Messages

LOL..

Kundilini awakenings can render a person, in the most psychologically descriptive term, "psychotic".

If you don't understand exactly what is going on and have little restraint of your ego, it can open you up to, what I can best describe as an explosion of unconscious outpourings. This has happened to me, once. It's practically the reason why I am even on this forum at all. I never knew what was happening until I finally researched  Yoga disciplines and I am still working on understanding this way my mind has just began to work.

The cause of this "awakening" was the fact that I lived with a highly rational and emotionally strong (RARE) individual, whom helped me to learn to restrain my ego. The emotional layers all came down eventually, and there I was, seeing everything, everything, everything... I started suddenly going on about how it just hit me like a train, that I understood god. Then, there it went from there.. It was like gaining an understanding of the Kaballah and full on serpent fire-all-7-chakras-on-full-blast of the Kundilini saying "HELLO!" all at once.

I'm quite sure it was extremely terrrifying to ALL the people who witnessed it.

Katherine- "Pure"
Danielle- "God is My Judge"
Russ- "Red-haired/fox-like"

The last name was changed from "Oros" (when my father's parents immigrated to the US from Romania)  and I've really been trying to learn more about the origins and meanings of this name, but have had no luck.

Yes, I'm back at it again.. I must be crazy. Tell me that I am crazy.

Just for the record, when all this stuff unfolded before me, I was NOT trying to "figure something out".

I was led by what I would only call a 'mysterious force' to do all the actions described below and everything took little or NO thought to execute.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/enrapture/393845.html?mode=reply

After posting (probably wrongfully) in the "prophecies and divination" forum, and being informed that yeah, it probably wasn't a message telling me about the apocalypse and was more likely a possession of some sort. I did also have the notion that it could have possibly been a "blast" because it certainly felt like it. A blast straight from the furnace, causing me to feel the most frightening psychic 'hot flash' and emerged me in a torrent of horrible screams.. Lesson learned. I have done wrong. Playing with occult books, especially those proported to be channeled from Aiwass is very dumb. Sooo.. this thing's been obviously hanging around me since, um, December 16th last year!! I've been unable to will myself higher, and have had a frustrating time in being suddenly unable to reach that higher place in my mind where I can just cut the cord and "float", so to speak.

Anyway, it was advised that I look to Nita's Astral Healer site and perhaps contact her.

I e-mailed her and in the mean time found her "removing negativity prayer" (http://www.astralhealer.com/index.php?module=PostWrap&page=5)

I stood up straight in my chair, with my open palms facing up, my elbows in on my waist and read it loud and clear. My hands started to feel really energized, tingly and like something like gauzy flames were flowing off of them. Something even seemed to be forcing my hands in a forward direction at one point. As I reached the middle of the prayer, I suddenly felt this notably warm, comforting sensation in my heart chakra. Wow. And, by the time I was finishing up the reading, I was nearly crying!

Although I do not believe that the one reading has wholly pushed this thing out of my life just yet, it appears to have started the process of helping to work in the right direction!

I am so happy to have found this site.  []

[The Sigil, Inspired by the Order]

Having had 23 trips around the sun, you have all thought me to be more conscious of what I say, due to being shunned, judged and condemned. Say what you want, however I believe that there is definitely some very critical event or events which are to soon befall mankind that is inexorable. Despite the possibility that no amount of prier and pleas for forgiveness will save a huge sum (perhaps the whole?) of humanity, why is it that we do not cease to impose our theological, societal, emotional, delusional, neurotic, illnesses, weakness and infirmity upon our fellow man? Anyway, I digress. Heaven forbid you lose your patience with my observations.

I will not say I know for sure what this all means and I know I've written a lot here, however I feel it is necessary to explain events leading to this and I no longer care about the repercussions of recounting my experience with this book, do to the possible importance of it. I know the warnings. Perhaps all I experienced was something that only applies to me, however it felt like I had been taken somewhere for an instant where everyone around me was dying, horrifically.


The anniversary of my chilling and disturbing experience with Liber Al Vel Legis is approaching, causing me to think much more strongly on what it really was I had experienced. Was I crazy? Did I have some kind of brain seizure for the first time which happened to occur at the very same moment I was experimenting with The Book of The Law?

