Hi all, thanks for being and welcoming, which brings me immediately to the reason I state my shyness - if not actual fearfulness.
Moved into a new neighborhood ten years ago, a move forced by diagnosis of a congenital disability, which, had it been noticed at birth or at any time previous to age 37 would have not affected me so severely.
As it is, I had to leave NW Scotland where disability is a real disadvantage and get closer to a) hospitals and all things necessary like schools etc so that I could participate in my sons' education.
To my horror I found myself (having been unable - because of the way the UK system works if one is poor -frequently inevitable along with disability here - to travel over 500 miles to inspect our new tenancy) in a right dump in an area where to say the least "the natives are unfriendly". Basically if one is not born in the immediate locality and is without the local accent - insta hatred! Plus I am disabled - worse; educated, shocking! - and, unbelievable in this day and age - and especially after having spent seven years in a place where things are still reckoned to be 'behind the times' - but where, altho the Scots have good reason not to be fond of the English,l I was accepted after natural (summer inundation with frankly awful English tourists plus other, historical, reasons) perfectly natural initial reservation. Basically, like any normal people with common sense, when they had seen that I was a reasonable being - and not just there to gawp, chuck litter then disappear, but to live thru the hard winters and RAIN!! and be a hardworking member of the community - despite my disability, not then diagnosed (I got even more respect for having been a hard worker when it was known I had been fighting this all my life without showing it) when it never occurred to me to hide the fact that I am gay - I am treated like dirt. Arson, attack, ostracism, false allegations of antisocial behavior (trying to get me evicted) etc etc for TEN years - have left me really isolated; not helped by the fact that I live in solitary confinement with no access to any transport - again poverty - and lack of council provision. The local 'authority' doesn't advertise that it has the worst social services (so bad they earned a half page article of condemnation in the national 'liberal' broadsheet) and medical provision in the country (and that Bristol has been voted Britain's most neighborly city!) I get no medical attention at all, and because I am not a cute child and dint fit into any of the 'support' categories I get no help at all from anyone - being an orphaned (at 16) only child doesn't help much either! Neither does my 'Received English accent' - this means I sound like the class that send my neighbors to jail (the only organization who have shown the slightest sign of giving a damn are the police, whom I had to contact after the arson 'cos of the damage to 'my landlord's' (the city) property after the arson attack - and after 5 years of my immediate next door neighbor's foul behavior. That they are sympathetic to my situation has a lot to do with the fact that they get so much grief themselves (this estate is the worst for drugs, crime and anti-social behavior - uncontrollable kids in the city - and I have the about the only pair of post-adolescent children male or female who are not 'known to the police'. They also agreed that my accent being that of the 'bench' class might well have a lot to do with my ostracism - they should know!) It would all be funny were it not for the fact that having moved from such a distance and having no mobility I have not a single friend here . . . even when someone passes my gate if I am in the garden - if looks could kill . . .. All of which leads to how I ended up here - I bought a certain book on psychic defense against negative influences. This city has a very long history of nastiness - quite apart from anything else, the slave trade had its roots here, and coming from a line of 'sensitives' I can literally feel the malice projected toward me. For instance, I was in the garden during a rare hot summer and having worked hard to turn the ruined patch of oil stained grass and broken asphalt into something pleasant, I'd dozed off in my wheelchair. I woke suddenly, covered in goose flesh, to see my other immediate neighbor standing silently at the gate just staring at me.
(it runs aunt/uncle to niece/nephew in our family, seemingly)
Why on earth these people can't find anything more interesting to do than hate someone they've not taken the trouble to know,
?? It's the way they are though.
So please forgive me if I don't contribute much at first - I am not used to communicating with others, having got right out of the habit - plus the time I can spend upright typing (owing to spinal damage before diagnosis) is limited. I am by now terrified of phrasing something in such a way as to offend, having had no-one but myself to 'talk' to, and as I understand myself without explanation, I am bothered that I may occasionally phrase something in a way that I know means no offense - but others, not knowing me, may not. I mentally 'shorthand' - plus I am not up in the current PC language and may use a word or term that has, in the last year - or five - become unacceptable. (I tend to avoid a lot of news reading as this only leads to a desire to discuss it with someone - which makes me feel isolation all the more! A bit like window-shopping when one can never afford the goods, so apart from keeping up with world news thru Reuters I don't follow the papers much, especially as a lot of it is what they want us to hear rather than the actual truth. (No I'm not a conspiracy nut, it's just things that don't suit the govt. of the day tend to be swept under the carpet and we get the boring sex lives of boring people instead. Who cares if the Home Secretary was bonking someone? Only his wife and those immediately concerned -it's their business and I very much doubt it actually affects his work. In close to 50 years that's one thing I've noticed - adultery is pretty common but if it had the effect on work that the papers would have us believe - civilization would never have got started at all, surely?)
Sorry for ear-bending - as I said, I don't talk very often . . . . I get accused of whingeing - but a complicated life can't be explained in ten minutes flat - which I wish my so-called 'doctor' would understand.
Thanks for putting up with it all if you've got this far - one more thing, my profile calls my interests 'legion' because there is little on this planet other than (SORRY! - but the English can talk of little else unless one is lucky enough to live among the civilized. Even that famous subject, the weather is only as it relates to 'rained off' or 'heavy going'/covered pitch . . . . ) sport that doesn't interest me.
