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child vs adult.  i wonder when i lost my keys now. after all, i am an Eighteen Year Old Adult.  

why did you capitalize
I'm an American adult.  importance rests somewhere...

age is number, puberty is natural, not one better then before, age, less motivation, more chance of spiritual seperation, maybe adults are the bad, maybe kids deserve spankings, maybe electrons are the mommies and protons are the daddies. but no, its not that at all.

So really what is it that makes an adult? proof?  does proof make an adult.  then adult is nothing more then life + variable  
(variable being the experience of life plus the need of its understanding)
happiness comes without understanding , it just happens, but i guess you do need to know how to understand some things to fix them, or else hell never ends..

also, i don't really agree or disagree at this point in my life, thats sad

Is Earth so known that its situation is looked to as funny by these beings?  Earth is a joke, huh? like, damn, and here I don't enjoy it at all

like double takes (entering visual, exiting motion of head turning, no other thoughts or processing)  is that what you're proving here?

would it really be that wrong to vocalize your thought pattern in front of people, i mean, it's who you are, isn't it.  
i think if the world has socially warped us enough to need to interact with the self in so many ways to compensate for the actual lack of public freedom we have, we should be able to display it in front of people to show that on advanced analytical/creative minds there's much more then there seems to be acknowledged in ignorance of no exposure.

strange group here guys, i have a real similar quirky habit mix too, with all the sorting info compulsions, and for me, as a kid i was socially really frightened and thus would constantly keep a running log of the infinite variations of every "key event" that would traumatize me.  for me though, lately, its been when i am not talking to myself and "pretending universe" that i am depressed since 5 mo.s ago.  I am also a devoted expressionist, ahem, i mean , ex- devoted expressionist, with the laack of silf inquo ive had while depressed and in this funk for some reason i cant get out of (chakra imbalance, holes, reversal,dream puzzle mania, hyper-manic, bi-polar, schizo gypsy, paranoid, i dont really know)

as such in the former, i have lost my presence as a promising leader to the curse of cognitive looping of a disastrous swirl of old soul syndrome or maybe something related to past life trauma.

it also seems since i lost myself interacting allowed, i have naturally lost the ability to sporadically and improvingly transition into a coherent well orchestrated voice cammando operative.

and lastly, probably not, the ability to proper;y communicate....

anyone ever think of losing "theirs" before?

any ideas further?

to a smaller and personal extent, i had a sideways, control center theme in last afternoon thru nights dreaming.  First dealing with some backwards facing expressions compared to how i "am" on the physical world. (i.e ..little ugly pooch dog runs up to me and friend lydia and i greet it warmly, but i am constant enemy of dog creatures in life. and lydia ignores dog despite her being one for them , also she is obstinantly distant from other then being there with me, like her presence existed somewhere else, not to mention my interactions are always like that from myself.  

sorry if this doesnt make sense, btw

just feelin it.   then for the "complex" part, and i do remember some weird display showcase lit in the dark platfroms and being transported and released of some sorts, after i was institutionalized by an administrative staff and also a doctor with a strange un-provoked familiarness with me, as if i was experimental to him or something, quite unnerving , not in control of my destiny so to speak.  strange tho, mother was their debating and fighting with head administrators over their possesion of me.  

sorry if thats all just silly   :/

btw, doesnt the whole cubical structure /electric wire fence relationship thing simply resemble the screwy form of our line and box and brand name form of mass manipulation we have presented in the worlds leading forms of greedy governments, ignorant of their own freedoms pureness beyond a nations colors....i'm bad at typing thoughts.haha

and what is risky about entering my dreams?

This is very strange because reading through the posts on this topic i find many old dream memories of "complexes" surrounded by wire fences and military like orders.

Also, had a dream about an abandoned highway exceppt for the bus i was riding in at the time, with several others, mind you all my dreams seem to be relevant but i cannot remember how i get into these situations, i only have memory frags.

Also, is it possible for anything with the will to do it to pass into anybodys dream world. i saw it posted that dreams have some kind of personal walls??? are any dreams connected?  can you revisit these dreams?

The thing is that what your saying at the end of that makes perfect sense with my taste of how the universe talks to me personally through any given situation or someone else's side conversation or occupation still residing as a direct analogy or metaphor for me never knowing how to truly be , like you say, at the helm of myself. I feel like my dreams can show it in its queerest form. i.e.  when I do the same scene from any particular dream, over and over, in different focuses, just to explore theose different world possibilities,  like any "that's what i should have said!" after a real life incident in which you are put down.  I think the fect that I have been on the verge of giving up this existence for my inability to take the helm means this may be life or death, but i think the only real place i could get it is through many worlds interaction.  I agree that it has to one day be commonplace and feel even more strongly about contributing to its arrival , but i dont even contribute to myself.  take any area of my life and it will be totally backwards and pushed in a corner hidden from thw world in some trandelusional manner or another, or occupied by some vortex spun hypocronymn

Still in school right now, but I was wondering if either of you, or anyone else, knew if it were possible to come into another persons dream while they were asleep, and if it is possible, would anyone be interested in trying something along those lines with me?

