Messages

Hug or call your mom today, don't wait for mothers day!

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By the time the Lord [creator] made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and have two pairs of
hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Two pairs of hands! No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
But I can't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."
She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.
"Will she be able to think?" asked the angel.
The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in.  They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.  Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.  Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends Women have vital things to say and
everything to give.

an oldie but goodie!  which one are you? I'm a 6-7-12 hybrid!


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Now for those of you who are new, and have never encountered persons calling themselves pagans, witches, goddess-worshippers, here's how to tell us apart--with a healthy bit of tongue in one's cheek.

1. Bright-Eyed Novice:
You just read this cool book about a religion where there's a Goddess and a God, and they meet outside in nature, instead of some scary old building. They think sex is GOOD not evil, and you want to know where to sign up.


Distinguishing Signs:
Mispronounces god/dess names, has to think a moment about which is deosil and which is widdershins. Has a shiny new athame (rhymes with "A-frame".)

2. Grand Old Wo/Man:
Actually remembers Woodstock (the first one.) Will tell you about the time they dropped acid with Kerry Wendell Thornley - or maybe it was Robert Anton Wilson. Anyway, it was somebody with three names. Or was it three people with one name?

Distinguishing Signs:
Luxuriant gray locks, listens very intently, knows all the famous Witches' and Pagans you've only read about.


3. Tree Hugging Nature Sprite:

Most prized possession: one of Judi Barry's old tree spikes. Simultaneously believes in universal love for humanity AND returning the planet to a pristine, uncorrupted state. Apt to remove clothes and fondle the shrubbery at a moment's notice. Can discuss compost in great detail.

Distinguishing Signs:
No meat, no fragrance, no leather, no plastic, no smoke, no drugs, no eco-exploitive products, no animal tested cosmetics, no TV, no car, but very tolerant.


4. Anal Retentive Ceremonialist:

Book collection actually holds up the ceiling in places. Is studying Greek, Latin and Hebrew all at once. Does "workings" instead of "rituals". All twenty volumes of their magical diaries are all in Enochian.

Distinguishing Signs:
Won't go anywhere without a book. Is constantly aware of which direction is east. Dresses according to planetary conditions, or whatever was on sale at Wal-Mart.


5. Womyncentric Gynocrat
A man's shadow crossed her altar once and she spent three weeks purifying it. She'll have no wands in her chalice, thank you. No boys allowed in her full-moon club. Can hold forth for hours on the magical properties of menstrual blood.

Distinguishing Signs:
Tiny axes or curved knives, just right for amputating a penis, are a favored symbol and often hang conveniently from her body parts. When a man approaches she rolls her eyes and stops talking.


6. Sexy Pagan Nymph:

Oh, they're so nice! All that warm, round, sex-positive flesh -- and you can actually carry on a conversation with them between orgasms... pant, drool...

Distinguishing Signs:
Cute. Horny. Displays prominent cleavage. Will recite love poetry to you under a full moon. Likes to do it outdoors. Often destitute. All too few of them.


7. Corporate Closet Witch:

"Hey, boss -- I'd like to take February 2nd as a personal day..." Has an entire chapter of their Book Of Shadows concerned with spells for purifying the workplace. Doesn't mind working on Christmas, especially if there's overtime involved. Quit being overtly Pagan at work since being canned by that born-again boss, but still refuses to say "Merry Christmas."

Distinguishing Signs:
Can assume a properly smiley work persona at the drop of a hat. Constantly glances around the room anxiously looking for co-workers and their spies. Non-distinctive style of dress, no conspicuous tattoos.


8. Childe Ov Kaos:

Can name seventeen industrial goth bands without pausing to think. Knows what a Prince Albert is. Personally feels that if no panicky headlines appear the day after you do a ritual, you screwed up. Painted on their jacket, engraved in their flesh and/or boldly displayed as jewelry is an emblem which resembles a combination of corporate logo and arcane symbol. If you don't know what it means, they'll think you're a dweeb.

Distinguishing Signs:
Easy to picture as an alternative musician or bike messenger, difficult to visualize as a school teacher or research assistant, impossible to imagine as a TV news anchor or bank officer. Always wears black leather, even when sleeping.


