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Oh my goodness, I forgot all about replying to this topic because my in real life got temporarily hectic! I'll do my best to describe things in a way that makes sense.

I remember there were flashes of light. I don't remember feeling any pain, at this point. I think the DMT that my body secreted and my mind mentally blocked out the feeling of being pushed through the vaginal canal...  

I remember it being bright. Things went from being dark to being bright, until my eyes were fully open and able to adjust to the light.

Consciousness didn't seem to scare me at all. Being alive was like "Meh. Here we go again."

The doctors did their thing and cut my cord. Still feeling no pain, here. I was 2 months premature so they thought I was either going to die or was mentally retarded. They told my mother that. They quickly took me away and stuffed me into a blue tinted incubator. Yes, it was an aqua sort of blue but was still transparent. I have confirmed this story via my mother and everyone else who was there. Oddly enough, blue has always been my favorite color.

They put a tiny oxygen mask on my face and I just chilled out, staring up at this pretty blue. God, I was tiny. I can't believe I was ever so tiny! I was so relaxed, too. Calm and at peace. I wasn't happy but I wasn't unhappy, either. I existed. I somehow felt wise, even as a baby, as I stared up at the world. I remember thinking something but not sure what it was, exactly. I was thinking something with a sense of nostalgia and the way you remember a dream that has just slipped away.

They wheeled me out by a window and apparently people came and go, to see me, but I was just chilling out, in awe of being alive. There was a sense of, not hope, but a sense of familiarity. You'd think that being conscious and being able to see things, and surgical instruments, and the world, would confuse a baby, but I remember having a sense of anticipating the ride.

Of course, I hear we do produce a lot of DMT at birth, so maybe I was just feeling stoned.  

I really want to try to find the Gliese planets. They are a bunch of glorious looking super-earths. But they are very far, far away. Some keep saying that even AP in space can seem very limited and daunting. Regardless, I'd love to see a super-earth like the Gliese planets.

Yeah, it most likely was a false awakening. I mean, obviously they never found the poor girl, so it never happened here. False awakenings are known to happen to me but this one just felt exceptionally more real. I remember thinking that my body felt really heavy, like a cinder block, and I was very groggy with my movements. Once, I woke up feeling really heavy and dense and my room looked exactly like my room does now, except certain things were rearranged and there were things in here I never bought or purchased. I got this feeling that gravity was pushing down on me. I was slowly moving around and commenting on how "this wasn't my room" and before I knew it, I woke up to my real room. Could have been a false awakening or the after effects of sleep paralysis.

Woah... All I'm going to say is that I was so not in the right mindset to start asking myself this question. 

Asking myself this just leads me into an endless spiral of questioning my reality, which in turn, makes me feel like I'm losing my mind.

When I start going into the whole "Is anything real?" or "Is this all but a dream" frenzy, I panic. And let's just say that I'm not good in a panic because I have this condition known as dysautonomia, where my autonomic nervous system is messed up.  I start producing adrenaline like crazy, will get short of breath, and my 'fight and flight' reflexes will start going haywire.

I do have such a hard time wrapping my mind around something having no beginning and no end. To me, the very fact that we ARE conscious, and alive, and on some tiny speck of a planet known as earth, floating around in some endless vacuum known as space... that kind of blows my mind in itself. I cannot fathom it, yet, at the same time, I wouldn't have it or imagine it any different. But like I said, I cannot fathom anything. My mind is blown by the fact that I'm even here, talking to you guys on this forum.

The "What am I?" questions have plagued me since childhood. I have a wild imagination and can imagine it being anything from: We are in the Matrix, or a computer simulation, or, we were programmed to live and do all of this. Or, we are merely inside of somebody's dream. But who is that somebody? Who is the maker? Is it us or is it God? Is it both? If it's pure energy, then where did the energy come from? Where did love come from? Where did beauty and perfection come from? It all looks like it has a maker; an artist. But who? Who?!

