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so if we make verbal affirmations for a very long time, we can create miracles

i know this is true,
now how do you know what affirmation to do ?
my goals are to have $5000 by thursday afternoon (and only post here if you can create miracles, have created them, or are not the entity of doubt speaking thru someone HA-AH-HA! )

and then with the $5000 i am doing something which also must be succesful, do i include the 2nd and equal goal 
WITH

IN

the affirmation, and if so do i say it like "I WENT TO ___ AND IT WAS PERFECT "
something like "I HAVE $5000 RIGHT NOW AND I WENT TO ___ AND IT WAS WONDERFUL AND PERFECT?"

or "IT IS GOING TO BE PERFECT ? "
i can just affirm that i am there "by divine miracles too" but i really do want money to fix my car and do things other than that, and the main focus for me is on the money for these reasons,

now ,

what shall i affirm? and why ? what tense shall I use it in, and why ? do i put a date on the money 'THIS THURSDAY BY DIVINE MIRACLES I NOW HAVE $5000 "
"BY MY DIVINE WILL $5000 IS MINE TODAY?"'

or just simplye " I HAVE FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS, RIGHT NOW!"
i wonder if it would materialize ? can i demand it materialize on my desk ? i will settle for lottery winnings or some other miracles , i don't care how but it *** must be good ***

do i have to say "in a good way ?"

help me affirm !

"What you need my boy is a hug, and a supportive friend. "

quite right.

I'm convinced that the sub-conscious (which could be spiritual in nature) can certainly throw these things at you and synch up events for you, but at any rate......

the girl i saw, was not my ex... not at all, she just dresses exactly like her and has a similar build, which is kind of eery.

right down to the sandals and pants and the exact same shirt lol.

I don't know if I've had such strong synchronicity in my life before.....

I'm trying to find a rational way to explain it, but I'd also like some "Mystic" interpretations.

Okay where to begin? It's all so long .... so I think I will just cut to the most important and solid happenings.

Devin.

I'm a member of facebook, a college social network basically... I see her profile, it catches my eye because I've been frustrated with people and their stupid profiles that contain next to no info about them.... she on the other hand linked to a description of her life story.

So I message her saying I'm glad she did that, I had wanted to do so, etc....
right... next day.... I see her in the cafeteria... alright coincidence enough, but what strikes me as odd is that she mentions that SHE IS MOVING INTO MY APARTMENTS .... okay!

So the NEXT DAY (or maybe 2 days later) I'm sitting around fantasizing about going to six flags, with her.... yeah that might be kind of sad, whatever.

when I get home that day, I read her xanga and lo and behold, SHE'S GOING TO SIX FLAGS.

I message her about that (no reply since then )

right so.. she ends up not going though.. whatever.

Today... today today.... I open some chakras, go eat.... following the content of a NIGHTMARE I had last night (i.e. I'm repeating my behavior in it... )
well ..... okay I go to eat..... not only is Devin there again.... MY EX-GF IS THERE...

now let me explain this... I've been dealing with bouts of lonliness, and she was the only "g/f" i've ever had, but the relationship was bad... right well....

SHE DOESN'T GO TO THIS SCHOOL

my ex is here, but she doesn't go here, this is 45 minutes away from where she goes.

This means one of only three logical things:
1) she is enrolling here
2) she is visiting some friends... however she was alone.
3) .... visiting family that goes here ? again she was alone.

Now I'm not 100% positive these two were the people I think they were, but... I tell you, my ex was wearing that trippy shirt she always wears, I mean.... I've never seen anyone else with that kind of shirt... I'm fairly certain it was her... and I'm fairly certain Devin was Devin.

so what what what what what does this mean ? I mean I'm starting to piece interpretations together, it's a big picture to look at, and these kind of coincidences surround other people recently as well...

however....

THE DREAM... okay  it just..... it seems like that's what the dream was telling me of... only thing is... the dream clearly stated "2 horrific images might be about to appear"

there is nothing horrific about encountering these 2 girls... BUT THEN AGAIN it was a LD, so I jumbled up and confused things, and right before the nightmare scared me and woke up, a little girl was rising up out of my bed.

2 girls ? I don't know!!!!

I know that if I hadn't done what I did in the dream just now, I wouldn't have eaten dinner at the right time to see these girls, as I normally go closer to 5:30.

so... I mean...

if you all need any elaboration let me know, I'm hoping this is enough info to sort of explain things without being too in depth and confusing...

what do you think? I'm on the right path perhaps, but what am I supposed to do? I like Devin..... but... she is blatantly ignoring my messages and it would be 100% stalkerlike to approach her in person when she doesn't know me......

so I don't know.

what to do....

Last night while I was lying in bed..... i started working on my root chakra, and out of nowhere this intense surge of energy exploded inside me, starting from the root chakra and effecting my entire body.

it cause me to convulse, seize up, cringe....

it was quite uncomfortable, and was followed by feelings of electricity (too much to bear) going up and down my spine.

today i managed to actually SEE my root chakra when a similar thing happened, and for one brief moment I saw red.

i had similar results with the third eye.

so why is this so painful? Am I using far too much energy, is my body not ready? Or are these explosions blockages being healed ?

What's going on ?

a succubus is a (evil) female being that drains your sexual energy, i believe.

A while ago I was practicing "New Energy Ways" and I did the body awareness for about 45min moving energy around. I went to bed and became aware that I was in the middle of being OOB. I was made aware because I was having a dream of being caressed by a naked person. Once I was conscious that I was OOB I got freaked out thinking it was a succubus. I then heard a vacuum swoosh like water being sucked up thru a straw I felt a weird sensation in my stomach seeming right below my solarplexus. I thought it was going inside of me. I heard buzzing and a low quick thumping at my solar plexus. After the buzzing died down, I thought it over and decided it could have just been my astral double and we saw one another and I got freaked out... However, I did not recognize it as myself at the time.  Anyone have any ideas what this was?

Labmonkey

it sounded like normal chakra activity to me, but i don't entirely believe in entities.

http://www.congress.org/congressorg/issues/alert/?alertid=5834001&content_dir=ua_congressorg

Spread it everywhere.

..............

I wish they carried Democracy NOW in my state.... I'm not sure how to react to this at all, I believe it sadly, but I don't know... I don't want to. I could totally see how it could have happened especially in the immediate post 9/11 mindset where we have hundreds of thousands (i was one of them sadly) screaming for genocide, nuking places, etc.....

Thursday, May 20th, 2004
Afghan Massacre: Eyewitnesses Testify that US Troops Were Complicit in the Massacre of up to 3,000 Taliban Prisoners During the Afghan War

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In hearings yesterday before the Senate Armed Services Committee, the head of US Central Command Gen. John Abizaid said the U.S. military has investigated 75 cases of abuse of prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan since late 2002. Abizaid is responsible for US military operations in both countries. He said the army was still investigating several homicides in Afghanistan that went as far back as December 2002.

The issue of the US military's treatment of prisoners in Afghanistan and Iraq has only become a major issue in the US since scores of photos showing US soldiers abusing prisoners at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq were published by US media outlets. But the abuse has been going on from the beginning of the so-called war on terror, even if the corporate media only picked up on the story in the past few weeks.

Today, we are going to play a documentary that Democracy Now! premiered in the US a year ago this week: "Afghan Massacre: The Convoy of Death." It was produced and directed by award-winning Irish filmmaker Jamie Doran. The film provides eyewitness testimony that U.S. troops were complicit in the massacre of thousands of Taliban prisoners during the Afghan War.

According to eyewitnesses, after the seige of Kunduz, some three thousand prisoners were forced into sealed containers and loaded onto trucks for transport to Sheberghan prison. Eyewitnesses say when the prisoners began shouting for air, U.S.-allied Afghan soldiers fired directly into the truck, killing many of them. The rest suffered through an appalling road trip lasting up to four days, so thirsty they clawed at the skin of their fellow prisoners as they licked perspiration and even drank blood from open wounds.

Witnesses say that when the trucks arrived and soldiers opened the containers, most of the people inside were dead. They also say US Special Forces re-directed the containers carrying the living and dead into the desert and stood by as survivors were shot and buried. Now, up to three thousand bodies lie buried in a mass grave.

