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Oh yeah i see... now i understand, yeah this is definetly very handy but not for what i am looking for (instant real time hallucinations), but still thanks a lot for the technique.

Wait a minute... that is a very unique technique, so sorry for all these questions, so this is supposed to get the image imprinted for extended periods of time to be recalled later, this isn't what i had in mind BUT it's still a VERY interesting technique. But what you mean, that you are able to "hallucinate" it ANYTIME in the future just by trying to remember it?? Or you mean just a VERY CRYSTAL CLEAR like mental image (not hallucinated) ?

Still thanks a lot for that technique and i will try it, anyway this isn't exactly what i had in mind, what i want more is being able to (at will) hallucinate specific visualizations "temporary" that only last a few seconds (or until i "make them" dissapear) since i want to actually hallucinate things in motion (much like virtual reality) or even "drawing" things in real time, not just static pictures.

Any idea if your technique still improves somehow the skill in the way i want with "dynamic" hallucinations or it's JUST meant to "imprint" pictures as hallucinations in long term?

Sorry if i misunderstood again But it's just that i never heared anything like this...

It seems like you answered your own question here.

I just said that because i have no 100% garantee that the gradual practise will indeed prevent from having hallucinations about everything in my mind's eye, so i guess you're sure about this then? Good!

Yes, it takes practice, patience and perseverance
I know people hate to hear that, but it's true. You get from it exactly what you put into it.
You can't rush a skill like learning guitar or piano. So why rush with this? You will find the more your practice, not only the easier it gets, but the more other little "hints and helpers" that you will acquire along the way.

Yeah but you confirm then, that is the correct way of doing this then ? The problem isn't that about taking time (even tough i mentioned if there was a faster way, i just meant in a way that i COULD probably using a less efficiant method since i don't know if there is more efficiant methods), i AM ready to commit myself to this because the desire is too great, the only problem is that i have tried many things in the past and nothing seemed to work, so this is why i would like confirmation from experienced people that this IS really a efficient way of training something like this, since i don't want to waste months of practise doing something wrong or the "less efficiant" method while thinking i am already doing the best one there is.

But from what you said it appears i am doing it right then, so my motivation is great now!

I've posted this somewhere already.
You need ideally a large window with an interesting view where you can sit relaxed for a while.
You need to be able to look for an object in the view and keep your eyes very still for a sec or two.
Position yourself and cover your eyes obtaining total darkness with no pressure on your eyelids.
Look into the dark until its stabilised.
Remove the cover and look at a single point in the view and hold it until it becomes crystal clear.
Immediately close the eyes and place the cover for total darkness.
Look forward into the darkness without moving any eye muscles. You don't need to even try to focus.
Just observe and the reverse colour image will fade and an exact full colour sharp image will appear of your view.
This should work for anyone.
Its not clairvoyance but the way the clean image appears out of the blackness has similarities...

Thanks a lot for this technique, unfortunately i tend to interpret things too literaly in cases like this so i will do a resumed version of what you wrote and then you tell me if i understood correctly, right ?
1. I look for a window with a interesting view where i can be seated (i presume looking at a computer picture on the screen or it has to be something 3d from the physical world, like, looking at a room in my house?) while at the same time preparing to later look at a object and keeping eyes still.
2. I position myself and i cover my eyes (for practical reasons i prefer using something like my hands without pressure on the eyes) until the darkness is stabilized.
3. I remove the cover/hands at a single point in the view until it becomes crystal clear (what you mean by this since i have open eyes? you mean, until the "mental memory" of that view becomes crystal clear in my mind?). Also i presume this is done for about, 1 minute i guess?
4. Then i close the eyes and cover with my hands
5. I just observe the reverse color image in the darkness and then after it fades it should appear a full sharp image
6. Now this is what i presume we should do next, in case i don't get a full sharp exercice, i just repeat the exercice over again a few times

I hope i understood correctly, and that the point on the cover is just because of having full darkness instead of "orange" darkness.

Also that last part of the sharp image the way you say almost seems like it's going to happen at the very first tries of this, but i presume it's just like Lionhart said, that it's going to take practise, and it's normal that this sharp image you say will only start appearing after a LOT of pratise with this method, right ? If that's the case any idea how much time something like this takes? days? weeks? months?

Just confirm those things and then i will now have two methods to practise (yours and the one i mentioned in the main thread), having confindence they will work later.

A long time ago i have learned that if i intensively visualize something on a blank wall for a few minutes, and after i enter the alpha state, that i start getting a after-image in the precise shape of the shape or thing i was visualizing, sometimes even with color (non-inversed color), which is, literally hallucinating what i visualize, which is something i always wanted to have so much (in a controlled way OF COURSE! I definetly DON'T want to hallucinate images caused by intrusive/random thoughts). I even noticed i am able to do this as well with "animations" not just stationary mental images.

The problem here is, that lately i have started to practise this again, and sometimes i am actually able to have good results, the big problem here is the HUGE amount of time it takes (sometimes 15-20m other times it's needed several sessions along the day without results to start have results), and i wonder if there is a way to induce such things a lot faster anytime, and ONLY on specific visualizations we intend and not all of them (i say this because i DEFINITELY don't want to hallucinate those images caused by intrusive thoughts), so i wonder, if THIS is related to clairvoyance at all, that would mean that exercices related to the third eye chakra WOULD help on this (but so far i haven't noticed any difference not even with meditation or energy work).

Unless this is a matter of sheer practise and just that it's enought?

Also someone advised me to actually start to practise on REAL after images on our eyes when looking at bright things, with things like trying to have the after image stay longer, then starting to try manipulating it and to make it stay a lot longer (which wouldn't be the real after image anymore but a generated one from memory of the real one), etc Anyway ever practised something like this ?

The only thing i am afraid of this is later on this starting to come out of control and literally start to hallucinate everything i visualize, which i presume it WON'T happen if we practise and learn this skill in a gradual way ?

I also thought about hypnsosis but forget it, i never had results with it, it almost seems i am unable to be hypnotized, so i guess i will have to develop this skill from sheer practise but i would still apreciate feedback from people who have some experience on this.

This method is a bit uncommon, but you can be shure, that it works.

Yeah i know that it's uncommon, i basically invented a "mini version"/shorter version of the full n.e.w. exercices while trying to maintain almost the same order, because the full n.e.w. exercices (for example, full leg and arms work) takes me TWO HOURS to complete (and of course, i am very tired at the end, i think last time i tried this was a few years ago and i was able to do it for 3 weeks in a daily bassis, and strangely there wasn't absolutly any noticeable sideffects, good or bad after that, that's why i stopped it at the time, even tough i know this takes time to work), and that combined with the unresponsive areas makes it a significant torture from my part (besides i don't have time anymore for that since i got the full time job), because i naturally tend to make extra effort and physical tensing on the areas that are unresponsive because i am afraid i am wasting my time and not doing it correctly, and because of that it makes this harder and longer than it looks, since when i do n.e.w. on the responsive areas of course i am a lot more motivated, but when i feel nothing it seems almost like i am doing a lot of effort and not matter how much i try to believe this is normal and that it will start to respond better in the future, i am very afraid it's doing nothing at all. Please if someone here has this problem as well tell me how to get over this problem...