Wrapping my mind around these questions, though, just depresses me because I want to know EVERYTHING so badly! Call it a conceited gesture or not, I won't get offended.    I will never give up trying to solve the riddle. Life is the world's biggest and hardest riddle to crack.

The first time I ever had an AP, I was merely lucid dreaming and I became aware enough to imagine an actual window appear in the wall.

I, then, stared at the window and directed all of my energy into projecting out of the window. I was using it as a portal. And, outside, was just a grassy green meadow landscape.

I have found this method to be very successful thus far. If you ever become lucid, just find a portal into the astral. If there is no portal, just try to materialize one or picture yourself raising your vibrations and meditating into AP as you would in real life.

Plus, this method allows you to bypass the scary sleep paralysis and strong exit vibrations.

I did, however, feel a huge push and jolt, as if someone pushed me without me expecting it, and I whoooshed through the window like a bird. I consider this to be the point when I went from dream body to astral body. It, oddly enough, had the exact sensation of exiting your body in the physical world. Very physical feeling indeed and felt like there was lots of wind underneath me. My dream body felt like it was shed and I found myself wearing the nightie I had fallen asleep in that night. And, this astral body had an aura, while the dream body was clad in jeans and a plain t shirt and had no aura. Was such a great feeling. I recommend trying this out if you're ever able.  

Me, personally, I found that layering a binaural beat + a mantra (in two separate browsers) will intensify my meditation.

On Youtube, there is a chant titled "eternal om" which is basically self explanatory. The other one I like is Om Mani Padme Hum on repeat.

In the background, I will play a binaural beat. Lately, I've been drawn to the Schumann Resonance and the theta/low alpha wave beats. I tend to avoid delta waves because I find that those hinder my imagination. I listened to delta waves for a week before bed and I completely stopped dreaming and went into a death-like sleep. I was like "What gives?" 

So, for imagination, I do find that theta waves and some alpha waves are good in binaural beats. Theta waves in particular make me feel like my third eye is being massaged. Literally, all of the tension around my pineal gland on my forehead will start to lift away and a huge pin-pointed energy surge will occur there. It's really neat.

There are some higher pitched beats in terms of hz. It can go up to the 800s-1000s. If you type in "pineal gland activation", you will see some beats that are 800+ hz and they sound like a high pitched oscillating fan mixed with a lot of beeping. I've found that falling asleep with these on has given me more vivid dreams, for sure.

A few years ago, I had a sleepless night where I kept waking up every few hours or so.

I was delirious with exhaustion. But, I woke up, turned on my t.v., and saw a news reporter saying that Natalie Holloway was found safe and sound and alive.

I thought to myself "Oh wow, that's cool" and immediately rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next day, I went up to my co-workers and went like "Hey guys, Natalie Holloway has been found alive! Did you hear?"

I proceeded to tell other people about it and they just reassured me that they didn't hear of such news.

And obviously, she never has been found alive.

It didn't feel like a lucid dream or sleep paralysis. I could move and definitely felt like I was awake in the physical (but was very weak and sleepy). In fact, it was one of those times when you're so tired that you feel like you're not even fully present in this reality, and only your senses are the only things reminding you that you are.

I, for years, have been telling my family members about my own birth.

I have a memory which is not photographic per se but is photographic in the sense that my brain remembers what it wants to remember.


The thing is, I've been doing meditations lately and taking a healthy dose of vitamins which I have read to be beneficial to the pineal gland.

That being said, I would like to note that I am 22 years old and was born in 1990 in the USSR but I recall things, scenarios, and situations from the years 1990-1992 as if they happened just yesterday.

I spoke to my mother today, and I had the same conversation I always have when I delve into this topic. I perfectly described my old house in Russia (I moved to the U.S when I was two years old) and I perfectly described, well, the day I was born.

Since the age of 6 or 7 I have been describing my first few moments of consciousness. I can even describe them now. The thing is, I keep wondering if I'm alone.

