sea kind of sleep.  But after about an hour of tossing and turning, a great, heavy quiet came over me.  Not heavy as in crushing, but rather heavy in the way velvet is heavy.

I "awoke" to find myself sitting alone in a moonlit garden (or at least, it looked moonlit--I didn't actually see a moon). There were lush trees and vines and flowers, and a stream with a small, pleasantly trickling waterfall. I was sitting on a low stone wall covered in soft moss, near the waterfall. The whole place was both dark and bright at the same time, and smelled very sweet.  Honeysuckle... it reminded me of my childhood.  I sat taking this gorgeous place in... it was very sensual!

I heard a soft rustling sound, and I looked up to see a beautiful, tall woman with very long hair. Her hair looked white, or silver. She was dressed in a luminous white gown, and was wearing a white diadem--it looked like alabaster, very white and glistening.  The front of the diadem was carved into the shape of a bird with outstretched wings. This lady radiated a very bright white light--but it didn't hurt my eyes. I've never seen or imagined anyone like her, mortal or spirit!  Words don't do her justice!  

She walked slowly toward me, and she sat down on the wall beside me.  She leaned over me, gazing into my eyes... I think her eyes were grey... or violet? It was hard to tell, the light from within her was so dazzling. She spoke, and her voice sounded... like wind.  But to me it formed words I could understand.  She said, "Do you know me?"

I didn't think about anything, but said automatically, and as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world, "Yes. You're the Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit. Wisdom, peace... many things."

She nodded her head and said, "Yes, I am the Spirit, and bestow many gifts. What I want you to remember most right now is that I am hope. Hope enough for the entire world. And because I am immortal, there is something you can always be certain of, even in your darkest times..."

She paused, apparently wanting me to pay very close attention. "And what is that," I asked.

Her eyes probed into mine, and I felt a great warmth inside the center of my body.  "That there is always hope, and always will be."

I took this in, I nodded my head.  But instead of feeling consoled, I wanted to break down and cry.  I held my face in my hands and tried to hold my sobs in.  

I felt her lean closer to me and hold my shoulders in her hands.  "You cannot hide things from me... why are you weeping?"

I said, "Because despair is the gravest sin against you.  And I'm sorry!"

"My dearest," she replied, "there is always a cure, even for the gravest sin.  You only have to accept the cure, take it to heart, and all will be mended and forgiven."  

Her arms embraced me, and mine embraced her.  Warmth permeated me, and all I could see was the white light.  I heard her wind-like whisper.  "Remember me.  Remember to keep hope in your heart."

Slowly, the light and the warmth faded, and I awoke in my bed. My room seemed strangely dark and cold. I looked around, disoriented, and slowly my eyes adjusted.  But I was very exhausted, and finally, I fell into a deep, peaceful, secure sleep.  In the morning, I awoke with much higher spirits.  I remembered everything so clearly... I still do.  This is something I always want to stay with me.

[I was able to confirm that the ID # I remembered in the dream really was my ID # !!!]

Several years ago, I worked as a salesclerk at a department store.  Last night, I had a very lucid dream in which I had started working that job again.  I was sort of thrown back into it, with no training or guidance.  It was very stressful!  

But during the course of the dream, I began to remember and re-learn things... like how to ring transactions at the register, remove or deactivate security tags, direct customers to different areas of the store, etc.  I even remembered my employee ID that I used to log my transactions, and that I haven't used or thought of in over 3 years!

I was able to write down this dream--and the ID #--in my dream journal.  Hehe, I'm getting good at this!  :mrgreen:  And guess what--I was able to confirm that the ID # I remembered in the dream really was my ID # !!!  I was able to dig up an old paystub that had my # on it, and they matched!      

I am just so amazed that I remembered this random tidbit from so long ago!  Has anyone else experienced this?

Just wanted to make everyone aware!

It's a new year, and I'm new and improved myself! :dancing:

I tried to think of something clever, but in the end decided to just go with something simple (and real).

Have any of you experienced a greater clarity in your physical senses as you become more lucid and in tune with nonphysical reality?

