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Back in early August, I was posting on another site about how I found my gifts a curse and various troubles I was having with them and a male entered my life, offering to help, and saying I am on a spiritual path. I found out that not only did he have same gifts as me, but had had the same issues with doubt and logic questioning experience when he first started out. In fact, it almost drove him to suicide...the same year he hit this crisis, I was in crisis myself.

We started spending whole nights in a chatroom, talking about all kinds of things, and texting one another an absurd amount of times. He told me that he had never felt this way about anyone, and couldnt stop thinking about me, and basically we got quite close, as far as typed words can get close.


We found we had similar backgrounds, had coffee the same, had both played clarinet as kids...just lots of things in common. Even both share the same numerology master number, 33. Anyway, he guided me when I found my experiences frightening and after a month he came to visit me in person. We had both been very excited about it and I suppose, given that we both knew there was a strong spiritual connection, both expected it to be an explosion of feeling as it had been when we communicated online and in texts...we had both felt very strong emotions towards one another, and we are neither of us especially young, my being almost 30 and he in his late 30s. I once asked him to visit me in spirit so I could feel him closer, and he said it felt as though our energies had merged. It felt like...lightning the feeling was so strong as to almost be uncomfortable.

Anyway, when we met...there was no great explosion of feeling, and this man just seemed to distance himself from me... he was totally hyper and full of energy in order to prepare for a clearance we were going to do together, and well, let's just say I got very upset when we parted that it hadn't been as I had expected (yes, I know, one should not have expectations).

After this, there were a lot of problems...he got quite ill and barely stayed in touch and I took it the wrong way and he cut off contact for over a month. during which time I left my bf of 6 years, and his wife of 16 years left him (which is what he had wanted). In short, we both had same things happening in our lives when we were apart.

He contacted me again after this break, and since then, I cannot describe nor understand what has been happening... I have felt more connected to him than I ever have to anyone... when I think of him, I feel these surges of warmth spread through my heart area, and often, I will see an image of a little boy and myself running down this deserted street....almost like a past life memory.

I have come to realise that when I am struggling and feeling terribly low, he is also, which makes it hard to know who's emotions I am feeling! When he was unwell and hadnt spoken to me in some days, I had a dream in which he came and told me he was ill. but he seems entirely unaware of this, in spite of being spiritually advanced.

From his spirit, I sense such warmth, love and free spiritedness, but the earthly person is detached and distant from me now compared to how he was before.... how can he now not feel what he felt before simply due to a flesh and blood meeting? I often feel him around me, which is absurd because he does not consciously spirit travel to people... is it possible for someone's spirit to travel to another without them being aware of it?

I had a message from spirit telling me that he is me and two are one and that this love is not to be taken lightly and will not be like what I have known before...and to not 'let them win'. (we are both going through an influx of problems in life at the moment). considering I didn't feel any explosions when we met in person, why have my feelings for him grown so much since? And why has he detached himself? I would be grateful for any answers to my questions and any input on this from those wiser than myself.

Kate xxx

Thankyou for such a lovely response, Stephen. I have been told that this path and using such gifts is a responsibility, and to never allow ego to come into it, which I do my best not to. It was only a year ago I started exploring my spirituality and my path, though it was 6 years ago when investigating haunted places I started realising something odd was going on.

I did not actually believe in my gifts at all until one night I was sat in a yahoo chatroom just watching people and kept hearing the name of someone in the room in my head. Of course, I ignored it and tried to let it go, but I then got the word 'Cali' come in too and had to say something. Her niece's name it turned out. I got a sharp pain in the right side of my neck a little later and saw the image of a horse. Having told the girl this, she told me her 8 year old nephew had died when thrown from a horse. He broke his neck. I cannot tell you the shock I felt.

But in spite, I continued to avoid speaking out and indeed listening. I spend very little time in silence, which maybe is a mistake. A part of me knows there is a vast amount more to this universe than we see...but an often dominant part will refute what I experience is any more than fluke or telepathy and such things.

It is often when I am at my most doubting that I will give my best messages, ironically. I dont generally read unless I am strongly drawn to, usually when it is badly needed.