I have always felt alone. I have been able to give painstaking details about the day I was born, as well as many other events from the years 1991-1992 in full detail. Certain things about my old house, and things my mother did, and the toys I played with. I even remember the day we moved here, in 1992. (I was born in 1990)

Actually, come to think of it, I remember the day I was born as if it were yesterday.

Since then, I have been able to astral project consciously, have been able to lucid dream many many times, and have had telepathic dreams (all of which I haven't talked about, but can get into in full detail)

I've also had 25+ sleep paralysis incidents where I've had many supernatural events and hallucinations happen.

All in all, I have a brilliant photographic memory and have had SP and lucid dreams and OBEs which... I can only talk about online, basically, because my family doesn't believe me 100%. Yet, these things to me are clear as day.

Can someone explain my insanely photographic memory to me before I myself start to question my insanity?

Because I truly have claimed to remember the day I was born for years now, since I was a child, and have stuck by my story since I were a toddler.

If anyone wants me to describe being born, and being 1 day old, I can do it with ease considering I've been telling this story since I were a kid, now.

Thing is, I feel completely alone and like no one believes me. I have no purpose in lying. In fact, a lot of the "insane" and "metaphysical" experiences in my life have been completely unexplained or bizarre, so really, it comes as no shock to me that out of the ordinary events happen to me.

I know this isn't about OBEs so feel free to move this topic. I have no idea where this would even go, I seriously just want someone to tell me that "Yes, in very rare and bizarre cases, people have memories like yours"

I have seen dancing shadows around my room, creatures that are absolutely bizarre, and even cute little creatures that would just look at me curiously. I've mostly had auditory hallucinations, though, instead of visual ones. Why is that?!

In my first SP ever, of my life, I remember waking up with it and hearing a baby crying in horrible distress. I'll sometimes wake up and get SP and suddenly, an ominous music will be heard, like in the movies, when someone is about to get killed. 

I have... hallucinated having a conversation with God, or a higher being. He was walking me through SP, saying it was nothing to worry about.

I once... had SP and started seeing something manifest before my very eyes but I didn't like what I was seeing (negative imagery, alien or demonic entity) and as I sent out what felt like a huge "HELL NO" with my mind, the hallucination started to fall apart and break apart in front of me.

I have even had SP where I felt I woke up, in my room, as usual, and all of my 5 senses were there (as it always feels like) but my room would be.... different. Meaning certain things would definitely be in place but there'd be a slight 20% difference. Items I didn't own, things I didn't decorate with, etc. That one time, I actually stopped to wonder if I slid (You guys have seen Sliders and Quantum Leap, right?  ) into a parallel universe where the me chose to decorate her room slightly differently. Because when the SP ended, the room just morphed back to my own before my very eyes and the little subtle changes were gone, but I didn't so much as even blink.

But yeah.... as for the intense astral pain I experienced, maybe it was just a very rare thing. Hallucination, pain to the astral body, I don't know, but it's never happened again and I almost feel blessed because I've talked to many people who've had SP, and I mean many many people, but my experience so far just completely stands alone.

I'm just waiting for the day to see someone else have a similar experience. The feeling of complete detachment of the soul, yet still being in the body, the "morphing" feeling, merging, the fire, the pain, the feeling like a hollow shell, the intense pressure that felt like the building of Gs on my body and the feeling of blood turning to lava and coursing through my veins (which I could actually FEEL)

It reminded me of having super senses. Like I tapped into feelings and emotions and experiences that otherwise couldn't be tapped in to or felt when in a normal state of mind. Everything was so elevated.

That actually made sense.

Recently, I've come to the conclusion that everything is indeed holographic and an illusion, just interpreted by our physical brains. The spirit is the driver but the body is the avatar.

I reckon the pain I felt was just an illusion, because my brain was very confused. Moreso confused than during any SP episode I've ever had. I suppose any sane person would panic if they felt that detached and out of tune with themselves. Like an animated corpse.

