Messages

hah, too many skanks around. It's just too easy to go off and screw someone, good thing some people have self control..

Yep...self control....

[mood|enlightened [:O]]

Wow, thanks for that Cainam. Once again this site has served an eternity of beautiful answers for a problem.

I guess in a way I feel....defective. I don't know why or how, I can label some reasons why...but it still feels like there is something more wrong with me than anything else.

Thanks again

~FT []

Oh another thing.

I do know that nobody is going to help me. I realised that while I was suicidal and since I have never had a suicidal thought.

Other than that...I was going to post something, but my thoughts are everywhere...

~FT

[mood|still frustrated[!]]

But here's the thing. I hardly know myself, I find myself constantly taunting me and destroying my sense of pride (call it my ego or whatever, bleh). Maybe I am supersensitive. But why the hell do people have to exploit that against me. I've even went to my Housemaster about my endless torture at the stupid pathetic school I go to, and all he tells me is that I have to make friends with them.

So if I want to sustain my sense of pride, which apparantly the majority of my subconscious greatly cares about, I'll have to become a smoker, drinker, and I'll have to smoke pot twice a week or more. Oh yeah, I'll have to drop karate and all spiritual aspects of my life. I'll swear much more too, and I'll hang with people and pick on weaklings such as my oh-so-much-weaker ego.

Making friends with assholes isn't part of my agenda, so people can screw themselves when they say it's my fault I don't get on with people well enough and that's why they make fun of me.

I used to think quite highly of myself. But for some reason I get quite worked up about little things. I get really defensive. Probably because I told people about when I was into ki last year, and they never laid off.

Bleh, like I said, I hardly know myself. Maybe I have just as weak an ego as the assholes I hate. Maybe I try to keep my sense of pride high, and as soon as ANYBODY trudges on it I go nuts. God, I don't even know a single millionth of the possibilities of who the hell I am, so how can I be happy about it. I mean, half the time people are mad at me for getting worked up about something that I thought was just as appropriate as their answer...but on a second look I always regret it.

Dammit, now I'm lost. Thus is the nature of trying to find myself, I'm such a confusing little prat I confuse myself so much I have to give up...

~FT

Might I also add that I have had sex myself, and it was the biggest mistake in my life - though nothing bad happened. Dammit, little teenage boys are all the same - bags of hormones.

And it's those sorts of desires that lead them to sex without protection. And I don't blame the guys entirely. Look at the girls. They actually think that they half to become a skanky whore to gain power. Which in most cases is a half-truth. Most men will sleep with some women just for the hell of it, and the media portrays it all the time.

Sex is just overrated bovine excrement that is set up and excused by "love," which I think is more like a blinded infatuation for some other human that actually makes your brain give you a high. Oh yeah, we all know sex is dirty - unless we love the person. But is that love a reality? Not to me. True Love is not some bullcrap between two people. Nay, it is more a love for all people....an understanding of people and a care for all people. Phack just one freakin person, that's wasting compassion on a lie.

~FT

[mood|frustrated[!]]

Gah, how stupid. Too little information on AIDS/HIV? I say too much information on sex. The condom should have never been given out to high school kids as it is now. Instead of kids using it at all, the education is practically a sign saying "go have sex, sure it's fine, it's great! just make sure you do it safely"

That's like saying go smoke but do it safely. Put a piece of latex over the cigarette and it's all okay. People are dipshits, even more so teenagers. I live with them every day, hell I am one. More than 1/2 of a typical high school are morons (compared to whom you may ask? compared to people who make mistakes and actually learning from them, instead of accepting it as being okay and doing it again). And they will NOT take in safe sex. They will take in "School says it's okay to bonk half of the girls in my school, so I will. Without being tested too! Yay for meeee ^_____^"

Wake up dammit, turn on your TV, look at typical teenager channels. Movie channels, MTV, they're all full of sex AND drugs. I don't blame lack of information, I blame it on lack of brains, too many hormones with no sexual release, and just over all dipshitism.

ugh,
FT

But here's the thing. Would a kind of messenger who was meant to create a kind of "bridge" to our next step in evolution actually be a protarded little moron with ego problems?

