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I don't mean to be heavy , but I'm out of strength, and I am really ready to take my own life here, barley hanging on by a thread. I know what I'm about to say is going to be long, because I want to go over the most relevant things I've experienced, because maybe someone will recognize something, so have patience please.
 For many years I have not been sure what has been going on in my life, I've thought  cursed, unlucky, evil entity, what? All I know is something is not right!!! So naturally, trying to find solutions I've done the psychology thing, counseling,I've had myself evaluated for mental conditions with the results being negative, except possibly Post traumatic stress syndrome, only theres no "post" to it. And of course depression, but I'm not depressed in the small amounts of time when life seems to be good for awhile, in fact I'm very happy, normal,ect. And of course I've tried positive thinking, religion, studied magic (wicca, Kabala mostly)and I've done other reading trying to educate myself looking for answers through the years. About eight years ago I even went to a pentacostal church to have myself prayed over and hands layed on. They prayed over my tattoo, and I guess everyone felt the spirit but me, I just went along, hoping that the power would do the trick. But it didn't and No circle, cleansing, ritual, herbs, candle magic, prayer, meditation - absolutley nothing has worked. I've seen so called phsycics (got suckered in and lost money) the last one was a joke. I've tried astral projection, I have never been successful at it, though once I know I was there in a dream state. I've had several really funky dreams,one not so good, where I literally woke up, walked around for a few hours, and when I went back to sleep started the dream from where I left off, with someone I couldn't see not letting me pull out of it,saying I had to see. I've had several dreams where I'm fighting something black and sinsiter, and I'm really afraid, but really determined. It is always left at a draw, but I do get the upper hand.
  When I was about six, I saw what I've always been pretty sure was an angel,I didn't have a great child hood, but I always felt I was being watched over in a good way.  
  When my first daughter was a baby, I struggled with something that would come in the night, I could sense it from a sound sleep, it would enter through the bedroom door like a pitch black fog and ice cold, until it filled the room, and then I could feel the bed sink like someone sitting. It never bothered me except to scare me, never talked to me, and after about two months, I conquered my fear and it never came back.  But my life got worse and worse after that. I'm talking BAD LUCK, BAD THINGS. My daughter had many physical, and health problems after that, and one that almost killed her. There are too many things to list about how bad. I'm not saying that I as a human, and in terrible and complicated situations didn't make some of my own terrible mistakes and suffer the effects. What I am saying is above and beyond what is normal, something is wrong.
  I had another bad entity about five years after the one above, but I could only sense it, sense where it was in a room, and it did talk in my head, and it was always about a struggle over my soul. I got ticked one night and told it to leave me alone, and it never returned, but the bad continued to get worse.
 I then had a spirit in another house, that wasn't there when I moved in, it turned on the dryer, and did stuff like that, I could sense it only in the back of the house, but I believe it was there trying to warn me, because I was drowning in things, and not behaving like my self, I didn't try to listen to it, didn't understand, on the last night it was there, it was trying to get my attention, I got frustrated and mad, it knocked my fan across the room, and it was gone. My life got worse.
 Eventually I got a grip on myself, moved out of state and away from people I should not have been around, and for the past ten years, I've been trying to improve myself. I think I've come along way, and for awhile I thought things were improving in my luck and life. Unfortunatley what ever entity is around me hasn't left, it likes to play with me, I mean like things will get better,and then wham! All the things that can go wrong do, and my life is shattered, death of loved ones, isolation, poverty, you name it.  No matter what I do or how hard I try, I can't get past it.
  I have not seen things in every house I've lived in. In fact I've gone many years at a time with out seeing or sensing anything, but the luck never changed. I'm not even sure why I sensed the first bad entity, or any after that,because I wasn't really religous, although I had spiritual faith in god, of love, and being kind, things like that. I've always been open minded, and I raised my daughters to be that way.  I didn't start magic until many years later, I was just a regular person, young new mom.
 I never realized for sure until recently that it is an entity, the thought was always there, but I guess I never really believed it, I've thought it had to be me, or something. But it's very clear now especially reading some articles including the ones on this site. But after much contimplation over alot of different possibilties, I've just got an insight that it's definitly an entity.
  In this house, everyone has seen or felt things. The house does not feel bad or uncomfortable. But shadows out of the corner of your eye of the outline of a person crossing the hall, by the door ect. One girl saw the front window curtain lift up and hold like someone looking out the window. It does not happen all the time. I always thought it was spirts,not that they belong to the house, just some areas have doorways or something. When I tell them to go away, they usually do, and it seems to help for awhile when I burn sage and sweet grass.  The house is not the problem, the problem is something is tormenting me. If there is a god, or angels, or good spirits, where is divine intervention? I'm a good person, and inside of myself besides this entity around me, I really do have myself together. But the last five or six years, the last three imparticular, I'm wore out. I can't fight the powers that be, a person can only do so much, and then there is fate, chance or something.  My body from the stress has been falling apart, my mind half the time feels strange, compressed, I can't describe it. I have contimplated suicide for so long, but I've always kept going, I can't anymore. The past few months, I have tried the protection symbols, the herbs, meditation, prayer, I've put stones around the four corners of my house, I took a cleansing bath with protection herbs. I have begged, cried, sobbed, for the angels, for god to help me. More horrible things happened. The more I have prayed,the more I have tried to protect myself, the worse it has gotten.  I don't have anymore strength. I don't know if anyone here can help me, I don't have the energy to read, or do meditation, or anything anymore, I'm drained. I don't feel like even if I tried I have any power left.  I'm afraid to die, but I more afraid to keep living like this.  Where is divine intervention? Is it possible that it is my fate to end my own life? I feel like if I can't fight this thing in physical form, maybe I can in spirit form. Truthfully, I'd like to kick the ______ out of it! And I'm angry and frustrated, and heartbroken that the good beings, angels, god whatever won't help me. Why? What have I done to attract this thing? Why won't god,angels,good beings help me? Can anyone?