9. Pagan Celebrity:

At conventions, stays on the hotel floor that requires a special key for elevator access. Lurks around knots of conversation eavesdropping in order to see if their name is being mentioned. Arrives in helicopter especially for rituals. Starts every sentence with "I". If you ask them how it's going, they hand you a press release.

Distinguishing Signs:
Always has plenty of books to autograph and will personally sell them to you at a slight discount from cover price. Never seen unaccompanied by beefy amazonian bodyguards and doe-eyed hangers-on. Seems vaguely afraid of anyone they don't already know.


10. Scary Devil Worshipper:
Would never been caught dead skyclad. Rarely smiles, except in a snide, knowing way which insinuates you are an ignorant peasant worthy of conquest. Secretly enjoys Rush Limbaugh and read The Bell Curve with smug satisfaction. Fascinated with Nazis. Probably has never hurt a fly, but they want you to think they're capable of vast destruction.

Distinguishing Signs:
Lots of black and red. Men like goatees, women favor heavy black eye liner. At least one inverted pentagram somewhere on their person. If you see several of them getting tanked in a bar, it would be wise to stay far away.


11. Crowley-In-A-Past-Life:
Every magical gathering has at least one of these, along with several variants along the lines of Gerald Gardner, Tituba, Morgan LeFey, or somebody who was Atlantean royalty. Many of them were abducted by aliens recently, and have disturbing dreams rich with arcane symbolism that they will tell you all about, in great detail.

Distinguishing Signs:
Look for the intense gleam in the eyes, the backpack rattling with various psychiatric medications, and the garments that were clearly designed and tailored on another planet.


12. Ravin' Pagan:
Young and psychedelic. Can dance non-stop all night. Refuses to do boring Eurocentric rituals and prefers deities from sunny climes with lots of interesting local plants. Can say "Ayahuasca" ten times real fast and deliver long quotes from Terrence McKenna.

Distinguishing Signs:
Dresses in color combinations that hurt the eyes unless you've taken ecstasy. Bloodshot eyes, blissful smile, never goes anywhere without ritual drum.


13. Faerie Queen:
Is he a she? Is she a he? Are they a couple, or are those two a couple or are all four of them a quadruple? If getting answers to these questions could disturb you, best stay away. If, on the other hand, these kind of questions seem overly judgmental, you might have a real good time...

Distinguishing Signs:
When you look at this person, does every sex act you've ever experienced in your life seem hopelessly vanilla? If so, congratulations -- you've found a Faerie!


14. High Episcopagan:
Do their rituals have a script, a choreographer, a stage manager, an orchestra with chorus and last at least three hours? It's a High Episcopagan! They can memorize pages and pages of Olde English, have more ritual garbs than most people have socks, and consider their main pagan influences to be Gerald Gardner, Judy Garland and Busby Berkeley.

Distinguishing Signs:
Book of Shadows exceeds five volumes. Knows every note of "Carmina Burana". Don't ask them about that 18th century seed pearl trim on their ritual hat unless you've got an hour to spare.


15. Fundamentapagan:
If it's in a book, it must be true. If it's in an old book, it must really be true. If it's in an old book that was handed down from an oral tradition of people who couldn't read or write, then it must really be way true. Gnashes their teeth if anyone shows up at a circle wearing a watch, glasses, or other mechanical assistance. Believes that anyone who lives in a city, eats meat or has a regular job, dare not call themselves a pagan.

Distinguishing Signs:
Has hissy fits when somebody brings up the old "Crowley ghosted Gardner's books" argument. Goes around correcting everyone's gaelic/old norse/latin/babylonian.


16. Dances With Bunny rabbits:
Uses animal symbolism to express nearly all opinions and feelings. Charter member of PETA. Thinks meat eaters should be publicly executed. Has many, many, many pets. Has a spirit animal. Personally owns 927 models, pictures, and other depictions of their spirit animal.

Distinguishing Signs:
Not counting the pagan his/herself, how many animals can you see when looking at them? If the count surpasses five (including critters found on tattoos, jewelry, garments and undies), you've found a worshipper of beasties.


17. Priest/ess of Political Correctness:
Analyzes everything they read or hear for sexist-racist-homophobic-imperialist-Eurocentric content without paying attention to what is actually being said. Believes in personal liberty -- everyone has the right to be overbearing, dogmatic and holier-than-thou, not just the Xtian Right. Incredibly boring yet annoyingly self-righteous all at the same time.

