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[almostmrsmurphy, who is Patrick? I found your account of the little boy spirit or whatever he was, "Liam" to be very interesting.]

almostmrsmurphy, who is Patrick? I found your account of the little boy spirit or whatever he was, "Liam" to be very interesting.

Hi,

Patrick is my deceased fiance.  He died April 28 in a plane crash (he was a pilot, and doing what he loved, at least).  We were trying to have a child in the months before his passing.  We already had names decided on, and if we'd had a son, his name would have been Liam.

But it may be that we did have a son after all--just not on Earth.  I just love the thought of Patrick being a dad--he was so excited about having a child!  So was I of course, but... well now I have two special guardian "angels."  

That sounds like an awesome book--and written by a librarian!    I must get a copy!    Thanks for the review!

That's a really interesting topic!  I've never witnessed either death or conception, though I think it would be a miraculous experience.

I can share a sort of related experience (with the disclaimer that it may or may not be "true" though I really hope it is!)  It certainly has made me ponder the origins of physical life...  

During one of my "visits" with Patrick, a child appeared with him, a little boy who looked to be around 5 or 6.  He looked just like Patrick, except his eyes were a darker brown, like mine.  He came over to me, and said his name was Liam.  I told him that Patrick and I would have named our son Liam if we'd had one.

The child said:  "I know.  I was going to be your son.  But when Daddy died, you became weak and ill, and your body couldn't hold mine, so it was sent out with the blood."  He said that instead, he would be one of my spirit guides to help me get through life.

It was implicit to me during the exchange that I had conceived before Patrick died, but the child's soul hadn't entered my body yet.  

It's a mystery I'd like to explore--when does the soul and the body unite?  It makes sense that we all exist in spirit before we're "born" in the physical (just as we continue living after we've "died").  I wonder if when we "die," we remember our lives before "birth"--even though we would have developed and changed since then (which I assume is the purpose of physical life?).

Sorry, I'm sort of diverting from your question!  My point was to suggest that observing at the point of physical conception may not necessarily give us information about the spiritual conception of the child.  I'm not sure, but it may be possible.  

I'm still hoping to confirm without a doubt that the Liam I met was real, and really was my son-in-spirit!  I haven't seen him again in any of my encounters.  But then, on that same night, my grandmother had also appeared to me as one of my spirit guides, and I haven't seen her since either.  I guess I've been so fixated on Patrick (who apparently isn't a spirit guide, for whatever reason--maybe he's too "new" at being a spirit???)

Well, the other night when I went, I was wearing a 1-piece swimming suit with a long gauze sarong skirt.  All white, I think.

But just this morning I was thinking of dressing like a pirate next time! That would be awesome! :mrgreen:  When I was in college, in New Orleans, a bunch of friends had a pirate-themed "treasure hunt."  We got dressed up, got on the ferry across the river, and "invaded" New Algiers!  It was great fun, even though ... everyone kept mistaking us for "gypsies."    I mean, we were toting around Jolly Rogers and everything, jeeze.

Thanks for the insight and the condolences, TVOS.  Retrieval is definitely something I'm interested in (must get my hands of some Moen books).  

However, my past experiences make me think that he does know that he's dead, and he has moved safely to the Transition Area or whatever.  His death was very sudden--which concerned me a bit--but he always expected that he could die the way he did, so I guess it wasn't so shocking to him.  Almost immediately after his passing, I had a lot of very vivid encounters with him, which involved him visiting me, telling me that everything is fine, he's doing well, he loves me, and he can see me all the time now (good because we had spent quite a bit of time working in different cities).  

This happened repeatedly several times (haha, he knows how hard-headed I can be! ).  He always looked so happy, peaceful, radiant, and perfectly healthy.  Always had a glow about him, but was solid enough for me to feel and hold on to, always warm.  

And then one night I had the most amazing experience, which I believe was an honest-to-God phase, even though it just happened while I was sleeping.  In it, at one point, I called his name, and he appeared.  I asked him to take me to where he was living now, and suddenly, we were in this incredibly radiant place I can only guess was "Heaven."  He really believed in Heaven, so I'm sure that's where he ended up.

If you've not seen them, here are some of my 1st posts, for reference:

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=167602&highlight=#167602

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=167682&highlight=#167682

Thanks again!

