Messages

no i haven't, and i don't know how i'm supposed to, i'm not good at expressing emotions and i don't want them getting all close to me and stuff, i don't want to distance myself from them either, but i mean... i don't want them recommending counseling or whatever....

if they spy on me regularly they are bound to have picked up on this anyway...

and there is no way in hell i would ever join the armed forces, this country is a corrupted joke, and i hate almost everything it currently stands for, money, greed, torture, destroying constituional rights, lies, oppression, propoganda.

The PATRIOT Act makes me absolutely sick... and the PATRIOT Act II terrifies me.

To put an instution in place in which you can detain and torture anyone you want for any reason you want with complete lack of evidence...... wow...

land of the free my butt... i would never do anything to defend this country under its current administration

"he that would trade a little bit of freedom for a little bit of security deserves neither" - Benjamin Franklin.

well to finish going completely off topic (well i guess it's on topic since the govt oppresses drug users) please don't reelect Bush and urge your representatives to get rid of electronic voting machines (no paper trails, no one is allowed to see the source code either)

this country is capable of such greatness... it's a shame what it's come to and how it's progressively getting worse

well see, I don't know what I want to do.

I think I want to go to that lucidity institute (or Monroe institute) and find something I can do relating to lucid dreaming and or OBE... but I'm not sure if there are actually JOBS related to that or not...?

At any rate I'm just in commmunity college right now and it sucks... thinking about majoring in psychology but I hate the BS corrupt shove pills down kids throats way that profession is right now... I could always be the next Leary though or somthing... and I don't have to necessarily work with troubled peoples to get a job in psychology, I could do research, or something....

But... I dont' know what I want to do. I know that I'd be happy if I had a moderately sized place with enough money for okay musical gear once and a while and being able to rent movies and go to movies and stuff.... you know, just an average life with enough cash to do enjoyable activities once and a while, and stock up on salvia and other things.

But in order to get to that point without getting a degree involves a lot of risky mininum wage work and hoping to somehow rise a few ranks and get into a stable job somewhere. Even then, how stable is it? If I get fired I start all over at the drawing board, sort of... a degree would help.. but...

I don't know. I don't see what is so much to ask that:

1) I, as a human being, deserve privacy.
2) I, as a human being, deserve the right to be able to ingest whatever I want.

Try telling that to the government though, land of the free my butt.


Oh yes and the problem is I can't be myself around my parents... I am a quiet, untalkative introvert. I spend all my time in my room on the computer. I don't talk to them much. I don't come downstairs much.

That's me.

They think I have something to hide or I'm depressed... well yeah I am dancing with depression due to all this BS they are putting me through, but other than that, NO.

I mean what the hell, why do I draw suspicion for BEING MYSELF...? I don't like you guys, I don't like most people, I don't have friends, I just sit up here and read and post and such, and I talk to you once in a while, what's the big deal? IT'S ME. I'm not up here coordinating drug deals, etc.... god.....

well, what would you call it then?

extremely anxious and inhibited?

quote:Originally posted by goku22

A library for internet connection, and a post office box might work. Or make some new friends, and I'd try to get out of that house as soon as is monetarily possible. Parents or not, they shouldn't be spying on you, that's not right. A person has a right to make their own decisions, whether they are mistakes or not. Having someone guarding you from your own life experiences is only going to make it more likely that you'll rebel and do something much more damaging than if you had freedom. Guidance not imprisonment. Ben

I know, they're just making me really depressed and paranoid and resentful of them...

In fact I was reading a chapter on personality disorders a few days ago and I can somewhat objectively say that I fit the bill for paranoid personality disorder............

Who do I have to thank for that? Well, there are other factors, like stepping out of the box and looking at the government for what it is, rather than some holy insutituion full of happiness and candy canes that doesn't torture people and violate constitutional rights like there's no tomorrow.

But... I mean.. I KNOW my parents are spying on me, I can only guess whether the government is or not, and if they are I don't think they'll find anything interesting that separates me from all the other  people like me out there.