Yes i have had a weird relationship with crystals in general my whole life. But in particular the one i wish i could go back to is this:  I purchased a nice sized (about as big as an extended hand) quartz "prosperity" crystal. it had some malachite occlusions within it too.  I inhaled some cannibis smoke and sat down to get to know this crystal, not expecting anything, not knowing where to focus, I was knew, but i expected something to happen.  Immediately memories of another scary cannibis experience of mine that happened when i was a lot younger came to mind, i recalled the sensations it gave

here i find it necessary to account for the first experience .  at a hotel convention with friends.  second time smoking.  went down hall to go to rave party.  turned around and felt like i was falling in hole, started fighting with my friend matrix style and i suddenly became aware it really was in a frame by frame reality awareness.  I was somehow connected with everything, of course being a child at the time, i panicked and became inwardly reflected, closing off from the rest of the world, scared.

earlier i was becoming a huge social epicenter and loving it.  like a fun and love magnet. and ive always been sheltered and shy.

anyways. the rest of the night i spent in the hotel room dying from the over-exposure to everything i had the power over.

back to the crystal, recounting all this in my mind( i recount everything in my mind, i dont ever live, not true, i live very few moments purely)  suddenly i remembered the sinking feeling , i was in the sinking feeling, and the crystal amplified this terrific effect 100x over.  i couldnt move, well i could, but i was scared to, to control this body, and be in this world, that I was IN.  everything is new there, and scary, yet fear is not real, so why does it control me.  i flew up ppaced around my room like a good democracy trance controlled alien monkey hybrid and promised myself something that didnt make sense

that crystal is sense shattered around my yard and house

my life is also excrement now, i dont exist

be careful with the crystals

i posted this in the wrong place but i hope it makes more sense so i can get some feedback and we can discuss.  Your posts grabbed me and I'm wondering if this or anything else i could say to you makes any sense.  I will post more stories and accounts later. briefly though, as i phased out of my terrifying dream of a giant in my bleak neighborhood, i don know if it was me talking but somone said to me directly, the only thing that matters in the words I love you are Love and You

heres the former

with as far and wide as we've become, doesn't it just make it easier for quack bot Christians to look at all of this and think "Antichrist" .

I've had a heavy load of very soul deteriorating supernatural experiences in this so called incarnation, which i could but won't get into unless anyone cares. not that anyone cares anymore about anything but the elite of the genre you participate in. (be it astral forums or football cornbread) .

I've been psychically attacked by a dweller on the threshold alien with burning red eyes, simply tore through the dream and merged my two worlds of my bedroom and the dream.k

I've also had a complete imbalance of what it is to connect to souls and i think it had something to do with all my Charis either completely shutting out or reversing.k I'm not sure for sure what it all is. The physical effect of the former was a perception Lag Mode as I call it, so try to imagine every single piece of time and space, every perception, is suddenly felt as a huge sinking feeling, your visual perception sinks to choppy frame by frame waving.

On a purely physical aspect, I've witnessed a UFO, two giant white (propulsion) lights on some-thing in the air, much bigger then a plane, much closer, slowly hovering, and not until I saw it, my girlfriend saw it, and my friend all saw it did it decide to speed off into hyperspace.

Another thing to mention is Ive never been able to have a conscious OBE, BUT i have had strange OBE awareness experiences through dreams and simply through the memories i have of such experiences, yea, i just have the memories of being me and being somewhere else. I think there's something in the whole collective consciousness and reflecting lower astral world, and do somewhat fear but look forward to this inevitable change.
Through my life, Ive never been able to accustom myself to this weird idea of incarnation existence. Ive always played with the life i was dealt behind closed doors, by that, i mean i was a over -bipolar-compulsive- dreamer. The Lag Mode I spoke of also effects my younger sister, and i believe it is some kind of loosening of my acceptance of the hologram, i see around it perhaps.

