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EXCELLENT Projection!

I'll share with you my perspective of your experience...
You began the experience with a "dream awareness", you managed to figure out that you were dreaming, which increased you to a "lucid awareness".  You had a lucid awareness because you were still reacting to the dream events.  While you realized you were dreaming, your mind was still in dream mode, reacting to what was going on.  You eventually were able to push that aside and increase to an "astral awareness", sometimes this can happen completely spontaneously (just like becoming lucidly aware to begin with), or it can be attained through techniques.  But you were able to remain clear enough to realize that you wanted to see your guides.  That's a great sign!

You'll get better at recognizing when you're about to wake up... that "falling asleep" while in a dream is the sign.  At that point, what I usually do to stave off waking is bring as much of your focus as you can into the experience.  Begin using as many of your senses as you can.  Touch things... listen for things... examine things in fine detail with your eyes... even taste things if you can.  But you must bring your ENTIRE BEING into this process.  This will lock you to that reality.  It's the exact process which keeps you physically awake, you just don't realize because it's much easier here.

You did absolutely amazing keeping the experience going!  In the end, sometimes just pure willpower will do the trick! 

This whole experience was so exciting, usually the few time I have lucid dreamt, I don't ever do anything I tell myself I want to do I if I ever became lucid. It was just so surprising how clear everything was. The clearest moment was actually when I was loosing consciousness, it felt like when you get put to sleep for some type of surgery. Like you have no control over it happening. One moment you are awake and the next you are waking up, but It was happening slowly. I was halfway still in the dream and halfway in darkness and I managed to stop it... At the end of the experience though it was more instant.. The dream stop just as I woke up and I ran to my computer.  There was no moment of sitting down to try and recall any details I missed. It was like there was no time between the two!

: ) I've been really slacking up on recording my dreams and stuff, my sleeping has been pretty hectic and I've been focusing a lot of my art... so much to my surprise when I have a lucid dream last night and the first thing I think to ask is to see my guides. My question is about the guides. When they appeared to me I saw only a toy car rolling around on its on and some sort of small animal. I couldn't make out what the animal was, but I was once told I had a ferret for an animal guide, but I didn't believe that, so I was thinking maybe I couldn't tell because of my refusal to believe its possible or something. I was wondering did I actually meet my guides, were they screwing around with me? XD because I asked them to take me where I'm needed and they just took me to a store full of candy. I went along with it, but you know I felt like it was a joke.

7/3/2014
Lucid Dream!

I was in a car, and was monitoring the progress of a fight that was going. A sort of war. I wasn't actually suppose to  participating in this fight, but I think just collecting information. We were loosing  and the enemy was heading toward the car I was in. I quickly got out and made my way toward a large building. I went through the doors locking each one behind me. Every room of the house empty. Rushing until I got to the front door and ran out onto a street. I ran as fast as I could then stopped and smiled.. "I'm dreaming" excited i exclaimed "IM DREAMING!" Everything became clear and I was still a little afraid about being chased, but as I became more and more in control of myself I just completely forgot about it and started to try and take advantage of my lucidity. I asked. "Let me see my guides." a toy car and a small animal appeared. I wasn't sure what the animal was, It was unclear. Then I asked "take me were I need to be" They didn't move. I asked again. Finally started rolling/walking down the street. During the walk down the street, I felt like I was falling asleep. My eyes got really heavy and I started to loose consciousness. I didn't want to loose this experience though, so I willed myself to stay awake and continued to follow the two. They took me to a... convenience store, full of candy. I sighed. and asked "Why would you bring me here." I got curious.. What does candy taste like in  a dream... I started  to pick out stuff to try. I opened a pack of sugary gummies and plopped on into my mouth. Nothing.. It tasted like nothing. A disappointment... I woke up.

06/16/2014
Stag Helmet

I walked into a blacksmith's work shop. There were molds, furnaces and various types of tools for creating armor. The walls were lined with drawers full of materials. One section of drawer dedicated to containing different kinds of bones. I picked out some bones and began grinding them into a fine dust. then I mixed it with other unknown materials, before adding it to the molten liquid. After the substance was well mixed I poured the contents into a mold and waited for it to harden. When it was finished I was left with a helmet in the shape of a Stag's head.