The film has sent shockwaves around the world. It has been broadcast on national television in Britain, Germany, Italy and Australia. It has been screened by the European parliament. It has outraged human rights groups and international human rights lawyers. They are calling for investigation into whether U.S. Special Forces are guilty of war crimes.

But most Americans have never heard of the film. That's because not one corporate media outlet in the U.S. will touch it. Before Democracy Now! premiered the film one year ago this week, it had never before been broadcast in this country.

"Afghan Massacre" is produced and directed by award-winning Irish filmmaker Jamie Doran. Doran has worked at the highest levels of television film production for more than two decades. His films have been broadcast on virtually every major channel throughout the world. On average, each of his films are seen in around 35 countries. Before establishing his independent television company, Jamie Doran spent over seven years at BBC Television.

The film was researched by award-winning journalist Najibullah Quraishi, who was beaten almost to death when he tried to obtain video evidence of US Special Forces' complicity in the massacre. Two of the witnesses who testified in the film are now dead.

http://www.democracynow.org/article...04/05/20/147230

a bit late but i just noticed this section existed

http://www.tribemagazine.com/board/showthread.php?threadid=67991

Buzz:

The Nick Berg execution is rapidly rising to the level of a "conspiracy theory," so many facts, as with 9/11, are just not "adding up." I propose a new theory, outlined below, that argues that Abu Musab Zarqawi could not have been the executioner, and therefore the CIA must be lying. But first a few introductory tidbits.

Following up on a letter from Destin, FL published in the Mailbag on the 13th, and today's articles at BuzzFlash titled More Analysis of Nick Berg Conspiracy Theories 5/14 and Conspiracy Theories Abound About the Nick Berg Killing -- And With Good Reason.... the following issues set the stage for the final argument, No. 12 below, that I propose, that the CIA is lying about the identity of the killer.

Some of the issues discussed below may in fact be "coincidental" (such as the demeanor and appearance of the executioners, the orange jump suit) but others are much more critical of the facts (e.g., Nick Berg's computer used by Zacarious Moussaoui to send emails).

1. Nick Berg's father, Michael Berg, has his business listed on the FreeRepublic web site (freeper site) as an "Enemy of the State". (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1092851/posts -- this may have been linked to the 3 visits by the FBI during Nick Berg's containment by the Iraqi Police and then the US Military).

2. The FBI has told us (CNN, MSNBC, FOX) that Nick Berg's e-mail account was used by the "20th hijacker" of 9-11, the infamous Zacarious Moussaoui, whose computer held evidence of the 9-11 hijackers (and could not be searched by the FBI field office because of "orders from Washington," though the office had every reason to suspect Moussaoui was "up to something" since he only wanted to learn how to "steer" a commercial airliner, and was not interested in take-offs or landings).

The FBI interviewed Nick Berg about Moussaoui's use of his e-mail account to send "emails" but concluded that it was entirely "coincidental." Berg had apparently given the password to his e-mail account to an acquaintance of Moussaoui who he met on a bus (http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/Northeas...nter/index.html).

3. We now know the military lied about keeping Nick Berg in custody. Why did the US Military hold Nick Berg for 13 days? That question has yet to be answered, nor have we been provided an answer as to why the military lied about holding Nick Berg.

4. On the first day of Nick Berg's execution, it was reported on several major news networks that Al-Qaeda was connected to the executioner's statement, which turned out to be false. The US Intelligence translation still retains this "reference" to Al-Qaeda, which does not exist. (Muslim translation: http://www.angryfinger.org/archives/000232.html) (Official US Transcript: http://www.corrente.blogspot.com/)

5. There is no evidence that the killer wore a prosthetic device (as Abu Musab Zarqawi allegedly does, according to previous CIA reports). (http://www.iht.com/articles/86184.html)

6. The skin color of the terrorists in the film is white, not brown.. (http://www.angryfinger.org/archives/000232.html)

7. The orange jump suit "appears" to be identical to the jumpsuits used at Guantanamo.

8. Large green tattooed "dots" are known to be on the back of Abu Musab Zarqawi's left hand. These tattoos cannot be seen in the close up video of the execution, though the back of his hand is fairly visible. (http://www.iht.com/articles/86184.html)

9. At least some experts have agreed that the accent of the executioner is not "Jordanian," the birthplace of Abu Musab Zarqawi (http://www.angryfinger.org/archives/000232.html).

10. It has been reported all week in the media that Nick Berg was "looking for business" for his small telecommunications business (some of his friends in Iraq who were interviewed said "business was booming," yet others said Nick was leaving because he "couldn't find any work.")

11. It has been reported by people who knew Nick in Iraq (interviews, major networks) that strangely enough, Nick "traveled" at night. Indeed, when Nick was initially picked up by Iraqi Police (checkpoint) he was held because of "suspicious activity."

Analysis of Execution video -- I propose that the executioner's voice (according to my analysis of listening closely to the audio feed) is not that of the killer's. When listening to the executioner's voice on the tape one first notes that there is a 2-3 second lag in the "time" between audio and video, audio leading. This is consistent with the argument that the video camera and tape recorder are actually two different recording devices. What convinced me that the executioner could not be the "voice" behind the document, read prior to Nick Berg's execution, is the lack of consistency seen between the video and audio recordings, even if the 2-3 second delay is considered. A careful viewing of the video shows the executioner on "several occasions" fumbling with the 2 pages that he held, and at times reading the same page over again -- or so it appears. At least 4 times during the video the executioner is "turning over" pages, holding the pages "apart" as if confused, and all of this adds up to one conclusion. There should have been a "pause" or "2-3 second delay" in the reading of the documents during the physical handling of the documents -- but none is found that is long enough to account for it.

Conclusion: The executioner is not "reading" the document. Someone else is. The executioner is trying his best to "lip sinc" the reading, but fails miserably on close inspection. The "smooth" reading of the document is entirely inconsistent (according my analysis of the video) and therefore cannot be the same person that is recording into the audio device.

There are many unanswered questions remaining, the least of which why the networks and military have already been caught in several lies about the whole ordeal.

There is no doubt that this video served the purpose (at least for Freepers) of turning down the heat on the Iraqi abuse scandals (which I would propose is systemic) -- indeed -- the majority of sites which had links to the video (it is difficult to find now) were right wing sites (in their discussions forums they "brag" about this, and the fact that the video links were nearly absent from "left wing" sites; a rather sickening declaration of their hatred of the left).

The timing, the inconsistencies, Berg's motives for being in Iraq, are all unanswered questions. That the executioner appears not to be the "voice" behind the audio seems particularly convincing on close inspection.

Whatever the truth is behind all of this, it is hidden somewhere behind closed doors.

But "closed doors" is the modus operandi of the current Bush administration.

Roy Thomas
Crestview, FL

* * *

Buzz,

Question is: If Nick Berg had ties to Al Quaida, why would they kill him? And why did the Bush Administration put out the story that he was killed because he was Jewish? And if he was Jewish why would Al Quaida have anything to do with him, or he with them?

The whole thing sounds so phony it could come out of a bad movie, only the guy died a horrible death, and is being smeared. The CIA doesn't try this hard for nothing.

A Loyal Expatriate Reader in Germany

BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTIONS

discuss.

Something remarkable happened this morning, I've long been skeptical of an astral plane, and have long been skeptical of spirit guides and all that stuff.

I've never really been able to confirm projecting into the physical, and any "astral" experiences I have had seem to be borderline mental fabrications... but this was somewhat different.

It was directly related to hypnagogia and my heart chakra... lately my chakras seem to be fairly open aside from my navel area and my base chakra.... and well.... anyway..

I am intending to WILD, and I drift in and out of scenes, in one I'm conscious enough to try to say in but can't... eventually I'm in a dream, in the dream this guy says (who is a drill sergeant) "you can go have fun now, just don't nap" and then I'm like "dreaming isn't napping is it?" and I "wake up" and I'm this tunnel...

There is harp music going up and down scales over and over, and I'm paralyzed, my heart chakra is going insane... as I go through the tunnel, which is a nice pale purple in nature, there are paintings everywhere, all along the walls, and I see one of them, and I think "these are dreams... these are MY DREAMS...." and.... I just keep going deeper into the tunnel.

Eventually I notice there are people outside the tunnel, purple auraed people.... and eventually I notice my left eye is seeing the tunnel and my right eye is seeing other stuff.... I move my hands in the right eye, they are purple, with orange in the middle where the bones would be.....