In any case, The past 6 moths of my life i have not been comfortable on this world at all and the only fun i have is in the dreams i sometimes remember, nothing fancy, just the escape from this weird social mutant we can thank for ruining me. I have come to believe i know what i should have been if i were comfortable with myself around others and not been such a lone driven reality and it hurts to know i cannot have that not. i wanted to start over because now I've lost my best friends who somehow i connected with, but i fell out of that last loop too, no one is close to me and i think i am really looking forward to this end game part of our existence, change needs to happen NOW

is there any hope at all for turn around, crystals, are they part of this illusion deception too, they are after all the great metaphysical substance of the physical, and i achieved a short and mostly intense awareness beyond of 100x lag mode i with a large quartz once, got scared. and eventually for whatever reason, ended up shattering the entire thing, probably wasn't a good idea, or was it.

And about that realization about what i feel i was meant to be, the trick was to be constantly animated, just like you are when you get carried away looking at yourself and talking and making faces in that bathroom or end up dancing around your house, the stuff you don't do around other people, i don't DO anything around anyone and I've lost myself.

  with as far and wide as we've become, doesn't it just make it easier for quack bot Christians to look at all of this and think  "Antichrist" .  

I've had a heavy load of very soul deteriorating supernatural experiences in this so called incarnation, which i could but won't get into unless anyone cares. not that anyone cares anymore about anything but the elite of the genre you participate in. (be it astral forums or football cornbread) .

I've been psychically attacked by a dweller on the threshold alien with burning red eyes, simply tore through the dream and merged my two worlds of my bedroom and the dream.k

I've also had a complete imbalance of what it is to connect to souls and i think it had something to do with all my Charis either completely shutting out or reversing.k I'm not sure for sure what it all is. The physical effect of the former was a perception Lag Mode as I call it, so try to imagine every single piece of time and space, every perception, is suddenly felt as a huge sinking feeling, your visual perception sinks to choppy frame by frame waving.  

On a purely physical aspect, I've witnessed a UFO, two giant white (propulsion) lights on some-thing in the air, much bigger then a plane, much closer, slowly hovering, and not until I saw it, my girlfriend saw it, and my friend all saw it did it decide to speed off into hyperspace.  

Another thing to mention is Ive never been able to have a conscious OBE, BUT i have had strange OBE awareness experiences through dreams and simply through the memories i have of such experiences, yea, i just have the memories of being me and being somewhere else.  I think there's something in the whole collective consciousness and reflecting lower astral world, and do somewhat fear but look forward to this inevitable change.  
Through my life, Ive never been able to accustom myself to this weird idea of incarnation existence.  Ive always played with the life i was dealt behind closed doors, by that, i mean i was a over -bipolar-compulsive- dreamer.  The Lag Mode I spoke of also effects my younger sister, and i believe it is some kind of loosening of my acceptance of the hologram, i see around it perhaps.  

In any case, The past 6 moths of my life i have not been comfortable on this world at all and the only fun i have is in the dreams i sometimes remember, nothing fancy, just the escape from this weird social mutant we can thank for ruining me.  I have come to believe i know what i should have been if i were comfortable with myself around others and not been such a lone driven reality and it hurts to know i cannot have that not.  i wanted to start over because now I've lost my best friends who somehow i connected with, but i fell out of that last loop too, no one is close to me and i think i am really looking forward to this end game part of our existence, change needs to happen NOW

is there any hope at all for turn around, crystals, are they part of this illusion deception too, they are after all the great metaphysical substance of the physical, and i achieved a short and mostly intense awareness beyond of 100x lag mode i with a large quartz once, got scared. and eventually for whatever reason, ended up shattering the entire thing, probably wasn't a good idea, or was it.  

And about that realization about what i feel i was meant to be, the trick was to be constantly animated, just like you are when you get carried away looking at yourself and talking and making faces in that bathroom or end up dancing around your house, the stuff you don't do around other people, i don't DO anything around anyone and I've lost myself.

let go to feel un-yourself and tell yourself it is the ultimate truth, once you are fully convinced of other-self's ability, see where it takes you.  
start at a point you can remember when you were excited, perhaps adrenaline, mostly all alive, and then polar it with trying to dive into how you felt when sleeping, basically, play with consciousness to expand it, consciousness is blessed because it deals with responsiveness to people, events, ideas, organized by memories, and then filteres by our beliefs and opinions,
open up

Ive seen the particles but something strange can also happen.  
At times when i see them i begin to concentrate and almost pull and then its like my vision begins to give way to another frequency and everything goes behind this unveiling black "particle" like curtain.
and i can definately influence it with concentration, seems to be related to trance as watching tv sometimes induces it as does going to sleep.  
and both of those activities are trance inducing.  
any thoughts?

did anyone hear about the ruins uncovered by the tsunami, could that not have been the sole purpose destiny allowed such a catastrophe involving human life.  imagine the water going out, and then the city of myth far out before you, and then the wave.  it left some lion carved stone. a lion, this means something.  speculate...the world is going to something

thanks everyone for your words, and sorry about the lack of paragraphs.