[think]

OK, I think I might have made it to the Island, although I'm not sure.  I was definitely on AN island with big pyramid!

I was thinking of it long and intently last night.  I felt myself really slip away from the physical, and next thing, I'm on this beautiful island, looking at the trees over head, feeling the wind on my face and hearing it go through the leaves, hearing a gentle roar from the sea.  The sky was so blue, and the sun was warm.

Unfortunately, my feet have been giving me trouble, so I thought to myself, "I can't walk too well."  Instead I conjured up a nice little paved path around the island, and a shocking pink Vespa like I've always wanted!  So I hopped on my scooter and zipped around.  

I came across some entities... The one that really attracted me was this sort of gelatinous circular blob that was sort of hovering over a lounge chair.  It had no face or voice to speak of, but I got cheerful vibes from it, as it sort of bobbed happily in midair over the chair.  I approached it, and saw that it was sort of iridescent, changing among various red, orange, yellow, and golden hues, and I also noticed it had a "halo" around it, just a thin little golden ring around it's edge.  I watched it for awhile, thinking it was really quite cute.  I tried talking to it, but it didn't talk back.

Suddenly, this lady came up, and she looked at me and looked at the circular blob, and said, very excitedly, "Don't go anywhere, I want the others to see this!"  I could see her very clearly... she had short, straight copper-colored hair, sort of large round blue eyes, and was wearing a white top and white capris.  I thought she looked just like an ordinary lady, maybe in her 50s.  She ran off down the beach, and brought a small group of people over.  They looked like tourists, out on an astral safari.  I could tell they really looked excited about the blob.  I didn't want to become a tourist attraction myself, so I started to bail.  But then, it occured to me stop and ask, "You wouldn't know of any Astral Pulse members would you?  Like whether any of them might be around here?"

The lady with copper hair laughed, "Oh we get them around here from time to time.  It's like they own this place!"

I started to say, "Well, actually..." But I decided to let it go.  I decided to go into the pyramid.  I found that there was sort of a labyrinth of various corridors.  I chose one, and inside it, on my left, were these various gorgeous stained glass windows.  Some looked like Medieval church windows, others looked like Art Nouveau style, and some were just strange.  They were behind glass and lit from behind with artificial light---it was like an art museum display.  To the right, was just a solid wall, decorated by beautiful tiles in various shades of brown.  I walked down this long hallway, thinking to myself, "Gosh, I wonder if the other forum members have seen this?!"  

When I went out of that hallway, it was dark outside, and all I could see was a dark solid stone wall, as far as my eyes could see.  There were some rather rough-looking people out there.  They looked like members of a biker gang.  At first they were talking among themselves, but when they saw me, they gathered around me.  "HEY, you know the way out of here?"  I was like  "WELL?"  They demanded loudly.

"I... um... er..."  I tried to think of something quickly.  Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I caught a glowing screen laid in one of the surrounding walls.  I went over to it, and found that it was a map, showing how to get to the exit.  "Here we go," I said, trying to sound authoritative.  "All we do is go this way, to the end of this wall and go left.  The wall at that end is fake, so we just go through it and there's the exit."

They told me I'd better be right, but I knew I was, and sure enough, the last section of wall was just an illusion.  We made it back outside the pyramid.  The biker guys went their way, without a word.  I was like "Ooookaaaay... that was weird.  This whole place is weird.  I think I'll call it a day!"  So I did! :mrgreen:

Sooo... does it sound like I was on API?  If so, I hope no one minds that I took some liberties--what with the pavement and the scooter and all.  Or do you think I ended up on some other strange pyramid island?  

Well, it was interesting any way!  

That's so cool.  It's nice to hear about genuine mediums.  I have been feeling tempted to meet or talk with one, but  all the charlatans out there are so discouraging...

I believe that at least in some cases, psychism is genetic.  My father's father's family has been full of them, including some well-known mediums and a priest who was reputedly a gifted exorcist.  My father and my sister have always had some wild experiences and abilities.  But I've been one of the "thick as brick" ones... until very recently, when my fiance died... since then I've become much more aware and receptive... I think it's because of the strong connection I have with him, as well as the great need and desire to still have him in my life.