I am doing a circle at a spiritualist church and also have a mentor of sorts, who is meant to be teaching me more, but is holding back until I am fully ready, which is very soon apparently. He has the same gifts, is on the same path, and had the same issues of trust which is quite useful. But I dont usually ask for confirmation. I know my guide has been seen and spoken to by others, so at least there is that.

I shall have to halt for now as I am shattered lol.

Kate xxx

I wish to love, and at times be loved back. It is not important that all I love love me back. I continue to love others regardless of whether they love me back, either way, but that does not mean that part of me doesn't still wish the love were returned.

Many view unconditional love as an impossible to reach myth, and one must ask, where is it written that humans are meant to love unconditionally?

Kate xxx

I don't read for my ego lol, though I know many people do. I find that the worst reading I give tend to be when I am doing a development class and am not actually led to read as such.

I don't really tend to ask questions of my guide much as usually I am simply given information which I pass on. Only time I ask questions is when I am in a class situation and wish to know a parent's name or some such, for without such information, one can be seen to be a cold reader and I myself can view it all as simply fluke and luck, as opposed to contact with spirit or with my higher self.

Kate xx

The Great Wall of China was not built in a day, Jouni. According to backgrounds and past experiences and length of time of harbouring hatred for oneself, it can take a very long time to achieve this unconditional love. Which is what I was saying. Also, there are not many humans who do not like the idea of being loved by another. Look around you, look at the various posts, look at problem pages. Humanity's greatest desire seems to be to be loved.

Kate xx

I am so glad I am not the only one who seems to sense rather than see auras... when I started doing this, I simply told myself it was my wishful thinking and that anyone can 'imagine' there to be colours there. I am more a sensing, hearing and visualising person...only ever seen 2 spirits with my actual physical vision.

Kate xxx

Ok, I met my guide as an adult about 5 months ago... I apparently spoke to him all the time as a child, but had blocked it all out from the age of 10.

I am getting frustrated because the quality of my messages is varying so much. He will give me for example, a date...but he wont give me why that date is important. My first few readings were very accurate with names and dates and details, and even views of the person I was reading when they were a child, right down to childhood nicknames, but he does not seem to give me names anymore, and if I get names, they are wrong!


How am I supposed to learn to trust in spirit and lose my self doubt when the messages I am getting are so disjointed and sporadic?

One week, I will get excellent info, and another, I will have an almighty struggle and end up giving a load of wrong info among the accurate info.

Any advice gratefully accepted here!

Kate xxx

Hi again, Rastus,
 My love for him never goes, but like most, I do get frustrated and hurt lol. I mean, I am human and that is part of being human. It does hurt when I see this guy caring about virtual strangers and apparently caring not for me... I will still be here for him, yes, but it does hurt. It is a natural response.

Also, It is insane that there is a connection there, yet not a connection? The last two days, he has just told me, he has been feeling very ill. So have I..we have both been sleeping in the day today...he has been worried, and it affects my emotions even though I dont know he is worried about things...why is this happening? It is actually very disruptive for me, because I am a uni student and felt so poor I had to take a day off!! And part of me knew he was feeling ill too.

I think spiritual connections are amazing, but not so amazing when you are feeling the bad as well as the good,  

I love his spirit...I mean, when we met, I was not explosively drawn to his physical self...but later, I was oddly. I feel his spirit and it is a beautiful spirit and is not the same as the person I interract with on a daily basis, if that makes sense...?

Too confusing.

Kate xxx

And how does one know when one loves oneself, rofl? I am getting there. I love very deeply a male in my life, who apparently does not feel the same. It gets frustrating sometimes, when you are working so hard on yourself, trying to achieve this unconditional love, and seem to be getting nowhere! It is hard, when alone, to not have need of company of another.

Kate xxx

Is it not better to retain a desire to be loved and to love, than to lose both altogether? At times, I wonder if the key to evolving spiritually is to detach from the emotions...to give totally willingly, with no emotional needs oneself?

Kate xxx

Hi Paradox... I can identify with this totally. I met one of my soulmates online and we got very close...could feel all he felt, we could simply imagine holding one another and it would be physically felt, and I could always feel his energy around him. But, he is in the USA and I in the Uk...and to top that, he had been waiting for disability payments for 9 months and was living illegally with his sister in a welfare housing apt. Well, to cut a long story short, he was discovered living where he was and given days to move out and find somewhere else. I have not heard since May 12th.