I would call this method a combination of: removal of blockades and enhancing of own energy. The mechanics are similar to my methods for the blockade removal and enhancing.

Yeah but this thing of when i stop doing n.e.w. interely the negative emotions came back in a rush when there is triggers, is definetly NOT a good signal, it could mean that something around me or that i am exposed to is influencing me negatively, but from what i have studied so far in my diary, stopping watching any violence on tv or on videogames doesn't seem to have a effect, so probably it could be because i am surrounded by people that get angry very easely and that usually argues, and if that's the problem, obviously won't ever be avoided, so i will have to continue doing this for a long time, the problem is i hope i don't have to depend on this forever to avoid continuing living a life of constant fear and panic at my job (since i absolutly have no alternative to this job to be able to pay bills and food).

Unless maybe it's like i said in the initial post, it's possible that i have to get more serious and spend more time on n.e.w. to make this having a lasting longer effect, OR do some tweaks in this method, that's why some advice would be usefull, but maybe i have to find on my own, while i wait here for feedback.

By the way when i say less responsive part, i mean my right side of the body, for example my right leg and right arm, i have a lot more trouble feeling it energetically, while my left side is too responsive.

One more thing : another thing i tried several times before and that haven't done any effect at all where self healings using kundalini reiki and gold reiki, strangely n.e.w. worked a lot better on this that those healings (probably because it's SELF healings) despite this working well when i healed other people in the past using the same methods.

I know this is a long post (as always...) but this is a amazing discovery, this may even help some other people that like me are suffering from anxiety of emotional abuse from other people and absolutly can't get away from those persons... (even tough probably it's better have some advice of the persons here that understand about energy work in depth).

After months and months of daily emotion abuse and picking on by my boss because of the mistakes i do at work in a daily basis (which is my own oncle, this is a long story not necessary to give full explanations here, all that matters is that i am completly stuck with this job and i have no other alternative because of my autism/asperger personality, by the way he is bipolar and schysofrenic) and of several panic attacks and anxiety, along with very strong feelings of dread, fear and shame, since i have to contain myself to not respond to provocations, for the last months i got real desperate and start to search everywhere in learning how to IGNORE/ACCEPT provocations, "belittling" and scoldings without arguing back of feel very strong negative emotions.

Because ever since i got to this job i started to develop a huge phobia from angry people and yelling, and in top of this i have some phobias since a child because of being bullied at school (n fact i AM being bullying/picked on by absolutly everyone in my whole life, mostly because of the asperger personality i have so i am treated like a child even tough i am 32 years old because i interpret everything literally or in the opposite way of what the others are thinking) which causes me to always feel very strong feelings of shame and humiliation when being picked on or pointed for doing mistakes, and since my boss is almost like what it's called a "impossible person" (when he is on his angry mood, since he is bipolar and schyzofrenic) it's useless even trying to argue back it only makes him more mad, anyone that wants to keep this job has to learn to shup up and not fight back (one of his employies was already fired because of this before) no matter how unfair or provocative are the things he says. Also of course it's absolutly useless talking to him explaining that i might be asperger, he ONLY believes what he wants to believe and it's very very stubborn, he just thinks i don't do enought effort and that's all.

Since i don't even have chance to go to shrinks or doctors, ever since november i started making a very detailed study and dairy about my daily life, for example, i take note everytime i get angry, which situations make me angry or feel specific negative emotions, and also what i watch on tv has a negative effect on my mind or not (check this post : http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_spiritual_evolution/cause_of_the_so_called_quotbad_luckquotquot13th_fridayquotlike_days-t34252.0.html oh by the way!! I have discovered that after all this is NOT the cause of the "bad luck" or negative emotions i have, it was indeed coincidences), and also the degree of negative emotions i feel when i am picked on or provoqued by my boss or my family, because i HAVE to discover what exactly makes my ego so reactive, or if this is all influence of the tv shows i watch/videogames or even the kind of unsual sexual desires i have (which isn't necessary to talk about here).

Then a few weeks ago, during the daily bus rides i have to take to get to my job (they are 40m long) i had a great idea, why not start doing a "faster" and short new energy ways exercice to see if this has any effect on dealing with emotions? After all i already tried almost everything and almost nothing so far worked, except presence methods by eckhart tolle on "the power of now", that worked for a while but i have to constantly read his book over and over to keep my mind primed for this, to be able to remember to be present and accept the "now" all the time and this has to be done consciously and of course during a HUGE pressure job that this is, it's very difficult remembering this during the job because the provocations happen always by surprise when my boss sees i do a mistake or have any single hesitation.
So i start doing this to help me stop feeling such intense reactions from my ego from being scolded and belittled/provoqued. Since i am limited to 40m on the bus i now do this in a daily basis, NOTE that most of these brushing/wrapping mental actions using body awareness are done almost in a "hurry" and it's not very throught or intense, besides i have trouble fully concentrating on this, so i think that this training isn't THAT intensive on chakras as you might think :

- mentally brushing my foot chakra, then the whole foot top and the sole and toes
- wrapping the ankle
- brushing the front and back of my lower leg
- wrapping the knee joint
- brushing front and back of upper leg
- brushing hip joint
- repeat the above steps in the right leg

- mentally brushing my hand top and palm
- wrapping the wrist
- brushing the forearm, on the outside and inside part
- wrapping the elbow joint
- brushing the upper arm on the outside and inside part
- wrapping the shoulder joint
- repeat all the above on the right arm

- stirring action on the root chakra directly
- brushing action very slowly starting from coccyx and then up to the neck, each minute on a chakra level area (for example, i spend 1m brushing up and down a specific part of the spine near each of the major chakras)
- doing a brushing action very slowly from the body front, starting at the solar plexus area, then heart chakra area and then throat area
- a wide wrapping horizontal action around my neck, covering also throat chakra on the front, and the shoulders surface
- stirring action on the chin (ADMEITUS chakra) or sometimes brushing action instead, then nose point, then the 3rd eye chakra directly, then the back of the head (ERECHTHEUS chakra area), and finally the crown chakra
- brushing wide action starting from throat chakra, passing through chin, lips, nose, 3rd eye, then to crown chakra going in a straight line inside my head starting from 3rd eye, then back down to my back of the back and ending at the neck, and then repeating this action a few times quickly, again starting from the throat chakra
- then to finish i do a mental brushing action in a straight line between my 3rd eye and ERECHTHEUS chakra area, almost like there was being a imaginary physical wire being pulled back and forth, i have read some advice like this somewhere
- sometimes to conclude i do some kind of grounding exercice, altough i never noticed any negative side effects when not doing it (by the way i always have to do a 15m walk on foot to reach my job after i arrive by bus, maybe this has some grounding effect i believe)

Well, in the first 1-2 days i don't notice anything different, BUT after 2-3 days i start noticing "miraculous" changes, instinctively i start feeling less fear and dread when confrented with the phobia triggers (boss yelling or getting angry), i notice that in the first days this gradually improves each day, for example usually it takes a week of n.e.w. to me feel almost no fear or panic/dread during those provocations or at least decrease a lot the frequency at which they happen (since they never dissapear completly), BUT strangely i noticed there is still a lot of intensity of the shame/humiliation feelings even tough sometimes i don't have them, so even the frequency of those get reduced as well.