My greatest weakness right now is being fixated on the past, desperately trying to avoid turning to the next, blank page in order to start writing a new chapter.  If you've ever dealt with writer's block, you probably know what it feels like... Oh my God, what do I write now?!  Where do I go from here?!  I tend to view living as writing a story... except now I've lost the thread of the plot and don't know what comes next.

Work-wise, I'd say... it's hard for me to get motivated sometimes.  In other words, I'm lazy!

Good luck to all in your relationships.  There's nothing at all wrong with taking it slowly and a bit cautiously.  That's the way mature, rock-solid relationships are built.  I honestly think that so many marriages go wrong, because people rush it.  They try to form a bond with someone else before they even know themselves.  I have learned that evaluating relationships takes a good while, and it takes a balancing act sometimes--between not getting discouraged if things get stormy, and on the other hand, not clinging to a relationship that is sinking fast.  I made the latter mistake once, and it was bad.

But then, Patrick and I were together for almost 2 years, and believe me, things were stormy sometimes.  We had our differences, and we both had our rough edges and sharp corners.  But nothing could ever break us up.  There was a magnetism between us.  And over time, the rough edges and sharp corners began to smooth away as we rubbed off on each other.  We never became the same shape, but we came to fit together better, to become better complements to one another.  There's no doubt in my mind that we would have stayed together for life, even if we both made it to 100!

SWOT analysis, UGH.  Reminds me of my one management class I took in library school... the only class I didn't care for.  I could never be a manager!

Hm, haven't seen the commercial yet, but I'm curious now!

I agree--I like my men the way I like my liquor: straight, strong, not too smooth, and able to make me laugh easily and feel really warm and swoony. :mrgreen:

I mean, I like a man who takes good care of himself and takes a little pride in his appearance, but flowery clothes and manicures DON'T belong on men!

It sounds like both of us have been on a roll!  Except my experiences still just happen by themselves while I'm sleeping.  I'm still not to the point where I can consciously phase, although I am getting more and better imagery.  I guess I'll get there over time.

As I was reading your description of the red-eyed man, I was thinking that some warning sirens should have gone off! But, common sense is highly over-rated.  And in the astral world... you just never know, right?

I've never had the feeling of taking a cannon ball to the stomach, although in one of my first and most vivid experiences (the one with the white lady/spirit guide or whoever), I saw the universe travelling past me from behind, so that, relatively, I was moving backward (although I felt absolutely no sensation of motion, no force upon me.)  I don't know if there is any significance to that or not...

I've heard various things about color.  I once read that lavender is the color associated with psychism in general.  I also think that violet is the color associated with the brow chakra or 3rd eye... you might search for info about chakras, since I really don't know anything about it.

Colors are said to be able to effect your mental and physical state--blues are said to bring serenity and the ability to relax, while yellows and oranges stimulate and energize... or something like that.

When I'm practicing at phasing, I tend to get all different kinds of colors in my images, or sometimes no color at all.  I just go with it.  I can say that before my most powerful phase yet, I saw a bunch of red images.  Not really bright, angry red, but rather a richer, deeper shade of red.  Blood-red, for lack of a better term.  I've always adored that color personally, and wear it alot.  Maybe each of us "resonates" with a particular color?

I don't know, but it's food for thought, at least.

I think I know what you're talking about.  "Clicks" is a pretty good word to describe it, too.  It's sort of like seeing a lot of snow on your TV, then suddenly "clicking" onto a clear channel for an instant, just quickly catching an image.  But you're right--it sometimes is a sensation other than a visual.  I've had that happen too.

I'm not sure, but I think this is your mind catching quick snatches of various other consciousnesses, trying to tune in.  For me, it happens when I'm practicing the Noticing Exercise... at first, I see just the amorphous hynagogic imagery... then after a while, I might start seeing fuzzy forms, often geometric like your triangles... then at this stage, I'll start having the "clicks"--very brief, random, vivid sensations.  

Usually I get brief very sharp, vivid images, either still or moving, but sometimes I get other kinds of sensations.  Like occasionally, I experience undulations... like my mind will make sort of a bobbing motion, as if it has been floating on a perfectly still water, but then hits one or two small waves, but then it goes still again.  Very occasionally, I experience aural sensations, like people chatting, or music.  

But then I might go for a while just with very indistinct or faint or fuzzy images.  At which point I tend to just drift off to sleep.  I imagine that the more you practice, the more adept your mind will become at tuning into the other consciousnesses, and holding those images or other sensations.