Obviously, if anybody like Neo struts around saying that he is a Crystal Kid or whatever, or even some kind of messenger or he pretends he's a hero, he's obviously not. A real "Crystal Kid" would know. And a real "Crystal Kid" I assume would be wise enough to know to keep his mouth shut. I don't see any egotistical idiots running around changing mankind. The fact that they strut around saying they are all powerful changes nothing.

Later
~FT

Look, shadow...you obviously have the same kind of aggression for these ki morons as I do. But do not dismiss them to be all 13 year old dragonball Z fans, okay? Every body, every circumstance, and every situation is different.

On top of that, psipog is NOT a joke. I have performed telekinesis before and I KNOW the feeling when I move the pinwheel. But I do wholly agree with you that the egotistical morons who run websites such as http://kiwarrior40000.tripod.com/ should shut their retarded hormone-crammed mouths and get on to some real studies.

But, do not dismiss psychokinesis just because you cannot accomplish it. Anything if not everything has the potential to be possible, it's just that this world certainly has enough rules to break. We are here on the Astral Pulse for that reason - breaking, no, at least BENDING the rules - you see, we do not know enough or have the ability to break the rules, if that be possible. What do you think astral projection is? It is a reflex designed to occur when we fall asleep, so that we can obtain spiritual wisdom from the other worlds without our physical side necessarily knowing it. But you see, the trick is to induce it while being awake [].

I did not even know you wrote those articles, and I guess I'm foolish enough to overlook the articles section of the website. As do many others, I believe.

I think that you weren't trying to say "everything ki is bullcrap, everything psi is bullcrap, DAMN you're all a bunch of egotistical morons with too many hormones!!" but rather "role-players tinkle off," which has been a tried and failed attempt for a long time I tell you.

But you see, one day either these kids will grow out of it and drop energy altogether, or they'll be like me. Yes, I was a ki kid too, when I was 13 too, but I wasn't so bad to believe in the ki blast I assure you[|)]. In fact, that's where my skepticism began. Soon enough, I found the entire thing to be watered down drivel from what was obviously originated from a very good discovery. Hah! You like that ki morons! You're ruined a discovery!!!

*ahem* anyways...the fact is that I changed, as will they. Everybody does. They'll either drop it or start researching and get on to some serious work.

Peace
~FT

P.S. why the hell would pyrogenesis be impossible? Ever heard of Nei Kung? djeez, bunch of research you did...
Just joking. Just because you know some, doesn't mean you know all.

Err....what's a Sword of Truth?[xx(]

Thanks for that Nahaz. I would only ever attack another entity if it attacked me. If it was just a freaky thing staring at me, I'll try to examine, embrace, and release it like you said.

That being said, I can't promise much. Never know when I'll create an aetheric sword or something to hack and slash at whatever the hell is freaking me out!!

Anyways, I am scared stiff of projecting or attempting projections at night because scary thoughts are always on my mind at night. So if I did attempt a projection and I felt those clammy hands grabbing at me, I would be so scared I'd probably crap and tinkle my pants!!

So my advice is, project during the day until you get your confidence back up.

~FT

The day I meet a good Neg is the day the sky turns green and pigs fly.

Yeah, music's cool! Never thought of that being a hobby, but okay!

Now that you mention it, I play the DRUMS![]

~FT

Yeah I realised I shoulda talked to an admin 5 secs after I posted this...oops.

~FT

WAAAHH!! Why me!?

I don't wanna be tagged []

So I'll tag..........TISHA!

TISHA'S IT!!!

[blind]

Dude, like, DUDE, do it yourself DUDE. That way you can see some of us DUDES going around having fun, enlightening ourselves and stuff man. Oh yeah dude it's awesome. I think, like, the main reason evidence can't be, like, shown here dude is because it's not physical dude. You gotta perceive it yourself to believe it DUDE.

Oh yeah, dude............dude.

Oh hey bro, da Urgo is da dipshit aiight? you acta like da shiznit but you is da dipshit. You tink you so cools? show some respect, aiight? You want some booty from a lady? well you ain't gonna get nothin but slutty hoes, have fun in da life, da Urgo!