I think how cool this is... I never see auras when I LD, or "OBE" when I do I have to trick myself into seeing them and they feel fake, this didn't quite feel fake.....

I then saw this beautiful hypnagogic spiral bloom, and I touched it... I was then amongst the presences that were wandering around.... one came toward me, I tried to communicate with it, to say  "hey, who are you?" but I couldn't hear his answer... I heard many voices, but they were all fragmented and muffled....

He grew closer to me and he touched my arm, as if to help pull me all the way out into this void, to get rid of my split body sensations... I wanted him to, but I was a bit unsure of who or what he was, and could not get an answer.

I unfortunately woke up and he faded away, but as he did I clearly saw his face, he was smiling and had side burns, short hair..... he looked happy and loving, like he was glad to see me.

This whole experience somehow seemed familiar to me, especially him, like I have another memory of being in a blue room with him, but I'm not sure.


Would this qualify as entering or phasing into the astral? I've had some experiences where I'm clearly inside hypnagogia, and trippy stuff is happening, even sometimes "things" are there, but they all seemed just in a way, kind of fake to me... this somehow felt... different.

I'm still not sure what to think, especially of the tunnel I was in, while I was half asleep I had a great name for it, it was some sort of central dream junction or something, I don't know.

This hasn't really made me "believe" in anything but it has made me very curious, I did not expect to wind up here, not at all, I was taken by surprise, though when I initiate separation from my body I often desire/expect to see a sort of "energy body" that I have, I never do... this time was different, and I'm not sure why.

I could see how daily thoughts on the subject could have influenced it, even an activity I partook in that day, but I don't know, it was just so random, like bam I'm in a hypnagogic tunnel, I'm falling, constantly feeling falling, while going through it, I'm right between awake and asleep, my heart chakra is painfully open.

I don't know what to make of it... but I'd like to go there again.

What do you all think?

I was doing the triangle method and suddenly had brief success, the only way I've ever had it work is if I can make "energy" spin through both ear drums, in sync (i can't do this well, it's very hard coordinating left/right hemisphere) whle simultaneously feeling both spinning equally... then.... spining the third eye, in sync with the other two, and feeling all 3 equally.

Now the first times I did this, I think I was actually dreaming, which is why they obviously worked for making me project.... but hey maybe not, I'm not sure... the thing was, once they spun in sync for a while I would suddenly see a sharp color, and I would hold onto it and think "go deeper" and i'd be sucked inward to my body, into paralysis.

So... anyway, I was doing this today, and I saw a small flash of color and felt fairly focused, tried to deepen it, but it didn't really work..... so at any rate, later on when I went back to trying again I got a WEIRD tone in my ears, not like the hearing damage type of ringing, but rather, a low... sort of... I don't know... if you've had a hearing test where they play tones in your ears, that is what it sounded like, except that it felt to be inside the middle of my head, it made me feel very weird and I could only hold on for a half a second or so, I think if I could have held out for 5-10 it would have put me in trance...

So anyway when it stopped I felt really weird.... and I tried to do it again... I was spinning energy directly between my ears, and just, seeing how it made the sound, it was more of an inactivity than a focus, but I could get it to flicker sounds at me and gradually got it to wave in and out with some success for say half a second to a second long...

So then... I found on accident that this sound could be moved upward, I imagined a colorful liquid of energy in my ears, as if it were a line going across my whole head, and i imagined it going up to the top of my ears, while sort of pushing the feeling/sound there, and it resisted a little but I did it a few times and got it to move up to the top of my ears... and gradually got it to my third eye... it was so weird feeling... having a tone in you third eye, feeling it there, hearing it there.. I couldn't hold it very long though, and it made me feel kind of funny, lots of pressure if I recall correctly, I'm not sure.. but at some point I couldn't do it anymore, didn't have the focus left enough to coordinate equal spinning in the triangle to try and bring the tone about again.

So.... what exactly is the significance of this? I did not feel anything open, I do not feel different now, I have had horrible head pressure for the past few days though...

I also find it VERY HARD to spin energy it constantly falls apart and changes direction and wants to waver all crazily around, I think something is kind of a bit wrong with me and like... I don't know, the directional part of my brain, the left/right/up/down, as I cannot hold a chakra, or like, even say, a finger, spinning clockwise, for more than a few seconds unless somehow I manage to detach from it so that it's sort of an "unconscious" spinning, but I still have to loosely pay attention to it.

I can however do it very easily in the right stage of sleep/near sleep in the morning, and of course, it's flawless when I'm dreaming but think I'm awake (as all techniques are)

I also can't hold onto "rope" not at all, I keep "slipping" and not grabbing it (someone else here had that problem) and like "I" will be climbing and my arms spin around and my bod twists 360 some degrees, the rope is no longer vertical, I can't even think of a rope, I try ladder and it works a bit then the same happens.....

I can usually make myself see a man climbing a rope in my head,
directing energy trying to feel myself climbing it is the problem....

I don't really know how to describe the awareness problem, it's just that everything spins, I have my "hand" around the "rope" but it won't grab it, I have to exert tons of energy just to imagine there is a knot there, a solid knot, a solid rope, that I am solidly holding it, and then my hands are prone to twitching and I get a dual hand/imagination awareness... or something.

But yeah.... anyway.... this tone... is it related to a chakra technique where you would take it in the bottom chakra and raise it up to the crown, passing through all of them? I've read of doing that with a "light" but I'm not sure if they mean really see/feel the light, or just pretend it is there.

This tone was very real.. kidn of reminded me of a dark amber/orange if I remember correctly, but I don't remember it all that well since it was on a near sleep state, so that could be a false memory.

It occurred to me that I needed to post this reality check I do... that it might help someone here....

So... I read this on a lucid dreaming forum, and it works extremely well.

All you have to do, is pinch your nose shut, and try and breathe through it... if you can, you are dreaming.

it's really that simple, no getting up and looking at a clock, no trying to fly (can be hard if you don't know whether you are dreaming in the first place)... that's it, just pinch your nose shut and try and breathe through it.

Alternatively, keep your mouth closed and try to breathe through it....

I've only had it fail perhaps once.... and I think it was a byproduct of doing the RC way too much during the day (to try and instill the habit in dream) but... it's soooo effective.

Part of the reason why it works is that our breathing in dreams tends to be connected to our breathing in real life, or so they say, so that if you consciously try and breathe in a dream, you take control of your real breathing in real life, which means that you are going to feel air coming in through your closed off nose.

it's very trippy.

(this also means that it's not the greatest of ideas to hold your breath while dreaming....... however deep breathing is helpful in stablizing a dream sometimes........ and if you feel like you are waking up, it's good to stop talking and use "telepathy" in a dream, as trying to use your voice in a lucid dream can cause some confusion with the body, I gather)

So... this is the best reality check for me by far..... what are some other ones that you guys find helpful and easy?

Whenever I start falling asleep, I jerk awake, no matter what..... if I'm actually trying to sleep it may only happen a few times, if I'm trying to project, the sky is the limit (or rather my patience is).

I'll be about 5 seconds into imagery, or voices, and I just snap awake with a mild rush...... if I get deep enough, with muscle contractions.

But I CANNOT stay inside the imagery:
#1, because I'm not conscious while in it... i'm half asleep.
#2, something just snaps me out of it.

So at this point, in the months I've been working on it, I think I either have some sort of sleeping disorder.... or that the "something" that snaps me out is my body not being relaxed.

So I'm asking you all who do those long drawn out relaxation excercises, do they make it easier to fall asleep without frequent jolts awake? Have any of you had the problem I had, then remedied it by doing a relaxation technique before hand?

I mean I am comfortable when doing these things, I'm not really tense or sore or anything, but maybe the body naturally needs to have a large amount of muscle relaxation (normally from melatonin) before it'll just let you turn itself off at a whim?

Maybe the body is too "awake" so when they mind tries to shut it off it's like NO! ... or something? But if I did some sort of relazation thing, that it'd keep that from happening?

(i don't think i'd end up napping, because the constant intent to project is there, i'd probably fall asleep and end up lucid, or perhaps go deep enough to wake up into paralysis)

Do you all know of any EASY and QUICK relaxation techniques? I'm talking about actual physical body/muscle relaxation not just, calming down of the mind.