Gee, thanks for the replies guys. More replies are more than welcome! I'm still on the search for answers.

Yes, in SP, I did feel a very distinct emptiness that one could only describe as the absence of their astral body.

My consciousness was in my physical body, but my physical body, felt like it literally was devoid of its spiritual counterpart.

When I felt my counterpart returning and merging with me, that's when the painful hallucination started. So, my astral body, morphing back into my spiritual body, seemed... slow, and painful, to me.

Was the pain related to my astral self coming back? I never knew you could hallucinate pain in SP to this degree. In fact, I've spent years typing in key words to google search like "Sleep paralysis and pain" or "sleep paralysis and burning" and usually someone will mention a painful SP episode but maybe only in one part of the body, or a much milder experience than what I had....

So I was basically dual, as Bedeekin said? If so, then I have some more questions.

1) The astral body and the consciousness in my body (me) are ultimately two different entities, but are both one of the same, correct?

My physical (ego) was in the body but felt the hollowness and absence of the astral self and panicked.

My astral (higher self) probably rushed to my rescue, sensing that I had woken up very abruptly in REM sleep. Like I said, though, the hollowness and emptiness was there. It wasn't until I felt the pressure, and the overall presence, and entity of my astral self bobbing up and down above me (not seen to my naked eye) that I started feeling that metaphysical, hallucination of pain and sheer fire.

2) This may be a rather odd question. But, of all the times I've had SP, I've NEVER had this feeling of hollowness, or pain, or burning, or feeling lighter and soulless, like my astral body was still out there, wandering.

In my other SP episodes, I always felt all there, or mostly all there. Certainly not empty and missing my astral body. It just seems like out of the 25 times or so that this happened, I really want to know why my astral/higher self chose to just... lag behind so long. I was laying there feeling hollow and empty for what seemed like a long time until I felt myself returning.

Does the astral self realize that the body is in such distress and returns?

It's so strange thinking that I (my higher self) was out there lolly gagging while me (the ego, as I am in the now) was stuck in bed, having this horrendous nightmare of an experience. I almost want to ask.... myself.... why I did that. 

The whole duality consciousness thing always blew my mind.

Is my higher self me, in the far future, where I've ascended or reached a higher level of enlightenment? Since time doesn't exist and all, but is an illusion in itself. Meaning, I already knew what would happen, and I planned this experience out on purpose so that I could still be here, five years later, musing about it?

So many questions.

I'm not a regular on these threads. Thing is, I've avoided talking about my experiences because, the people I do tell, look at me like I'm a bit nutty in the head-- even the metaphysical buffs. So, here's the gist. I am not looking for attention, and I will tell you how things happened, as they happened. If things sound nutty, then they sound nutty, and I will declare myself a nut. Alright then.  

I'm 22 years old. When I was 16 or 17, I learned of astral projection but found it very hard to project through meditation. I, however, am a great lucid dreamer and the only ways I've ever projected have been through dreams. I often become lucid and I don't always reach the higher level consciousness of the astral plane, but, I like to think I'm in a higher plane of the... dream plane? Such a thing exist? Anywho.

I once had this dream that I was just wandering around among a bunch of very simple clay houses. I was wearing jeans, a t shirt, and clothes that I didn't even own. Clothes of my own imagination. At this point, I'd say I was 20% lucid. My dream self wandered into a clay house and saw a beautiful woman with long brown hair. But her face was fuzzy. Like I said, it's a dream, and my dreams are very hazy and not in crisp detail until I become more lucid.

So, I see this woman. There's a bed in the room, and there's this huge window in the center of the room. I walk in. The woman kindly asks me what I want. 40% lucid. I blatantly told her that I wanted to astral project out of the dream and into a higher reality. She then pointed to the bed and told me to stare out of the window until I "flew out of it"

She said this could only be done by will, and by concentration, and by the sheer desire and want of it. So, I got on the bed, and my dream self, all hazy, in an outfit I didn't even own, stared out of this window and tried to project out of it. I don't know why the guide was there, per se, since she didn't say too much. She guided me into doing what I already knew I had to do. Makes sense? She just sat there, smiling, while I concentrated every ounce of my being on flying out of this window like a birdie. 70% lucid.