Distinguishing Signs:
Beady hyper-alert little eyes are constantly in motion, waiting for someone to do or say something bad. Has loud and attention attracting hissy fits when confronted with everyday things such as advertising or corporate franchises. Rudimentary sense of humor is rarely activated.


18. Our Lady Of Intense Suffering:
Is constantly persecuted. You're probably persecuting her right now, you just don't realize it. Became a Pagan because she decided it was the most persecuted religion of all. Can't enjoy anything because it would be selfish to have any fun when so many are suffering.

Distinguishing Signs:
Tales of woe. Even less of a sense of humor than #17. Bristles when anyone says the words "masochist" or "whining".


19. I Am Not Spock (at the moment):
Knows at least three filks about Cthulhu and at least forty Star Trek jokes. Has found a clever way to create simple furniture from stacks of science fiction paperbacks. Can name ninety different kinds of space ship.

Distinguishing Signs:
Two fisted drinking style. Probably still lives with parents. Many cryptic buttons, badges, patches and other insignia. Too smart for their own good.


20. Het-Case:
Insist that they aren't homophobic; they just believe that Paganism is about a goddess and a god and they do it and what could be more obvious than that? It just doesn't "work right" if you try any other way! Are secretly afraid that gays and/or lesbians are dying to jump their tender hetro bones.

Distinguishing Signs:
Living spaces abound with depictions of satyrs with enormous genitals and huge-breasted, doe-eyed goddesses. Long manicured nails and wreaths of flowers (on females only -- men have big, bushy beards instead.)


21. Norse Code:
Heroic and vikingly, these pagans often get into trouble with festival organizers and park rangers due to their fondness for running around with a huge battle-ax in one hand and a full mead horn in the other. They throw the best parties, but if you're a wimp, you're expressly not invited.

Distinguishing Signs:
Look for the large, foreboding, biker-like persons wearing runes, with many pounds of amber dangling from their necks.


22. Pentacles, Inc:
Pagans have disposable income too, right? So how come they aren't buying my hand forged Venus of Willendorf necklaces -- they come in silver and gold, and each one has a genuine cubic zirconium belly button. Would you like a reading? Will that be Visa or Master Card?

Distinguishing Signs:
Has business cards featuring little embossed pentagrams. You've never seen so much Egyptian god/dess jewelry on a human being in your whole life. Rarely leaves the dealer's room and can't believe there are so many jewelry sellers present.


23. Monster Truck Pagan:
Can grow their own food, build their own house, sew their own clothes, home school their children and brew their own mead. Are looking forward to the bleak, post-apocalyptic world postulated by the environmentalists as they can't wait to run amok through the country, worshipping ancient gods, blowing up strip malls and rutting on the divider line of every interstate.

Distinguishing Signs:
Resourceful, clever and very well versed in the U. S. Constitution. Eats meat with visible twitches of pleasure. is aware that primitive religions have nothing to do with crystals, Atlantis or unicorns. Can assume a properly smiley work persona at the drop of a hat. Constantly glances around the room anxiously looking for co-workers and their spies. Non-distinctive hair, no conspicuous tattoos.

... You may be a monster-truck pagan if your anointing oil is 30 weight.
... You may be a monster truck pagan if cakes & wine means tailgate party.
... You may be a monster truck pagan if Autumn is the Burning Time.

Original Author Unknown

OK, I apologize in advance for all you U.S. Republicans out there.  But I just couldn't stop LAUGHING!