And that's not all i even feel some internal peace of spirit during the "calm times" (i mean, when my boss isn't angry) that i don't usually feel, and i start working better and faster, BUT of course those mistakes i do because of being asperger and having literal thinking that can't be helped of course, so it's almost impossible to completly avoid getting misunderstoodings from my boss orders, but at least i feel a lot more confortable when being confronted by mistakes even tough the humiliation and shame emotions are still frequently present frequently but even those seems to happen less frequently now. By the way the panic/dread feelings DO come back sometimes, but happen a LOT less frequently.

What is amazing in this is that this happens NATURALLY and automatically, i DON'T have to conciously try to be calm, or to remember to accept the present and the emotions, this is exactly what i needed, because with all the huge pressure i have to do everything fast and without mistakes and of course when the mistakes happen, my boss imediatly started yelling and belittling and of course it always caught me by surprise it's impossible to remember to not react, but when doing new i don't have to worry about this anymore, even tough sometimes i still react.

Also i noticed i frequently get small aches/needle like pain in my throat and heart chakras always at the front part of the body (not in my back) and even on the crown chakra, this of course didn't happen when i didn't do new), but it's always small aches so i guess i am not working too hard on them, somedays it's on the heart chakra, other's on the throat chakra and others on the crown, but fortunately those are the only negative side effects i had so far. Oh i remember now sometimes i also have a ache on the spine level of the solar plexus chakra or heart chakra, but this is rare.

And now it's the amazing thing, after 2-3 weeks, i started to get tired of doing this on a daily basis (the big problem is that i have a lot of trouble doing new in non-responsible areas because i tend to stay on them for almost 5 minutes because i am afraid i am "not doing it right"), so i tried stopping doing n.e.w. interely to see what happens, and you can believe what happened?? After 2-3 days of stopping doing it gradually it all came back to "normal" !!! I mean, the fear and dread emotions just came back everytime the phobias are triggered, and of course the internal peace was completly gone! This was by the way, a huge shock to me, because i was still thinking this was just coincidence, i never tought n.e.w. would REALLY be the responsable for the improvement of the negative emotions handling, and to be so strong to the point of being able to afffect that, because never before i had any indication that n.e.w. ever did any benefict to me when i did it a few years ago, since i never noticed absolutly no difference in psychic habilites or perceptions after doing it, not even in ESP tests, but this was the first time i starting doing n.e.w. after i got to that job, so this time i was able to finally notice any major improvements by using n.e.w. the problem is that they are ONLY temporary... I guess it's necessary to get SERIOUS on n.e.w. (for example do the full energy work exercices) for this to do permanent changes in long term? The problem is that it's still very tedious to do n.e.w. specially on the parts that are unresponsive, it's almost like a torture...

The goal of this post is mostly to know if anyone else had this kind of n.e.w. beneficts or if this is a isolated case? And also what you more experienced guys in energy work think of that n.e.w. routine, could it be done more effeciently? Is it too "heavy", since i am working at main chakras as well ?

And of course, most importantly, can anyone try a similar routine to see if it also improved their emotions handling ?

OH i almost forgot to say, after a week of stopping doing n.e.w., i tried AGAIN starting doing n.e.w., and amazingly the peace of spirit  gradually came back and starting getting much less intense negative emotions in 2-3 days just like the last time, almost everything improved the same way, i start having the same results again, it's amazing, it's no doubt now this is NOT coincidence it's really n.e.w. that it's doing this since i AM able to reproduce these results!

About tilting the head i have to forget it, my neck immediatly starts to ache a bit (maybe because i have to tilt a lot) so clearly moving the circle manually is the best solution.

Anyway then it seems it is a question of the eyes, in fact when i was a young kid i think i had a problem about my eyes i don't remember exactly but i think i had to use specially glases with some opaque tapes at the sides of the nose because of bad position of each eye (i can't explain this better) so maybe it was because of that.

Well, thanks for the feedback anyway to all of you

Finally after a lot of googling here's the test : http://getinazone.com/get-energized/printable-brain-teasers
Check it out, then see if the circles are at the same height to you when you cross the eyes or if it's just me...

Yes but... when my eyes are NOT crossed the circles are perfectly lined, this ONLY happens with eyes crossed, also i have to tilt the head considerably, not only my neck starts to hurt if kept in that position, but also the white lines of the circles themselfs also tilt (but not the circle itself) so it's not a + sign anymore, it almost looks like an X ! Anyway i already have to solution, which is keeping a circle lower than the other on the computer image, the only problem is if this could cause any problem in my eyesight by looking the circles not lined up could cause any problem but i guess i am worring for nothing But just to confirm... you DO see the circles perfectly lined even with eyes crossed, right ? You or anyone else here.

I hope this is the right place to post this, since probably it is more something to do with my physical eyes, but just wondering if anyone has this problem. Anyway moderators feel free to move the post if necessary.

Everytime i tried that famous exercice to do hemi-sync (crossing the eyes to try to see a white cross in two circles, a blue one and a red one) i noticed something particular : when i look at the circles with focused vision, of course i see them normally, each at the height, but when i cross my eyes to my surprise the right circle is ALWAYS a few centimetres below (vertically), i had to edit the picture to be able to match the circles when having crossed eyes. This of course doesn't only happen with the circles, i think (i am not too sure) this happens with anything i try to see with eyes crossed, also i noticed that the vertical distance sometimes changes a bit more or less 1-2 centimetres.

Is this normal? Sure i do actually use glasses and i have myopia, i don't know if this is the cause, is there anyone here with myopia or that uses glasses that already had this problem as well? Also i wonder if like this the exercice will still be efficient, i don't know what kind of side effect could happen if i am trying to do hemisync with unalligned circles... (probably nothing bad)

Well, it's not that I think they can't affect someone, I'm sure they can. But I do feel that a person doesn't have to be. I think that we have the ability to choose how certain things effect us, especially things that we willfully choose to do. If you feel on some level that what you're doing is immoral or negative in some way, it will in turn have a negative effect. If I felt this kind of stuff was bringing me down in any kind of way, I wouldn't do it. I have fun and then I'm done. I also read and meditate on a daily basis and stay fairly mindful throughout the day (or try to).

So... maybe that's the difference, you actually meditate on a daily basis and keep mindful so probably that's why that problem of getting angry or violent doesn't happen to you then... So the only way i see is to keep doing meditation as well because if this doesn't affect you then it SHOULD not affect me as well, specially because i didn't even know such thing as priming existed before, and i only started to notice a relation between the increased "bad luck" and violent stuff recently and before that i didn't actually ever felt guilty or immoral when playing violent games or seeing violent tvshows, by the contrary i even refused to believe that such things would have an effect on me. Ironically, it seems it's the opposite that's been happening...