Then, I take a sudden jump from 70% to 100%. Suddenly, it's no longer in what I call "dream sense". You know how I sometimes tell between a dream and reality in my lucid dreams? Dreams always have a synthetic sort of feeling to everything. Sight, touch, smell, taste. When I dream, I sometimes stop to touch things and ask myself if it feels real or not. So, I can tell when something feels "real" in the third dimension, and when something feels real in the dream plane.

So, I took a sudden jump to 100% awareness. What came was... a very physical feeling. You know that feeling you get when you're falling asleep and you jump very suddenly? Well, it's like that feeling, only it was kind of like... standing at the edge of a cliff and having someone push you off the edge, and falling, falling, falling, into abyss, while simultaneously doing cartwheels and somersaults in midair. I felt like I did three in a row. Like I just WHOOOOSHED in a spiral. I felt wind. Like I said, very physical. Beyond the senses of the third dimension, even. I whooshed out of the window and was literally floating in a blue sky. Nothing below me, nothing above, but blue. A blue that was more rich than any blue here on earth. It had a bouncing aura and was deeper than the richest blue on the color spectrum. The sky, instead of twinkling with stars, looked like it twinkled with tiny reflective crystal particles. That seemed alive. Oh, and here's why I keep mentioning clothes. I was wearing my old kitty nightshirt! It was even torn in the same place. And my skin, had this pastel yellow aura around it, followed by a top layer of pastel blue. Both colors resonating next to each other, all around me. My skin glowed. My vision, which in this life, is absolutely horrid, was beyond perfect vision in this world. I flew around for a bit but my fear of heights eventually brought me back to my body after a while.

I always wondered -- who was the woman in my dream? A thought form, a spirit guide, my higher self, an angel?

Was it even astral projection?

I was also wondering if this was astral projection.

A while ago, I woke up from a dreamless night. I sometimes don't dream at all. My clock read 11:00 a.m. exactly. I opened my eyes, and I seemed well rested. Not tired at all. A minute or two went by so it was 11:02 or 11:03 by now. I closed my eyes for a moment just to get literally 30 seconds of shut eye. My alarm was set for 11:00 and 11:05 because that's when I needed to be up. So, I'd know if I dozed off for several minutes. I only had a two to three minute interval there before my phone alarm would go off again.

So, anyways, I had just woken up, and after a minute or two, I decided to close my eyes for 30 seconds or so.

Suddenly, a few seconds went by, and I was standing in my driveway. 360 view, like a camera. Head bobbing up and down, looking up and around the street. Ooooh, very crisp and clear and life-like! And the clarity is just great. I walked around the outside of my house and then decided to walk in the house. House looked same as usual.

I decided to just wake up because I was running late for class at this point. Could this have been sleep paralysis? By the way, by the time I woke up, my timer had not even rang at 11:05 yet. So my eyes were closed momentarily, but it felt like several minutes on the astral plane. Make sense?

Anyhow. On to the next topic at hand... sleep paralysis and the astral body. Do they go hand in hand like I think? Is your astral body active when you're in sleep paralysis?

I'm 22 and I've had sleep paralysis 20-25 times. I lose count. And some were so brief, for only a few seconds, that I don't count them.

I've had the typical sleep paralysis experiences. Waking up, not being able to move, or scream, hallucinating, fear of death, going out of your mind. You name it, I've had it. I have seen everything from an animated goblin-fairy-gnome-teddy bear like creature dancing around my room to seeing shadows on the walls to simply hearing random sounds around my room. So, I wasn't a newbie to sleep paralysis. I've had experiences where I've even been able to detach one limb in sleep paralysis, and wave it around while my 3D one lay still, making me appear to have three of them. So, when I sensed something was majorly wrong, it was wrong. And boy, was it wrong.