Can you all control what dream people say to you?

Whenever I want to know if someone is real, I ask them a question, then when they answer, I ask the question again, and think the other answer in my head, and they will answer whatever it is I think.

I can even take it a step further and apply the same principle to make them do things... it's a combination of giving them verbal instructions (but only "thinking" them) and imagining them carrying them out.

Even the realest of dream people cannot withstand this....

and I notice that usually everything a dream person does or says is based upon either what I expect them to do or say, or a thought that passes through my head (they are very hard to notice, you have to look and listen for them) or a combination of both.

I can't say that I've ever been able to find a dream person that I couldn't control (unless i'm not very lucid)

and I don't now if it's becuase... say... I'm lucid, they aren't, my mind is therefore stronger and I can control them.... or... if they are playing games with me? Or it's telepathy? Or what...

But sometimes the "demons" are a bit hard to control, I think that is because I expect a demon to be uncooperative and excessively hostile.... the last one I encountered I kept telling it it wasn't real and it kept saying it was.... we went back and forth arguing that way for a while.

But I wasn't lucid enough to try and take assertion and control it's responses/actions, though.

So do you all have similar experiences? You really should hold your mind clear and listen to your thoughts while dream characters are talking to you....

you might not notice it at the time, but you might wake up and realize that you were thinking about certain things during that moment that influenced the dreams course of events, etc.

The thing about it is though that I really want to believe that you can meet real people, and it seems like I may have done that before based upon some of the results I can sometimes get while lucid... so... I don't know.

Well.. it had been a long while since I talked to my friend in California (i think around december) and in late jaunary/early feb i thought about that quite a bit... wanted to talk to him... felt kind of awkward and then forgot about it... until monday (the 22nd)

so that night while lucid, or maybe even before i fell asleep... I decided I was going to try to find him... I said his name over and over again and ended up seeing him... he didn't look quite right and was kind of lifeless and "zombie like" like he wasn't real..

I talked to him anyway, he talked back... we conversed briefly, I don't know about what, but I do think we both expressed that we should communicate with each other again, contact each other.

Well... the very next day, he sent me an offline aim message... I didn't get it till today... but man... in it he said he hadn't talked to me for a long while and he wanted to know how things were going.

So I told him about this, he said he didn't remember dreaming about me, but that he doesn't remember his dreams.... it could have been a coincidence, or I mean.. we were so close when we lived with each other that we could still have links to each other and just both felt like getting back in contact at the same times and both considered doing so at the same times... but I don't know.

It could've been a coincidence... sure... I'd like to think it was since if that lifeless inaccurate looking "him" was REAL... that means that all the lifeless people I run into are REAL... and that I shouldnt' screw around with them (or screw them)....?

Because that night.. I also had a dream... about this girl I had a bad relationship with... she said she could tell I was lucid, and that she expected the kind of behavior that I was exhibiting from me (i was just flying around being goofy and yelling at random dream people and telling them they sucked because they couldn't fly.... only they could which surprised me) and we started racing in some sort of trippy bad graphics video game like tunnel...

But she said that I had something like "brackets" over my head while lucid... I'm not sure what word she actually used, something with a "b" i asked her to elaborate.. then I falsely woke up (thought for real that I was awake) and had her pull me out of my body.. to find her sleeping next to me... I looked at her head and saw kind of some small indentations (but i think they were just normal "head creases" that everyone has) and thought maybe that was what she was talked about...then she was standing next to me and she shrunk and turned weird and hobbit looking....

So...

My theories:
1. If you deliberately try to contact someone, and they seem unreal, bumbling, stupid, lifeless... and you can control them very easily.... it means they ARE NOT LUCID or perhaps aren't even dreaming at all during that time point... however you are still capable of relaying messages into their unconscious.

if this theory is true, I find it scary.... I mean.. what if I picked some guy I didn't like and told him to kill himself over and over and attacked him every night? Maybe there is a way of screening out unwanted visitors, much like caller ID? I don't know....

2. it was a coincidence, he probably wasn't real... or.. he was real, and not lucid/focused... but normally if people are lifelike and you *do not* call upon them, it means they are not real.

3. i have no idea what in the world is going on.

I'm leaning toward theory number 3.

See I don't get it.. if I can controls someones actions and words, shouldn't that mean they aren't real, are just creations of my mind? If so... then.... it's not wrong to do whatever you want to them? But because of this... it's made me reconsider... what if they are just really weak minded in contrast to me and I'm basically posessing them?

BUT..... IF THEY ARE REAL TO BEGIN WITH, WHY DO THE THINGS THEY SAY MAKE LITTLE SENSE AND FEEL LIKE SUBCONSCIOUS GIBBERISH?

Gahh...

then of course if they are real, these demons that keeping messing with me are probably real too... though I think they just keep appearing because I now 100% associate them with sex and expect them to frequently pop up.

I don't know.

It's too much to think about and maybe there isn't any point in thinking about it... but I want to have dream sex and dream wars and battles without worrying that I'm mind raping someone.

How hard is it to tell me no though? I guess if they do that I should just stop.......? But then I wonder, do they just do that because they aren't real and I would expect those particular girls to not want to have sex with me? You know, an accurate reproduction of their personalities by my subconscious mind?

Hmm.....

[inactive]

I'm wondering... do you think that being in alpha waves is like when your alarm suddenly wakes you up in the morning but you don't want to get up, and you just lay there for 5-10 minutes and you feel REALLY relaxed and perfect.. and you have that real groggy but wonderful sensation all over your body and mind?

Or is that something deeper than alpha?

Becuase from the way I understand alpha waves, simply being inactive for a while puts your mind into them.... but... not being asleep... like... just sitting there staring at something and thinking for a while would put you there...

But the problem with this is, it isn't a very "sleepy" state, it isn't something that I would think could lead to a paralysis trance... becuase the way I envision alpha based upon the way textbooks describe it would just simply be me sitting here at my computer for 30 minutes lazily reading things... it's comfortable, sort of relaxed... but doesn't feel like an altered state of mind.

But the books, as far as I can tell, would disagree.

So... I'm thinking, alpha is in the morning... alpha is when you want more than nothing to go back to sleep but have to get up in 10 minutes... alpha is that warm, kind of drunken melting feeling...

Where if you had enough mental energy you could easily hit paralysis, or if you wanted to you could just go back to a light sleep for a while.

If so....... I think that when I try to OBE/Trance... I completely bypass the alpha stage... I never feel that way at all... it's like... I'm in a normal state.... then I drift off... and then BAM I jolt back into normal thinking... it's like I'm trying to force myself into theta (hypnagogic state) without going through alpha long enough... thus my body can't handle such a rapid descent?

Because the way I see it.. alpha does not = wandering thoughts/images... alpha=very relaxed melty feeling you get in the morning... light theta=wandering thoughts/images....

it's like... i never hit alpha at all, except maybe in the 5-15 seconds immediately before plunging into the hypnagogic state.... espeically since I am itchy and uncomfortable and a bit sore right up until i lose consciousness, if I were in a relaxed alpha state I wouldn't care about my body at all, but I'd still very loosely feel it.

so what do you all interpret the alpha waves to feeling like?

I'm not really sure... can you be in very high alpha (as in close to beta) while not FEELING relaxed at all? If so... what is different at all about how your thoughts and mind are working?

I can get completely relaxed to the point of falling asleep so easily during the middle of the day... in maybe a 10 minutes span.

In fact today I spent what felt like ages working at trying to OBE and only 46 minutes had passed... in that time I had fallen asleep/jolted awake dozens upon dozens of times..

and I know that providing I knew what in the world I was doing, one of those fallings would have easily brought me into a deep enough trance to leave my body for at least a few minutes.

But the problem is I have two minds, quite literally... I'm not sure I believe in the freudian viewpoint of a conscious/unconscious but it seems right...

See at first I only have my conscious mind running.. and through deep breathing and focusing upon everything around me, it slowly turns off, and as it is turning off, the unconscious turns on... once the unconscious kicks in in full force it overpowers my conscious mind (which is my sense of self basically)

So it's like....

conscious mind: stay awake -- *silence* -- *STAY AWAKE!!!!*
unconscious mind: random thoughts and voices conversing

and the silence gets bigger and bigger until I can't stay conscious/focused for more than a few seconds...

when that happens I get huge jolts of paralysis when i COME OUT of the silence, but the paralysis either only lasts 1/100th of a second, or I was paralysed while in the silence but unaware, and now that I'm waking back up into conscious thought for a few seconds, the paralysis dies.