Anyway, good luck, and please do let us know of any developments you make!  

Hi and welcome to the forums!

I'm probably going to be of limited help here... I'm really just learning myself.  I don't practice meditation, but I do practice at phasing.  Basically, I lie still, close my eyes, and let my mind slip away from my body, my physical senses, and the world around me.  I know that probably sounds oversimplified, but I don't really know how to explain it... it just sort of happens.  

But I can tell you, that sometimes my body does interfere--if I'm sore, if any little muscle is tense, or if there is any sudden, unexpected stimulus--I loud noise from outside, my cat jumping on me, etc.  In which case, I snap back instantly, sometimes so abruptly that I feel disoriented or even shocked.  I don't really have a certain method for relaxing though.  Generally when I practice, it's at the end of the day, and my body wants to relax anyway, so I just let it go.

I've never experienced the "sticky music," but I think for me, that would be very annoying and distracting, and would keep me from moving my awareness away from my body.  I hate any time when I get a song or songs going around in my head.  I find that listening to white noise really helps... like the a/c, or sometimes, I can tune in to what I can only describe as an "inner silence" in my head.  

It sounds like you have some unconscious objections to meditating and projecting.  The unconscious mind can really sabotage you... that happens to me all the time.  It can be really hard to come to grips with, because, as you experienced, it truly can seem like a completely different, autonomous "person" inside of you, often totally at odds with your conscious mind, usually hidden in the dark depths, or "sewer."  It's interesting that you use that word, because I often use it to describe the unconscious mind.

The "less there" feelings sound like what I experience all the time.  I think they do represent an initial phase, the shifting away from the physical.  If you want to phase, you need to be "less there."

The racing heart feeling, and the expanding body probably has something to do with your heart chakra being stimulated--I don't know anything about chakras, but this phenomenon has been mentioned on the forums... I don't know when or where, but if you do a search for "heart chakra" or chakras, you should find plenty of information.

The flowing sensations and waves of tingling... When I tried practicing the traditional OBE style of projection (with totally no success), I would get these sensations quite a lot.  I think it has to do with your body shutting down and your mind trying to "cut loose."  Since I've gotten into phasing, however, I don't feel them.  I think that with OBE, you are much more attentive to your body and your mind's relative position to it, while with phasing, you withdraw your attention from the body, and really don't give a darn about what it's doing.  I mean, those sensations may be still occuring, but you're not paying them any mind whatsoever.

Well, I hope I was somewhat helpful... I think I can guarantee you that everything you're feeling and experiencing is "normal" in the sense that you're not the only one who experiences them.

Good luck with meditation, projection, and whatever else you practice at!

[Astral FAQ]

If you haven't already, you should read over the Astral FAQ.  It has very good introductory material on phasing.  And actually, even if you have already read it, keep on doing so.  I'm always referring back to it, and it always helps.

I've had some involuntary phases (still practicing to consciously bring them about), but I've never experienced any kind of vibrations, noises, or other sensations associated with exiting the body.  Rather, I gradually lose touch with my body and the physical world completely.  Just sort of let my mind slip away... it actually feels very good.

Haha, I just thought of this button I used to have when I was in college--"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable--like unconsciousness?" Basically that's sort of what phasing is!  Only what we tend to consider "unconsciousness" is really just a different consciousness.

Wow, I've never gone in for anything like that myself.  But I recall overhearing someone I know talking about a similar experience.  Some kind of alternative massage, I can't remember what.  But she said it created a very shocking and vivid flying-head-first-through-space feeling.  She said it was frightening, but very energizing afterward.

Sorry I can't give an explanation or any first-hand info, but apparently, your fiancee isn't the only one who has had that kind of experience.  And apparently the practitioners don't take the time to prepare their clients for it!  I've heard of various therapies (qi gong, acupuncture, etc.) that have remarkable physiological effects, but nothing like that.

Thank you for the replies.  I do cherish every time, and every manner, that I still have contact with him, even if it's confusing or strange or sad.  

Although I felt very sad and hopeless at first, what has really stayed with me was the feeling of his arms and his last words... "Don't you worry.  I'll never leave you."  I think that's the most important thing.  And I feel like it's true, that he hasn't really left me--only physically, but not in any other way.  