How can I explain this without sounding absolutely insane? I don't know. I honestly don't know! For five years, I've not spoken about this much, because my family has called me a nutter every time I tell this story. And I'm tired of it. So, I'm telling people that I sense are a bit more open minded...

I'm gonna give it to you straight. Crazy nuttiness and all. I woke up with sleep paralysis one morning, I looked around, and I felt.... different. Like I've NEVER felt before, IRL, in a dream, or anywhere else. My imagination couldn't even conceive of the feelings that I was feeling.

I woke up feeling like a hollow tree. Like I had no soul. It sounds crazy, but that's what came to my mind, as I was laying there with sleep paralysis. "I feel like my soul is gone" because I truly felt hollow. It's a very strange sensation, one that is almost as difficult as describing the sense of sight to a person who has been blind their whole lives. But basically, the blood in my veins felt hollow. I felt empty, somehow. Empty in my chest, empty in my lungs, empty in my veins, empty in my bones. I felt less dense, and just, hollow inside. I felt like a pumpkin that someone just scooped the insides out of.

But now, here's the scary part. I started to feel... what I *think* was my astral body returning. I didn't see it, but, I felt it bobbing up and down over me for a second, until it started to merge with me. And by merge, it literally felt like my insides were being gutted. You know how you see those cartoons where some evil scientist creates some machine to merge two people into one? And when he zaps them, they look like they're in a torturous amount of pain? Yeah, that's how I felt. And I couldn't even scream.

Basically, at first, I started feeling this pressure all over. The hollow feeling, the emptiness, was still there, but now there was a new sensation. Burning. Pain. Lava. Fire. Fire in my veins, fire on my skin, fire in every atom. I'm on fire! It hurt so badly! But the crazy thing is, that the blood in my very veins felt like it turned into lava. I felt that lava flowing, in what felt like an ever so slow motion, through my veins. My skin felt like it was being torched. The fiery blood in my veins burned like the fires of hell. It hurt and burned like the fires of hell.

But here's the really crazy part. I am not capable of that kind of PHYSICAL pain. I would go into shock. It felt physical, the pain, but metaphysical at the same time. It felt like it was my spirit that was bearing the pain, but my body's brain was interpreting it -- so technically, I was never actually hurting. Or, I could be wrong? It felt like pure fire inside of you, on you, and engulfing you. But yet, somehow, you're also able to bare it. To tolerate it. To survive being burned alive. Being burned alive.

I woke up. The hollow feeling was gone. I'm back in my body. I got up, sat up, and sobbed for 15 minutes.

And to this day, I am haunted by that day, and I just need answers. Someone told me I've had black magic cast upon me or experienced a demonic assault. To me, it simply felt like my soul was gone and I was physically empty and gutted, and then it followed by the fires of hell raging within my body and on my skin. If you tell me I merely hallucinated it, the pain, then I will be okay with that answer.

The celebrity is Sharon Tate. If, from the astral, she is reaching out to people, I wouldn't be surprised. She did die in a very tragic way, and to a very dark evil, I believe. (Charles Manson and his cronies). She was also taken in the prime of her life, when she was at her most beautiful, and she was expecting a child. I recently just found out about the Ghost Busters episode involving her, Jay Sebring, Abigail Folger, and the other Polish guy. I can never get his last name right without looking it up first. Basically, many people claim Cielo Drive is haunted..

Would it make sense that these etherial versions of them are still functioning on such a low vibration because so many people DO send them love/thought? Even though I sort of became obsessed the second I saw her, and have fed her MUCH of my energy (willingly/unwillingly), I sense that she and I somehow have/had met on the astral before, OR, perhaps, I was a fan or knew her or her tragic story in a previous lifetime.