I've tried altering my breathing pattern, mantras, looking at the colors, rope, imagining a scene to go to... nothing works... I'm literally falling asleep and I cannot keep MY mind awake while this happens.

I can keep myself on the border for so long where it feels like perpetual following if I really strain the hell out of my brain, and I do feel heavy, but I never get *there*

The best alternative really seems to be just looking at the colors while straining your eyes, as it kind of feels like that might initiate REM, and it keeps you focused... I haven't been able to mess with that enough to see whether it works.

But I am really stuck here... I've been like this forever... at least 3 months... I get better and better and better at getting myself to this borderline sleep state within 5-15 minutes, usually, but that's about it.

(It's also ironically hard to get myself to this state when I actually want to go to sleep at night)

[real]

These things really annoy me.

Last night I got somewhat lucid and I decided I'd try to go back to my body for an OBE becuase I haven't had one in so terribly long.

So I go back to my body but as I'm looking at my surrondings something doesn't look right... it should have been extremely obvious that this was not my room or my bed, but I guess I was lacking the cognitive ability to notice. I got up (obe style) and wandered around and I knew this clearly wasn't my house (it looked like my grandmas); I then realized I had not really gone back to my body.

I go back to it again, and again I get up, but I'm in my grandmas house again, doesn't look quite like it, but close enough. I go back to my body yet again, and I'm lying in bed and looking at my surroundings and they make no sense, they were like, cartoon looking... and then the thought occurred to me WHERE EXACTLY IS MY BODY? Do I even have one? How am I going to know whether I'm waking up into my real body or not? How do I know whether these rooms are real? How do I know that anything is real? ...

I felt extremely lost and disoriented and confused. Like my entire defitinion of "reality" had been shattered... I tried once again to enter my body but I had no idea what my "real" room even looked like while I was trying to re enter it... well thankfully when I did actually reenter it, my mind was functioning better and I clearly could remember my room and felt that I was actually in my "real" body this time.

So I managed to leave it but I happened to think "this probably won't last long" while I was getting out, and of course it didn't.

When I stepped out I felt drunk and couldn't really see anything, I was stumbling around, I fell through a chair and I thought this was really odd becuase THERE REALLY IS A CHAIR AND A HUGE PILE OF JUNK HERE IN REAL LIFE... and well I had never been in what I would ever call an "accurate" version of my room before when I OBE, but I was fairly certain that I was really in the physical this time... I stumbled to the door, vision gradually coming in, and felt myself waking up, I tried to hold onto the door and stimulate my astral senses but that didn't work.

Any way. These false awakenings are so annoying... I hardly ever realize I'm not in my room, that I "woke up" into a different place than I went to sleep in, and I don't know if this is simply becuase while I'm dreaming I dream about being in this location so I think I was sleeping in that location, but...

It's just really odd how the sense of "real" and "home" are just so completely dead while dreaming, you can sometimes get a feeling that something isn't right, something isn't real, but usually the only times you wonder "is this a dream?" you actually KNOW it isn't a dream and that you've really woken up, but while you're dreaming things can be so out of place and you think it's real.

I wish I could take note that if I'm not in my room something is wrong, because it seems like every night I'll dream about sleeping somewhere else, and often times I'll be at my grandparents house.

........

Do you all think it means anything that I'm at their house so much, especially when I actually think I've engaged an "OBE" or a WLD?

[has anyone gone through something like this before?]

.... state.


I guess a month or two ago I made a post about this, and I'm still kind of stuck here, I took a break for a while and stopped caring about OBEs and lucid dreams and such, and subsequently have had NO obes during the night and had a huge reduction in lucid dreams.

This has it's advantages given that when I do have a good dream I tend to enjoy it more becuase I think it's real, and becuase I keep doing the same unproductive things in my lucid dreams over and over again... and becuase it might help me sleep better.

But at any rate I've still been trying to project during the day at least twice a week usually, and I'm getting quite good at getting myself into the hypnagogic state within a moderate amount of time (it's hard to measure how long it takes but I think recently I made it in under 10 minutes having come home from a mind numbing day of school)

So what happens is I'll just try everything I can think of to set a chaotic wave of uncontrolled thoughts in motion, at first they start out really mild and I'm in control of them.. after a while they last longer and longer and when I suddenly realize I've gone way off track I get feeling very tired and heavy and sometimes get that rush you get while falling asleep.

So I just keep doing this until I get to a point where I feel that I cannot possibly maintain normal thinking for more than 30 seconds before I go on another brief and intense hypnagogic journey (sometimes I don't remember anything from them, sometimes I do) and it's at this point that I try to gain control of my mind and force myself past this borderline alpha waves state I'm sitting on top of and down very deeply (yet consciously) into it.

And this is where I fail.

I can for example try to do rope... this lasts for 5 seconds and I'm dead inside for a while until I pop back into normal thinking accompanied by a rush of adrenaline, heaviness, and sometimes vibrations (this rush only lasts less than a second and I'm not in control during it)

I can repeat a mantra such as "go deeper, go deeper, go deeper..." but after a while the mantra is just mumbled up nonsense and I hit that gap again and then rush back into consciousness.

I can make images somewhat manifest, but when they get vivid and 3d it's beyond my control.

See this is very frustrating because I would be fine if I could even just take a fricking nap for a while, I don't have to OBE, but I can't do either.

This hypnagogic state is not like the one you get during the middle of the night where you can sit back and go "wow, look at all this cool random stuff going on" ... it's not conscious at all.. it's... "unconscious" my normal mind is shut off and my subconscious feels like it's turned on... with me extremely passively observing, sometimes so passive that I don't even remember what was going on unless I think very hard about it in the 5-30 seconds I have before it starts back up again.

I know this is an ideal state to be in, I know that I'm right on the verge of projecting. I know that my body is going to sleep for brief moments and that this is the best potential of hitting body asleep mind awake that you can probably have before you drift off into a mild sleep for a while.

What I don't know, is how to maintain consciousness and drive myself down inside.

Okay I'm going to try to illustrate this somehow.

c.........G.......X....|...............Z......u

c=normal waking consciousness
G=groggy consciousness in which transition into the hypnagogic state will be likely (say 70%) if nothing distracts my attention.
X=my sort of "base consciousness" which once I feel that I'm there I start really trying to project and to seize control of the randomness.
|=the border between consciousness and unconsciousness, the entrance to the hypnagogic state.
Z=completely out of control vivid hallucinations, a very deep feeilng...
u=where i would consider sleep to start up.

Now I will generally take a while to just do relaxation techniques and let my mind roam, then I will do everything in my power to jump start the hypnagogic state, such as thinking a question and attempting to force the voices out so that they can answer it on it (but ensuring that i do not consciously try to answer it) or sometimes focusing on  repating image or sound inside my head.

This usually works fairly well and I hit G... as soon as I hit G I will periodically enter the hypnagogic state (not deeply) and I will have a rebound, comparable to a slingshot effect... it will send me back up to G, but it will be a smooth transition.

The more this happens, the deeper I go, and the higher the two opposite rebound extremes are.

Once I get mounted into X I tend to transition to Z very quickly (smoothly though) and then I am chaotically shot back up to G, sometimes all the way up to c, and then I quickly transition back down to X and begin to start the process over.

Now once I hit X it seems I can only do this a certain number of times before I'm flung into normal thinking and my brain decides it's had enough of this... however X seems the optimal point to be as I cascade very quickly into completely bodily unwareness yet still have a point of solid thinking before hand to try and direct where I'm going.

Basically this gives me at best 1 minute of thought before going in, and usually about 15 seconds of it.

So I'm here, and each time I hit X I can decide to try something, and carry that something out for a while.

My problem is once I enter the state, I have no control over what happens to me. Sometimes I can feel the random thoughts starting to end and can attempt to refuel them as to prevent a rebound but usually not.

Monroe would say I'm meeting criterion A, and that I should focus on the inside of my eyelids and watch the colors...

That's all good and well and when I read that I thought for sure it would work, but no... it is too much work for my mind and I lose control of it and start entering semi dream like scenes...