I feel his presence often, in the course of ordinary waking life.  But then sometimes, I don't feel it, maybe because I am so involved in "business as usual" that I just don't pick up the feeling.  I've been feeling especially lonely and heartsick lately, so maybe this dream was just a way of letting me know that he is still here for me.

I guess the main thing is that it lifts my sprits and gives me extra energy and strength to keep on keeping on... I'm grateful for every bit of it I can get.

This one came last night, and I hadn't drunk anything, but I was really worn out.  This is pretty different from any of my other experiences.  I didn't seem to be *physically* in the dream, but was there more as a disembodied observer.  My perspective kept switching around... sort of hard to explain.  But here goes...

I was inside a very expensive, high-end shopping mall, and I saw these people planting bombs everywhere. I could see this happening all over the building at the same time.

Then, I was on board a school bus full of children, and the bus was going along a wide street.  It was a very clean, very wealthy-looking place.  There were all these buildings in white and pastel, and there were palm trees--I thought it looked like California, Florida, some place like that.  The bus was driving past a group of buildings. And I knew that one of them was the shopping mall I'd just been in, and surrounding it were some tall office buildings and a ritzy hotel.  I stared at the buildings through the back windows of the bus.  A few seconds after the bus had passed, the whole place blew sky-high, with flames and smoke and debris going everywhere. The bus and all the traffic around it stopped and people started running everywhere, screaming, taking cover in buildings.

Then, I felt like I switched to an actual person's perspective, as if I was actually in someone else's skin, because suddenly, I was surrounded by all these physical, physiological sensations.  I knew I was in a bank building, down the street from where the explosions had occurred.  It seemed like I was a bank clerk, or teller.  I was beneath a desk, in a knot, hugging my knees.  My eyes were squeezed shut very tightly (so I still didn't see a body, just felt it).  I could felt my fingernail snag the nylon hose on my left shin (I despise nylons and never wear them myself).  I was shaking uncontrollably, and felt my heart racing, and my muscles all clenched, and my breathing very fast, and I could hear blood pulsing through my head--all the physiological signs of panic.  I heard this inner voice just saying, "Oh God, oh God, oh God," over and over, louder and louder.

It ended there, but strangely, I don't recall waking up or becoming conscious.  It just stopped, and I suppose I went on sleeping.  But I remembered it when I woke up this morning, and I still see and feel everything very strongly.  It's very disturbing because of the fact that it didn't have the usual dream/projection elements---no dead loved ones, no strange settings, and it wasn't about ME.  I wasn't there myself, as an active participant.  I don't really know what it was all about, but... I don't think I'm going to be going to the Galleria or any other nice shopping places anytime soon.  

[this post by knightlight]

I just read this post by knightlight and thought I'd share my own experience from last night, which also, incidentally, followed a night of "communing with spirits" (my favorite euphemism for drinking, and one that most people don't get).  NOTE: in case there are any impressionable minds out there, please don't regard this as an endorsement of drinking--trust me, you DON'T want to be like me.

Anyway... this was an incredibly vivid, tangible experience... dream, projection, whatever you will.  It was not "just a dream," that's for sure.

Patrick (my deceased fiance, who nearly always has some part in my astral experiences) and I were walking through an old rural village in Ireland (our mutual ancestral land).  It was such a beautiful afternoon, everything was golden and shimmering from an earlier rain.  There were still grey clouds in the sky, but they were outlined in gold.  We were walking arm in arm, as always, talking about getting married soon.  

"I guess we should probably start laying down some plans soon," he remarked, obviously not relishing the idea.  He always assumed that I, like most women, would want to go crazy with a fancy fairytale wedding.

I stopped him and pulled him closer to me and leaned my mouth to his ear.  "We don't have to make plans--let's just do it!  Look, I've already got the ring--that's the most important thing."  I raised my left hand.  As in real life, there was a ring on my "wedding finger."  A silver band with leaf-shaped carvings on either side of the stone, a stunning Mystic Fire topaz---every detail exactly like my real one, only even more radiant.  

He looked at the ring, and looked at me, and his face began to glow.  "I'm so glad you were thinking the same thing I was!  Let's go over here, there's a judge who will marry us."  He led me toward an old stone building covered in ivy.  I hesitated, though.  "Wait, Patrick, there's something that concerns me."