Over the last month or two, I've definitely experienced the latter.  And then last night, when I was driving somewhere at dusk, I realized that everything looked so amazingly vivid and almost hyper-real!  I felt so much more... immersed in the world!

I don't know if maybe it was just atmospheric or optical effects at that moment--weather, lighting, etc.--or just my state of mind/awareness.  It was strange, but very beautiful and felt very good!  Even now, looking around my apartment... it's a different "atmosphere."  My walls and everything are all white, but I now notice subtle shading and coloring from the light outside (I always try to use only natural lighting as much as possible).  I also notice more subtleties in the way things feel and sound.  I don't feel that smell and taste have been affected much, but maybe they will be in time.

I guess it's not so much that my physical senses have changed in some way, as that maybe my nonphysical senses are more active, or my mind is more alert and processes sensory info better...  Maybe?

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  What do you think?   :confused:

I guess I'm looking for inspiration, hehe! You see, I'm beginning to think about dating again and... I feel so clueless!  

I've tried various online dating sites--that is how I originally met Patrick.  It's not nearly as fun or as effective as it was the first time around.  I'm finding it a waste of time and energy.  I did find one guy I saw a few times, and he was a good guy, but we had no chemistry.

So... I think I'll try to meet someone the "old-fashioned" way.  The hard part is making myself get out of my apartment!  Still being relatively new to this area doesn't help.  I don't know where to go or what to do. *sigh*  And then, say I do meet someone who interests me... how do I let him know I'm single, available, interested?  And how do I determine if the same is true for him (aside from whether he's in a woman's company, has a wedding ring, etc.?)

Ugh, I'm so inexperienced!!!    I'm trying to just stay optimistic, give serendipity a chance, be open-minded, not have too many expectations, etc., but... it's not easy.

[ever]

I had a long, strange, often troubling night of dreams last night!  They just came one right after another!  I woke up around 3:30 AM and was completely exhausted!  (We need an emoticon for this!)  

The great part is that, for the first time ever, I was able to rouse myself up and write all about it in my dream journal!  I'm so proud of myself!  :bouncy:  And it was wonderful, because the more I wrote, the more I remembered, and the more meaning I was able to derive!  

Most of the dreams were clearly just residue from my day or from things I've been thinking about.  However, my level of lucidity was pretty remarkable.  I was a pretty keen observer of what was going on, and I had very clear thoughts and emotions about all of it.

Some things of great interest:

1.  There were a couple of sequences that involved shopping/dining places... inspired by Selski, I think--but minus the, er, ambiguous sexuality!

2.  There was an odd sequence where I seemed to think I was in F2, but was actually probably in F3---or I guess it could have been an overlay, maybe?  What happened was I was in this resort-type place--a lovely place in a peaceful rural town somewhere... it sort of reminded me of New England, for some reason.  Anyway, at one point, I was in a pool, swimming, and there were lots of other people around, both adults and children.  I was floating/swimming on my back, and I complained that the water was sort of white and not clear.  I didn't like it, so I said, "Oh well, I'll just imagine it's the Carribbean, and it'll be nice and blue and clear."  And the people around me looked at me and at each other really strangely, and rather indignantly, as if to say: "Who does she think she is, saying she can change the water?!  Must be a druggie or insane or something!"  :crazy3:  The thing is, I don't think I was really able to change the water or anything in the environment.  And I think I was so embarrassed that I changed over to a totally different dream sequence!  :seeya:  

I don't remember what all happened--I don't have my journal with me at the moment.  But it was pretty wild!  I'm so glad I was able to write so much of it down!  :mrgreen:  I just hope I can keep it up!

OK, this is probably going to be really difficult to describe, but I've experienced it over the last couple of weeks while working on my phasing, particularly while doing the noticing exercise.

After I do noticing for a while, and begin to get distinct patterns and color blobs and all that... I get this strange feeling like the inside of my head is vibrating... like there is a little motor running inside my head.  And it actually affects my visions--the patterns, blobs, etc. shake around.  You know how a film looks when the camera is shaking or being buffeted by the wind?

It's the weirdest thing, and rather distracting!  Occasionally, I get the same feeling in my upper abdomen, right under where the front of the ribs come up to the breastbone.  But mostly it's my head.  It doesn't feel at all physical, but rather all internal.