As far as games I've recently played: GTA4, Red Dead Redemption, Crysis, & Bioshock 2. (and Portal 2 lately, but it's not violent).

Yeah that's exactly the kind of games i play as well, by the way i played bioshock 1 a few months ago, but at the time i haven't noticed the relation yet so i don't know if it primed me or not. But if you play ALL this without being affected... then priming can't be the cause of the "bad luck" in my case, it has to be something else that i will have to try to findmyself.

I don't watch much TV, but I love horror movies. For me, it's all about having fun and entertainment, and in some contexts, a social commentary you can learn from.

Yeah that's exactly why i watch those violent shows on tv it's precisely for having fun an entertainment (by the way i dislike horror movies those DO INDEED affect me at a conscious level indeed so it's those i should really avoid) so i don't understand why these uncontrolled bursts of anger afterwards.

Anyway thanks for the help

Ok it's best i reply this by PM, we can continue this later when you can.

to Stookie_ :

One thing i forgot, can you name specific violent video games or even the violent tvshows you watch ? It's just to see if any of them happens to be the same as the ones i noticed that affected me or not. Also it's strange that they don't affect you because i also haven't played long, i only played about 15-20 minutes and that alone was enought. But it's not possible that i am the only one affected by this, you're sure it doesn't really affect you? I am  not talking of course of behaving EXACTLY like in the games (LOL) but things like getting angry a lot easier for contraditions on anything, having less patience when talking with someone or reacting more agressively than normal, because i find very strange that priming only affects SOME people and not all, unless it's also dependent of those that are more suggestionable...

your subconscious is primed with these ideas of "hostility" and your behavior corresponds.  your boss' subconscious then picks up on your behaviors (all of the nonverbal communication - tone, body language, attitude, etc.) and they react accordingly.  neither of you are consciously aware of any of it, but it's happening.  the majority of our interactions are nonverbal, and if your subconscious is primed with a certain idea, it shows in your nonverbal actions.

Oh my god... well that explains everything then.

Ok now there's something real important i would like to know how the heck is done, as i told before i am asperger, and i also have the obssessive compulsive behavior that is normal on aspergers, therefore it is VERY hard to get rid of things i like a lot, and unfortunately many of them are related to violence, and i tried many times to stop wanting them, but if i stop "feeding" with them for some time, the obssession and need for them starts to increase day by day, and believe me no matter how i try to avoid them, it seems the stronger the desires for them get. This is something i don't understand, is there some kind of universal law in which the most we try to avoid something, the stronger the need for it gets?? Because unfortunately i find that problem in everything i try to stop liking (specially when it's about wanting to lose sex fetishes that i see that are also causing a great deal of negative priming), and it's on this i need urgent help but i understand that it's very complicated issues and almost no one is able to help on this.

But probably there is a very specific way in how to deal with the desires either them being desires for fun (playing games or watching tvshows), or the sexual urges for some fetishes, because trying to avoid any of this it just makes the desires stronger in medium term (even to the point i start to daydream several times a day about them, in a obssessive way), so how to we deal mentally with these things? I already tried to just ignore them and not feeding them, but it has the same result as just avoiding them, it just makes the desires stronger later. Also i am of course doing meditation as well but of course... that will takes a VERY long time to be able to affect this, i have to do something meanwhile to be able to starting to get rid of the desires as soon as possible because of the negative priming they all cause.

there is a simple psychological explanation that requires no metaphysics or other hocus pocus.
it's called priming.
your mind is primed with a certain scenario and you subconscious leads you to act in a corresponding manner.
you play violent games or watch violent tv and your subconscious is primed with anger/violence/pessimism/etc.
for a certain amount of time afterward (different depending on you) your mind allows for scenarios that correspond.
your boss isn't being a willy, your behavior and attitude for the day will now illicit that response in him/her.
this is the psychological explanation for what the new age movement calls the law of attraction (though they sometimes include an aspect of nonphysical/psychic influence - like you're "sending out vibes" or something; not saying i don't believe in such a thing, but it's not really necessary for an explanation of this situation).

Wow... believe me i never heared of "priming" before, but after looking up on wikipedia i think i now understand what that is. Maybe indeed this is indeed part of the problem in this case.

your boss isn't being a willy, your behavior and attitude for the day will now illicit that response in him/her.

What you mean by this, it means THEIR subconcious are going to react this way, only because MY subconcious was primed with this, therefore explaining that thing of the "psychic influence" ? If yes then indeed i noticed that, i think the only solution for this until i am able to get rid of the desire to play such games or watching those tv shows, is just to LEARN to be present and able to accept when they get angry to me, i notice that sometimes i AM able to control myself on that aspect even on these "bad luck" days. By the way what you mean by "willy" ? (my native language isn't english) i think i already heared that expression before but i can't remember what i means.

If the video games make you feel violent or aggressive, then yes, I suppose those could manifest in some nasty ways. But video game are just straight-up fun for me, and I have a lot of fun in my life.

Wait a minute... but i DON'T feel violent or agressive when playing those games (unless, of course, i am playing in a game without manual save feature and i lose and i have to start a mission all over again THAT indeed makes me feel agressive only because i have to start all over again! LOL But that happens in anything i do not just in violent games) so most of the times i feel a LOT of fun (not because of the violence itself, even tough i absolutly love destruction or destroying stuff in games but i never had problems controlling myself with that in real life) playing such games, also i don't only like violent games, i also like adventure games and other ones.

"I'm far from being aggressive or acting like a character in the game or expecting those thing to really happen."

Yeah that's what i mean, i NEVER ever felt doing such things too, he problem is, AFTER playing the game, sometimes in the next day in a situation i am having fun doing another activity, if someone interrupts me, usually i react a bit more angry and do a bit of shouting to the person leaving me alone, more than usual when not playing games in the previous days so the priming theory makes sense EVEN if in the game itself it's not about shouting to someone, but that's all, i never ever felt desire to anything remotly close to what i do in the game itself or what i see in tv shows. There is one thing that bothers me on tv shows, it's seeing people angry in tv shows THAT does bother me, and it's that i am being trying to avoid in real life, because i already suffered so much with that all my life that it's become a phobia, specially if it's with my boss, so usually i fast foward such scenes on tvshows.

Playing pinball? Yeah right, that makes me feel worse, i mean, boooring... lol but i do play solitaire lately too (in fact lately i only play that since i am avoiding violent games because of the tests).

It's the law of mind action (loA) at work.

Law of mind action ? You mean, law of attraction? I ask that since it's the first time heared that name (law of mind action) If you mean law of attraction then yes that's what i think, i just find it strange that it happens SO quickly, in a matter of hours, but if that is true it should happen to EVERYONE not just me, unless you don't meant the law of attraction...

Friday the 13th is actually my luckiest day.
Why? Because I believe it is.

Lol i just used the name 13th friday to exemplify  the kind of day that is "usually" associated to a very bad luck day, i actually myself DON'T believe that 13th fridays are unlucky days since nothing different happens to me in 13th fridays.