>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Four More Wars!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Assimilate. Resistance is Futile.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Apocalypse Now!
>> BU__SH__!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Because the truth just isn't good enough.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Compassionate Colonialism
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Deja-voodoo all over again!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Don't Change Whores in Midstream
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Get used to it!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   In your heart, you know they're technically
correct.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Leave no billionaire behind
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Less CIA -- More CYA
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Lies and videotape but no sex!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Making the! world a better place, one country at a time.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Or else.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Over a billion Whoppers served.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Putting the "con" in conservatism
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   Thanks for not paying attention.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   The economy's stupid!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   The last vote you'll ever have to cast.
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   This time, elect us!
>> Bush/Cheney '04:   We're Gooder!
>> Bush/Cheney:  Asses of Evil
>> Don't think. Vote Bush!
>> George W. Bush:  A brainwave away from the presidency
>> George W. Bush:  It takes a village idiot
>> George W. Bush:  Leadership without a doubt
>> George W. Bush:  The buck stops Over There
>> God Save the King!
>> Let them eat yellowcake! Vote Bush!
>> Peace & Prosperity Suck -- Big-Time
>> Vote Bush in '04:   "Because every vote counts -- for me!"
>> Vote Bush in '04:   "Because I'm the President, that's why!"
>> Vote Bush in '04:   Because dictatorship is easier
>> Vote Bush in '04:   It's a no-brainer!
>> Vote for Bush & You Get willy!
>> Who would Jesus Bomb?
>>
>> And my personal favorite:
>>
>> Vote Bush in '04:   "I Has Incumbentory Advantitude"

How many solitary witches does it take to screw in a Light bulb?
One.

How many Dianics does it take to screw in a Light bulb?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

How many Dianic women does it take to screw in a Light bulb?
That's W-I-M-M-I-N...AND IT'S STILL NOT FUNNY!

How many Druids does it take to change a Light bulb?
501. One to change the bulb, and 500 to align the stones.

How many ceremonial magicians does it take to screw in a Light bulb?
Just one. He stands still and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a Light bulb?
Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!

How many Pagans does it take to change a Light bulb?
Six. One to change it, five to sit around complaining that light bulbs
never burned out before Christians came along.

How many witches does it take to change a Light bulb?
Depends on what you want it changed into...

How many Buckland witches does it take to change a Light bulb?
"Refer to my second book, 'Practical Light bulb changing' by
Raymond Buckland..."

How many New Agers does it take to change a Light bulb?
(in a sing-song voice)We don't use light bulbs, we just charge our
crystals and watch them glow...

How many astrologers does it take to change a Light bulb?
Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!

How many Asatruar does it take to change a Light bulb?
None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a Light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Pentacostals does it take to change a Light bulb?
Ten. One to change it and nine others to pray against the powers of darkness.

How many T.V. evangelists does it take to change a Light bulb?
One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth,
send in your tax-deductible donation today.

How many Alexandrians does it take to screw in a Light bulb?
That's the Maiden's job. Maiden- make it so.



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Astrology Light bulb Jokes



How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a heck of a lot of light bulbs.

How many Taurus does it take to change a light bulb?
What, me move?

How many Gemini does it take to change a light bulb?
2

How many Cancer does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two
engineers to check the work.

How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They LIKE the dark.

How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
The light's fine as it is.

How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
What light bulb?

(I found this on another website and thought it might stimulate some discussion! It was written by an archaeologist/historian/linguist/classisist in Athens. enjoy.)

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For thousands of years preceding the current patriarchal age, humankind perceived and revered the Creator of the Universe as a female entity. From possibly more than 25,000 years ago until around 500 C.E. ("Common Era," formerly "A.D."), the Goddess was held in high regard, at first globally and then only where male-god fanatics could not stamp Her out. This, these homoerotic, testosterone-ridden zealots finally did, after millennia of slaughter and oppression. And the story behind this dreadful deed is quite interesting.

From the early days of human existence, the Mother was venerated as the Bringer of Life, as it was She who brought forth human life. Thousands of images were carved and temples erected in Her name, nature was venerated, and in some areas Her followers lived relatively peacefully. She was not alone in the pantheon, however, as there were many other forms of Deity, including male ones. Also, in cultures that had lost the original gnosis or knowledge of what these supernatural entities stood for, there was human sacrifice in the name of both male and female deities. Nevertheless, under the governance of the Goddess and Her consorts, human culture reached an advanced state in Sumeria, Babylon, Egypt, Canaan, Phoenicia and the rest of the Levant and Eastern Mediterranean. Cities sprung up, writing was created, and civilization found its form.