Is this some sort of vibrations, or maybe some chakras coming to life?  I've never experienced anything of the kind before.  Maybe it's a good sign.  But it tends to disturb my phasing practice.  

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else gets something like that.

This strange question occured to me at some point during getting ready for work this morning (which says alot about how my mind works ).  

I was just wondering... are sex and gender purely a physical world thing, or do spirits also have sex and gender?  Are individual spirits male or female, masculine or feminine?  I know spirits can certainly appear to have sex traits and act in gender roles---but is that really how they are, or is it just how we perceive them according to our little mortal schema?  

I was also wondering about myself and the greater spirit of which I am part (subscribing to the theory that we are each individual "focuses" of a larger spirit)... I wonder if all the individual focuses of the spirit are female like myself.

Sorry, this all probably sounds really silly.  But I've been thinking about it all day, and I really don't know why I find it so intriguing.  I guess it's just more interesting than my job at the moment.

Well, I'll get back to work and let you guys run with it now! :mrgreen:

[can't]

Actually, it started last night, while I was going to sleep... several times I experienced that rather alarming "falling" sensation, and it kept waking me up!  But I fell asleep, and nothing really remarkable happened.  

This morning, though, was a different story.  It gets bright in my apartment, so I put on a sleeping mask that I bought a couple of days ago.  I have found that wearing the mask really helps me "trance out."  Especially when I do noticing.  This morning I got really deep, very numb physically.  Visiting F3 is always my main goal when working on my projection, so I thought about that in the background.  But my mind was very actively stirring about and before I knew it...

I was exiting! :yikes2: Hehe, it wasn't scary, just shocking, because I've never really experienced a proper OBE, despite many attempts when I was younger.  Anyway, although many people have described rather frighetening shaking and loud noises, my experience was quite calm and peaceful.  I could definitely feel strong energy, but it was more like waves than vibrations.  :happy5:  And there was a rushing noise, sort of a combination between a jet going overhead and the roar of the ocean.  Familiar noises.

I felt my head and shoulders raising first, as if I were sitting up, and then my seat and my legs followed.  Once I was entirely out, the waves and noise stopped.  And I was hanging very still, and very, very light.  I couldn't see clearly.  It was like a light silver fog.  I could see light and shadow, but that's all.  At first, I tried to command that my vision become cear, but it didn't work.  Then I thought, "Well, it's because of the mask."  So I raised my hands to my face, and I could feel the mask, but I couldn't take it off.  It was like my hands went through it or something.  I wasn't too concerned, though.  

I was more curious about the floating, and wondered if I could move or fly.  I did a graceful pirouette (something I definitely can't do in the physical!), and I kept turning, completely weightless.  As I did, I decided to float upward, and I did.  If I wanted to spin more quickly, I could do that too.  I saw black blurs moving around me, and at first was startled, but then I realized, it was probably things like my TV, my fireplace, my little Christmas tree, my coat hanging by the door, and my cats lying on the bed--dark things in an otherwise very white room.  

I found it rather pleasant, but not really all that interesting.  I really wanted to work on phasing.  So I put myself back inside.  More waves and jet/ocean noises.  And I was back in my body.  I remembered my journal and wanted to get up and write about my experience.  I reached up to remove my mask.  No luck.  I tried about half a dozen times, and it finally occured to me that they were my astral hands!  So I settled down in order to get completely back into the physical body.  

As I waited, however, I automatically phased somewhere!  Within a heartbeat!  I was in a forest, walking.  Unlike the OBE, this was very sharp and very solid!  It wasn't like other F3 experiences I've had, though--no shining silver and gold city, no beautiful, shining countryside or park land.  It was rather gloomy, and there was no one around.  I walked through the trees, and after a while, I heard lots of voices.  

I eventually came out of the woods, and there was a wooden building, some kind of cabin.  And there were lots of people, mostly men in uniform.  They seemed to be Confederate soldiers from the U.S. Civil War.  I thought to myself, "Yes, this must be somewhere in F3.  I can imagine there being quite a number of confused, agitated Confederate soldiers in F3."  They seemed to be arguing amongst themselves.  About ships--one ship was called Lynchburg (the name of a Virginia town where there was a battle during the war), and the other... I can't remember its name, but it was another familiar, historical name that I recognized.  I can't remember the details of the argument... I didn't really understand what the heck they were talking about.