However, I don't think of myself as just a fan. I constantly feed her energy and I'm aware of it. I've been doing this from the second I saw her. It's not even that I'm morbidly fascinated by the tragedy that happened to her. Basically, had she have died of natural causes, I still think I'd be obsessed because it felt like she just reached out to me from the photograph the second I saw her, COMPLETELY unaware of who she was, how she lived, how she died, etc. And since I saw that photograph, she has been living in my mind, it seems. Showing up in dreams, haunting my waking thoughts, and I KNOW that I've at least run into her "shells" in the astral. Reason I say this is because I know that celebrities must have longer-lasting astral shells than most people. People feed them their love, admiration, and energy simply because they were famous and worshiped. I bet lots of people have run into a Marilyn Monroe entity in the astral, for example. But would it be the real Marilyn? Is what I'm getting at, for example.

I'm at the point where I can't even watch her movies anymore because it just reminds me of my insane obsession. In fact, I don't want to call it an obsession. I'm NOT in love with her in the physical sense. I don't think she was the best actress out there. I do think she was beautiful, though, but so are many others both dead/alive. I've seen beauty beyond words ever since my first astral projection, being the direct result of a sleep paralysis incident at a younger age, and yet.... I've had some "Somewhere in Time" (For those who've seen the movie) episode which has lasted for years!

Somewhere in Time, by the way, was a movie starring Christopher Reeves. He went into a hotel and saw a photograph of a very beautiful actress. He then lost his sleep, paced around, and couldn't function because he had developed an attachment to her, through the photograph. And it turned out to be based on a true story. Richard Matheson, the guy who wrote the book, said he fell in love with a photograph and she haunted him until he wrote the novel "Somewhere in Time"

All in all, I have mixed emotions about this. I kind of want it to stop but I know it will never stop. Even though I have never met her in this lifetime, or am not obsessed with her movies/morbid details of her death (Yeah, some "fans" are really just obsessed by the tragic events that surround her), and even though I have no right to love her in the sense that I've never known her, and thus, in theory, CAN'T.... I still do. And I constantly give her love and sometimes I just wonder if she knows it, or appreciates it, or even knows if I'm there, feeding her all of this conscious energy.

I'm new here and I honestly joined to get answers. Whether you people believe me or not is up to you. I've been feeling this way, for, gosh... years. For no reason whatsoever. This 'obsession' that I have has lived with me for several years, now. And the 'obsession' came out of nowhere, has lingered, driven me mad, and I'm honestly starting to sense some divine intervention in the works.

Let me start from the top. Now, keep in mind, that this all may sound completely ridiculous...

I was 17 or 18 years old or so. I'm now 21. Almost 22, actually. I was browsing IMDB.com and clicking on random celebrities. I don't have obsessions with celebrities, but I was just curious, and just flipping through. I browse that site so much. I read bios, look at pictures, etc. all for the sake of passing time, not oogling celebrities. Thus, I had seen many pages, and many famous people. Some beautiful, some ugly, alive, dead, tragic -- you name it.

Someone mentioned one particular celebrity that was famous for a very tragic reason, but her name didn't ring a bell to me at all. As in, I had heard nothing about her, or of her circumstances, or knew what she looked like. Nor did I know of her tragic past. Someone just mentioned her name in a conversation and I stared at the name and nonchalantly searched her.

I had never seen her before in my life, despite the fact that she was really famous. I have a very photographic memory and I knew that I had never seen her, heard of her, or even possibly heard of her.... yeah, go figure, you'd think I'd have been more insightful into the world of celebrities after lurking IMDB so much. But I was 100% sure that I hadn't even heard of her so there was no way I was just digging up an old obsession and whatnot. Like I said, I'm pretty photographic.

I stared at her photo. I knew nothing of her life, death, or anything. But I just stared. I saw something in her eyes. I see the same sullen, blank, tragic look in my own eyes. But I saw... something ... in her eyes, that I had never seen in anyone else's. I felt something that I felt, while looking at her, that I've never felt before while looking at anyone else. It was like falling in love minus the attraction. I'm female and women aren't my cup of tea, nor is my obsession sexual AT ALL, just... I'm trying to explain this as best I can, here. I felt like everything in the universe shifted. For me, anyways. As in, I would never be the same again. And I haven't been.