It's so bonking depressing though.. I want to get out of here, but I can't... I dont' have a job and in order to support myself I'd have to work full time while still going to school, and that would lead me down the nice dandy little road of suicide because I'd just get so insanely bonking stressed out I'd either ram my car into something on accident, go insane, or ... something, involving great mortal risk to myself.

So I could quit school... but.... I don't want to work minimum wage forever....

All I know is I can't take too much more of this and I'm going to hate this holiday season of having to be home doing nothing with them for 2 damned weeks.


and MY DAD IS GOING WITH ME TO THE bonking APC SHOW.... yes, I'm an adult.. and I have to be SUPERVISED on a damn 3 HOUR DRIVE... for christs sake.... I understand their concern with me driving that far but you know what, who gives a damn...it's like, sure I could die, so what.. i could die on the way to school tomorrow too.... I mean... I'M AN ADULT, and I can't even go to a damn 3 HOUR AWAY CONCERT???

No chance at scoring with any chicks now......

It will be nice having someone there to look out for me while driving, and he won't be IN the concert, but still.... god dammit.... i just... feel... like i'm going to explode here.... I don't want to get back into fuckign depression, I never want to go back there again, but these people are really pushing me.

quote:Is there a reason why you would want to "hurt" people even if you knew it wasn't real? Do you desire to beat up people in your dreams?

It depends... not under normal circumstances but there are times when I highly enjoy a good battle with someone, if lucid, even better... there's no bat intent there but I do engage in what would be violent acts in real life.

And I do sometimes go berserk on things if they won't leave me alone or I'm freaked out and perceive them as dangerous/negative.

And I will tend to have sex with just about any good looking female I can encounter while dreaming... so it's like... what if they are sometimes real? Am I raping them? What are the guidelines for that, if any? I mean they have been unwililng at times, but I think it's becuase I thought they would be to begin with, thus it doesn't matter because they are just creations of my mind.

But what if they aren't? Up until a while ago I would have thought it ridiculous to be able to actually do things to REAL people while dreaming, but now I'm not so sure, so this kind of worries me that I could have been doing those things to real people from time to time.

How are you supposed to determine whether they are real people or not? It seems impossible for everytime you dream about someone, for them to be in that dream with you dreaming the same thing (though my friend and I had that happen to us once as kids, sort of)... becuase say you know 5 people, and they each dream about you one night, are you 5 places at once? This doesn't seem likely given that I can often remember every sleeping moment spent in dream.

So ..... also how do you know if you're really talking to a REAL person, like say, sometimes I'll try to summon someone I know, but they dont' look right, or I do summon them but they behave strangely, or they can't tell me objective information that makes any sense.

Short of asking them to call you when they wake up, is there any sort of way to know if who you are interacting with is real? Because I don't want to like keep pestering people in their dreaming lives.

damn...

quote:A British study of 1,000 men found that those who had at least two orgasms per week had half the death rate of those who indulged less than once a month

Do masturbation orgasms count?

Beavis, I too am an advocate of prostitution... and if it were legalized they'd get regularly screened for diseases, making it safer.

It's a win win situation... they get money, we lonely people get some.

that sounds hard to remember... can't i just say somethign cool and badass like "Is it just me, or is it getting HOT in here?" Then unleash a torrent of hell fire on the unsuspecting person? I think it all has to do with willpower rather than what you are actually saying.

at any rate

quote:HAHA! your just mean!

It was a natural defense mechanism [:I]

I love the idea about astral sparring... fighting with people in dreams is so much pointless fun.....

We need to try to create a locale somehow... visualization seems to not work so maybe just whenever we're lucid or projecting just say something like "take me to an astral combat training zone" ? I'm sure one probably exists....

I'd be eager to try to conjure up Steve the bear again (he has a built in chaingun in his chest, though is kind of small) and see if I can make him more powerful... it's mega fun riding him around and laying waste to things... I've been meaning to give him a third eye tatoo that shoots a lazer out of it, also, and a jet pack.

But in order for any of this to be effective I need to operate under the assumption that since I created him, he actually does exist in the astral somewhere and can be called upon frequently and can be made stronger the more I interact with him and teach him things and have him battle negatives or just random hostile people....