I was wondering about the advice on seeking a healer, and where would i start looking for one, and has anyone ever heard of entities latching on in the form of lymph nodes before.  

any new advice would be cool. thanks

lets not forget why cannibis was made illegal in the first place, the federal government of the united states was using cannibis hemp for nearly all their paper and it was remarkably easy to do, then found out that they could make way more money from the more expensive to process and sell other trees, illegalized it, had WWI, people came back afterwards, hey whys this illegal, oh its bad for you, prove it, federal government injects rat with twice its body mass full of thc, rat explodes, test proves marijuana is bad, everyone gasps, enter the age of everyone believes everything they shouldnt

( i dont know why "bed" is a link, ignore that...)

The other night I had a very peculiar dream and i was searching for some input, or guidance, or suggestions, or anything.  it started i was driving in my home town and my mother, in the passenger seat, pointed to the sky and what i saw i can only describe as i giant , cloudy, moon-like rock, about the size of 2 moons, slowly falling i believe, from the sky.  we figured it was the end of the world or something and it was some kind of asteroid, but it is strange that it was such a bright moon-like white.  the next oddity was the sun, which was farther away then it should have been, and very red. i didn't have time to think about this for at that point the driving had stopped, i don't remember why, and i was only examining the sky.  looking up i saw another out of place shape, not the moon, but some sort of foreign translucent planet, and close to that another white object i instinctly believed to be some sort of UFO.  unfortunately i didn't have time to think anything else, for at that moment, what i can only call a tear in my reality occurred and there invading the space of my dream and sleep, some kind of alien being humanoid, large and with burning glowing red eyes, starred at me, looking over me with his flashing beams.  i couldn't move for fear, but had time to think, i believed for some reason it resembled a creation of mine, i guess i would call it an art project, but anyways, it is a tall robot i made out of lots of wires and metal, but thats too off subject i think, anyways, it was only worth noting because it was the only thing i thought other then alien at the time i saw it. i struggled for a moment and moaned and then woke up in my bed.  later, while listening to an interview with Robert Bruce, i found that similar humanoid beings with glowing red eyes is common for coming projectors, sort of as an initiation or something, like a test, or challenge. i looked up some information on this dweller on the threshold and found some information that said it is somehow cast off parts of one's soul, lost in past lives, and that to progress, you must come to accept it, and leave it behind you, but then again, if it isn't part of me, i don't want to just ignore it.  then last night, i tried inducing a trance state (normally i have a hell of a time quieting my mind down, i am constantly in a state of talking to myself in my head out of habit, and the passed month or so has been devastatingly worse , because of some personal issues and depression) but thankfully, with some body awareness i was able to stimulate my legs and feet and then it quite easy to fall into a trance from their (legs are normally the hardest part for me to develop)  after this i got the strange sensation and feeling the being was at the foot of my bed.  i tried for some astral sight behind closed eyelids and found i could vaguely make out his figure.  i decided i should not fear it, and come to accept it, but then found that cold chilling  sensations came over my body, but like normal vibrations that i have experienced before.  i stayed in this meditative state for  a little while , tried to obe, but couldn't, or didn't notice and don't remember, rolled over and went to sleep.   i don't think Ive dealt with this entity, despite trying to accept it and have empathy towards it.  i also find it important to mention that as a person i am socially quiet and shy, except around a close group of trusted friends.  we are all creative smokers who always make the most out of those "creative opportunities" through music , art, and really an onlooker would be amazed that we as people would be able to function as diversely as we do.  having a wonderful time in our friends basement interacting and acting as any character we feel compelled to jump into and do any antic we feel like engaging in.  recently however i found myself sitting their watching them, not participating, in my own world of self doubt and criticism.  this led to paranoid thoughts of self worth and eventually i came to not even know myself.  normal overlooked antics of talking to oneself in a mirror or dancing  around to music after a shower ceased to exist because i would be to busy being aware and thinking about what i was doing, rather then doing it.  needless to say, its been over a month or two since Ive had any real fun, my routine is broken, my friends supportive but surely confused. also important to note is while this was going on, lymph nodes on the back of my neck began to swell and spread down and after weeks of doctor visits and tests returning negative, including radiology and biopsy, it came back nothing.  of course i suppose all my stress and anxiety could have been related to the appearance of the bumps, and the thought of death inevitably crossed my mind, and it could all be because of that.  i find it important to point out Ive read that the heart chakra is directly related to the lymph glands, and i almost feel like my heart chakra is blown.   please, i haven't been myself at all lately and any advice or direction or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.  I'm open to anything...