Then, hordes of Indo-European/Aryan invaders descended upon the pastoral cultures from the north, wreaking havoc in waves of invasions over a period of several hundred years. these Aryan invaders subjugated the Semitic peoples from what is now Turkey into Egypt, bringing with them their warrior sky-god, who would tolerate no others before him. These IE invaders established their rule by killing every man, woman and child in numerous towns and villages, saving the virgin girls for themselves, whom they would assimilate into their now-dominant culture by raping. These warrior-invaders spent the next several centuries breaking the "stiff-necked" Semites of their "bad habit" of worshipping the Goddess, as is reflected in the Hebrew scriptures. They did this by continuous slaughter, as is also recorded in these writings. Finally, after many generations, the Semitic peoples were either wiped out, as in the case of the Canaanites and Phoenicians, or they had acquiesced to the worship of the Indo-European sky/volcano god, now called "Yahweh." Under the influence of the invading mentality, these Yahwists continued their notion of supreme dominance over the rest of the human cultures.

And we know the rest of the story. The implications of this history, as presented by Merlin Stone in her book "When God was a Woman," may have struck some readers by now. What this means is that the predominant theological opinion now found in the Western world came not from the Semitic peoples of the Levant, as is assumed, but from the Aryans, who, in more recent times have proved themselves to be the staunch enemies of at least one group of Semites.

Dare we say it? The "God" figure so highly esteemed today appears to be basically a cultural artifact of the "Fatherland." And in her work, Stone goes on to wonder about the fact that it was the Germans who excavated Anatolia, the land of the Hittites, who were one of these subjugating IE tribes. Could this, she asks, be the reason why Hitler changed his name from Schickelgruber? As Stone interprets it, Hitler could mean "teacher of Hit." This is not a far-fetched hypothesis, as it is well known that Hitler was an enthusiast of not only the occult but also of the ancient Middle Eastern and Indo-Aryan/Iranian cultures, from which he took many symbols, such as the swastika, and, it would seem, his "master race" megalomania. During his reign of terror, Hitlerians marched in parades dressed up in ancient Mesopotamian costumes, carrying these various symbols.

So, it would seem that history has repeated itself, and that these various peoples have been in conflict for much longer than we suppose. Of course, it would also seem that it has invariably been the northern tribes who have been the problem - and that, in a way, they won, since they did manage to foist their angry, male war-god on much of the world, however it was done.

Does this imply that we should overthrow this sexist cultural artifact and replace it with the Goddess? Overthrow, yes. Replace, no. What we should do, if we are to straighten out this mad world, is to fully recognize that our interpretations of deity or anything else are very often mere cultural biases and conditioning, and not ultimate truth.

The usurpation of these various peoples by the fanatic male deity-lovers caused an untold amount of trauma and devastation to the ancient world, including the heinous destruction of the Library of Alexandria, which contained an enormous amount of wisdom. Following the intolerant imposition of the "one god" came an unbearable Dark Age that lasted for centuries and that included the unending abuse by the Catholic Church, along with other hideous results, including the apalling sexism that has sprung up from the third monolithic religion, Islam.

The bottom line is that this one male god belief system has not been good for the world. It has created an astrocious amount of bigotry, as well as stupidity. Indeed, the very word "bigot" comes from the pagan German name for Christians: "bei Gott."

Rather than carrying around this cultural baggage, which creates separation and discord, not only between peoples but between human beings and the cosmos itself, it would be best if the world could become awakened to the formless, genderless truth that unites us all.

Credit for this piece - Acharya S, Archaeologist, Historian, Mythologist, Linguist, Member, American School of Classical Studies at Athens, Greece - ACHARYA

It would be funny . . . if it weren't so sad!  Check out the christian propaganda against Freemasonry:

http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/symbology/5o5.htm

hm.

Hi.

I don't believe in teaching magic to very young children; I think it's irresponsible, as children don't have the formal operational thought processes, the moral development, or the maturity to think outside of themselves. I also don't need a silly little DBZ-type twerp running around the house and annoying me!

That said, this website is cute, and contains several relatively harmless suggestions for things you can do with your kids if you want to raise them magically:

http://www.geocities.com/meicko4life/witchy_kids.html

My daughter is 11 now, and the most we've ever done together (besides festivals and high holidays)is talk to plants and rocks.  Oh yeah, and once we made a lightly charged mint tea, but that's about it.  When she's 13, I will assess her maturity, and her interest.  Then I'll decide what to do next.

Others out there might have a different approach, and I'd love to hear from you.  How do you feel about teaching magic to children?