After a month or so, I started to have a horrible feeling that he had taken up a mutual friend (who lives in the next state to him and who met him in a chatroom same time as me) on her offer to stay in touch. In fact, I felt sure he and she were having a relationship, but put it down to my fears.


Few weeks ago, I found out from this woman herself that he has stayed with her twice, all the while, not making any contact with me. I can fully understand what you are feeling, and admire your staying power and faith, for I lost mine and have no hope that love will win in the end.

I hope she sees the light and returns to you.

Kate xxx

It wasn't lust I felt for my twin flame...people seem to have this obsession with lust on this forum! It was pure love. And I was not married...the man I was with was a bf, not a husband and he did not treat me all that well anyway.

Kate xxx

[needing]

It is true, a job is needed for security, but I have been told a degree these days does not make any difference in the job stakes...and I do so resent the prospect of sitting in some office or working in some shop, or even working in a theatre (which was my ambition for most of my life thus far) in order to fit into this materialistic society! But it seems I shall have little choice.


Regarding soulmates, why would I want to be a stay at home mother? I mean, I would say a man is a lot less responsibility than a sixteen year commitment to raising a child    Aside from that, I would never marry anyway...once that knot is tied, it becomes like a noose around your neck in my opinion and swiftly becomes a prison. I would never allow any male to control me and nor would I control them. To me, that is an important aspect of the concept of soulmates, and more especially, twin souls/flames..the love is entirely unconditional on both parts, with neither actually needing the other to feel complete. This kind of relationship never succeeds until both parties have learnt all the lessons needed to become while in themselves, with no need for dependence on another. If a man interfered with my lifepath, I would know he was not the one and soon oust him.

I am familiar with Middlemarch and Victorian literature, especially Jane Austen, but then, that was written in another era...I do believe some changes have occurred since then lol. Women aren't married off according to their dowry these days in general. We have more choice and more power.


Kate xxx

"It is a very frustrating situation to be in, it's like an unstoppable inner urge, like a path that cannot be deviated from or like an itch that can't be scratched .... for the moment at least! Why not try and identify the issues that you feel are responsible for not making your aspirations feasible at the moment? Try and make a list of the obstacles and then try and tackle them one by one."

I think the main issues are being stuck in the middle of doing an English degree I am finding tedious more than anything and the fact I see no other means to follow my desire than to get an ordinary job to get together the funds to guide others with my gifts for free!! I have a friend who has spent years of his life working with drug addicts, giving his time freely, but his wife was the earner. Now he is considering starting some 2 day courses to cover his bills and devoting rest of his time to giving freely of his gifts...this is wonderful, and what I would wish to do in time.


"PS Stop looking for your soul mate. He won't be anything like you expect."

I dont look...it is more like a waiting. I have no expectations of how he will be to be honest. It is the person's spirit that matters to me, and besides, with a true soul mate, if literature has any basis in fact, one will love them regardless of any flaws they might have. The flaws will barely be seen!


Kate xxx

I can only see one deck I might like...I currently have the Golden Dawn deck and am not happy with it at all, but I cannot seem to locate a Morgan Greer set...I cannot give an opinion on tarot as of yet as I have not done many readings, but I am finding my set of Rune Cards very accurate!!

Kate xxx


Ps: sorry to resurrect this topic so long after the last post!

I highly recommend firstly a book called 'The Lovely Bones' by Alice Sebold. A fictional book, this is written from the viewpoint of the spirit of a murdered 14 year old girl as she observes the affect of her death on those left behind, and explores her own personal heaven. I have not heard a bad word against it, and it has been much acclaimed here in the UK.


Secondly, I recommend a book called 'If the Spirit Moves You' by Justine Picardie. This is an autobiographical account of one woman's quest to find evidence of the survival after death of her beloved sister. It is a very gripping and thought provoking book!


Hope some of you will seek these two out.

Kate xxx

"There can be plenty of love without having recourse to The Spiritual. The greatest love is parent for child, but even a glance at the shelves of Romantic Fiction will show that the Urge for Sexual Bonding creates at times an intensity of attraction that verges on insanity. But I hardly need to remind you that wanting so desparately to have sex can scarcely be classified as anything 'Spiritual'. Yet, most of the time, this very dynamic is what accounts for so many references to "Soul Mate". When has any young woman's 'Soul Mate' ever been some short fat bolding frumpy Old Man?"