So, I should try and turn his appearance in my dreams as a trigger to lucid dream? That'll be tricky, my dream self is usually so accepting of weird and out of place things being completely normal and not out of the ordinary. I've had a few rare lucid dreams. My first was when I was still in high school and I thought I had woken up for school, but when I went to catch the bus. I realized I wasn't awake. Then one of my more recent ones, I realized I was sleeping, but couldn't figure out how to control anything in my dream. Like I really wanted to fly, but that didn't work at all. Basically, am I suppose to just tell myself through out the day "If i see such and such I'm dreaming"

It's just so hard for me to understand these types of dreams, except from on a surface. I've been dreaming about about a person who terrified me, he's either yelling at me in my dreams, trying to hit me or I'm so afraid that he'll hit me if I don't answer him correctly. Like in my last dream, I was dreaming that I was going to take a hand held game system to school and my sister told on me. I was begging her not too and was terrified. So I hid the game system in my moms purse, trying to get rid of the evidence. Then my moms deceased husband comes into the picture yelling at me. I knew no matter what answer I gave him, Id get hit and yelled at...

I mean out of the all the things I'm afraid of, nothing affects me as much as him, and hes not even alive anymore and I'm still dealing with all the crap ive been through with him. When I start to try and make and effort to get over it and try to make some progress in my life, It just seem to come back and remind me. It's this huge obstacle that I can't over come and it's holding me back. It's the root of my anxiety.

My recent dreams have been becoming pretty disturbing. I haven't posted the latest that I had, just because of how much it disturbed me, made me feel sick to my stomach kind of dream. Other than that one dream I had the other ones generally put me in situations where I become afraid. I don't understand why I am having these dreams. I don't have any negative feelings awake, except for anxiety about everything, but that's pretty normal. I want cool interesting story dreams! Not these creepy weird disturbing ones.

6/7/2014
Store

I was working in a large store, the story of how I came to work in that store was a bit strange. You see, I had just been rejected from a orchestra, the director told me if I wished to join that I would have to locate a piece of music and be able to play it. I used to play bass clarinet, so the sheet of music I had to find was written for that instrument. I came to the store after narrowing down where to find the music. There I would have to do all sorts of riddles and and scavenger hunts. As I solved each riddle and found each item in the store, a bar line of the music would appear on my paper. Eventually I forgot about the music and became more interested in the store.

After finding the manager, I asked for a job there and was hired on the spot. This store had so many interesting products. I went to the drink section and I was opening up different drinks and trying them. There were these drinks labeled "War Fare" they came in bright blues, yellow, and red and tasted like a sports drink, they were very low on sugar so I wasn't too interested in them, but there was kid there who absolutely loved it. I kept looking at the drinks and found these neon colored, small pouch type drinks. They really attracted my attention because of how vibrant and colorful they were. I looked at the price. 3.49 for one drink! They were so tiny. I really wanted one but upon further inspection I saw the words "Alcoholic" written below the name of the drink. I thought to myself. "I'm still underage"  and skipped the drink.

So this turns out to be a tab bit unusual. The coworkers and some other people in the store ask me if I would like to go somewhere with them, but I refuse and instead tell them "I'm going to sleep" I curled up by the wall and dozed off and everything went black. This is when I wake and check the clock 2:00 am . I go back to sleep and wake up in the dream. When I wake up in the dream I forgot that everyone said they were going somewhere, so I start freaking out because I can't find them. I went out to the parking lot to see if they were there and saw all their cars were, so I thought they had to be inside.

When I turned to go back in the store all the lights were off. I felt so eerie and scared even though it was just a store. I went inside, but none of the lights worked, so I got my phone and was going to use it but it was dead. Well that's just great... not lights for me. I wasn't about to give up though. I took out my phone charger and plugged it into an outlet in the wall.. but when I went to plug it into my phone.. It WASN'T compatible. What the hell. I thought to myself. I was becoming upset, because nothing was working and I was alone and scared.