But I stress that I have zero control and cannot fully enter the scenes, I'm just a passenger in my mind at this point.

So I'm sorry for making this so long but I really want to try and express in as detialed of a way that I can what exactly is going on inside my mind.

I know that I am so close to projecting at will that it isn't even funny... hell I feel the vibrations sometimes during the brief and hugely disorienting rebounds into consciousness.... and I can't stress enough how violent and sudden and chaotic this slingshot feeling is... it's like... sometimes a huge flash of light coupled with feeling like I've started falling really fast and am getting really heavy coupled with vibrations coupled with sometimes a loud sound. Basically it's like you have stared to fall asleep in a car but you don't want to sleep, so you jolt awake suddenly...

This does not happen WHILE falling "asleep" though it happens when my random chain of thoughts and images suddenly ends without warning and I FLING back into semi-consciousness (usually point X)

all I need is to be able to keep my mind awake and alert while this is going on and I won't have a slingshot and I'll stay in bodily unawareness and I'll be able to do what I wish with the hallucinations or be able to project...

The only new ideas I can think of is "try this sitting in a chair so your brain knows you aren't trying to go to sleep" so I'm going to give that a shot now that I feel fairly confident in my abillity to get to the hypnagogic state at will... or "don't do it when you get home from school because you're tired then"

But has anyone gone through something like this before? whether you are having the same problems I am, or y ou know what I'm talking about but you are capable of controlling it....

I'd really like help. I feel that this is more or less "my method" and I know that in theory it would work.. I just need to be able to gain control of my mind once it starts to deeply enter the hypnagogic state.

Okay, last night I was having some okay LD's that I sooner or later ended up waking up from... I'd get awareness of my body and get paralyzed in the dream and would have like a split body/dream awareness and was struggling to focus my sensees on the dream... but I kept going in and out of the blackness and in and out of trance/dream.

Well after a while I couldn't seem to get back into the dream... but I found that I was staring into blackness... unsure of whether I was paralyzed I made a strange motion with my hands and it seemed that I was moving in the blackness rather than in bed...

So I started exploring... it was very odd... it felt like a zero g environment yet I wasn't sure how to direct where I was floating... as I wandered around I became aware of hundreds upon hundreds of spirits/people around me... most of them black or dark, some a kind of dim orange..... I looked at myself... it was odd... if you've ever seen Tool's Parabola video, at the end when the guy activates his charkas and starts glowing... that's kind of what I looked like...

But it looked very crude and unreal.. flat... empty... pixelated maybe... or ... flickering... but it didn't seem "solid" or "tangible" really... but I was predominantly blue and a pretty kind of magenta... I couldn't see my charkas and didn't really know where to look, as a sense of body wasn't too dominant and I felt somewhat like I was formless, yet at the same time human.

I... just flew around... there were these "vortexes" that were kind of made up of the floating inner eye type visuals (only grey/black) that would open up and I would see people go into them..... I tried to follow but could not get to them easily and they would keep opening/closing in different places...

I think I tried to interact with the people... I don't remember what I did but I tried talking to a few, most's auras were so ugly looking though that I wasn't too eager to speak with them... one took me by the hand and wanted to take me somewhere... I almost went with him but I noticed he was very black/grey and said "no"... he then disappeared.

I'm not sure how long I stayed in here but I tried to fly "up" as far as I could go, with little to no effect in my environment... I remember seeing stars and flying up, and then INTO them (kind of painful) but they never changed size.

At one point I found myself on the "bottom" and there was this kind of pale pinkish red martian looking ground... with a few abstract kind of  unreal looking structures... it was very cartoon like in nature, yet felt real and 3D.

I wasn't sure where this was, but I was operating on the assumption that up = good, down=bad... and that this was hell/the lower planes.. so I became a slight bit nervous and flew up as far away as I could... there were things down there... I'm not sure if I'd call them people... just some sort of "spirits" if you will...

I don't know what exactly happened to me, I think I stayed in there looking for some sort of portal to a higher realm until I ended back n body.. I recall asking for higher life forms to help take me somewhere cool.. nothing happened.

When I became aware of body again I still wasn't sure if I was paralyzed and the blackness look semi3d... so... I started waving my "arms" in it again and I went "into" it again but it felt... very 2d, as if I were remote viewing possibly... I reached out to try to touch one of the floating visuals and it felt like I had touched a screen... then it occurred to me "I'M TOUCHING THE INSIDE OF MY EYELID!" well I immediately stopped and wasn't sure if I had just done that or not.. but I felt a discomfort/pain in my eye, kind of a teary dryness type of thing.. and this broke whatever form of trance I was in a bit and I kind of half-rolled over and then lost control and went into a semi-lucid dream.

It was very weird/interesting....

Does anyone have any thoughts on where exactly I could have been and why I saw so many people in it? I don't know if they were figments of the mind or not... there were so many of them and I'm not sure I ever had any expectation of there being a sort of "soul pool" in the blackness, so... if it was created by the subconscious I'm not quite sure where it got the idea from.

Kind of reminded me of the hercules cartoon when they are in hades though and all those souls are floating around, just much more pale and neutral.

I can't help but wonder if it was a collective dream pool.....?

All I know is that blackness is very interesting and I want to explore it more, but I'm not really sure how to voluntarily get there.

First of all, for those unaware.

The PATRIOT Act

Basically, in addition to lost of needed law enforcement enhances, it destroys a huge chunk of the bill of rights.

It allows the government to:
Spy on your net activities without warrant.
Detain people indefinitely and try them in a secret military tribunal without any evidence.

among other things. Your standard gestapo tactics just mainly focused on minorities and immigrants.

anyone curious about shady government doings should take a look here:
www.thememoryhole.org it is biased, as are all sites, but all information is backed up and cited, and therefore more or less "true", some of it is quite disturbing.

You could call Kunicich a hybrid Green/Democrat... he promises to remove much of the bad things about the patriot act while keeping the sensible stuff. He is pro decriminalization and realises the futility and hypocracy of the war on drugs, and he WILL greatly reform the way it is brought about.

Basically, he is the best shot this country has at going back to what it is SUPPOSED TO BE, a country run by the people, not big businesses, a country that cares about freedom and peace, not corruption and oil.

I'd implore you all to research him and if you are so inclined, vote for him... but PLEASE do not dismiss him as some post smoking, tree hugging hippy (which isn't very accurate) without reading what he has to say... people that ignorant shouldn't be voting int he first place, yet sadly it's those people that are probably going to keep Bush in office.

I'd say any dem is better than Bush but I'd implore you all to vote Kucinich in the primaries/caucuses, he's our best shot at freedom.

Look at my signature for some nifty quotes.

"All young Americans deserve a world without end, not a war without end."
www.kucinich.us

also do realize that Bush is planning on or at least thinking about starting a draft, draft boards are being filled and information on official govt sites about it removed (suspicious, largely, see thememoryhole.org) and I can vouch for the accuracy as I went and read the government sites before they took the info down.

So this is my plea, vote Kucinich... but at the very least...don't vote for tyranny (Bush).

i'd also like to mention that even though most of the Dems suck, now is not the time to be voting third party if you want Bush gone... these elections are probably going to be closer than they've ever been before.

I'm not really sure where this thread belongs but it's supposed to be useful with meditation and therefore I assume entering trances... so

Has anyone seen/heard about this, or used it?

http://www.toolsforwellness.com/48326.html

It looks quite amazing... but I remain somewhat skeptical as to whether it works, I would assume it's quite possible and if nothing else would be entertaining to use, but....

It's so expensive...

also

quote:AudioStrobe compatible: AudioStrobe* (licensed from Tamas Laboratories) is a registered Trademark of Tamas Laboratories in Germany, who holds the German patent on the technology.

How it works: Signals are recorded on a music CD at a high, inaudible frequency, to control the lights in a light/sound system. An AudioStrobe decoder detects these signals and uses them to drive the lights of a light/sound system, absolutely in sync with the music. AudioStrobe CDs are available from TOOLS. . Just connect your CD player to the external input of the Nova Pro 100, and play the CD, with your headphones and glasses connected to the Nova Pro 100 normally, for an amazing AudioStrobe experience. For best results, do this while no session is running on the Nova Pro 100. Also integrates with the Oasis CES device.