You assume too much, Leo. You assume I have an interest in sex, which I do not. Whoever mentioned sexual bonding? I dont give a monkeys about what the person I love looks like. Let me tell you this, until things went wrong his end of the world, I was in love with a 42 year old man with emphysema and no money to his name...I dont care about possessions...had things not gone as they had, I would have been willing to sacrifice all I had for the love I felt for this man.  I find what you say rather insulting and judgemental actually!!! It is wrong to plant all young women into one box!!!And I am not that young anyway.

Kate

I always believed you had quite a few soulmates, but only one twin flame/twin soul...people seem to sometimes have it the other way round for some reason. As far as I know, soul mates are those you have known in previous incarnations and are not necessarily friends...they can be enemies if there is past life karma to work out. That is what I was taught anyway. Twin flame is meant to be your exact mirror, and will sometimes even look similar to you in appearance, if such a thing exists. When you meet your twin flame, it is meant to be the most amazing experience and the love you feel for one another is unconditional. Personally, I dont believe anyone meets their twin soul until they are at a reasonable level spiritually, as they are usually bought together to carry out spiritual work for mankind.

Kate xxx

Heya Nick! , Glad you found your way there...Just be careful, the chat evenings are addictive and hope to see you there sometime.

Kate xx

http://www.walkwithspirit.co.uk/forum/index.php

I have no idea where you are ending up. Clicking on 'Forum' down the lefthand side on the main front page should have taken you to the forum and a number of sections. Once there, there is a button titles 'New Topic' in the right hand corner of all sections and at the bottom right, 'add reply'.

Anyway, try the link above and be sure to sign in. Samson made it ok, so there is nothing at all wrong with the site, I assure you.

Best wishes
Kate xx

As with all things in life, for some, it will be just their cup of tea ( to use an appalling cliche) and for others,it will be just a little too quiet, or just a little too 'nice' lol.  

The forum can get a little quiet at times, but then, the largest number of members at it's busiest time since it's opening far outweighs the largest number on here at it's busiest time!

Chat gets very busy from around 8-9pm each night, and well, ya know, it is a uk site with less than 700 members compared to the 7000 + members on this site...maybe somewhere to go for some quiet browsing, eh, rofl.

Glad some of you like it.

Kate xx

Hi again, to be honest, the only thing I personally would change in this poem is the line,

'Years later, we went to see her' ...and then I would simply change it to 'years later, I saw her'...that is the only line that looks to break the rhythm to me.

I think it is a splendid poem! You should be very proud of yourself...the nursing home part is very emotive and your imagery throughout the poem is great! I love it!

Kate xxx

Am hoping I am allowed to do this, but just wanted to suggest a great site for spiritual development. It holds free classes in various things most nights in its chatroom and they really are a lovely gang there. Here is the addy

http://www.walkwithspirit.co.uk/


Kate xxx[/url]

Thanks for the welcome, Nick...sorry took so long to respond..been juggling uni work of late and this site is just so vast, with so much material, I have no clue where to start  

Kate xx

Hi James
Thanks for such a long response... I didnt really think it was any sign of kundalini, but a girl can dream! That is something I would dearly love to experience, but I tend to be lax when it comes to meditating and taking time to work on such things.

I have started attending a spiritualist church, but I am not sure how long I will last...The love and light ideology just doesnt fit my view on things...yes, I work for light, but I have experienced enough negative to know that exists also...the majority of spiritualists, indeed the majority of mediums I have come across deny the existence of such things as demons and darker spirit, preferring to brush them under the carpet and simply give messages about their nan's bedroom slippers and such things!!


I am finding life particularly difficult right now anyway...   I find, silly as this sounds, living on this plane very difficult, I find the materialism here difficult, I find the idea of having to work 9-5 in some job I dont enjoy simply to live difficult as I wish to be able to devote my life to guiding others...that just doesnt seem feasible.

I have been sat here most of the evening, thinking how hard it is to keep in touch with one's spirit living in such a world as this, if that makes sense.

does this happen to all who manage to open themselves up to their gifts? ( not that I am fully open. I still lack trust and find it impossible to do what some do, in trusting spirit to bring them all they need)

Kate xxx