Well that makes more sense, and I can appreciate what your saying. I have not tried Reiki yet, still a babe when it comes to alot of things, except common sense. Seems the more I know the more I have yet to learn. I agree with the balance, and for every negative, there is a positive if we open ourselves up and relax. Live, laugh, dance, and sing. And above all else understand thyself, because then one is able to understand the nature of others. But I also know for me that when a negative entity hits with force, I have to hit back just as hard in that moment. I concentrate my anger,pull up my psychic sheild,and call down the angels. I call down rath! And then I let it go,and I continue on. I use to be really afraid, I mean lets face it when you wake up in the middle of the night from a horrible smothering dream,and realize that you really are smothering and there is something really malicious standing over you,and you can feel it in your bones,who wouldn't be afraid? Much less all the other wierd  things that can go on good and bad through the years. But I've learned fear is the only thing to be afraid of, and maybe someday when I learned more, the wierd will be less.  

Just a suggestion,in native american and in magical practice sage is burned to cleans negative spirits and entities from any area that one needs. I would say for what you have that you should burn it in glass or shell containers in each room of your house, the smoke will get into every crevice,open closet doors, while the smoke is burning speak loud and clear and walk through every room while commanding all negative spirits and entities to leave your home, tell them they are not welcome. As Dark Night suggested to me ask and give permission to the arc angel Michel to destroy all neg forces around you and in your home. Picture Michel with his blue flaming sword cutting down any and all negative forces, and standing guard over you and your home. You must close all windows and doors and allow the sage smoke to be within the house, the smell is awful but it is a very strong tool, the more smoke, the better, (without choking yourself.) Afterwards burn sweet grass in all of the rooms, and invite the good angels, and guides to be in your home and protect you. Then hang the braid of sweet grass by the door that is used more often, if you have more than one door in use,hang another there. Unfortunatley this is not a cure all, it must be done at least once a week, but I guarentee that you will have peace in between. I would also suggest if you can to do a bon fire in your yard and burn the sage, walk around the property and do the same thing. I use it my house regularly, and at Pow-wows the native americans burn sage and sweet grass everywhere to cleans the area, and to cleans the dance circle. It really does work. I also found that strengthening your chakras and your aura helps alot. I not only have neg attacks, I have spirits who come and go through my house, most just want to be seen, a few however are really bad, I have woke up from horrible dreams,not ordinary nightmares, to find one standing by my head, they like to invade my dreams and my emotions. I found that if I don't get rid of them right away, they move on to do other things, and create chaos. Hope you try it, and hope it helps.