Do you all think that's possible? That he really exists now? Or do I need to keep recreating him? I suppose it'd have the same effect either way though, but I'm not sure...

i do not believe the physical is a dream.......

because, if it is, then we would all be lucid, wouldn't we? Then how come we can't fly? I've tried.... I've tried to move things with my mind.. and it just doesn't work.

One could argue that the difference is PERCEPTION, when you "KNOW" that your body is sleeping, you are removed from any sense of limitation and therefore it would be easier to manipulate the dream reality that you are in, and this explains why it's hard/impossible to fly in the real world.

But I would wager as one becomes more and more familiar with the unknown and the dynamics of altering realities (in this case, dream realities) he would be able to loosen his native realities hold on him and be able to start to achieve things in which he can achieve in dreams and altered states of consciousness.

Where as I might not believe that I can levitate myself right now, I do not always 100% believe it in dreams either, and am presented with self doubts, yet I can still manage to get myself up off the ground by at least a little bit before I fail and fall back down.

I cannot, however, do so here. Why? If life is but a dream then one who is exceptionally accustomed to the dream environment and bending its limitations should be easily able to do so in reality.

The only explanation is that there is some sort of ladder system of realities.

___something higher?
___physical reality
___extremely vivid dream/OBE reality (hard to manipulate things)
___somewhat vivid (lucid dream and most astral experiences)
___normal dream vividness (lucid dream and most astral experiences)
___not too vivid (lucid dream and most astral experiences)
___wonderland like (some lucid dream and astral experiences)
.............

etc, keeps on going down.

The further you step down, the more control you have. Kind of like, say, if you went to a lower plane with a bunch of primitive creatures you could probably be able to exert a lot of control and influence over them, but if you stepped up to a higher plane, you wouldn't even be able to process what you are experiencing very well.

And like, whatever ladder rung you reside on in waking life is pretty much where your limitations are set... but maybe can with much work, be deviated or broken?

I don't know.

You could also argue that during waking life your chakras are usually closed and this is why, in combination with the need of an excessive amount of energy due to being in the physical, you cannot manipulate things.

you might be seeing through your third eye

sometimes i'll almost feel like i have my eyes open if i'm relaxing in the dark in my room for a long time trying to fall asleep... i'll see shadowy outlines in the blackness that represent objects, but they are very vague and sometimes if i point at where i see the object, then open my eyes, i'm a little bit off...

but it could just be due to subtle differences in lighting throughout the room and enhanced perception due to relaxation.

often times if i wave my hands in front of my face i see their general outlines...

i haven't had any of my inner eye visions allow me to see what's in the room though.

so............

it is possible for me to contact REAL people (still living) even if I'm in a completely unreal cartoon like fantasy environment?

Being in the RTZ or just being in a lucid dream doesn't matter at all?

How then, would I go about creating something and manifesting it into the physical, if doing so is possible? And is it any different than creating somthing in the dream scene?

Because like, when I'm lucid dreaming I don't want to go hurting people that are actually "real" per se, and I don't want to somehow do something in my dreams that will later affect my life.

And I still really want to know why I don't see auras around people and how I would go about finding a sleeping person in my house (or anywhere) and pulling them out of their body.

If these things are possible...

wow...i wish i was here in my physical body out of choice right now... or at least... that if i did make a choice to be in it, that i could become aware of that choice and able to choose otherwise if i so desired.

...................

chosing to be in here in
this body
this body holding me
be my reminder here that i am not alone in
this body
thos body holding me
we are eternal all this pain is an illusion

whenever i stare at myself in the mirror i start seeing little reflections of myself... like.. i'll see my eyes but they are like fragmenting outward... so it'll look like i have 4 eyes....

i don't really know how to describe it but it kind of sounds like what he is talking about... only i'm almost positive that what i'm seeing is due to bad eyesight.

quote:Physical reality, RTZ, and astral recreations are all dreams. The closer you get to physical reality, the more energy you need to affect things. Most people dont have enough energy to do anything paranormal here big enough to notice. The point is, there is no need to differentiate.