I play violent video games and watch horror/slasher movies without repercussions or feeling guilty. If they make you feel bad or guilty, then I could see how it may effect your outside life.

What ? That means it just happens to me? So in your case you don't get more impatient or losing control in situations in which the ego is contradicted, after playing violent games earlier? Incredible then this just happens because i believe it does? That's strange because actually the law of attraction would sooner or later start manifesting about that.

One of the reasons i partially feel the need to get rid of these hobbies is because of the law of attraction, for example, watching violent stuff or tv shows with people displaying negative emotions often will inevitably attract the same things into our lives either we believe on that or not, isn't this true ? It's mostly because this lately i started to worry about the hobbies i have, i don't want to attract such things to my life i JUST want to keep them in the FICTIONAL world, but unfortunately that's not how the LOA works i presume... Besides that i would of course keep these hobbies (specially because i have obssessive compulsive behavior and even if i wanted i am not able to get rid of these hobbies).

I have to ask if anyone ever discovered any connection of the so called bad luck days that all people have in relation to the actions or hobbies they have, because i think i have discovered it in my case, this is something so incredible, i need to know if this happens to other people or not : everytime i play violent pc games (for example FPS shooters or envolving destruction) or watch tv shows or animes about fighting (dbz more specifically but also other animes) or with some kind of violence, something very strange happens the next day : i start getting some kind of misterious "bad luck" that lasts sometimes for one day or a few days, depending of the amount of minutes i played or watched the tv show. For example, i do more mistakes and have slower mental thinking in those days, and people start yelling or "bullying" a lot more often and picking on me for things they don't usually pick, and i am talking more specifically at my job with my boss, but it's also with other persons, like my family. Also i noticed my clumsyness increases a LOT in those times, i also have a lot more cases in which i lose my temper and uncontrolled ego situations like arguing with someone, and usually i have a normal control on this when not during these times (since i am actively trying to avoid arguments all the time).

Yes i know everyone will immediatly say this is pure coincidence, but i actually refrained myself of playing those games and tvshows for several days, and those situations were a lot more rare to happen and my life considerably improved along with my "luck" (i quote this since i believe in LOA and i don't believe in luck exactly). As soon as i tried to watch just one of those violent tv shows, or play a video game, just once, in the following day the "bad luck" INSTANTLY came back! Believe me i tried these tests many times (not just 2-3 times, 10 or more times), and very rarely i have "bad luck" days like this when not watching those tvshows or playing games. I even notice the amount of "bad luck" i get is directly proporcional to the amount of violence present in the less violent tv shows i watch and the duration in minutes i watched it.

Since it's VERY hard to me to get rid of these hobbies, and i end up suffering a lot if i refrain myself permanently of doing them, i would like to know if this is normal or not and if anyone at all has any idea of what the heck is this, and if anyone ever had a situation like this and a possible fix, because this definetly isn't normal, it's so bizarre that in fact no one believes me, it's almost like this is black magic, psychic attacks or some kind of possession. It's almost like the law of attraction manifests SO FAST that it attracts similar situations to me to the ones i saw in the tvshows or video games, another strange thing is that it's always stronger when it's about violent things, when it's about positive things, it's not that strong...

Also i considered the chance that this could be somekind of side effect of negative thinking, or because of me actually BELIEVING this would happen this way, but this started to happen LONG before i even noticed or discovered that this was the cause of the bad luck days.

cesm23, after reading your posts I think you might be right about having aspergers syndrome. I have it too. try going to wrong planet.com. its a great website for people with aspergers.

Wow finally... but unfortunately i am not seeing much what can this help on my case, but i am going to explore that website then, thanks. By the way do you know if that's a good place to get "penpals" to talk about these type of problems? (specially in chats) I ask this because of course, having someone to chat with which is also an asperger could help me a lot in how to overcome somethings in a way more suited to an asperger... (well, emailing is also good, but a forum... it's way too much talk needed it would generate huge topics, if you check some of my previous posts you see how much i talk).

I wanted to mention I came across an article somewhere that said many people with aspergers are empaths..then I thought of this thread.

Hum... that's interesting indeed, the problem is finding a treatment for this, or harder yet, getting TIME and the place to get treated in the first place. Also for what i read i don't think there is a complete cure for this, i am not even sure anymore if meditation is enought for things like this, because unfortunately, people with asperger have different chemistry and their brains seem to work differently, i am not sure if it's also in a physical level (probably not since i already took a c.a.t. once and it showed nothing wrong) or not, the problem is i need urgently something to calm the symptoms in a short term, and of course meditation is way too weak for phobias like these, i am beeing googling a lot and i see no other alternative, controlled exposure and mixing it with presence and positive thinking is the only viable solution i see so far, since i have absolutly no way of having time or a place to get treated or finding other job. Besides... the way i am, and by personal experience, this would happen in ANY job anywhere, because the clumsyness is also mental (and not just a little) so you can imagine, ANY person as a boss would be almost as bad as the current boss i have.

Wow thanks a lot i think this is finally what i need, at least for now it's enough, let's just hope that i am able to maintain this pratice, because everytime i tried before, i always ended quiting.

Sorry only now i could reply this

Also, you really sound like an empath to me, It may not be the only problem, but that statement right there is definitely empathetic.

Hum... even if have to use my physical senses to be able to "get" these feelings (for example by seeing or hearing) without using ESP at all, it's still empathy?? I tough empathy was only called empathy in a sense of a psychic ability, i mean, when there is actually use of ESP, which doesn't seem to be my case, also this means that all those persons that cry when watching romantic movies at the cinema or when seeing/hearing sad music, they are ALL empaths?? I tought this was simply being "sensitive", and that it's something that most people have, so apparently, the normal thing is not feeling affected by such things ? (i mean, non psychic sensitive people)

But still... if i am REALLY an empath then there isn't really here anyone who knows what to do to not be affected by these negative emotions ?

When it comes down to it, there is no quick fix for emotional problems like this. Whether you do it yourself through meditation or with professional help, it will take a while and you'll probably always have to work at it one way or another. But it can be done.

Well... the problem is that unfortunatly that won't help me much, but i understand that due to the complexity of this.

The most anyone else can do is guide you to doing it yourself. No one else can force you to feel a certain way. Your feelings are your feelings.

Yeah indeed probably that's the only way i see it, sooner or later i have to find someone which is able to tell what i need in a way i can understand, hence why i made this post after all...

Here's how I look at issues like this: how we feel is directly related to how we think. Negative thoughts bring negative emotions. If you can change the way you think, you can change the way you feel, even around horrible people.

Wow i really hope this is true, indeed i think sometimes about the negative emotions i have at my work, and probably this attract even more furute situations to trigger those emotions.

I've been through this myself during my teens and early 20's (probably not as severe though), and after a few years of practicing meditation (learning to concentrate and gain control of my thoughts), I was able to overcome it and become a fairly confident person.

Hum... try being a little more specific on this, what you did besides the control of your thoughts, you also did some internal questioning about the ego, for example, in why we feel offended when someone belittles or insults us, among many similar things that trigger negative emotions, is THIS a kind of fix for these problems? I read something like this in "our ultimate reality", that about deeply meditating about what our egos make we fell and why, this IS part of the solution right?