At last, they realized I was there.  They turned on me and were quite angry.  They seemed to think I was a spy or something.  They asked me what I was doing there, and what I had heard.  I tried to say I was just lost and meant no harm, but they didn't listen and began to come at me.  I panicked and turned around and ran back into the woods.

After that, I think I just came back to the physical and slept for a couple more hours.  When I woke up, I regretted that I didn't go with the OBE for longer, since it was such a new, different experience! :poh:  I should have also stood my ground with the Confederate soldiers, but I just didn't feel comfortable.  Physical world instincts apparently don't die easily!

I did a little research to see if there really was ever a ship at the time called the Lynchburg... I found a schooner Lynchburg that was captured by the USS Quaker City while trying to get coffee to Richmond during the blockade of the Confederate coast...  Maybe the soldiers were ticked off because they didn't have any coffee?   :dont-know:

Anyway... I'm so excited!  I hope maybe this will lead to more experiences!   :bouncy:

[one day]

It's great to share our astral projection experiences, but I think it would be great to know some non-AP-related facts about everyone.  So... post 5 things about yourself that we (probably) don't know!  I'll start!

1.  I have 2 cats: Sabrina (grey tabby/white) and Sheena (black/white).

2.  I drive a Honda Civic Hybrid, which I only have to put gas in once a month! :mrgreen:  Buying it has turned out to be the smartest choice I've made in a while!

3.  Until just a few years ago, I was heavily into the Goth scene--you know, black clothes, black hair, pale face, lots of lace and velvet, silver jewelry, and butt-kicking boots. I don't look the part much these days, but I still love the music!

4.  I am well-known for my love of really hard, really foul-tasting liquor!  Especially Chartreuse liqueur.  You know the color chartreuse?  It's named after the liquor.  It's made by French monks from over 100 Alpine herbs.  It's popularly referred to as the Green Fire, and makes you feel like you're glowing in the dark! :mrgreen:

5.  I'm a writer, and have several novel-projects in the works... one day... one day I shall finish them and get published and be world famous!  

I'm not sure if this is really astral projection-related or not.  It's just something strange I've noticed in the last few weeks.  Wherever I am, whether at home or work, electric lights are always going on the fritz!  

At home, I have one floor lamp I always use.  It has three lights on it.  At any one time, there is never more than one of them working, because the other two always go out!  In some cases, they just flicker out, but sometimes, they go out with a bang!  One night, I had all 3 of them working, and two of the lightbulbs broke!  But then I tried the surviving lightbulb in the other sockets and it was OK.

This week, both of the fluorescent lights above my desk have gone out.  Monday, one of them sort of pulsed every so often all day (not really flickered, just sort of faintly changed in its intensity), went out, came back on for a couple of minutes, then went out for good.

Then this morning, when I came in, the other one was out.  My coworker told me that just before I came in, the light gave a bright flash and some sparks, and a loud POP.  As if that's not weird enough, I was walking across the office, and as I passed under a few lights, they flickered!  It was enough to startle the surrounding coworkers.  I swear, they were "following" me!

I'm borrowing a desk lamp from a co-worker---if IT goes out... I'm going to be totally freaked out!!!

So... have any of you experienced anything similar?  Is there some possible explanation?  Is it a coincidence?  What is going on?!  Thanks!

My dad told me once, that while sleeping he encountered a spirit being--it didn't really have a form, it was just a radiant white light.  The spirit had given him a choice to either remain on Earth, or "die" and come to Heaven.  At the time, my sister and I were still just children, and Dad chose to stay here and raise us and take care of Mom.

I have read of other people having such experiences, too, some while consciously projecting, and others without knowing they were projecting.  (My dad has never practiced projection, but it has happened to him before.) And in every story, the people always chose to stay behind, as my dad did, generally because they have spouses and young children and they want to fulfill their duties to their families.

Have any of you ever heard of this?  What would you do if you were given this choice?