Yes there is, I want to actually get myself in an extremely close version of physical reality, getting to a REAL version of my house would be just fine to begin with... how do I do so?

You did a card test, well, in order to do that I'm assuming you had to pretty much be out of your body and into the physical or a direct copy of it... how do you get to such a place?

How do you meet other projectors in real astral locales? There has to be a barrier between dream (as in, inside your head only) and collective dream, and things like that, right?

"Can anyone give me suggestions go get my lucid dreams back so I can learn more from it?"

What? You mean have lucid dreams more often? Or actually go back and repeat the same dream again?

I'm not sure if you can do that, but if you wake up in the middle of a lucid dream and it's still kind of early in the morning it's usually pretty easy to go back into the dream by thinking about the last memory you have of it and the very last thing you experienced, and visualizing that, and imagining you are still in it. Eventually you transition back in.

To have them more often either think about your dreams all the time during the day and think about being lucid and what you want to do, or everytime you look at your hands or look at your watch or take a drink of water duruing the day ask yourself "am I dreaming" until it becomes a habit.

Also whenever you see something weird during the day also ask yourself that...

last night I was at this crappy amusement park and they were building the most amazing looking roller coaster ever, and I couldn't believe my eyes, and this triggered some sort of response in me becuase I know there is no way in hell there is ever going to be a good roller coaster built where I live, so I was like "do you think this is a dream?" to my friend, and he got real concerned and saddened and I figured out it was a dream, but we continued exploring the park as if it wasn't, only we would talk to the employees and tell them to build this ride in real life.

so just make a habit about associating the weird and unexpected with dreaming.

i don't think we all have guides... i think sometimes you might have to find or create one

i mean, i have asked for help from guides, and higher beings, so many times.. and weird stuff happens, and they are never very helpful and sometimes well, i think negative beings, though i'm guessing probably just creations of my mind.

i created my own guide the other day, more as to just help me fend off all the negatives that keep hassling me, be they real or not, but today i kept calling him and he wouldn't come

i tried to rebuild him and i couldn't for the life of me do it, yet it was so easy the first time.

i don't think guides/guardians exist as of now :/ I'd like them to prove me wrong though... especially MY danged guardian, where is he off at ? Did he deconstruct? Maybe I didn't give him enough energy....

all I know is the night I created him he was with me almost constantly and we did a lot of cool things and he would pull me out of my body and back into whatever dreams it was i wanted to re enter when I asked him to.

i suppose it's possible i deconstructed him and don't remember it though.. since i was thinking about how you're supposed to give them self destruct dates so they dont' go wandering around causing trouble, but i specifically directed him to only follow my commands and not hurt people unless i said otherwise...

one thing that does work though is if you had just had a dream about someone you know and you ended up halfway awake into a trance, you can ask them to pull you out and they almost always do... at least for me they have, but you'll go back into the dream, not OBE.

"I really wanted to zoom up really high and see the earth get smaller and smaller but it'll have to wait."

I'm not sure how possible that is... I'm sure you could if you had a vivid imagination, and being a pilot or flying a lot would help... but it's like....

I can transition scenes, from a low altitude scene to a high altitude scene, where i'm in the clouds, but there is no ground, ever, you may see a ground and fall through it, or you may not see a ground yet be standing on something... there's just very rarely any sense of height or speed while flying in my experience, the visuals are there, but they aren't accurate.

I have flow up into "space" and it's disappointing to say the least... I end up phasing into it.. I just stare at the sun or at something straight above me and try to force myself up as hard as I can, and after a while I'm in space, usually looking down at earth, but it's more like phasing and not actually gaining so much altitude that you go through the atmosphere like you're actually flying there.

And at least for me, space doesn't look real, it looks cartoon like and unvivid.... :/

Is anyone else that way?

i don't have any friends that live near me :/

Ok.. the deja vu... the more you have deja vu, the more you look for it.