At least it's the ONLY way out i see, the problem here is that everytime i try meditation with closed eyes, i start having hypnagogic imagery in a few minutes, and after that it's VERY hard to focus in what i was meditating on, this is incredibly distracting and this even makes me feel like i am just half-asleep and that i am just wasting my time and this isn't going to do any good (because sleeping is something normal and won't do any development).

Sorry for the delay on the replys.

Have you ever thought of taking some self-defense classes?  When you feel stronger in your masculine warrior energy, you might not feel so panicky.

Well... that could be a good idea, but i don't know... would this be "powerfull" enought to prevent the traumas from triggering ? Judging the depth and severity of the physical and emotional feelings i get maybe that wouldn't be enought. Anyway i don't even have free time for taking that, i really have a FULL time job now unfortunately.

The N.E.W techniques will definately get easier if you keep at it. It took me months to get rid of all my blockages.

Yeah that part of taking months to get rid of all blockages i understand, but don't tell me you didn't had any SINGLE indication it was working or showing some results during the first few weeks or months of doing it daily ? Because this is the major problem to me...

Besides tell me another thing, after doing it a few months what things exactly you notice different on you besides the improvement of the flow in the blocked areas?

Just have a read at the book and see if it resonates with you. It might not, everyone's path is different.

Well, i think i already judged that at the time i read it, unfortunately maybe it's not exactly what i need...

Have you considered moving away to somewhere else for a few years? Abroad even? I reckon if you can get away from the abusive people then you stand a better chance of being able to heal.

Oh yes, definetly, but there are MAJOR problems with this, first of all i don't know anyone outside that would help me on this, also i would need a lot of money for this, and worse, where and how i would live by myself during the time it would take to find a new job ? Unfortunately it's not that easy, specially without someone trusted to help us in the place i would go.

Besides, i think the problem is not just my oncle, i once had a small job during 3 months in a computer store, and their boss was similar to this one i had all because i have this strange way of interpretating things the wrong way (typical of aspergers i think) so i basically get yelled at by almost just ANYONE, since my way of interpreting things usually are the opposite of the majority of the persons, so i don't know if going away from my oncle is going to make such a difference, since this isn't just with him. I am actually getting desperate with this, because today he even also started treatning to fire me if this continues (specially because the huge arguments for EVERY single mistake i do, which of course, happen very frequently because of living in constant fear and pressure), and believe me this would be the WORST thing to happen, because i don't have now anymore persons giving money to help pay the bills like before, well, for the moment i still have my grandmother but my father already stopped.

You say its the best job you can get just now but is it the best life you could be having? Money isnt always the most important thing.

Yes, but what alternative i have ? The most common jobs are a lot worse than this one, i would have a worse life in other aspects, and besides i am way too clumsy to stay too long in a job, that's what most persons in my family says, and unfortunately it's true... That's why a computer related job is the best to me, since at least on the computer i am not that clumsy, that is, if i don't have ultra pressure to do everything at the speed of light, which is the problem with the current job.

Anyway i am getting REAL DESPERATE with this, i constantly see people around me arguing and yelling and never having respect for me, i live surrounded by "animals" (angry persons) and i am lately getting more and more sensitive with these things, and i don't know what to do anymore, since even professional help i am unable to get, and there is no one in my family with autority to speak with my oncle about this (besides it would be completly useless).

What the heck should i do ? Besides some real strong healing or very experient hypnotist i am not seeing another solution for this, also meditation maybe would be good but for such a thing urgent like this with deep traumas involved, it would take way too long to do any effect, besides i barely have any free time now, because since january it became a full time job, and of course the suffering now is daily!

Now replying to BLIS :

Then I went full circle. I was bullied, I was a bully, I was bullied

Yeah... i think that happens to me too, i also "bully" my mother and cat and even my brother when i was smaller but still i am sure i wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the bullying i suffered.

I've spent years of my life hidden away avoiding people. I still do in essence but I'm not as bad as when I was smoking weed.

Well ever since birth i was never a social person and i never had any particular interest in socializing, even tough i had a few friends to talk with, but in a general way all my life was spent at home in the computer.

By the way fortunately i never tried stuff like that (weed) in fact i tried absolutly nothing, i never smoked, drank, and all those things that teenagers use to do, probably because i didn't had any "bad company"...

Have you tried CBT? My probation officer wants me to do it when I get out.

In fact i read a bit about that recently on google but i haven't read much on it, is it possible to do it alone ? Yes because of course i am unable to find any professional on that here where i live, and besides i have a full time job now...

Look for messages and lessons to be learned from any nightmares you have about this stuff. You subconscious or higher self or whatever tries to get you over this stuff using dreams.

I am not that sure this is really messages and lessons from my higher self, it seems more like messages from negative entities, because in those nightmares, it was most always me fighting back at the persons that bully me (mostly my oncle and my father even tough recently it's mostly my oncle), i mean, to yell and shout back at them very strongly, do you really thing this is such a good idea? Unless of course it's not meant to indicate what i SHOULD do, but if it's not that, i don't understand, this is just showing precisely what i have been repressing, and i have very good reasons to repress this, because knowing those persons as i do, it would have TERRIBLE consequences, mainly because i am financially dependet of those two persons, even tough lately it's mostly from my oncle since it's still the best job i can get at the moment. I even enjoy my current job the ONLY problem is the boss itself. And believe me, all those nightmares i have is ALWAYS about that about facing them, about fighting even more with those persons and if i would do this in real life it would just generate more violence and some severe consequences, and besides they would take extreme offense to that and never talk to me to the rest of my life (they have done this with some persons in the past, specially my oncle) and unfortunately that would be the ultimate family crisis and not only me would be affected but my mother as well.

Also i remember that sometimes i had a few lucid dreams (strangely, i used to have two each month, now i never had them anymore) and i tried many times to specifically ask help to my spirit guide or higher self, i even ask for them to appear or to manifest in the dream, but without any results, most of the times just nothing happens, a few times it would appear just as a absolutly normal dream character and it behaved EXACTLY like all others so i am almost pretty sure it was NOT the manifiestation i wanted. But unfortunately lately i don't even have lucid dreams anymore (probably because i stopped psionics exercices completly because of the lack of results that unfortunately are required to me have patience enough to keep doing them without being a torture...

I know where you're coming from with seeing people argue. I have to hold back tears when I see agressive conflict.

Well... i don't think it's THAT kind of feeling i meant, it's more like feeling shame and fear, because i can't stop imagining myself in the place of the person. But yes sometimes i also feel that as well.

Strangely perhaps I'm not as bothered about my problems as I used to be. I see my troubled past as having been necessary to get me to where I am just now. I believe I chose to be born into this life. I'm starting to realise a lot about my true higher self and my waking state of consciousness has changed dramatically over the last six months. The meditations in this book got me started.