I've been thinking a lot about this.  My first impulse would be to say, "Hell YEAH, I want to die!"  I have no one who's dependent on me, I have no one to live the rest of my life with, I'm not the most indispensable worker, and frankly, I regard this so-called "life" as nothing but one long, painful dying process.  Everyday another battle, everyday another mortal wound, which only gets healed in order to be inflicted again. *sigh*

On the other hand... I'd be extremely apprehensive, and probably give the 3rd degree to the entity who was giving me the choice.  I wouldn't want to be tricked or made a fool!  Nor would I want to give the "wrong" answer... it could be some kind of test, who knows?  

OK, I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but... for the last few days, whenever I've been practicing my phasing, I've kept being startled awake by what I can only imagine is, ahem, snoring.  

I'll be lying there, perfectly quiet, slipping off as I do, and then... I hear this unpleasant, loud snoring/snorting noise coming from myself!  And I wake myself up!  Sometimes it really startles me!  I haven't been breathing so well when I sleep, the air is so muggy.  Everyone always tells me that I snore sometimes--I guess I can't argue with them any more!  

Has anyone else had this problem?  Please tell me I'm not the only one!

This one came last night, and I hadn't drunk anything, but I was really worn out.  This is pretty different from any of my other experiences.  I didn't seem to be *physically* in the dream, but was there more as a disembodied observer.  My perspective kept switching around... sort of hard to explain.  But here goes...

I was inside a very expensive, high-end shopping mall, and I saw these people planting bombs everywhere. I could see this happening all over the building at the same time.

Then, I was on board a school bus full of children, and the bus was going along a wide street.  It was a very clean, very wealthy-looking place.  There were all these buildings in white and pastel, and there were palm trees--I thought it looked like California, Florida, some place like that.  The bus was driving past a group of buildings. And I knew that one of them was the shopping mall I'd just been in, and surrounding it were some tall office buildings and a ritzy hotel.  I stared at the buildings through the back windows of the bus.  A few seconds after the bus had passed, the whole place blew sky-high, with flames and smoke and debris going everywhere. The bus and all the traffic around it stopped and people started running everywhere, screaming, taking cover in buildings.

Then, I felt like I switched to an actual person's perspective, as if I was actually in someone else's skin, because suddenly, I was surrounded by all these physical, physiological sensations.  I knew I was in a bank building, down the street from where the explosions had occurred.  It seemed like I was a bank clerk, or teller.  I was beneath a desk, in a knot, hugging my knees.  My eyes were squeezed shut very tightly (so I still didn't see a body, just felt it).  I could felt my fingernail snag the nylon hose on my left shin (I despise nylons and never wear them myself).  I was shaking uncontrollably, and felt my heart racing, and my muscles all clenched, and my breathing very fast, and I could hear blood pulsing through my head--all the physiological signs of panic.  I heard this inner voice just saying, "Oh God, oh God, oh God," over and over, louder and louder.

It ended there, but strangely, I don't recall waking up or becoming conscious.  It just stopped, and I suppose I went on sleeping.  But I remembered it when I woke up this morning, and I still see and feel everything very strongly.  It's very disturbing because of the fact that it didn't have the usual dream/projection elements---no dead loved ones, no strange settings, and it wasn't about ME.  I wasn't there myself, as an active participant.  I don't really know what it was all about, but... I don't think I'm going to be going to the Galleria or any other nice shopping places anytime soon.  

[this post by knightlight]

I just read this post by knightlight and thought I'd share my own experience from last night, which also, incidentally, followed a night of "communing with spirits" (my favorite euphemism for drinking, and one that most people don't get).  NOTE: in case there are any impressionable minds out there, please don't regard this as an endorsement of drinking--trust me, you DON'T want to be like me.

Anyway... this was an incredibly vivid, tangible experience... dream, projection, whatever you will.  It was not "just a dream," that's for sure.

Patrick (my deceased fiance, who nearly always has some part in my astral experiences) and I were walking through an old rural village in Ireland (our mutual ancestral land).  It was such a beautiful afternoon, everything was golden and shimmering from an earlier rain.  There were still grey clouds in the sky, but they were outlined in gold.  We were walking arm in arm, as always, talking about getting married soon.  