Urgo, you'll be banned soon.

Dimitrius, sorry about making fun of your doodicious accent there, but for one, we're not trying to show what we believe to the world. And if we were, it would be short lived. There are just too many people like you who are obsessed with "seeing is believing" philosophies, ie. no evidence = not real. This site has many different beliefs and belief systems, but for one we all believe in one thing - BLIND FAITH.

Let's look them up in the dictionary shall we, DUDE?

I'll copy-paste the words individually here, courtesy of www.dictionary.com, DUDE.

blind
2.

a.Performed or made without the benefit of background information that might prejudice the outcome or result: blind taste tests used in marketing studies.
b.Performed without preparation, experience, or knowledge: made a blind stab at answering the question.

4.Not based on reason or evidence; unquestioning: put blind faith in their leaders.

faith
1.Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
2.Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.


And that's just a taste. If you want evidence, this probably isn't for you, DUDE.

Later d00d
~FT

What does Namaste mean?

Mustardseed, go join the KKK if you're gonna be a racist pig, aright? That joke sucks.

~FT

Thanks yet again RJA, you're insight is a great help.

In the end my original whining was oriented around my deep hating towards my high school, why people can't just leave me alone, why I'm always isolated, why I'm never accepted. They're always watching me, everything I say is recorded in their heads and then it spreads like wildfire through the school. The next day I would've forgotten what I said/did and they're consistently reminding me of it through insults and mockeries. And the worst thing is their subtleness in doing so. Only I understand what they're saying to me, half the time my friends tell me I'm overreacting because they don't understand. And a teacher just plainly doesn't understand. I've even tried explaining:

"Last year I got into something and now I believe that all life has energies running through it and within it blah blah blah, my original findings were of little immature people who called it Ki blah blah blah and based most of their ideas on a TV show called DragonBall Z blah blah blah."

The teacher clearly didn't know what DBZ was, hell I don't even watch the show and I know the basics behind what "story" the show even has. On top of that he didn't understand how the other guys did things to me and how it offended me so deeply.

Sorry for raging about humankind as it is. I just get so ticked off with my retarded high school for not realising that 1)I made a stupid mistake to tell people what I (temporarily) believed last year, 2) that people change, and 3) that they should get the hell over it.

Now I've lost my train of thought and I don't even know what the original purpose of my reply was for O_e

Later
~FT

Adrian is...I PMed him like it said in the rules...O_o wonder why it's taking him so long to tag someone.

Must be really unfit []

Games rule, end of story [].

I'll always be a kid and I'll always love my games, especially my new obsession with trading card games like Magic The Gathering. I don't have an Xbox but it would be nice, Gamecube was kind of overrated (however I did get it for a few good reasons - ZELDA!! METROID!! SONIC!!! SSBM!!!)

Later
~FT

You want power in what? Your science?

Newsflash - science is behind. These things that we speak of the entire world used to know about it.

If you want power, learn to believe in things.

Hey, I don't believe in God either, but I do believe that anything is possible, and that is why I consider myself a truth-seeker. If you came here to try and mock us, you can't. There's too many of us and we are obviously much more mature and accepting than you. You get angry over our beliefs? Then logout and don't come back.

Yin and yan - balance.

Also, people have free will. The person who broke that woman's knee cap chose to do that, and he will probably reap the rewards of that by dying in a horrible car crash or something (if karma is real).

The way I see it, Karma is just as misunderstood by people as God is. Nobody will know the answer while they're here on this earth.

quote:Tell me, why people who act out of best intentions coming from their hearts get the worst fate?

Here's the trick - I don't believe there is any fate. Humankind has a free will, and sacrificing it for a belief that everybody has a fate is pretty retarded. I'd rather know that I have at least some control over my life than none at all.

Later
~FT

A few things I'd like to say:

First of all, I'm going back to read all the replies later.

Secondly, I don't see why America is making such a huge spectacle of 9/11, sure about 3000 civilians were killed, but what about Hiroshima? HALF A MILLION CIVILIANS were killed. I think that's a little unfair.