If I'm reading this right, you don't need to buy an "audiostrobe" you can just plug your CD player playing a NORMAL cd into this thing and it will synch the flashes to the music?

Okay, I don't really believe/disbelieve in negs so I'm not entirely sure what has been going on lately, it could very well just be bad sides of my mind surfacing or things like that, but the way this happened was ver peculiar.

It was about 8-9 in the morning, the sun was up and it was fairly well lit in my room (Bruce says there aren't supposed to be negs during the day time.....)

So anyway, I had been drifting in and out of semi dreams for about an hour and I woke up and rolled over and after a while I saw this old womans head in my inner eye vissions... only, she stayed there instead of quickly fading away once I focused upon her... I thought it was my grandma...

I tried to focus in on the image more, and there was an old man with her... I could see their whole bodies now... I called out to them to pull me from my body but they did nothing... they started walking forward away into the nothingness inside my eyes, and I focused in on the different layers and somehow followed them through this sort of "hole" or "tunnel" made up of those floating colors you see on your eyelids...

They were then standing around, maybe talking to themselves about something, and I reached out and tried to grab hold of the old lady (which now didn't look like my grandma) I couldn't quite reach her, and I wasn't sure at all if I was reaching out with my real arm or my astral arm, but I could see it in the inner eye visions.... she took hold of it and I pulled really hard and exited my body...

and it was so strange... it was like I was walking around inside my eyelids, everything was a light brownish orange like if you have your eyes closed in a somewhat lit room... but they were there, and shining.. I think I was seeing their auras, as well as mine....

I asked them who they were and where I was, and they didn't answer...

a thought popped into my head "I'm probably in my room." and then a few seconds later normal vision came, and I was in my room.

I started walking to the door, and something jumped out and attached itself to me, it was quite large feeling... I shook it off and grabbed a plastic sword on the floor and started wailling on it with much ill intent... it kind of cowered on the floor.... I asked it who it was (I'm not sure if I could actually see it yet) and I expected it to answer "Maynard" like it normally does, and it did... then I looked closely at it and it looked quite a bit like him... all painted blue, bald head... but at the same time it didn't look like him and I knew it wasn't... plus it had a demon looking pointy tail...

I said something like "no you aren't, why are you lying to me?" and it got violent again and I smacked on it some more.... at this point it was in the doorway and it looked like a sort of off white/orange puppy... only an evil looking puppy...

I managed to draw forth some energy into a psi ball (which I found to be way harder than it is in most dreams) and I shot fire at it...

so now it was just kind of motionless lying there... and somewhere around this time I see what looks kind of like one of my dogs, only a really small, skiny, and weasel like version of it, run by really fast... this happens several times...

I don't take my eyes off the other demon puppy thing.... but.. I feel kind of sorry for it.. I poke it and it snarls at me, and I told it I could try and help it get out of here if it wanted... it didn't seem to want that though...i think i may have told it i could stop attacking it and direct it a little bit of positive energy if it would cooperate with me and I could try and take it to some better plane...

I then tried to pick it up, and it jumped out of my hands and attacked the other thing that looked like my dog at this point... trying to leech energy from it or something.. and I tried to knock it off of the other dog like creature.... and then all of a sudden I felt 3 or 4 of these things latch onto me from behind and then the one I had been fighting latched onto my neck... I was trying to beat them all off with the sword and then I woke up.... feeling energy circulating where the majority of them had started biting/attacking me from.

So......... this was pretty screwed up.... I don't know what the deal with the old people was, and whether they were negs trying to lure me into some sort of trap or not.... and I suspect they took the shape of puppies to try to play with my emotions (which worked)...

But do I have like a ton of negative entity attachments on me now? Or did they just drain some of my energy? Later on when I closed my eyes for a few seconds I saw this little patch of dark blue light take the form of a weird looking face... I see this and other faces sometimes....

Is there anything I should do in response to this 'attack' ? I did a little bit of NEW work around that area, which was kind of painful (probably due to having been sleeping so long though) and I took a shower... he said crossing running water is supposed to break attachments....

I feel fine overall, and I felt fine when I woke up, aside from the energy feeling in those areas...

Would you all consider this an actual attack on me? I'm not sure what to think of it... I don't recall having any thoughts circle through my head that would have caused 3 or 4 random and invisible entities to manifest and attack me... but I did let myself become concerned when it attacked my "dog" (I knew it wasn't my dog, but still.. it looked like it.. it also looked weak and defenseless)

another thing, I've been trying to form a link with my subconscious so I can communicate with it and have it do things for me and vice versa, and later that morning I went lucid and tried to talk to it, it took the form of a woman and wasn't being very cooperative but it told me it was concerned that we are being poisoined by someone, and I said I agree... it then showed me a picture of who it thought was doing this.... it was some bald guy with a black snake around his shoulders... I didn't recognize him at all...

it kept showing me more and more pictures and it started to look just like Red Foreman from That 70s Show... so...

I'm not sure what the deal with that is.... I can't blame it on my subconscious wanting to turn the bald guy into red becuase they looked similar, since I was supposedly interfacing directly with my subconscious at the time....



Meh.... this is all pretty confusing....

Maybe I phased into a mirror of my room in some lower planes since I didn't exit my body in the "traiditional" way but rather followed those old people? I can't remember what their auras looked like but I recall red, yellow, and perhaps a small bit of gray or black toward the inside... but then again there was tons of black everywhere due to my eyes being closed.

Some of you might recall me talking about being raped by various beings while in sleep paralysis.

Well... that hasn't happened for about a week, until last night.

I was dreaming about sleeping, lilke I always do, for some reason in the  same bed as a guy I know from some other forums and have met once.... and... then I kind of halfway woke up into my bed, and felt him touching me, but.. it wasn't "him" it was something else. I woke up and I was kind of weirded out, because it felt so real.

I started falling asleep and all of a sudden felt it again... so I was trying to talk, but it was really hard... I kept saying "go away, i'll f*cking kill you, i swear... go away!" and it wouldn't.. so I woke myself up... rolled over, and decided to give it another try.

I entered a hypnagogic state and was reading a post I had made about the Patriot Act.. I was reading a reply that had something to do with schizophrenia, and it said something like "you have to have SCHIZOPHRENIA (it was flashing) to understand" and as soon as I read that I snapped into paralysis and the presence was back.

So... I talked to it... it went somthing like this

(for reference, Maynard is the singer of Tool/A Perfect Circle)
Me: Who are you?
Him: I'm Maynard.
Me: If you're Maynard, then why didn't you give me tickets to the show or backstage passes?
Him: Because I don't like your music.
Me: Well I'm just a beginner.
(can't remember what else was said)
Me: Can you speak telepathically? (asked him with my mind)
(an AIM screen pops up in front of me)
Him (on aim): Yes. (i also kind of heard his voice in my head, but in a different way than before)
(he starts fondling me and I'm attempting to stop him, and he tells me not to, I said if he doesn't want me touching him then he shouldn't be touching me, to which he replied "no")
Him: There is a war coming... a war on terror... similar to the war on crime.
Me: I know, we're already in it.
Him: Oh.
Him: I want you to testify in court tomorrow.
Me: What?
Him: About your accident, even though they won't believe you, I want you to.
Me: Oh, I am.
(i'm actually not testifying, all the court stuff is over, I just have to take a driving course tommorrow)

at some point, I float down halfway inside my bed and am looking at the doorway to my room.. a strange looking man in blue walks in.. I'm freaked out, but I know I should stick around and see just what is going on... he approaches and he looks... so familiar.. like I've dreamed about him before very recently, and that he has a connection to the online guy at the beginning of the dream, like his grandpa or dad or something.

He looks kind of like the janitor from Mulholland Dr that gets shot by the hitman... ..... who... I think is some old 70s actor, like from CHIPS or something? Well.. he looks familiar...

He has a bag of presents... and he hands me one... and this seems extremely familiar, like I had just dreamed it this night, or something. I take a small green one.. and I ask him if he's real..

He looks at my strangely... I tell him "I'm sleeping right now." he looks at me even more strangely... I grab hold of "Maynard" and wave his arm in front of this guy and ask him "do you see this?" He still looks at me strangely and seems to nod his head "no".