"I guess we should probably start laying down some plans soon," he remarked, obviously not relishing the idea.  He always assumed that I, like most women, would want to go crazy with a fancy fairytale wedding.

I stopped him and pulled him closer to me and leaned my mouth to his ear.  "We don't have to make plans--let's just do it!  Look, I've already got the ring--that's the most important thing."  I raised my left hand.  As in real life, there was a ring on my "wedding finger."  A silver band with leaf-shaped carvings on either side of the stone, a stunning Mystic Fire topaz---every detail exactly like my real one, only even more radiant.  

He looked at the ring, and looked at me, and his face began to glow.  "I'm so glad you were thinking the same thing I was!  Let's go over here, there's a judge who will marry us."  He led me toward an old stone building covered in ivy.  I hesitated, though.  "Wait, Patrick, there's something that concerns me."

"What could that be," he asked.

"Well you're a pilot.  That's a risky job.  It's not suitable for a husband is it?"

He frowned at me.  "You won't marry me if I keep flying?"

I knew I couldn't ask him to give up the thing he was so passionate about.  My heart felt torn.  Then it came to me.  "Just promise me one thing--one thing--on the morning of April 28, you HAVE to be especially careful!  At about 9:00, the plane is going to stall, it's going to crash, and you won't survive.  You must not let that happen--promise me!  Don't do anything that will make that plane stall!  You have to promise me!"

He looked shocked at what I had said, but he said, "I understand.  I promise.  I won't let it happen."  He pulled me into his arms and held me tight.  He felt so warm and strong.  He said, "Don't you worry.  I'll never leave you."

I woke up at that point.  The first thing that came into my head was, "I wonder if it worked!  I wonder if I saved him!  He could be alive now!  Any minute the phone will ring, and it will be him, just as always, and we really will talk about getting married."

I believed it so completely for a few moments.  He had promised me.  His eyes and his embrace had been so sincere and earnest and reassuring.  But then reality began to sink back in.  I looked at the mantle over my fireplace.  All the mementos of his death and absence were still there... the sympathy cards, the Bible I'd bought myself, the votive candles, the pretty carved wood birds my grief counselor had given to me as a gift when I told her how birds were significant to Patrick and me and our relationship.  

Nothing had changed at all.  God, in those moments, waking life felt like it bore the mass of the entire universe, and all of it was upon me, and I just couldn't take it.  I've never felt so helpless and weak.  I've gotten to where it happens quite often that I'll be having such a wonderful happy dream, and in the middle of the dream, I suddenly become aware of the awful reality that he's dead.  But none of them have hurt as much as this.  It's bothered me all day long. *sigh*  This is what I mean by it not being just a dream.  It was all too real while it lasted.  So real that I was sure it had leaked into "this reality."  If only things were that simple...

I just can't stop crying this weekend.  I don't think I've ever cried this much in my entire life.  

I want my fiance back!  If I can't even face Independence Day without him, good Heaven, I don't know how I am supposed to get through my entire life without him.

I know.  I know.  He's still with me.  Just fine and dandy on F3.  But while he's there, I am going to grow old enough to be his mother... then his grandmother.  When I'm 80, I'm still going to be in love with a 25-year-old.  Is it just me, or is that repulsive?

I need him to grow old with me.  I want to see him at 30, at 40, at 50, at 60, at 70, at 80.  I want him to take me as his wife, to be the father of my child, to teach our child to ride his bike, to photograph the school plays, to beam with pride at the graduation, to sacrifice whatever is needed to pay for the best university.  I want him to be the incredible grandfather he would have been.  I want us to travel the world after we retire.  

And once we've accumulated a lifetime of joyful memories... then, and only then, could I accept being his widow.  Not now.  Not yet.  Not before our life together had begun.

I don't care what anyone says... all is not right with the world.  There is no rational, noble, meaningful purpose to any of this.  And no amount of faith or positive thinking will bring me back the precious few and only things that would make my life complete and worthwhile.

I would give anything, anything, anything to be mistaken.