Having said my piece, bye for now
damnationali
PS - I forgot to say - typical as it's probably the most relevant thing! - I believe all the malice and negativity attitudes around here encourages psychic attack and malign forces generally - hence the book purchase and my arrival here. BFN
Moved into a new neighborhood ten years ago, a move forced by diagnosis of a congenital disability, which, had it been noticed at birth or at any time previous to age 37 would have not affected me so severely.
As it is, I had to leave NW Scotland where disability is a real disadvantage and get closer to a) hospitals and all things necessary like schools etc so that I could participate in my sons' education.
To my horror I found myself (having been unable - because of the way the UK system works if one is poor -frequently inevitable along with disability here - to travel over 500 miles to inspect our new tenancy) in a right dump in an area where to say the least "the natives are unfriendly". Basically if one is not born in the immediate locality and is without the local accent - insta hatred! Plus I am disabled - worse; educated, shocking! - and, unbelievable in this day and age - and especially after having spent seven years in a place where things are still reckoned to be 'behind the times' - but where, altho the Scots have good reason not to be fond of the English,l I was accepted after natural (summer inundation with frankly awful English tourists plus other, historical, reasons) perfectly natural initial reservation. Basically, like any normal people with common sense, when they had seen that I was a reasonable being - and not just there to gawp, chuck litter then disappear, but to live thru the hard winters and RAIN!! and be a hardworking member of the community - despite my disability, not then diagnosed (I got even more respect for having been a hard worker when it was known I had been fighting this all my life without showing it) when it never occurred to me to hide the fact that I am gay - I am treated like dirt. Arson, attack, ostracism, false allegations of antisocial behavior (trying to get me evicted) etc etc for TEN years - have left me really isolated; not helped by the fact that I live in solitary confinement with no access to any transport - again poverty - and lack of council provision. The local 'authority' doesn't advertise that it has the worst social services (so bad they earned a half page article of condemnation in the national 'liberal' broadsheet) and medical provision in the country (and that Bristol has been voted Britain's most neighborly city!) I get no medical attention at all, and because I am not a cute child and dint fit into any of the 'support' categories I get no help at all from anyone - being an orphaned (at 16) only child doesn't help much either! Neither does my 'Received English accent' - this means I sound like the class that send my neighbors to jail (the only organization who have shown the slightest sign of giving a damn are the police, whom I had to contact after the arson 'cos of the damage to 'my landlord's' (the city) property after the arson attack - and after 5 years of my immediate next door neighbor's foul behavior. That they are sympathetic to my situation has a lot to do with the fact that they get so much grief themselves (this estate is the worst for drugs, crime and anti-social behavior - uncontrollable kids in the city - and I have the about the only pair of post-adolescent children male or female who are not 'known to the police'. They also agreed that my accent being that of the 'bench' class might well have a lot to do with my ostracism - they should know!) It would all be funny were it not for the fact that having moved from such a distance and having no mobility I have not a single friend here . . . even when someone passes my gate if I am in the garden - if looks could kill . . .. All of which leads to how I ended up here - I bought a certain book on psychic defense against negative influences. This city has a very long history of nastiness - quite apart from anything else, the slave trade had its roots here, and coming from a line of 'sensitives' I can literally feel the malice projected toward me. For instance, I was in the garden during a rare hot summer and having worked hard to turn the ruined patch of oil stained grass and broken asphalt into something pleasant, I'd dozed off in my wheelchair. I woke suddenly, covered in goose flesh, to see my other immediate neighbor standing silently at the gate just staring at me.
(it runs aunt/uncle to niece/nephew in our family, seemingly)
Why on earth these people can't find anything more interesting to do than hate someone they've not taken the trouble to know,
?? It's the way they are though. So please forgive me if I don't contribute much at first - I am not used to communicating with others, having got right out of the habit - plus the time I can spend upright typing (owing to spinal damage before diagnosis) is limited. I am by now terrified of phrasing something in such a way as to offend, having had no-one but myself to 'talk' to, and as I understand myself without explanation, I am bothered that I may occasionally phrase something in a way that I know means no offense - but others, not knowing me, may not. I mentally 'shorthand' - plus I am not up in the current PC language and may use a word or term that has, in the last year - or five - become unacceptable. (I tend to avoid a lot of news reading as this only leads to a desire to discuss it with someone - which makes me feel isolation all the more! A bit like window-shopping when one can never afford the goods, so apart from keeping up with world news thru Reuters I don't follow the papers much, especially as a lot of it is what they want us to hear rather than the actual truth. (No I'm not a conspiracy nut, it's just things that don't suit the govt. of the day tend to be swept under the carpet and we get the boring sex lives of boring people instead. Who cares if the Home Secretary was bonking someone? Only his wife and those immediately concerned -it's their business and I very much doubt it actually affects his work. In close to 50 years that's one thing I've noticed - adultery is pretty common but if it had the effect on work that the papers would have us believe - civilization would never have got started at all, surely?)
Sorry for ear-bending - as I said, I don't talk very often . . . . I get accused of whingeing - but a complicated life can't be explained in ten minutes flat - which I wish my so-called 'doctor' would understand.
Thanks for putting up with it all if you've got this far - one more thing, my profile calls my interests 'legion' because there is little on this planet other than (SORRY! - but the English can talk of little else unless one is lucky enough to live among the civilized. Even that famous subject, the weather is only as it relates to 'rained off' or 'heavy going'/covered pitch . . . . ) sport that doesn't interest me.
Having said my piece, bye for now
damnationali
PS - I forgot to say - typical as it's probably the most relevant thing! - I believe all the malice and negativity attitudes around here encourages psychic attack and malign forces generally - hence the book purchase and my arrival here. BFN