I slumped down and started crying and that's when the people walked through the door and the lights came one. One of the people was my boyfriend and he saw me crying and came over to me. I screamed at him "You left me" and ran out the building. I figured he wouldn't follow and I was so upset I didn't want him to, but  he chased after me. He pulled me into a hug and said "I'm sorry."


Lately every time something bad happens in my dream or if I'm scared. My boyfriend always shows up to save me or comfort me. It makes me wonder if a part of him knows I'm having a bad dream, because he knows about AP too, I mean hes the reason that I  ever found out about it.

I feel horrible just woke up from 16 hours of sleep and my head completely hurts and body aches. I remember dreaming of the orbs. The one I remember upon waking was a bright white with black center, much similar to my previous dream. It was soo bright, my eyes were pretty screwed up too when I got up, I still had it burnt into my vision for at least a minute...

Started to slack a little on logging these down!

So I was trying to do that one thing where you put the intent to project somewhere close to your body. In this case I went with the window since its on the other side of the room. I dozed off and woke up and continued trying, to which I dozed off again, I must have been dreaming about still trying to AP though because my cousin came running into the room (he is a 2 years old) And my first thoughts upon waking were "Dang, I almost projected." After running my cousin out of the room, I laid down confused. I was like "Hold on a moment.. when did I almost project.. I was sleeping." but being too tired, I just went back to sleep.

So I had a pretty screwed up dream, it started out pretty calm and just each scene got more intense, I mean I wasn't afraid or scared or anything, but it was pretty awful some of the stuff that happened.

6/1/2014
Spirit Problem

This part happened from a view where I was just watching two people, I wasn't actually there participating. It was a young man and his girl driving down a road. The man says. "I'm f**king sick and tired of putting up with the sh*t in the world. If I don't find what the truth is, I swear I'm just going to kill everyone." His girlfriend  responded to him "Aw babe, same. Maybe this place will have the answers for us. It's full of spiritualist and shaman.. oh look a catholic church." He pulled over to where she pointed letting out a groan. "Fine, we can give this place a try." They walked to the confession booth and waited for a preacher to come talked to them. When they got there they told the preacher they were here to explore what the spiritualist/shaman believed. The preacher started to talk. "Those blasphemous freaks are going to burn in hell. Jesus is the only way to salvation. I warn you there is a spiritual war going on, don't get caught up on the wrong side." I could tell the man wasn't pleased with the answers he got from the preacher. He was serious about killing people. I tried to communicate to him a message. "Keep going further down the road, you will find the answers you been searching for." He seemed to think for a little while before leaving with his girlfriend.

Next I found myself in a room with another person. We were suppose to help a little spirit problem that was attached to the house. From what I could tell it was an old woman. The current owner of the house was terrified because of all the "scary noises" the spirit would make, but I found myself a bit bored with the "scariness" of the situation. I asked the old woman to leave, that she didn't have to stay there. She went rather easy. We stayed over the night since the owner had given us permission. This is when I could tell the other person with me had been my boyfriend. We went to take a bath together and when I went under to soak my hair something grabbed me by the neck and started strangling me. I couldn't breathe. I started clawing my boyfriend trying to use him to put myself up, but these invisible hands where holding me down. My boyfriend was using all his strength to pull me up. When I was finally freed I quickly got out of the tub and got dressed.

(This is the messed up part)
I went to the living room where some other people who were working with us on the the spirit problem were chatting. "Give me all the files on the history of this f**king house. Our problem is way bigger than we could have expected." When I was handed the file I was shot into the past viewing what happened at this house. I was in the barn near the house, There were little children, about the age of 8 and younger chained up. They looked beaten, neglected and terrified. They were crying. I noticed they had pick axes in their hands. A man was brought in, his hands tied behind his back. He was kicked to the ground. "Kill" a voice said. The children clutch their axes and drove them one after another into the man. Blood splattered everywhere, soaking them. Another person was brought in and he too met the same fate.  The sight was so horrible, so real, and so disturbing. The doors to the barn are kicked down. It seems to be a bunch of towns people and the sheriff. They have shot guns and the children run at them with their axes. One by one they are blasted by the guns. Bullets and going through their heads and chests. When I came back to with the file in my hand. I kind of just stood there. What in hell am I going to do...