I'm pretty new, and certainly less knowledgable than many here. I found the astral pulse site in my own desperate search for answers to the attacks I have been experiencing for many years , and thanks to dark night and others  I woke up from my denial and realized that this is not going to just go away, I have to take an active part in educating myself on strengthing and defending myself. It takes alot of work and consistancy. But here is my two cents .... neg attacks seem to happen more to those individuals who are more spiritually advanced and who have a natural enlightenment, and.... for lack of better words people with a kind heart, a giving nature.  I'm not talking about matyrs, or being superior, or super powers... to every light there is a dark. Yet certain individuals have natural abilities, it's as though we some how have open gateways to the astral world that are invisible to us, and that we seem to be born with, and each person is diffent, some have more than others. There are those who would say that everyone has this, but I personally disagree. Individuals who experience and live with neg attacks, experience other things as well, and it's not all bad,in fact some of it is cool, just weird, in contrast to what is considered normal. Though me, myself and I would trade it in a heart beat to be one of those "normal" people. Someone who has never experienced a real neg attack hasn't got a clue of what it's like, what it's about, and certainly the hell in living with it, and with all do respect child of the woods, it's alot deeper and more real than prejudice thoughts, or being told your made of slime. I know you used that as an example only, but it was a bad example. It's like being told "think positive". It just doesn't get it, and it is an injustice to those of us who have thought our selves crazy and contemplated suicide, because of everything that is invloved with living with neg attacks. If you want a clearer idea of what it's like, just read more of what is in this forum, and tread lightly with the simplistic advice you offer, because if you do read you'll find there is nothing simple about this, but on the positive bless you for trying.

I've been working daily to clear and strengthen my chakras and my aura using meditation, visualization and the sound vibration of each chakra. I've found that after I do the energy work to each chakra, then I work with my soulstar and my earthstar. From the soulstar I create two lines that connect to the universe and the ultimate power of light, knowledge and love. From the left I drain all negativity, and from the right I draw the energy of the light. From my Earthstar I also create two lines and again use the left to drain all negative out of my body where it travels to the earths core to be released and filtered. From the right I draw the energy from the earths core into my body. The idea is to do both the soulstar and the earthstar simutaneously to ground yourself. I use the new energy from both to increase the color and the energy through my chakras and aura. It really intensifies the energy and brightness. If I work with everyday my dreams, and memories of dreams are strengthened, also feeling I find I am more calm, and connected, feeling of peace and more understanding of people. It seems to work both ways too, I find people are more friendly, and bad ones stay away. Sometimes the chakras in my palms just start vibrating, and I can feel the energy there.