I went 2 weeks where I'd always see the clock right at 9:11 with no memory of having looked at the clock at 9:10 or 9:00 so as to maybe subconsciously will myself to see it at 9:11.

However why would I have a memory about isignificant times? I look at the clock a lot.

I would see 11:11 all the time (still do once and a while)

I was talking to someone about 11 and about deja vu, went to m-w.com to look the meaning of the word up, and was greeted with a nice bold ELEVEN! : It's our 11th edition, something something...

Then I asked her if she would be weirded out if she looked on aim and saw that someone had been on for 11 days, 11 minutes, and 11 seconds.. and she said no.

The next day I log onto aim, mouse over a friend, he had been on for 1 day, 11 hours and 11 minutes....

Coincidences? I have no clue. But I know that after a while I stopped expecting to see 11 all the time and stopped thinking about it, and I stopped seeing it.

As far as your dreams go I assume you firmly believe they cycle repetetively throughout your life, so this is going to greatly increase the chance that they keep doing so.

if you go to bed expecting to dream something, you more than likely will do so.

This is what makes nightmare spells so hard to break, once you've had nightmares for more than 3 days in a row you start obsessing about them and your sleep gets screwed up and then they just keep happening more and more and more... and you come to expect them to happen every night.

What I'm getting at is that the dreams may not mean a whole lot and  you've just made them an everday part of your life, thereby making them repeat frequently... and that if you work on them a bit and try to figure them out and then set up affirmations to stop having them, they may go away.

As for living the same life over and over.... if so there is something you need to learn or do that you haven't done yet that is keeping you from moving on, and the dreams may play a role in that, but... well th at's up to you to decide.

personally I think you're just weirded out and need some peaceful sleep for a while... I've gone through a lot of episodes of intense deja vu and repeating dreams where I start coming to all sorts of weird conclusions...

There is no right or wrong conclusion mind you, but...  I think you should try to break free from the deja vu and dream patterns and occupy your mind with something else for a while... give yourself a different perspective.

if you can lucid dream you can teach yourself to fly.... just keep at it.... if you have to, jump off a skyscraper or something or a big cliff, if you're ever lucid in a situation where you're on one... you may hit the ground but you may be able to figure out how to manipulate where you are falling and maybe alter your speed and stuff like that and get a feel for it.

also tell yourself you are going to fly about 100 times while you're trying to fall asleep, and actually believe it...

i hate crashing into things though, when you are lucid your mind is like "you can't fly, what in the world are you doing?" "you're going to hit power lines, be careful" all these little self doubts that keep throwing me back down to the ground...

last night i was flying over a pool of crocodiles and of course i'm like "i hope i don't lose control and fall into the pool" and of course, just that very thing happened, almost.. i was thinking that because it's still really hard for me to fly for prolonged periods of time unless i'm in a dream scene which has no ground or the ground is wayyy far away.

the best dreams for flying are in which you aren't fully lucid, you know in the back of your head that you are dreaming, but you aren't aware enough to remember that for more than a few seconds... it makes you do things like flying and all the stuff you do lucid normally, but you still treat the dream as if it's real, to a degree, and you don't deviate from the plot too much.

if you're really really aware mentally it can be hard to overcome fear and doubt when trying to fly or go through walls, etc.

quote:Originally posted by nthjbam

 Have any of you ever created a scenario or a visuaalization of a place or event and placed yourself into it, and then drifted off to sleep?  I assume that you would move seemlessly into that created scenario as a launching point into your dreams.  Doing this lucidly however...

Be well,
J

Yes. It's great.

I'm not sure if I posted about it... but I'll tell you that the only way it works is when you're involved in an abnormally long dream that is in the process of ending, and you know it's ending, and when you "wake up" you're just in nothingness, not aware of your body too much, more in tune to what just happened in the dream, and you just... you just lie there and visualize the dream you were just in and feel yourself back in it and eventually you transition back in.

There's no way to describe how to do this, but it feels very natural when you're in such a deep state of relaxation.