You know, I didn't think I dreamt anything last night, except for random nonsense, so I was minding my own business when my mind is flooded with these horrid imagines of blood shed and almost being strangled/drowned to death. There was too much detail in the dream... seriously TOO much detail.

: ) Goodluck Seabee, who knows it could ignite some curiosity in your girlfriend. Maybe if you're comfortable you should ask her what she really thinks?

I interpreted "The Stag" part of my dream, the other failure dream was completely obvious about how I was feeling so I just skipped it. I almost started crying at this interpretation. Honestly I don't even know how these interpretations are coming so easily to me. It's like they were just waiting for me to pay attention and care. There's always a part that makes me want to doubt that I got the right interpretation, but my last interpretation told me not to do that... so.. LOL

A side note, my process for interpreting may be confusing or you may not see the connections I do, it's just how my brain works. It makes perfect sense to me. : )

Feeling: Recently the deer has become a favorite animal of mine. It makes me rethink aspects of my life style. I'm not one for extreme heat, but other than that lava is beautiful from a distance. I feel terrible for that stag though, I kept it from doing its job and killed it unintentionally. We left with what we need.

Message: An aspect of my life is changing. I am changing and though I haven't reached that point yet the outcome will be beautiful. The stag is me and what I have been doing to myself. How i have treated myself. What I have learned I will take with me as I leave my past behind.

Edit: I thought I should finish the whole dream, this part was a bit difficult. I had to do a lot of thinking and put the pieces together, but it all came through.

The Natives
Feeling: I didn't understand the fairness of the trade of the talisman and the gold corn box. While the box was unique it's contents were a mystery. I felt really uneasy about the mans plan. I had to take action. This was the wrong path. The urgency to stop them was clear. I'm always staring in their eyes, why do something that makes me nervous? My words were filled with so much emotion. Those feelings brought change. It turned them around.

Message: I've been protecting myself... from the unknown, because all I can see is whats on the outside. It won't be easy and I will have to do things that make me uncomfortable, but with the passion for change comes the ability to change.

Thanks for the link! I'll probably need it for those huge short story sized dreams. Doubt is probably my number 1 problem, so far I haven't experienced anything that scares me enough to deter me from having success.

So I managed to recover this dream from the fog! Side note: I went to sleep with the intent that I wanted to learn.

5/30/2014
Safari

There were massive plains that slowly branched out into a wooded area. The grass was tall and golden, swaying with the wind. It looked much like a safari I see in pictures. I was enjoying myself, looking at the environment around me and took shade underneath a single tree. There was an animal of some sorts grazing on grass, a rhino.. no it closer resembled a triceratops, but it didn't have any of the horns that it was normally depicted with. For some reason, I felt no fear being near this large animal, in fact I wanted to get closer to it. That was a mistake though. The triceratops like creature became territorial at my presence and began to charge me. Seemly I floated to the side as I dodge it. My moves were fluid  and natural, but the triceratops wasn't about to give in. It wanted me completely gone from its territory, so I left. My feet touched ground and I walked until I saw tribal type people. At the back of my mind something told me to be afraid, but I knew better. Especially when the person was coming towards me with arms out stretched like they wanted to hug. I did the same assuming that it would end in an embrace, but when it didn't I figured that was their way of greeting.

She smiled warmly at me "Welcome, come this way, we've been waiting for you." I followed her to a camp fire where her partner and two children were and I noticed the two children laying on the ground wrapped up in strange plants. I began to question it. "Why are those two like that." She pointed as she replied. "This child will become a dragon and this one will become a wolf." I didn't ask any further questions, because I didn't think I would understand it if I did. The woman gestured her good bye to me as everything went black.

The next part I couldn't really remember, except for the fact that it took place in a science lab where there were really young genius scientist doin some experiment, for which one of the lab partners had volunteered to be the guinea pig for.