Finally, this whole war thing makes sense. As below, so above (and beyond), and vice versa. The spirits are fighting because we ourselves are fighting, etc. Don't know who started it, but the fact is, there's fighting going on. A lot of ancient civilisations seemed to believe that there is a kind of cycle. Mankind has been rising and falling since the beginning. This is just another falling - a pretty big one but there will be another rise. This is our world, and we aren't about to leave it just yet. And if worst comes to worst, we'll become One again like in buddhist teachings and we'll create ourselves a new one.

Do not fear death, for it is only the beginning. Being afraid just feeds the hunger of the evil that is trying to consume us. The only thing that we have to protect is the heart and soul of humankind. Those of mankind who have fallen and resort to violence and do not care for such things as we do have already been controlled by that which is our enemy.

It's just like the times before the Great Flood from Zecheriah Sitchin's work, or Noah's Ark from the Bible. The world was a terrible place, so God (or Enlil) tried to destroy humankind. But as always, there were survivors (represented by Noah and his family) who rebuilt mankind.

I am also reminded of The Matrix Reloaded, where the Architect tells Neo that there have already been other Neos, and it has always ended with the destruction of Zion and the few survivors would rebuild it. Call it fate if you wish, it's just a cycle of inevitibility. I don't believe the end will be too soon, but it isn't far away either.

Quit cowering behind religions too, just face the "evil" and do not be afraid to die. The only thing I'm scared of death is the unknown and the pain [].

My two cents
~FT

Incredibly good song that Allanon should listen to.

VNV Nation - Saviour (vocals)

I'll post the lyrics here []

As the stars appear
I know I'll find you staring at the sky.
Pointlessly reaching for some light
You hope to guide your sorry way.

Your body bleeding.
Your body burned.
Your body scarred.
Around the cinder of your heart

A God of love.
A God of care.
A God of hope.
A God of words.
A God as lost as you and blind
to fill your hollow soul again.
You seek a God to stand above you,
wrapping healing arms around you.
You'll find another God of pain,
a God of suffering and tears.
Give yourself unto your God.
Sacrifice yourself again.
Burn your thoughts erase your will
to Gods of suffering and tears.
Tie hallowed bonds around your hands.
Kneel before this seat of shame
to Gods as lost,
Gods as blind,
Gods of suffering and pain.

In case you didn't get it Allanon, you are practically sacrificing what makes you human into the dogmas of religion, and I don't think that is very healthy for you.

Peace be with you
~FT

Allanon - you don't seem to be accepting of many things now are you? You accepted Jesus, yet you can't accept most of God's creations. All those things, mediumship, kundalini, etc. are all a part of humankind. I don't know what's so "occult" about meditation. If you have a clear mind, then dark spirits i.e. your "satan" has no chance of hiding, and thus you can defeat them with the most powerful tool a human has - willpower.

Projecting is in no way associated with "demon guides," and obviously you have no experience in the field whatsoever.

As far as I can tell, all you are doing is bible bashing. You just read and memorise scriptures and they keep creating new meanings for you every time you can remember it. And you seem to be so hell-bent on the fact that those scriptures are the Truth and nothing but, that everything else can in no way possibly be good for you. Which is FAR from the Truth.

You are seeking something, but you are in self-denial. Religion and spirituality are not to be confused.

And with that, I bid you adeu.

~FT

Thank you for your feedback. And by the way, at the time I wrote that post I was in a really pessimistic mood...but since then (albeit a day []) I have learnt a few lessons. RJA put in a very good point.

I guess the only thing I'm frustrated with is that I'll never be as big a leader as Buddha, Jesus, or Ghandi. People and their egos will strut around until we're all dead for all I can see. I just haven't really developed a love of all people because as far as I'm concerned right now, more than half the people around me are total pricks, have never done anything kind for others and are only friends with other people for their own personal gains in popularity or otherwise - but then again, that's High School for ya.

Thanks again, especially RJA, for opening my immature eyes to the big picture. I'll still despair the fact that humanity seems to be heading towards a mass suicide of itself, but I should look apon things more lovingly and follow those "fruits" RJA spoke of.

Thanks
~FT