Hum... ever since i "entered" the world of psionics (i mean, that i first discovered that even psychic abilities existed) i also felt that my beliefs started to change, lately slowly i am starting to be more present and avoiding to "generate" more negative karma, by avoiding to be angry to anyone, but with such negative persons around me is quite difficult, i keep forgeting to be calm but at least i seem to be improving. So yes i also kind notice a change in my waking state of consciouness too BUT i think i haven't reach your level yet, that i am sure, lol

By the way that book! It was one of the very first books i read about psionics so i know that book, even tough for what i remember i wasn't able to make use of any of those exercices, since unfortunately meditation to me... is just something that i am not prepared for, i still view it as something very boring, and worse, unfortunately i have a terrible problem hindering the pratice of this type of exercices : i am extremelly dependent of some kind of short term results (even if they are small or minimal) just to keep me motivated to go on with  pratices like this for long term.

About 4 years ago i started praticising several types of exercices to develop psychic abilities and stuff like this, and i was forced to quit doing all of them because i was unable to do them for more than 5-6 days without any results, it always felt like a waste of time and started to feel like torture. This is probably because i never believed such things to be real for so many years, that's why i was so desperate to get some evidence/proof. Unfortunately i am way too impatient for these type of exercices, because as soon as i see that it's not working in short term, i feel that subconciously this isn't going to work and i start fearing that it won't ever work and that i am just wasting my time and the exercices get very very tedious and believe me i can't stop feeling like it's a torture and a huge burden. And it's this i NEED to know how to get over with, in how to stop feeling like this. Did you had this problem when you started n.e.w. ? If you did, please tell me how the heck someone overcomes this... Because to me, this might be a strong indicator that simply i am not yet ready for these type of exercices/training.

The other thing that helped a lot was sorting my chakra's out and getting rid of all my energy blockages. The book "New Energy Ways" got me started with that. I'd say I'm at least 10 times better than I used to be.

Oh yeah i DID actually done several n.e.w. exercices at the time (3-4 years ago) but as you can imagine that won't give instant results, i did it several times, but the longest time i was able to do was more or less 2-3 entire weeks, i did in each day a full arms work and in the next day a full legs work and so on, i always took 1 hour and half to do a complete leg or arm work (of course i only did once a day), i don't know if this is too much time or if i was doing something wrong, but one thing is certain i felt quite tired after doing it, but unfortunately that was the ONLY result i seen. Even after 3 weeks of doing it everyday the feelings i got in my limbs were EXACTLY the same as they were before the exergy work, they haven't changed a bit, i knew that it was normal to take time to make the energy flow improve but unfortunately if even 1 week to me is already a bit hard to handle without results, imagine 3 weeks, i was forced to give up, since in the two last weeks i was pratically "forced" in doing n.e.w. in the hope that it would work, but i am clearly not prepared to do this kind of exercices, or it's probably some mental blocks due to the fact that my whole life, before 4 years ago i was skeptic simply because i didn't even knew that psychic abilities existed for real, thanks to the place i live (since i never ever met or even heared about any real psychic all my life).

I am sorry for all this conversation, let's hope you have some advice after these explanations... Specially that thing you said about the meditations of the book you read, can you be more specific in which meditations you did and how often it's necessary ?

But still, meditation is something that takes years to show results, and i don't know if i will even last there without getting insane first, because in a few times i had those panic attacks i almost felt i was going to snap and start beating my boss/oncle and it was VERY hard to control myself, and this happened already many times, specially because he is constantly bullying and pressing me to do everything at the speed of light (yes thats right, even faster than the computer itself, i mean, he wants things done on the computer at the same speed he orders them) and perfectly without any errors and he doesn't listen or believe anything i say (he has ZERO respect to me, infact no one in my family has, even tough i am 31 years old, all because of this appareant lack of inteligence, which isn't the case, but the syndrome i look make me look a lot more stupid and dum that i am, simply because i have a terrible "common sense" and i keep forgeting things that are obvious to others).

One last thing... that thing you said "I feel and process the emotions as fully as I can." can you tell me if it's that i should do when i try to remember how i feel when my oncle abuses me ? I mean, maybe i could try doing exposure using tv and then trying to process those emotions ? Just clarify me in how exactly this is none, i mean, it there is a technique, or if you just mean to let them flow (that to me doesn't seem to do any long term benefict, but oh well...)

Regarding Blis, i am going to reply you soon, so that this doesn't make such a big reply, first i am going to reply Lexy :

well, what made me think you were an empath is that you are highly sensitive & emotional.

Oh i see... But still maybe it's too soon to jump to conclusions, but, indeed i won't deny it 100% maybe i am a empath it just doesn't look that way to me according to the definitions said on the replys of this topic, since it's not exactly a matter of knowing what others are feeling, it's more like, in my head BASED ON PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES with certain persons or judging the tone of their voice and face, i instantly have negative/positive emotions responses of my mind/body when a similar experience is about to happen between me and the other person, like for example, when i noticed i did a mistake in my mind i instantly feel panic and fear because i know immediatly that my oncle will get indeed angry BUT that isn't always the case... In fact usually it happens most of the times the opposite thing that my mind deeply thinks it's going to happen, it's the so called reverse/inverted intuintion i already complained about many times, but it seems no one believe i have such a thing or even heard about such a thing, because i have been "fooled" by this reverse intuintion SO many times, that it's definetly not a mistake, it IS indeed a reverse intuintion, not just coincidences.

But this intuintion mostly happens when i am faced with two possibilities of a outcome, positive or negative, and 95% of the times it never fails if interpreted reservesly. Maybe this was some kind of consequence of negative thinking in the past years of my life? I used to be very negative thinking in the past, only lately i started being more careful about the affirmations or thoughts i have... By the way no matter how much positive suggestions of psionics training i do, this intuintion doesn't seem to "improve", it keeps being reversed all the time i can't understand why.

Also, you said you can watch TV and feel what the characters are feeling, empaths do that too. Just because you can find a trigger for your feelings doesn't necessarily mean you are not an empath.

That's very interesting... I think that finally i got your point, maybe i am a BIT empath, and i think i got a lot more sensitive because of the panic i have with my oncle and father, nowaways everytime someone speaks to me, i am SO alert that my mind tries to analyse the voice of the person and THROUGHTLY tryes to see if there is any negatively behind it, this is caused by the constant abuse of my oncle i presume since i didn't had this before i started going to my oncle. But still... if the person doesn't speak to me i have no idea if it's going to be angry or not, so that's why i am not sure if this is empathy or not.

That thing about the tv characters, it's like i said, if they don't speak or if i don't analise their faces i have NO idea of what they feel.
                                                             

But anyway, did the doctors diagnose you with asperger or anything else?

No, it's just by reading things on google, but common, it's just too much coincidence, just checkout http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome and the characteristics i have almost ALL of those characterists, only very few things i don't have, so very few things that say in there doesn't match my case, but the vast majority do, so if i don't fully have that syndrome, well, it's mostly sure that i am parcially affected by it. Oh and i have a bit of dyslexia too (and that angers my boss even more).

it sounds like your uncle is emotionally abusing you, is there a way that you can distance yourself from him?