Why God Never Got Tenure

1.   He had only one major publication.
2.   It was in Hebrew.
3.   It had no references.
4.   It was not published in a refereed Journal.
5.   Some doubt He wrote it himself.
6.   He may have created the world, But what has he done since?
7.   The scientific community can't replicate his results.
8.   He never got permission from the ethics board to use human subjects.
9.   When one experiment went Awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
10.   He rarely came to class and told his students to "Just read the book".
11.   Some say he had his son teach the class.
12.   He expelled his first two students.
13.   His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountain top.
14.   Although there were only ten requirements most students failed the course.

Interesting tidbits!
1.   The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
2.   Coca-Cola was originally green.
3.   Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
4.   Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
5.   The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
6.   The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
7.   The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
8.   The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
9.   The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
10.   Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
11.   The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
12.   The youngest pope was 11 years old.
13.   The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
14.   Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
15.   Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
16.   111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
17.   If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
18.   Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed onAugust 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
19.   "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
20.   Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that make them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
21.   No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Super bowl.
22.   The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.
Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
A. No theme song
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laserprinters all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
1.   In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
2.   It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
3.   In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
4.   Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
5.   In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.*.*.*. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
6.   In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden ... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

[glossary]

I'm freaking out.

I'm pushing 40 and need to return to college to qualify for a job I've already been given (don't ask; they just trust me, bless their hearts!).  Basically it's decision science, algorhithms, etc. and I need to survive calculus.[:O]  I also want to survive math because I want to understand quantum physics.  Which is why I'm posting here! []

I'm having flashbacks of 7th grade pre-calc. Despite the genius IQ (that's why they put me in pre-calc in 7th grade), I have math anxiety, and never made it through.  I think my problem is I don't understand the LANGUAGE.  No one ever explained to me WTF a coefficient is!  Or a Quadratic Equation, or a Binomial Theorem! Or any of the other terms, for that matter, they just said "This is a logarithm" and put a bunch of alphabet soup on the blackboard and expected us to understand it.  And CARE.

I need a book ABOUT math.  I already have "Calc for the Clueless," and downloaded "Math for Morons," but I'm not asking for a how-to.  I need a glossary and explanations, including the "why" of what I'm asked to do.  

Without context, it's all alphabet soup.  Know what I mean?  Any advice?

Mon September 22, 2003 09:41 AM ET
CANBERRA (Reuters) - A kangaroo named Lulu was hailed a hero Monday for saving an unconscious Australian farmer by alerting the man's wife and leading her to where he lay trapped under a fallen tree branch.
Hobby farmer Leonard Richards was checking for storm damage on his property at Tanjil South, 150 km (93 miles) east of Melbourne, Sunday morning when he was hit by a falling branch.

In a story reminiscent of the long-running Australian children's television series Skippy, in which a pet kangaroo rescued people in distress in the Australian bush, the kangaroo began barking until Richards' wife came to investigate.

She found her husband lying unconscious under a tree about 200 meters (650 feet) from the house, guarded by the gray kangaroo. Lulu was hand-reared by the Richards family, who rescued her from her mother's pouch and fed her on bottles after her mother was killed by a car about four years ago.

"Dad was totally out of it and Lulu was sitting by him in the bush making this really unusual yapping noise until Mum got there," Richards' 19-year-old son Luke told Reuters.

"It was so lucky. Dad could have been there for hours if it wasn't for her," he said.

Richards was taken to hospital with suspected head injuries but allowed home Sunday night.

Animal welfare group the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA) called for Lulu to be nominated for its annual national bravery award.

"This award is given to animals who do something for humans of an exceptional nature and Lulu certainly has done that," national president Hugh Wirth told Reuters.

Hello everyone,

For those northeastern-U.S. Americans (and Southeastern Canadians) yearning for magical community, I can personally vouch for this group. The founders are great people!  The group has existed for well over a decade; they are 2000+ strong, and they are active in the Western Massachusetts and Boston areas:

http://www.earthspirit.com

PS: They have a festival coming up: Twilight Covening, in early October.

happy surfing,

http://www.angelfire.com/nc/HUMMINGBIRD1/women.html

Ladies, if you ever feel the need to empower yourself, or even just get a good chuckle, surf here.  Especially if you are over 40!!!!

This site appears to have been developed by men and women who are either native-americans, or who at least follow the native/shamanistic path.  Enjoy.