I'm so gratefull for everyones help and effort here. Suddenly in a few hours time, I don't feel alone after years of being so. That is some strength and hope in and of itself. Thankyou.
 Last night I worked on relaxation, and it never occurred to me that angels need "permission" to help. I guess I assumed by calling them, and asking that was permission. So I asked the archangel Micheal and gave him my permission to destroy this evil attacking me. I pictured a blue sword and him striking the black form/forms (because I do not have any clear picture of what it is). I can say that I had a sense of relief, and I slept well. This morning I woke with less of the heavy cloud (mornings just before I wake, and right after,takes me hours usually to fight off the blackness.) I know it's not gone, I'm better in my mind, and emotions, but it is playing havok on my body, I feel really sick, which is usually what it does when I am mentally stronger, if it can't get to one, it gets to the other.
  But there is a sense of something better, and I feel that it has alot to do with those of you helping me. Again I am grateful. So Dark Knight, Enderwiggin, and all of you I humbly ask and give my permission for any help and assistance that you are able to give. Like I said I know I cannot do this alone. I also realize I have alot of work to do, and alot of knowledge of how to do it to learn. It's not easy when something is attacking me from all angles. I've realized in the last few days that whatever this is has gotten closer, and it is letting me know that it is close. There is so much that I want and need to do, stuff that I'm really excited about, but I can't do any of it until I can get past this thing, that is wearing me so far down, I just want relief, I don't want that to be my death, but damn, enough already! It's such a relief to express that, and to know that there are others who understand what that means.
 Someone mentioned an escape room of relief, I understand that, I've been able to do that in the past, to see a funny or uplifting movie, to help someone, ect. I wish it were about free will and choice, I don't choose this thing tormenting me, I don't believe I'm causing it, and if it were as simple as taking control by saying "leave me alone" I would do that, in a heart beat. There are obviously things in the universe that are well, for lack of better words, bigger than us, in the sense that they are not in the general societies thinking or teaching considered to exist, much less anyone who experiences it considered normal, or sane. This is beyond taking the good with the bad, this is beyond learning through hardship. Life is not a bed of roses, but nor should it be a living hell, that you can't escape. How do you fight something you can't see? You ask yourself "Am I crazy?" You ask yourself "Is this really happening?" and then you try to discern what is just the natural things that occurr in life, and what is beyond that. Regular people living regular lives, dealing with very  irregular things, that can kick your butt. I wonder how many people like myself, who have not found this site, or anything like it, are feeling so alone, and ready to take their lives because of it. Yeah, I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone, and not crazy, and maybe there is help, and hope, and I'm willing to accept both.

   On a different note I wanted to mention that I was reading the discussion on that Master TV thing. I don't know what it is and I don't care. However, I wanted to tell you that I so enjoyed reading your rebuttles to tresendent or who ever he was. I enjoyed it all.  You all are too smart, too, cool, and oh sooo smooth!! And I mean that in a good way, a compilment. I was proud. I laughed, and I forgot about everything in that time.

I don't know what mastery TV is, and I don't care. I so enjoyed reading this. ALL of it. You all are too smart, too quick, too cool, and soo smooth!!! Better than any TV I've ever seen!! Took my mind off all my problems.

I'm trying xander, I appreciate your help and support and anyone elses.I screamed at it today, I was crying, but I was angry at it.
 How do I find out it or their names, and truthfully I'm afraid to ask. I know I shouldn't be, because it's already hurting me, but its been around for so long, it's wearing me out. I don't see it around my girls, but I'm afraid that if I don't get rid of it, or take myself out of its game by ending it, it will find away to get to my daughters, and take them from me, so it can have more of my pain and grief, it has been taking more and more like its pushing me into a corner.  
  If I'm angry doesn't that just feed it? But if I'm happy, or loving, or feel anything good,it slams me. I got into a pattern for awhile where I tried not to feel at all,just kept myself level at all times, but that didn't work either. I've called the archangel Michael and a list of others, through the tree of life in the kabala. I'll be grateful for any help or advice, and I'm going to try contacting a few of the organizations posted under another listing about psychic protection societies. I know I can't do this alone. I'm grateful I found this site, the more I read, the more I understand that I'm not crazy. I'm not glad that others experience this, but I am glad I'm not alone or feeling crazy because of what is happening to me.

Hey, In response to Boydster, I'm really glad that positive thought and emotion worked for you, but what do you do when the entity/entities get ticked and attack even more?  I'm very big on the feelings of love, and giving, friendship, random acts of kindness. I've always believed there should be more, and it is the only way this world will ever get better. But when I experience happiness, when I sit out at a lake and really feel intune with nature, and god and goodness, when I feel any of these things, that's when I get attacked even more, really bad things will happen to me. It doesn't change my believe, or stop me from wanting to feel these things, but it makes my life a living hell, and everything good will be taken away and destroyed. How do you fight that?