I have never really been good at interpreting my dreams and I know the only one that can do that is me. That being said, I went with my own way of interpreting, which basically just takes the feeling I get from the dream and translate those feelings into a meaning. Here it goes!

Surfer Pilot: Observations!

Feeling:
I like gazing at the stars, it's very relaxing and fills me with a sense of adventure. The moon is beautiful and hypnotizing. It's as though if I reach up I can touch it. The waves are so calming. It calms my mind and settles my over active energy. He wants me to fly a plane... It's nice to have someone who believes in you when you don't believe in yourself.

Message:
My first dream after starting back up on the ADVENTURE to AP. I'm bound to put all of my attention into it and get a little excited.. ok maybe way too excited, so I need to learn to ground those over powering energies that make me bounce off the wall and stay up to sunrise! The end screams out at me "STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF" .. ha ha ok ok I get it. I have to have a little faith that I'm doing the right thing! (It only took me 10 days to get the message!)

I'm pretty excited to just get out there and meet other beings, to learn, to explore, etc. Anything I am needed for once I get to astral, I'll be willing to help and give it everything I got. I don't like failing. I feel bad letting people down, so it drives me to do my best.

Right now, all I have is my dreams, so I'll just put more effort into paying attention to whats going on in them! I feel like maybe I'm missing something from them. I dream a lot, and I mean a lot. What I post isn't even half of what I dream in a night, it's just soooo much that I usually forget a lot of details. Something right now is just telling me to pay more attention to my dreams, so I'll listen to that instinct.

There's just so much I am looking forward too, especially the meeting other beings. I generally like people and really enjoy getting to know them. I like you guys a lot! I'm in a bubbly mood right now lol.

It's "Anemani".  Sorry for the trouble. : )

I don't mind whether it gets deleted or not. I can give the username if we aren't suppose to have more than one account. (I'm sure I know my old pass for it)

: P I know, it seems I've talked to a few people here before, I just completely forgot everything lol. I was so different back then, adorable even. In one post I was saying "If I could just get one arm out, I'll pull the rest of me out" lol, kind of silly. I had so much enthusiasm and tried so many different techniques. Spent so much time doing energy work, looking up stuff about AP and started to see strange things. I'm kind of sad that I stopped for all these years.

One of the things I've always wanted to do once I AP, is go to my boyfriends house and see if I can get him to be aware that I'm there. : P It would be great confirmation if the next day he woke up and said "I had a dream you came over last night".  and then I could be like. "That wasn't a dream. >: D"

5/28/2014
Real World

Trees fill and reach as far as the eye can see as we climb over dead oaks. "look another cave" someone points out. in reply another says "careful" We approach the cave cautiously, as  a group of six. "It's clear." yells out the person in the front. Everyone scours the cave, searching for any useful items left behind. I find about  8 batteries and a flashlight.. very useful in these times.

When we finished with that cave, we continued on until we came across another. There is always a since of fear among the group. A fear that at any moment we would run into "the enemy". Who was the enemy I thought to myself. A person.. creature... thing? Why didn't I know? This cave was very large and we were more careful in searching it. Nothing here that was useful. As we neared the exit, a scream came from the back and we noticed that one of the six were missing.

"Run, it's them!" screamed a member of the group. I yelled out.. "Are we just going to leave him?" she looked back at me. "We have no choice" As we distanced ourselves from the cave he was always in the back of my mind. The urge to go back for him. What if it wasn't "them" who took him, what if he was alright?

We came to a river and stopped to fill our canisters. The water was crisp, clear and refreshing. Never had I seen such beautiful water like this.  There was another cave, but everyone was relaxed, because they knew that "the enemy" wasn't there. One girl, sat at the outside of the cave, carving her thoughts into the cave floor. I watched the others play in the river, it seemed everyone had forgotten about our lost member, but I hadn't. I couldn't.