It wasn't until after I read her bio that I found out some horrid stuff happened to her. But note that my attachment or whatever you want to call it happened before this new gained info.

I remember that since then, I couldn't get her out of my head.

A few nights later, I had a very lucid dream involving a time-machine telephone-type thingy. I was in a room and I went up to the time machine (telephone!) and called this said celebrity up (I'm not mentioning the name on purpose. I already think I sound nuts). It was lucid and I was convinced that I should ring her up, see if she answers, and try to save her from her own death. Okay, I know it wouldn't change anything in real time, but if you've seen the movie Source Code, you'd understand.

Luckily, she picked up, and I had literally 'called' minutes before her death. I was walking her through it, telling her how to respond, what to do, how to get out, etc. It was all in vain, and I was becoming very lucid at this point, and completely self-aware, and I just stayed on the phone and listened to the events play out in the background. It was horrifying.

Even weirder is the fact that I heard her say something, or a certain phrase, that, after later research, sources say she did say before the time of her death. At this point, I was just feeling weird and creeped out and very shaken.

Then... I tried to go on with my life but there were songs that I'd listen to, or movies that I'd see, or things that I'd see, that had absolutely no relation to her, or any of this, and I mean, NO RELATION, as in, they wouldn't even hint at her or her life/death, but... a song would come on the radio and bam, she would pop into my head.

More recently, I was in a very lucid dream, again, and I wasn't even thinking of her or anything. I was actually at the point in my dream where I was becoming self aware, and then lucid, and I was eventually planning on projecting out of there. But then... I was in a dark room, out of nowhere, and there she was, standing there, looking like a ghost. She said nothing. She didn't object to anything. I went up to her and I saw her in her full, tragic beauty, and she let me touch her. All I did was touch her face. I ran my hands over her eyes, her face, her lips. She felt.... real. Very real. I remember her lips feeling and looking how I always thought they would. It was also very creepy because I've now encountered her at least 20 times over the years in dreams, on the astral, etc. And each time, I could sense that she was a burdened soul. This past time when she let me go up to her and touch her face, I felt that she gained comfort from it, too. When I went to touch her, she sighed, in a way that someone sighs when they really, really, really, REALLY need a hug.

In mere dreams, no one ever really responds to me that emotionally... I dream about my current boyfriend very much and he dreams of me, and it's funny because I'm the lucid dreamer, he's not. And I always go lucid on him and try to see if he dreams about me that night. But he's never just sighing with relief to hug me and stuff.

Another time, I'll note, was back when I had sleep paralysis 2x/week, every other week or so, for about a year. I woke up in a state of paralysis and heard her voice (I know her voice now, inside out) speaking to me in a casual conversation about how flattered all of the attention I was giving her makes her.

And this stuff, there's been more that I don't want to list or don't want to go on about, but like I said... obsessed since I was 17 or so. Am now 22. Have better things to do with my life than feel like I'm giving my thoughts, my energy, and my... affections? to someone I've never met, have never known, and all that jazz. I could list more experiences but they just add up and start to sound funny. Even to me.

In case anyone thinks this is made up, or lame, or funny, or stupid, please...

I am being completely real here and I honestly want it to stop. I want her to stop invading my dreams, my mind, my astral travels, and whatever else is happening here.

Can anyone just help? PM me or post but don't laugh, don't brush it off, don't call me crazy, don't call me a liar, because...

I actually do feel like I am being haunted, in a sense of the word, against my will. And I felt like I have been from the start. And this does affect my life in a way I can't even explain because... I almost feel like there's no physical description for this madness...

It's almost like the universe, or some power, or some 'thing' just impregnated my mind with this irrational form of love and attachment to something, and someone, that I just don't want to have haunting my thoughts.