Messages

Hi, I think that when I see people on TV that they can see me, and communicate with me. Same with posters, people talking through my speakers, etc. I have had these beliefs since puberty.

Also, if I see a license plate of a car, and if it ends in a number like 4, or, 6, 8 things will happen a certain way, and that if they end like 3, or 5,7, things will happen a different way. I literally believe this. Or if the seconds hands on a clock ends on the right side of the clock this will happen that way, if it lands on the left hand side of the clock, another way.  Events like these go on etc.

I never believe that I am alone, and I never talk to people if I see them, only recently do I talk to people. Anyway, I am taking risperdal (2MG) and these experiences are lessening. I am being put up to 3MG now. I took 6MG the other day and for once for years I felt by myself, like I had control of my own thoughts, and destiny.

What do you think I suffer from? I told my psychiatrist these things (he put me on the risperdal) but does not think schizophrenia.

Feeling that your never alone and are always being watched is actually a very accurate perception I believe. I have it myself, I never do feel alone.

But understand, that the manifestation of 'people' around you is your minds doing most likely. The 'presence' you feel is not people, your subconscious is just presenting it to your conscious as people because thats the easiest way for your conscious to comprehend it. But what it really is, is your becoming intuitionally aware of the conscious the permeates through everything and does essentially always watch you, just as you unknowingly always watch it because your part of it. But people it is not. You may be schizophrenic for perceiving it as 'people', but you are by no means schizophrenic for perceiving 'presence'. We are always in the presence of something we can't comprehend directly. The schizophrenic mind has trouble grasping this thing and accepting it for it is, so it will make it easier to comprehend it by manifesting it as people, spirits, personality, anthropomorphic things. But I would not worry too much, I would not try to get rid of it. I would try to go deeper into it, analyze it through meditation, you'll discover yourself what exactly it is. Which for a while your subconscious may still manifest it as 'people', but your conscious will know what it is and eventually your subconscious will adapt and no longer do that.

Ok I figured it out and got out. I just zoned out completely, felt my body gradually fall asleep took like 10-15 minutes. Then I kind of flex what feels like a muscle running down the back of my head, but it's not a muscle. I flex that, and really force it and then my vision will click and start pulsating white and black really fast and if I hold that for about 20 seconds I'll be out. During the time when my vision is flashing I get a rather strong body sensation that almost feels like your falling from marijuana, except it's stronger and your going up.

Now, I got a few questions. It felt exactly like a dream, like everything about it felt just like a lucid dream. Only I was just in my room, is that how it's supposed to feel?

Forcing my way through walls and doors actually required alot of forcing, like both hands on either side of the door and pushing to slowly pop through. Is it supposed to be that diffucult?

It seemed that the farther away I got from my body the more difficult it was to maintain. I pushed myself out through one of my windows and got outside and it looked like what I expected for like maybe 20 seconds. Then somehow I was somewhere that I don't know what it was, I think I just dreamt that area. At that point I focused on my body and returned to it. Then I forced myself out again and restarted my exploration, didn't go outside again. I think though the farther away I got from my body the more I actually started to have a lucid dream. Is that common for beginners or possible?

I couldn't see the chord, I hear this is common, but I don't ever remember seeing my body either. I glanced for maybe a split second but don't remember seeing my body on the ground. Is it possible to not be able to see your body? Or maybe I wasn't even projected at all? Just forced myself into a very convincing lucid dream? Has that happened to anyone? I could however see my reflection in the mirror, only like, it was weird, I could only see the same reflection of myself no matter how I felt I was moving my body.

So I've been trying at astral projection a little over a year now. I still haven't managed to actually have the full experience. I have gotten very adept at focusing and calming thoughts, I can sit for hours without a single thought in my mind. I've gotten to the point where I've seen the astral plane, all the static fuzz and random shapes that appear behind my eyelids just will kind of stretch into 3D to resemble the area I am in, I believe that is the astral plane isn't it? I've also, very very rarely, at times seen things moving in it, mainly things that sort of look like shadows. I believe I have scene my astral body, it appears sort of blue, right? I've felt like I was moving my astral arms at times. I have had my whole body feel like it's been somewhere else. I am good at getting my body to be numb, primarily my limbs, I have trouble getting my head or spine to feel numb. I've seen the vibrations behind my eyelids, a pulsing white light that pulses at what seems to feel like the proper rate. I have however never felt the vibrations. The more I relax, I tend to fall into a feeling of numbness, I never get a sense of energy through me or vibrations that I hear is essential to feel. I think this may be one of my primary problems with getting the full experience.

If anyone could give me some tips specific to me with all that in mind it'd be greatly appreciated. What should I try focusing on in order to get further? I am at a loss ideas of how to further progress this.