Hi,

I just joined the forum a couple of days ago, and am enjoying it and learning a lot.  I'm new to astral projection, though I was interested in it when I was a teenager.  Just recently though have I begun to have real experiences.  I've unknowingly been phasing while asleep.

Other stuff about me: I'm 28, a cataloging and acquisitions librarian at a university, an aspiring novelist, and lover of anime and video games!  I also like to study foreign languages--currently trying to brush up Latin and French, while trying to pick up Japanese and Irish.  I'm nothing if not ambitious!  

I recently suffered the death of my 25-year-old fiance.  Hence, "Almost Mrs. Murphy".  You'll probably hear a lot about him.  He's the main reason I want to practice astral projection.  I've already had some astral encounters with him, and it has made life much more bearable!

I'm also Catholic.  And proud to join the many Saints who seem to have had astral experiences!  Not that I consider myself a Saint, of course.  I did see Heaven last night with my fiance though.  Literally!

I look forward to learning more and exchanging experiences!  

[glorious]

I say "I think" because I am still so utterly amazed that I could do this!  Anyway, I had the most wonderful experience last night!  Unfortunately, like my other experiences, this one sort of happened by itself, but I think I was pretty conscious once it began.

Earlier in the evening, I had been practicing, just starting out with the Noticing Exercise.  Just as I was thinking I was seeing nothing spectacular (no pretty colors this time), I began to see clearer images.  I saw a very clear, color image of what looked like the outside of a theatre--lights, a big marquee, and lots of people standing around.  I must have gotten too excited, because I lost it then.  I got tired and just went to sleep.  I was satisfied with just getting a clear image.

At some point while I was asleep, my mind became awake, or semi-awake.  I became aware of looking at the darkness in my mind.  But then the darkness began to sort of move.  And these bright red geometric designs appeared.  They were sort of ornate "rings," but made up of straight lines.  Sort of like the Star of David, but more complex, you know?  These red rings moved toward me, one right after another, very quickly.  It was like going through a corridor made of these red rings.  

Then a white light sort of enveloped me.  And the next thing I knew, I was sitting inside a huge theatre!  I was surrounded by people, and I was in this sort of small cramped seat, and I could see a movie screen far down in front, surrounded by curtains.  Like those old, ornate movie houses with the tiny seats and no leg-room.  I'm guessing this was based on the theatre I had seen right before I went to sleep.

Well, I thought it was nice, but I was annoyed.  I thought, "I didn't come here to watch some cruddy movie!"  I got up from my seat, and everything went black.  I don't know if this was the 3-D Blackness, or if it was just plain black because I had gotten rid of the theatre.  I really didn't stop to take note of it.  

Instead, I immediately called out my fiance's name, as hard as I could (to make sure he would hear me).  And immediately, I saw sort of a large, fuzzy outline of his face come toward me, and then, his whole body appeared in rather solid form.  I was thrilled and relieved.  I kissed him and told him how handsome he looked.  He smiled, but he had sort of a puzzled look on his face.  He asked me, "What are you doing out here?"  By "out here" I think he meant outside "Heaven," or else, he was asking what I was doing just standing out in the dark!

At the time, I just smiled and said, "I'm exploring the universe!"  He sort of looked around and said something like, "Well, there's nothing to see here."  So, I took his hand and said, "Take me to where you're living now."  He smiled at me and said, "Let's swim!"  So we "swam" into the darkness.  I thought it was great fun, even though in the physical world, neither of us were the swimming type.  

Before we had "swum" very far, the darkness disappeared, and there was an intense, radiant light everywhere.  I saw what I can only assume was "Heaven."  We were in sort of an open countryside landscape, and not far away was an enormous city of silver and gold, surrounded by a huge wall.  All the light seemed to be radiating out from the city, and it was hard to make out any details of the city because of the light.  I saw all kinds of other people, just ordinary looking people, of all different races.  They seemed to be standing in a line, waiting to enter the city.  

My fiance and I did not join them, however.  Instead, there was, I think, a golden tree there.  He and I sat down on the ground and leaned against the tree.  We kissed and cuddled together.  I told him how greatly I love him and miss him, how great my grief has been lately, and how sorry I am for certain things I had, or had not, done when he was with me on Earth.  I was sad, and I was hanging my head, looking down at my lap.  I saw him put his hand on my knee and sort of caress it.  He said, "You have to forgive yourself.  You shouldn't feel so guilty.  Especially about not having a child."  I hadn't told him I felt guilty about not having his child, but he knew.