"What could that be," he asked.

"Well you're a pilot.  That's a risky job.  It's not suitable for a husband is it?"

He frowned at me.  "You won't marry me if I keep flying?"

I knew I couldn't ask him to give up the thing he was so passionate about.  My heart felt torn.  Then it came to me.  "Just promise me one thing--one thing--on the morning of April 28, you HAVE to be especially careful!  At about 9:00, the plane is going to stall, it's going to crash, and you won't survive.  You must not let that happen--promise me!  Don't do anything that will make that plane stall!  You have to promise me!"

He looked shocked at what I had said, but he said, "I understand.  I promise.  I won't let it happen."  He pulled me into his arms and held me tight.  He felt so warm and strong.  He said, "Don't you worry.  I'll never leave you."

I woke up at that point.  The first thing that came into my head was, "I wonder if it worked!  I wonder if I saved him!  He could be alive now!  Any minute the phone will ring, and it will be him, just as always, and we really will talk about getting married."

I believed it so completely for a few moments.  He had promised me.  His eyes and his embrace had been so sincere and earnest and reassuring.  But then reality began to sink back in.  I looked at the mantle over my fireplace.  All the mementos of his death and absence were still there... the sympathy cards, the Bible I'd bought myself, the votive candles, the pretty carved wood birds my grief counselor had given to me as a gift when I told her how birds were significant to Patrick and me and our relationship.  

Nothing had changed at all.  God, in those moments, waking life felt like it bore the mass of the entire universe, and all of it was upon me, and I just couldn't take it.  I've never felt so helpless and weak.  I've gotten to where it happens quite often that I'll be having such a wonderful happy dream, and in the middle of the dream, I suddenly become aware of the awful reality that he's dead.  But none of them have hurt as much as this.  It's bothered me all day long. *sigh*  This is what I mean by it not being just a dream.  It was all too real while it lasted.  So real that I was sure it had leaked into "this reality."  If only things were that simple...

Man, I found out last night that drinking = interesting experiences.  Not that I want to encourage drinking of course, I'm just saying... I had some drinks last night and happened to also have a notable phasing/dreaming experience.  BTW, I'm glad you mentioned the distinction, or lack thereof, between lucid dreaming and phasing... I can't really figure out any difference... more like lucid dreams result from phasing?  That's how it seems to me, even though I may be aware of dreaming before I'm aware of having phased.

As for the annoying eye thing, I've been sort of trying to train myself to "see" independently of my eyes.  I came up with a little exercise.  What I do is:

I close my eyes.  It's all dark, of course, but nonetheless, it's a field of vision.  Think of it as a black screen or something.  It has edges, or limits.  So, I'll focus my physical eyes on the left edge, for example, but I'll turn my *attention* to the right edge.  Then, I'll move my attention all the way around the edges--without moving my physical eyes.  And sometimes, I'll zigzag my attention all over--still without moving my physical eyes.  

I've gotten to where I do with my eyes open too... I'll focus on something sitting on my kitchen cabinet, while paying attention to my living room.  It's amazing what you can pick up from your peripheral vision!

There is nothing wrong with your mind--I would consider you fortunate that you can "zone out" so easily!  I sometimes can do that... I don't feel vibrations, but sometimes I "see through" the physical world.  I've always been prone to daydreaming, too, which is basically merging or overlaying a non-physical "world" with the physical world.  It's sort of like phasing slightly while wide awake.  I guess that's why phasing has sort of come naturally for me.

I've never experienced vibrations, or at least not remembered.  Many times in my life, though, I've felt the crashing down on my bed feeling--usually accompanied by the feeling that I've been electrocuted.  I always had a terrible fear of lightning, so those experiences always terrified me!

I too have gotten the numb, detatched feeling in my arms.  One time I was just trancing, and my left arm kept floating up of its own accord.  I thought it might have been my "astral" arm, but it was just my physical arm.  I guess maybe my astral body was trying to shake it off, but I've never gotten out of my body, at least not consciously.

All my (few) successes with astral projection have been in the area of phasing.  Which is nice, because, at least for me, it involves none of the scary vibrations, noises, feelings of electrocution, etc.  Or the frustration of trying to shake off the physical body.