That's when I noticed  the girl by the cave missing. Did she go in? I grabbed a flashlight and shined it into the dark cave, and knew that this one was extremely large. I didn't want to loose another member of the group, but I knew better to go in by myself. Before I went to get the others, I called out for her, but no answer. It was hard to convince everyone to go in after her, but I wasn't going to let them repeat what happened at the last cave.

The batteries ended up going out on the flashlight, so I quickly changed them. We followed the twist and turns of the cave looking at every nook and cranny, until we came to a door. A door? How strange. I opened it up and was brought into a house. We didn't have time to question it, so I motioned for everyone to split up. Going up some stairs that served to further puzzle me I opened another door and everything was filled with light. There was a window and I could see outside to the river.

In the room laid a twin size mattress, with no blankets on it and then a dresser off to the corner. I opened up the closet and found clothes and a single sketch pad laying on the floor. Kneeling down for the sketch pad I began to look at it. My eyes grew wide. "These are my drawings" I thought out loud. "This is my room.. all this stuff.. I used to own." I paused with a realization that hit me like a train. "This isn't the real world at all. I can't tell the others. Am I even suppose to know?" I decided I would keep going along with everything.

I grab the small and light mattress and headed  down stairs. The whole house was lit up like it had been that way the whole time. Light pouring from various windows. Everyone was sitting in the living room, so I threw the mattress down to them. "We can use this" I said. "Actually, we could just stay here as shelter." everyone looked at each other with pleasant smiles and nodded. I went back upstairs to find the missing girl and ended up finding her in the last room at the end of the hall.

"You're alright" I said to her. She looked up from playing with a little boy beside her and smiled. "I found my son." then she went back and seemed to forget I was there. I searched the room, finding all sorts of useful stuff. What caught my interest was all the pipes I found and when another member of the group came up I said. "These would be really useful if we could get running water to the house." I handed them to her before she headed downstairs. She didn't seem to happy with my sudden attitude to lead. Again, the guy that we left behind came into mind and I thought about making a trip to go search for him now that we were safe.

So, for a moment I realized that I wasn't in the "real world" (I meant the physical of course) I don't know what I was thinking though, I guess because I wasn't fully aware.  I like how it was my own artwork that made me realize that I wasn't in the "real world" instead of the house that... seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Why wouldn't I want to tell the others that we were all sleeping! I mean when I'm awake I am always so excited about the fact of realizing I'm asleep in a dream.. I guess again it is because I wasn't fully aware.

Two old dreams i dug up from my early days. I picked these out, just because I liked.

01/21/10
Bay 7 Restaurant

In my dream I am in this building that has different rooms and places.. Some of the places in the building are restaurants. I think the building may have had classrooms but I am unsure... So I come out from a room and I am in the hallway looking for the restaurant that I am suppose to be in. Its name is Bay 7. I am looking at the signs of various restaurants, but I can not find the one I am suppose to go to. Everyone else is having no trouble finding the restaurants they are suppose to be going to. Finally I see a waiter. He is tan with blackish brown short hair and is wearing a red vest with a long sleeve button down shirt and black pants.
I speak to him asking him if he can tell me where restaurant 7 is and he replies saying "Well of course I can, right this way." He takes me to a restaurant that is plain. The furniture is white and some what dirty and there are many people, some who are children.
I sit at a table feeling out of place here and look at the menu and see that it has items made more for children.. Then I notice the name of the restaurant is 7 and not Bay 7. I call the waiter telling him I am not in the right place. Then I say I am suppose to be at Bay 7.
He stares at me for a second and says. "Are you sure? We may not have enough room for you there."
He seemed to not believe that I belonged in Bay 7 but he took me anyway and when we got to that restaurant it was elegant and beautiful. Probably the best one I had seen, but I could not see why there was not enough room. Where there even people there to begin with?..
Bay 7 decorations were of gold and a reddish purple. With drapes and tapestries and elegant carvings in the mortar. The tables were made of a dark wood that matched the reddish purple colors and they seemed to be very expensive.... He still look at me with uncertainty not believing I belong there, but that is where I had been told to go...