I looked at him, and he kissed me again, and said he loves and misses me too.  Then he said something like, "I was disappointed when you didn't come Wednesday."  I didn't really know what he meant by that.  I sort of laughed and said, "What, was I supposed to die yesterday?  Or do you mean this coming Wednesday?"  He just shook his head as if to say, "Never mind."  I still don't know what he meant by that.  For one thing, I wouldn't have thought that in Heaven there would be any concept of "time" or "days" as we know them.  Maybe he meant that he'd been expecting me to come there earlier.  Or maybe this is one of those things that will make sense later?  Or maybe it was just dreamy nonsense.  I'll have to be mindful of Wednesdays and see if anything unusual or important happens.

After that, I don't remember any more.  I guess I came back to the physical world, though as with my other experiences, I don't recall waking up.  I guess I just came back and kept on sleeping.

But it was such a glorious experience!  I feel so happy today!  And it's great, because for the last week or two, I haven't had many "good" days.  And I am just so excited by the prospect of being able to be with him, and see the universe, and know that I am part of something much greater!  I can't wait to do it again!

Hi all, this is my first post, though I've been lurking for a while.

I am so fascinated with phasing, and so glad to learn of a new, leading-edge concept and method of astral projection.  The more "traditional" OBE stuff was leaving me frustrated.  Then I just happened to find this site!  It's as I always say, there are no "coincidences"!  

I have experienced AP, especially since my fiance's recent death; my primary driving force is that I hope to remain connected with him!  I have had some very intense experiences, usually involving him coming to me while I'm lying down at night, talking to me, holding me, looking very radiant.  I've also seen my deceased grandmother, and a child who I believe was to have been our son, but instead he's going to be one of my "guides."

I also had a very strange experience one night.  A lady was standing at my bed (I am always aware of being in my bed in my apartment whenever I have these experiences).  I didn't know the lady, but she seemed benevolent.  She asked me if I'd like to come to where she was.  I said "OK, what the hell?"  She took my hand, and suddenly, my apartment seemed to stretch out and then disappear.  

I was still lying on my bed, flat on my back, but suddenly some blue lights, then stars, then entire galaxies began to rush around me very fast.  It was as if my bed and I were traveling very quickly downward--but without any real sensation of motion!  I was very afraid, but I told myself to just stay still and watch.  Then I saw a strange image, it was a galaxy, but it had grid lines, arrows, and written notes, almost like it was some kind of blueprint for a galaxy.  That image stayed still in front of me for a few seconds.  Then I was back in my room immediately!  

The lady was still there, and she said, "You see, either you can travel through the universe, or the universe can travel around you.  It's quite simple, really."  I was like, "Wow, that's cool.  But all I really want is to see [my fiance]."  And no sooner had I thought or said that, then he appeared!  I got up and gave him a big hug.  Then, everything ended (though I don't recall waking up).  Whenever he shows up, I get so excited, I can't stay with him for long!

Anyway.... My experiences were much more than dreams, I know that much.  A friend told me they were OBEs.  But they didn't fit with what I had read about OBEs---I never experienced vibrations, or any real motion.  I always just felt like I was still in the physical, still lying in my bed, just like normal.  Your phasing experiences sounded a lot more similar to what I had experienced.

Do you think I was phasing?  Or were they lucid dreams?  Or--?  I can say that I have always been very mindful of seeing things when I close my eyes...colors, moving shapes, grey fog, stars.  I've always enjoyed that, ever since I can remember!  I used to ask my mom what the colors and shapes and things were.  She told me, "It's sleep."  I've always really enjoyed going to sleep--which is probably why she said that!  And then,  sometimes even when I'm awake and looking at something physical, I can "see through" the physical and see strange shapes and motions or patterns.  So, I am hoping that phasing will come somewhat "naturally" to me!  I am certainly going to explore it further!  

I can't wait to check out F3!!!

Thanks, and I'll "see you around"!