Yes, by going to unemployment line for a long time, before i have gone to my own oncle as his employee i spend several years looking for jobs, and unfortunataly the only thing i am good at is computers, i am not even mentally capable of having a drive license (i really don't feel prepared for such a thing and besides i am very afraid of that too, considering how extremelly clumsly i am, soon i would have a accident since i have VERY slow reflexes and mental processing which is by the way another symptom of asperger i think) and unfortunately most jobs here REQUIRE a drive license. Also i live in a small city too. So after talking with my family, they also noticed that it would be extremelly difficult to get another job to me, so that's why the ONLY chance of me earning money is to be myself a boss and opening a computer store, but unfortunately i don't feel mature/ready for such a thing. 

I have heard of the voluntary exposure treatment but don't you need professionals to do that? Are you thinking of doing this by yourself?

Of course i am trying to do this by myself, i can't afford to go to another country to find professionals about this, all the ones i gone for in the country i live don't even seem to know what i have and it appeared as i was a very complicated case to them, and they even prescrived me drugs... (in the case of the sexologist, to reduce the sexual desire). Oh yes that thing of the obssessive-compulsive behavior is typical of aspergers and also that thing of having VERY specific tastes and not liking almost everything that normal people do...

Well... that thing of "letting the emotions flow" unfortunately doesn't seem to make much difference for me anyway, the negative emotions keep coming and i keep doing douzens of mistakes obviously because i am under EXTREME pression to be perfeit and never do a single mistake, which is, of course impossible. I also frequently used to have several nightmares about this, but strangely lately they aren't as severe as before even tough lately the pressure is so huge that i fall in a panic attack and start shaking and screaming.

I've noticed that when I got to a certain age I stopped consciously feeling these upsetting emotions and developed behavioural coping mechanisms that repressed them.

Hum... what you mean by that? Or, how you do that exactly ? By being "present" and focusing in positive things to not think about the things that trigger the traumas? Because that's what i have been doing and unfortunately it doesn't do much difference from when i used to let them flow...

My adult life has been greatly affected by them. I've discovered most of my fears/phobias and emotional problems stem from childhood experiences. A few traumatic events in my adult life have slightly dislodged these emotional blocks and I've started having panic attacks in a PTSD type way.

In my case most of the traumas i had come from bullying experience in school, and also because of my parents since i always was very clumsy and kept doing things wrong and always interpreting reversely what most things people say to me.

It's as if that child still exists within me and I feel it's emotional reactions to situations similar to those that upset it. I'm starting to think that maybe I need to do some sort of retrieval on it to integrate it with myself. Havent figured out how yet.

Honestly there is still another option, i don't know if it's such a good idea but maybe could provide some relief, which is doing voluntary exposure to the things that trigger the traumatic experiences. Of course that it's necessary to be careful about this, but after all, since i am ALREADY getting THOUSANDS of daily triggerings of this trauma, i think i have nothing to lose, it can't be worse than this after all, and i read somewhere that teenagers that watch a lot of violence tend to get used to them and not getting affected by that, and indeed that happened to me in tv shows, BUT watching people arguing that DOES bother me a lot (i keep feeling exactly the same as if i was the person being yelled at or humiliated at) and i think that maybe doing exposure to this might make me used to this and start not getting so bothered anymore... at least i hope...   

Thanks for the help guys but i really dont' think it's a case of empathy, since all the negative emotions i have always have a logical cause for happening (traumatic triggers), but i will try to explain better :

there are different types of empaths. There are physical empaths (where you feel other people's physical pain), emotional empaths (you feel other people's emotions)...

Hum... that's what i tought empathy was, so it's the same thing i was thinking empathy is, therefore i can assure that i do NOT have empathy at all, let me explain why.
           

You can be an emotional empath and not know it. Empaths are highly sensitive, highly emotional, boundaries can be blurry where you don't know where your feelings end & someone else's begins. You absorb other peoples feelings & don't even realize it. You often wonder why you are experiencing emotions for no reason.

All the emotions i have ALWAYS have some kind of trigger. In this case, it's trauma triggers, because i only have these strong negative emotions when very specific triggers are "fired" which are common to the traumas i have. I NEVER had any emotions at all without a appearant cause, so i guess this was a case of my words being misinterpreted, this isn't a empathy case i am almost 100% sure of it...

For instance all of a sudden you can feel depressed, angry or nervous but nothing happened. You pick up up so many emotions that just stick to you until they all build up & you feel great anxiety. You feel like you are falling apart, like something is wrong with you. You can't take being around lots of people or being around strongly negative people.

Oh yes DEFINETLY some of the members of my family are VERY negative, and i believe my oncle is the strongest of them all (in negative terms), i mean, he is not mean to me as a oncle he even speaks nicely to me when i am not doing things for him, but he has ZERO patience and gets angry about just anything at all or when he is not much angry he behaves exactly like a bully mocking and humilitating people (and believe it or not he is around 40 years old), i think this is because he is schyzofreniac and bipolar, so if you guys know what that is, just imagine me having to stand him all day, and me constantly doing mistakes and having clumsyness because i always get very nervous and filled with fear that i might do anything wrong that will get him angry. I don't believe that i am picking emotions from him, since fear is something i am perfectly sure he does't have, the only emotion he probably feels is anger, anger, anger and nothing more.

You get hurt easily, you feel fragile, you feel a need for protection.

Yeah that i can relate to.

That is what it is like to be an empath & not know it. You can learn how to develop your skills & not get easily effected by other people.

Well.. EVEN if i am not an empath, that's EXACLTY what i want (not getting affected by other people) this is the miraculous thing i have been searching for in the last months and absolutly nothing works (and belive me trying to get another job is absolutly impossible considering my situation) i have tried presence exercices, meditation, lots of reiki self-healing, hipnosis, professional help (shrinks and psyquiatrists) i even tried to get rid of ALL negativity by stopping watching tv completly but even still like that nothing changed.

There can only be two causes of this : karma or psychic atacks. Of course that if it's a case of negative karma from previous lifes i think nothing can be done and i just have to accept it (which of course is near to impossible with such strong physical and emotional reactions).

In the case of psychic attacks, sometimes i wonder that it's probably this, because almost everything i like is related to violence and the big problem is that most of the things i still "like to like" them and it's too much of a torture to just abstain from "feeding" the desires, so there's GOT to be some kind of distance healing for this, because i see no other solution...

But i would specially like the oppinion about that part of being psychic attacks or "ghouls", how do i know if this really the cause ? Just to see if it matches my case. Also i have stange shivers in my whole body a few times a day and they aren't related to temperature, sometimes i wonder if this isn't related to negative presences or not, even tough this happens even when i am alone. It's exactly the same shiver i get sometimes when i have the need to pee. Also the very strange kind of sexual desires i have and the intensity of the desires, i am also starting to wonder if i am also being attacked by succubus or not... Even tough i have obssessive compulsive behaviour in just about everything i like, not just sexual desire, anyway in a asperger person this seems to be normal, unfortunately.

A empath???  First time someone ever said that of me... What makes you think that ? Maybe my definition of empath isn't too clear... Anyway give me some examples in why you think that