I do not know these women personally, but this website is well written and beautifully done:

http://users.webtime.com.au/seashell/witch/witch.in.the.eyes.html

[Law of Infinite Universes]

The Law of Infinite Universes states that here are an infinite number of ways to view the universe.  There are also an infinite number of universes!  This law is a natural result of the Law of Infinite Data.

Unless you have synethesia, or are tripping on acid, you are limited by your physical senses.  

Eyes are limited to only one form of sensory scanning, of a very small portion of the electromagnetic spectrum.  All senses are similarly limited.  

We haven't seen (nor sensed) the end of the available data in the universe . . . and probably never will.

Basically, if it works, it's true.

Simple, huh?

In short, a magician must be balanced if he/she is going to SURVIVE as a magician, let alone be powerful.   Swing too far one way or the other, and you will kill yourself.  Fanaticism must be avoided, for the further you go down an extreme path, the more inflexible and fragile you will become.  And then . . . SNAP!

[The Law of Synthesis]

The Law of Synthesis, or the Union of Opposites, states that the synthesis of two opposing ideas will produce a third idea that is more true than either of the first two.

The Law of Polarity is closely related.  It states that anything can be split into two completely opposite characteristics, and that each of these polarities contains the essence of the other.
Think of the symbol of the Tao!  The blackness in white, the whiteness in black.  

The understanding of these two laws will cause a practitioner to abandon any and all fantasies about "white" and "black" magic.

[Law of Identification]

You will find that some Laws of Magic are combinations of other laws.  This is one of them!  The Law of Identification combines aspects of the Law of Knowledge, the Law of Association, and the Law of Personification.

Thinking, feeling, and memory are the result of data correllations between old information and new information.  When data is associated, patterns are produced.  The whole mess - your mind - consists of millions of patterns, which may be called a "metapattern."  Your metapattern contains all your perceptions, memories, fantasies, beliefs, values, techniques, rules, and the combinations of these things.

By maximum association between your metapattern and the metapattern of another entity, you can actally become that entity, and in doing so, weild its power.

You can understand the practical use of the Law of Identification by remembering the Witchcraft Familiars you saw in Halloween movies.  Remember that black cat?  Okay, it was sensationalized and more than ridiculous, but it demonstrated the Law.  The cat was more than a pet; it was so "familiar" to the witch that she could "become" the cat, and see through its eyes.

Of course, to pull it off, you have to be really, really good.  However, by the time you GET this good, your story isn't very good material for a Hollywood movie . . . it's just too boring, with you sitting around and meditating all day. So just take my example as an example - - don't look for Hollywood effects, because you won't get them.

Beginner practitioners should start with small plants, and approach them with respect. (Of course, dealing with animal entities on the Astral is a whole different story, I'm talking about the here-and-now). A magician wannabe might fantasize or brag about having a wolf or eagle familiar, but no beginner practitioner can pull this off without hurting himself or the animal.  If a wannabe magician is too proud to accept years of practice associating with more humble entities, he will never be anything more than a poseur.  Avoid him at parties.

[There is the Law of Similarity:]

I'm aware of two Laws of Association.  There is the Law of Similarity:  Any object, idea, or person that remindes you of, or is associated with, another particular phenomenon or entity, shares in that entity's power, and may be used as if it were the entity itself.  (So, you don't need the sacrificial virgin after all, her panties will do.)

Another Law of Association, The Law of Contagion, states that things continue to interact long after they've been separated.  

These sublaws often work together, and near every magical "spell" incorporates the Law(s) of Association.

[The Law of Words of Power]

If you know the complete and true TOTAL name of a phenomenon or entity, you will understand it, and therefore have control over it.

This Law has a basis in ancient history and fact:  Once upon a long time ago, with the ancient languages, a name for something was literally its definition.   By hearing a name, a person understood, automatically, what/who was being described.  For instance, an airplane would not have been an airplane in ancient times.  It would have been a "big silver people carrier flying fast and high in the sky like a bird with wings that don't move."

Nowadays, names may not be so descriptive, but they still have associative value. They are memory gimmicks; they remind you of things.

Clever use of Names in your magick workings can literally change reality.  The Law of Words of Power is a "sub-law" of the Law of Names.  Certain words can literally change the inner and outer realities of a situation.  Of course, I'll never tell you what these words are, BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

It is wise to be careful about revealing your True Name to a person until you trust him completely.