For some reason I thought this man was really real and in my room in real life, and I was half awake talking to him. I'm getting scared... I'm expecting him to attack me or turn into something scary.. I'm like "so you're real right?" and I like make a weird motion and I go "boo!" and he kind of half laughs and continues looking at me strangely... I'm expecting him to do SOMETHIGN to either scare me, or wake me up... or just do something to me in general..

I think I transitioned back into bed and the conversation with "Mayanrd" continued.

I asked him if he was my subconscious and he didn't say anything, then I woke up.

To describe him... He umm.... he was golden... kind of scaly but in an armadillo type way... had a tail... all I could see was the tail and his hands... he was kind of sort of sitting on top of me in a way.. as if done to keep me from leaving my body. I've read about reptillian creatures but I don't really believe in them, so...

I'm not sure what to think about it... it almost seemed like I was creating and controlling him.. I seem to remember thinking his replies in my head while he was simultaneously saying them... which has happened to me once before in a LD type projection talking to some weird looking lady, I eventually figured out how to manipulate her responses anyway I wanted..... which makes me think he was my subconscious that I was interfacing with.

But if he was, why was he umm... violating me? I don't really have a self destructive personality....

I'm thinking it could be some sort of symbolic way of showing me that I'm online too much... but I don't see what Maynard has to do with all of that... aside from him being a familiar figure to me.. and I have been raped before (no not in real life, in these semi dreams) by someone and asked who it is to get a reply "Maynard" about half a month ago... but I mean, the guy is fricking sweet and all but I'm not too obsessed with him or anything like that, and I don't worship him. His music does me a lot of good, too. So I don't see why I'd dream of him raping me...

I don't know.. that was really screwed up, but things got even weirder...

I later dreamed I was at school and I had somehow enrolled in a math class... I couldn't keep up with what they were doing and it was like I was in slow motion.. I ended up failling some homework (i recall in the common dream theme thread someone talked about this yesterday so that probably had something to do with it) I exited the class and was stuck in this building, it just looped around in a square and had no exit...

I saw a door marked "stairs" and opened it up, only to find a classroom... I embarrassedly closed the door and turned around, this girl a year under me (still in high school) was there and she started laughing at me. I'm like "well, it said 'stairs'" and then I started laughing.... and I couldn't stop... it was insane laughter like.. coming from the inside and echoing outward... it was really weird.. I started waking up... and I didn't want to wake up so I'm calling out to this girl to help pull me back into the dream.. only I'm awake now.. I keep calling.. nothing happens... I'm like "hey, the girl next to her, HELP ME OUT!" she did.. I feel her grab my hand and she tugs me back into the dream... the other girl is gone and I ask her where she went.. she gave me some sort of answer that made no sense....

I followed this girl around and all of a sudden she started running insanely fast... I couldn't keep up... she ran into this really cool looking center room with a stairway going up to a second floor, and like, the bottom floor was enclosed by a walkway that you can look down on it from... I jumped up really high in the air and tried to land on the second floor but I fell halfway down, bounced up again and managed to land.

The girl was gone...

my dad ran into me. He wanted to drag me off to some sort of... thing... I think he said it was a feast... I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. I told him no, I wanted to stay here and do things. He got upset... I told him he shouldn't be upset because he isn't real and this is a damn dream... he adamantly insisted I go with him and tried to drag me off... I started trying to hit him (with little success) then he said fine, and he went to the ledge and he said "since i'm not real do you want me to jump?" and i'm like what the hell is going on here, this isn't normal dream character behavior... I said "no" but that I don't want to go.

Somehow he convinced me to go... it's like.. some sort of get together barbecue or something... I find a weird looking keyboard and manage to turn it into a guitar and start playing some Tool... and I sound insanely sweet, much more so than I can get my amp to sound.

Some kids watch me play for a bit then disappear... I want to find a bass player... my dad again intrudes on my fun and wants to tell me something.

Well... my family is there, including some people I don't recognize... and I'm like "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE, THIS IS JUST A DREAM" and they are like "we need to tell you something.... you're just like your uncle" and they said something about how weird I was... I started floating up in the air and walking on top of these canopies and they told me to get down and not to draw attention to myself.

They explained that I was an alien. They didn't say from where. My grandpa kept saying something about "don't you want your birthday presents?" and I'm like "My birthday was over a few months ago." and he's like "no, it wasn't" and my dad tells me my real birthday is on Christmas Eve....

I'm like, in my grandpas room while this explanation is going on.
Somehow, I'm feeling like this isn't a dream... like... this is real stuff going down, and they are really communicating with me... and I told my dad I'd just say "CHRISTMAS EVE" to him randomly in real life to see if this is him really talking to me now (which i don't think i'm going to do, actually)

Well, the next thing I know I'm at home and I'm like looking at some internal computer.. I tell it to take me home, but it warns that though I can come back to Earth things may be different than they were before and the reality may be altered some. I might loose all my songs, music, and posts, and they might be different.

So I decide not to do so at this time... I notice an interface for creating guitars/amps... I made one...

Umm.. it kind of ends shortly after that.




So umm.... this is really weird..... and like... a few weeks ago I had this good looking and familiar seeming woman contact me while I was dreaming about being asleep and she told me something was going to happen on January 13, 2004... it was... really strange... she kept saying "THIS IS IMPORTANT! 5 WEEKS AND 5 DAYS! 5 WEEKS AND 5 DAYS!" and she wanted to be sure that I remembered that as I was waking up.

I don't know if I'm being contacted by weird entities or what... but... this is a bit abnormal, even for me.

This other guy I also talk to online also tried to kill himself last night.. I haven't heard from hin since, so that might have had something to do with the insane dreams and message board/aim content.. but... I don't know. I figure he's probably alive though, pills aren't the best method to go with.

I need interpretations lol, anything you have to say would help. This is just really crazy stuff.

Whenever I try to meditate during the day and hit a trance, I'll hit this gap in consciousness where I stop thinking, and like, my subconscious starts thinking... I wouldn't quite call it hypnagogic becuase I'm just totally NOT conscious at all, I'm drifting off to sleep.

I stay in this gap for about 1-10 seconds at a time, then sharply come back into normal thinking.

While I'm in the gap I'm not really aware of my body or anything, and thoughts are flowing randomly, but I CANNOT take control of it...

I don't know if this is a trance I'm entering or what, but I can't stay inside it voluntarily, and I can't do anything while inside it.

I'm just... falling asleep. But I never fall aslepe, because I don't stay in there long enough... it makes me really drowsy though and unfocused....

It's like I was trying to visualize a place to hopefully transition into a LD or something just now and I can visualize it, but then I hit the gap and I just loose control of my mind... it's gone... no focus, it's completely beyond my control... whatever happens happens and whatever thoughts flow through my head are unstructured gibberish...

But I can't control it.

What is this state? It doesn't feel hypnagogic... as I've been hypnagogic body asleep mind awake states where I can completely maintain focus..... it's like all I'm doing is drifting off to sleep.

But I mean, how do you put your body to sleep without going through this groggy and hazy unfocused state? Isn't that like, alpha waves coming in or something?

How do I stay focused though? It's impossible.. I can't.. I'm just tired and it's like my conscious shuts off and subconscious starts up, but it doesn't last long enough to fall asleep and dream, it only lasts long enough to disorient me and bring me back into normal thinking.

And I drift in and out and in out, probably about 10 times within the past 20 minutes.. and it just makes me drowsy, but once I'm out of it I'm not drowsy and can think normally.. for a few seconds.... I tried to rope.. it worked fine... until I hit the gap and lost control...

And so... I gave up after spending about 40 minutes sitting in a chair meditating (which keeps me awake but I can't ever get my body to drift off) then I went and laid down and spent an hour drifting in and out of that state.

Accomplishing nothing....

This happens to me almost every time I try to meditate... even if I stay in a chair long enough I'll still start falling asleep and gettying really drowsy... but it's the uncontrolled kind of drowsy, so much different than the one where you can just instantly phase to a dream or step up out of your body.

I even did energy work on my chakras.......

What am I doing wrong, and does anyone else have this problem? I've been going at it for a few weeks like this... and I know what the trance should feel like... and the problem is I think the trance IS that groggy uncontrolled random state I'm slipping in and out of... so... how do I stay in it and GAIN CONTROL... it's like someone else is running my mind and then it randomly jumps back into my control, but then I'm out of "trance" or whatever....