I mean I remember one time I was having some cool lucid dreams and I'd wake up every 5 minutes and have to struggle back in, and I knew this wasn't going to last much longer before I couldn't anymore.. but this one time I was sitting there looking at an elevator about to go in it, and I woke up, into blackness... so I just envisioned that elevator.. and felt myself back in the dream, and all of a sudden I feel myself kind of fly into the dream and I'm falling, briefly, as if I had jumped from maybe 10 feet up, and as I'm falling all the blackness is filling in like some sort of movie transition and as soon as I hit POOF, vividness, I'm in this whole new world, back where I left off, and people all around me... it's the coolest feeling in the world.

Like plugging into the matrix and all of a sudden you've gone from your room to a world of your creation.

quote: About the reality check: if you feel the need to check, no need to. You are dreaming.

Aside from when you need to do a reality check because you've had one too many waking dreams that night, you're absolutely right.

hah, getting some would help me project better?

I'm a notoriously self proclaimed virgin I'm afraid.... and I'm not sure I see that changing in the near future.... unless I feel ambitious at the A Perfect Circle show next week.

I'm not sure cheap sex with a potentially disease ridden girl is the kind I'm looking for though.... but you have me intruiged..

Does the "energy" stay with you for a long time?

How are you supposed to stay in that state though? As soon as I hit it I get a disorienting falling sensation as my thoughts all of a sudden start becoming random and unstructured, and this jolts me back into normal thinking.

I can keep making myself drift in and out of that gap of consciousness, but I can't voluntarily stay in it, becuase it's like, how are you supposed to stay focused? If you stay focused, you go back into normal thinking... if you don't, you fall asleep or your mind isn't working right.

Somehow you have to snap yourself out RIGHT before you completely fall asleep so you're like in deep alpha or something so deep that thinking normally doesn't bring you out of it... which I have no idea how you're suppsed to do.

Maybe set an alarm clock for about 30 minutes after I think I'm going to fall asleep? But then I'm too tired by the time I have a vague idea of when I'll go to sleep.

Getting in a trance is very difficult. During the day I have the same problem of falling alseep... or not even being able to hit the consciousness gap.

[Are you sure?]

quote:Yes, I was sleeping but I woke up

Are you sure?

I feel strange deja vu... like I have posted this exact same thing before.... but...

Maybe you didn't really wake up and it was all a dream.

That doesn't matter too much since you said you more or less induced vibrations while in bed if I recall correctly... LD, AP, all the same... OBE? I dunno.....

This is what I feel anyway based upon my current experiences.

the txt file idea doesn't work.. all you have to do is set you date back a few days if you read someone's account then wanted to fake your own and claim you had it at the same time

also, i believe when you send someone a file as soon as they open it on their computer it is like creating it for the first time on their comp and it is dated "created on: today" rather than the day the author made it?

At least when I DL ...... those evil files.... from.... those evil programs... they are dated created on the day I downloaded them, regardless of when the person I got them from created it.

Usually I'm pretty lousy and beating "negs" down, but...

this one time I was in the process of having sex with a good looking girl, and she turned evil and gross looking, and said she was satan, and i said "no you aren't" and she like threatened some sort of damnation upon me, and then i asked her what it's like being evil and she threatened me some more... so then I guess... I think I beat her down, but I may have just left... at any rate...

later on there was some guy that came flying into my room.. i'm not sure if he was attacking me though, but I sensed that he was up to no good as most of the dreams up until that point had been... so... I levitated him and start smashing him into the wall a lot....

It was fun... hopefully he wasn't innocent though.

Then another time I was lucid and trying to fly through my ceiling but there are thousands of scorpions in it, so I try to go out the window, but there are scorpions around it, so... I try to melt them with my mind, and they start smoking, but they won't die or leave... so then this giant scorpion guy eventually appears on my bed... I think I tried to talk to him but I all of a sudden had a sword and I jabbed it into his chest, which did nothign to him, and he stabbed me in the throat, which did nothing to me... so I realize this isn't going to work so I'm like "okay, let's stop fighting I guess" and he's like "ok"

Then I try to leave my room because the scorpions have calmed down, but they start following me.. which freaks me out.