Understanding brings control.  If you know all there is to know about something (if it is possible), then the stronger and more powerful you are. You supposedly have control over the thing that you know.  

In other words, Knowledge is Power.

Do you believe it?

A sublaw is "The Law of Self Knowledge."  The more you know yourself, the more power you have.  "Know Thyself!"

How do you describe the Law of Cause and Effect?  Do you believe in the Rule of Three, or in a direct 1-to-1 correspondence between an action and it's (sometimes boomerang) effect?

Book Examines Nose Picking and Buttered Toast

Thu September 18, 2003 08:57 AM ET
By Mark Egan

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Why do teenagers pick their noses? Why does toast usually fall buttered side down? Frivolous question perhaps, but to Marc Abrahams, this is serious work.

Abrahams is the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes. Like the Nobel Prizes, which laud the world's brightest minds for such things like writing top-notch literature or making the world a better place through scientific achievement, the Ig Nobels are awarded once a year. But there the similarities end.

Since 1991, Abrahams has been handing out Ig Nobels -- prizes awarded to people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced."

Among the first winners was former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, who took the education award for, "demonstrating, better than anyone else, the need for science education."

Among the gaffes that won Quayle his Ig were: "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it" and, "Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite."

Now, after more than a decade of honoring triumphs of persistence over improbability, Abrahams has compiled a new book -- "The Ig Nobel Prizes: The Annals of Improbable Research."

To those new to Abrahams' work and to long-time fans, the book offers insight into some of the most bizarre research ever presented with a straight face.

Among the classic research recalled is a scientific paper penned by three Scottish doctors entitled, "The Collapse of Toilets in Glasgow." After three patients in the space of six months showed up in their emergency room with injuries sustained while sitting on lavatories, the intrepid doctors decided to investigate.

TOILET HUMOR

"Excessive age of the toilets was implicated as a causative factor. As many toilets get older episodes of collapse may become more common, resulting in further injuries," the doctors wrote in their groundbreaking 1993 paper.

"We would therefore advise that the older porcelain familiar to so many of us should be treated with a certain degree of caution. An obvious way of using a toilet without fear of collapse is...not to sit down, but to adopt a hovering stance," the paper offered by way of a solution.

For Abrahams, the key thing to becoming an Ig Nobel winner is to have produced something where, "the only reaction that is at all reasonable is that it makes you laugh and you think about it afterwards."

Abrahams sifts through some 5,000 ideas nominated by scientists and members of the public for the 10 Igs he awards every year. He is also editor and founder of the magazine the Annals of Improbable Research, which deals with such thorny questions as which came first, the chicken or the egg?

But Abrahams didn't always spend his days musing on questions like the best way to dunk a cookie in a cup of coffee. When he started studying applied mathematics at Harvard University, he had relatively normal ambitions like setting up a software company.

But when that company didn't exactly set the world alight, he began editing The Journal of Irreproducible Results before starting up his own magazine and devoting his life's work to the decidedly peculiar.

NOSE PICKING FOR FUN

Among the items highlighted in Abrahams' new book is an academic treatise conducted by Indian scientists, working at a government institute, on adolescent nose picking.

The 2001 report found that nose picking is the same across social classes. They also found that about 80 percent of teenagers do it exclusively with their fingers while the rest are split almost evenly between using tweezers and pencils as their excavator of choice. Delving deeper, the good doctors found about 50 percent of people pick to unclog their nose, 11 percent do so for cosmetic reasons while a similar number does it just for fun.

And then there's the 1995 study published in the European Journal of Physics called "Tumbling Toast, Murphy's Law and the Fundamental Constants." The author, British scientist Robert Matthews of Aston University in Birmingham, concluded after much preamble: "Toast falling off the breakfast table lands butter-side down because the universe is made that way."

This year's Ig Nobel Awards will be presented at Harvard's Sanders Theater on October 2. He promises the winners will be greeted by a hooting audience of about 1,200, many of them throwing paper planes, and will be presented their awards by several Nobel Prize winners.

Winners of Nobel awards take home a gleaming medal and a generous cash prize. Abrahams said Ig Nobel winners each receive a "hand-constructed award made of exceedingly cheap material designed to fall apart within four weeks."