02/09/10
White birds

In my dream I was walking on this paved path with another female. This path was surround by lush green trees. While walking we come to a wooden bridge. When we get to this bridge we stopped, because I saw something in the sky. What I see seems to be two spirits flying around in a playful manner. The two then go towards each other at a fast pace. When they are about to collide they then start going upward in a spiral motion. Then they suddenly transform into two pure white birds. They both fly closer to us in a beautiful style and then land on a tree with their neck and heads resting upon each other. Their beaks are sort of long and a vibrant orange, but not much and their eye are a very distinctive blue. In size they are just a bit smaller than chickens and they have sort of long perfect tail feathers. I say to the other person that is with me. "Look there are two doves." she replies. "No those are Bayth birds." (not sure on spelling) Suddenly she looks worried and she says. "I have to go"... I do not remember her name, but it felt like I knew her.

I just really enjoy these two dreams for some reason.

I was researching my old account that I used to use, back when I first started discovering AP. There was a particular dream forum that I would go on for dream interpretations, but I was never satisfied with the answers I got from there and was eventually directed to a forum with all sorts of stuff in it. Anyway, apparently I used to post in this forum 5 years ago! It's funny because I don't remember coming here at all... (I did loose a lot of memories when I tried to push this stuff out of my life) I actually have quiet a lot of posts on here too... I just don't know how I forgot. It'll be interesting to see what things I posted and help me remember what kind of experiences I used to have... and I'm still trying to find the first forum that led me here lol!

When I started learning about the astral, I was dabbling in different belief systems, but ultimately I settled on the one that was in my family for generations... especially after getting grounded for researching Wicca and almost cut off from my friends. Since Wicca was "of the devil". *rolls eyes* The whole time I was getting further adsorbed into their belief system and trying to conform to it, I thought to myself. "Why is this devil such a bad person, why does he want to cause trouble for everyone.. Seems to me that would be pretty boring to constantly be causing everyone trouble, why can't people just own up to their own actions and stop blaming it some devil."

I never really shared my thoughts with the people at church, I asked "normal" allowable questions. I participated, I got adsorbed in the belief system and they started to recognize me as someone who had a "calling" for the kingdom of god. (almost capitalized god lol, habit from bs) I hated myself, even more than usual, I felt pressure to live up to the perfect ideal "Christ like" persona and I couldn't.. because it wasn't me sure I want to be a good person, but a lot of the things that I experienced or had different ideas about didn't match up with the bible, so that was wrong and I needed to  "pray". Then there were simple things like, cussing or exploring normal teenage curiosities... doing what was natural, was a sin and I would go to hell for it, when there was nothing really wrong with it... One of the things that they taught was "uncut hair is the glory of god" this applied to women... my sister for instance had hair all the way touching the ground.. fine in all but I hated having long hair.

So when time came as I exploded on the inside from to much pressure to change who I was the first thing I shed as I got rid of my belief system was my hair. I cut it sooooo short that the hairstylist and everyone in that salon that day asked me if I was sure I wanted get rid of all that hair. I had everyone's eyes as the hairstylist chopped off a foot of hair lol. Getting out of the belief systems was a slow process, one of the hardest parts about it was changing what I thought god was, but I have finally come to a definition for god that makes me feel right... not because someone else told me its right, its because it right to me and can mean whatever you want it to mean.

God= existence existing. Which means to me that just the fact that anything exists is a great power wonder in itself.

Today when people ask me to believe, (if I'm sure it won't reach the ears of my family) I tell them I belief in and Open minded spirituality. Throw anything at me and I will consider the possibility of it.. I may not accept it, but I will be open to its possibility.

>_< I'm kind of glad this topic came up, I've been actually thinking about these things alot, since I've just now fully shed my old belief system a few months ago.

I've been working on this whole mentality of "ask what it is, don't say what you think it is" : D In preparation for when I start to have my fully aware NP experiences.

Before I head to sleep, I wanted to share some illustrations from the recent dreams I have. I added a little commentary by each doodle, which will I guess add insight into how I think. lol

http://i838.photobucket.com/albums/zz308/Ellury/Art/dreamdoodles_zpsb7ca81a1.jpg