I do have one friend with whom I can have 2-sided conversations about astral projection.  But he lives in another city, and we don't talk too frequently.  My sister is pretty cool and interested in the topic, but she doesn't really study or try to achieve projections.  However, she also has strange experiences that I don't--she has the psychic genes that run in my dad's family.  I am not very psychic; I'm better at putting energy out than taking it in.

Telos,

I appreciate your understanding, truly.  You're right that it's best to approach this subject because it's interesting and fun.  That's what I'm trying to do now.  Trying to let go of the emotions.

I do believe that it will enhance the future for everyone, eventually.  But I agree, for now, as an individual, we all will probably be most effective if we just take it easy.  In any case, I've at least learned that using it to just remain in the past, with a dead lover isn't the right thing to do.

Besides, if astral women are really so stunning, who's to say he hasn't already found a new girlfriend?  Does that happen I wonder?  I wonder how our dead loved ones feel about those they leave behind...  I like to think that once I die, then we really can pick up where we left off, so to speak, but... I wish I were more sure... *sigh*

I am in a similar dilemma, only I'm not in love with someone who doesn't exist, I'm in love with a dead man.

I know, I know, he's not really "dead," and in fact I have had several encounters with him during random phase-shifts to F2/F3.  But the fact is... yeah, really, he IS dead.  He's dead to my physical life.  In everyday life, I cannot see him (except in photographs), I cannot hear him, I can't feel him, I can't be intimate with him, I can't wake up next to him.  I will never get to marry him, have a family with him, or do any of the many things we'd wanted to do together.  I am not going to get to grow old with him.

When I began having my astral encounters with him, and when I found this site, I thought--This is it!  This is the answer to my problems!  This is the medicine for my wounds!  If I can just learn to phase at will, I can be with him whenever I want!  Our relationship can keep on going as it always did!  

But I'm coming to realize it's not that simple. For one thing, I think that my emotional urgency has only hampered my development as a phase-shifter.  But even if I were the most talented phase-shifter on earth---I would still be a physical person, and he would not.  In my everyday life... I would still be alone.  And that great future we had planned would still be dead with him.  And I think I would be in even worse shape than I'm in now.

We have to take this physical existence as it's given to us.  We have to make the most of it.  There is nothing wrong with exploring the astral world, but it's not the world we live in right now, for whatever reason.  We can't avoid it.  We can't use our abilities to explore the astral world as a crutch.  I'm afraid that's what I've been doing, and it has only done me harm.  I haven't been trying to develop my skills for the right reason---the right reason is to enhance the future for human kind---not to try to hold on to one's own past.

So, I'm still going to keep on trying, but for the right reason.  And in the meantime, while I am here, and he is not here, I am going to do my best to pick up the pieces of myself and to carry on and live the best life I can.  
Physical people need physical people to share life and love with.  And chances are, I am going to find someone else to share them with.  We all deserve that happiness, and astral "affairs" are no substitute for it.  I can tell you, when I am with him in the astral, it's wonderful, but it's not the same.  I don't think it can ever be the same.  As long as I'm here, I'm never going to have the same thing I had with him before.  

I wish I were wrong!  I don't want to leave behind the past life I had with him, GOD ALMIGHTY, I don't want to!  And yet with every day that goes by, it is receding farther and farther away.  And it hurts like hell--I can't tell you how it hurts!  But going on with life is the only thing that can be done.  And I think it's the only thing he wants me to do.  He doesn't want my life to be wrecked just because he's not here with me any more.  And he doesn't want me to always be trying to live in a "dream" world.  I know it's not really a "dream world," I know it's real, probably more real than this world.  But for now, I have to wake up to this world, and I have to do the things I need to do, and interact with the people I need to interact with, and go the places I need to go.

Sorry to be so long-winded, but... this is the most honest I've been with myself or with anyone else.  And if my story can help anyone in even the slightest way... that will make it worthwhile.

That was a beautiful variation!    I love the Canon--it's one of those pieces that is so deceptively simple, but so beautiful.

I've always wanted a digital piano... my piano teacher had one and it was so much fun!  

I was classically trained in piano for 10 years, but haven't touched a piano in probably 12 or 13 years.  I really need to get a keyboard of some kind.  I don't think I could fit a piano into my apt.  Or even get it up here. *sigh*