For those of you not familiar with this book, it was 'given' to Aleister Crowley in the form of a chapter a day, dictated to him by a voice, seeming to come from behind him, called Aiwass.

If you don't know about Liber Al Vel Legis (Book of The Law), I suggest you follow the link.
http://www.fact-index.com/t/th/the_book_of_the_law.html


The Sigil, Inspired by the Order

For about an entire month before the event, I had been working with a sigil, which I had carefully designed, based upon the Thelemic seal, featured on holy Thelemic texts and used to represent the Ordis Templi Orientis (O.T.O.). Now, I really take Thelemic magick with a grain of salt, Being without fear of it, nor rejection, nor do I feel that I truly embrace it. However, having had been a participant and guest at countless several Southern California masses, plays and gatherings, I have learned that very few members of this "Order" are truly gaining any valuable or enriching experiences from it. Once you're done being serious with mass, it's party time.


I now tell you this, I had suddenly been driven by some unknown compulsion to create this sigil, backed with a strong feeling that (to me) it  is is an obvious fact that the order should be reformed, starting with the use of stories through symbols. Hence, the sigil http://www.killyouall.com/images/arachne.jpg. It may not have any powerful meaning to any one other than myself. That is fine, of course. It seemed to work fine with me!

DECEMBER 16, 2003

On this date of December 16, last year I decided to bring my first draft of the sigil to a group of individuals, who are actually musicians in a band I will only name upon inquiry. The lead of this band is reputed to have a history of working with magick in different forms, not to mention I find a great deal of their music enchanting, yet chilling all at once. A man who lives in my town, works with this artist whenever they come here and usually even tours with them. He is reputed for being very much into the occult and also writing heavily misogynist and pro-patriarchal articles. Although I like the music, their near fundamentalist pride in controversial and what I believe to be destructive ideals disturbs me.

Despite this, I had them sign the first draft of my sigil, which I felt was an act of having them unknowingly "approve" of something very powerful which they (likely even myself) do not fully understand. (this first draft was stolen from me during the aftermath of events which followed)

Being that the location of the signing was a place where many people from all over the state had gathered to say "hi" to their paganistic idols, I had discovered that there happened to be several active members of the OTO present. I brought my sigil to their attention, showing it to them. Before I could even explain myself or it, they exclaimed and laughed uproariously at me like I was just some random nut case. I was shocked, yet somehow gratified that what I felt about them had been confirmed just then. They are lost.

My Will, My Actions, The Book... WHAT HAPPENED??

Going straight back home, I suddenly had a strong compulsion to pick up the Book of the Law. I then grabbed a black marker and followed the mysterious urge to just write whatever I felt was perfectly justified to write in it. Being very particular about what meant a great deal to me at that moment, I was only writing, drawing, crossing out and replacing words in the first few pages which don't even touch the prose which was dictated to Crowley by this angel. As I wrote, I could feel an exhilaration growing within myself. Finally, I went back to the first page in the front of the book and noticed that there was a perfect place there, right next to Baphomet's Autograph. "BAPHOMET'S AUTOGRAPH?" I didn't realize how much I had overlooked that. Where did it come from? Why is it there and what is the strange criss-cross symbol to the left of it? Suddenly it hit me. WOW. The criss-cross was  like a guideline that seemed to practically say "Make your mark here". So without giving it a second thought, I immediately did it. As soon as I had done that, I heard some screams from behind me outside that sounded like excited and almost delighted female screams. On top of that, more.. like another layer of screams, more intense, seeming to rush through my bedroom window, into my room and into my head. As I was surrounded and emerged in these horrible screams, I suddenly grew VERY, VERY HOT. So hot I felt as if I was on the verge of bursting into flames and the screams... My memory of them still haunts me. I was so scared, the following night I could not sleep, as I felt that I had possibly awakened or angered something which was coming for me. I was falling into trance-like states and at a point nearly had to fight not to allow myself to reach a 'catatonic' state. Being that I don't know what it truly meant, I will continue to assume that absolutely anything is possible. All I know is that I need to STOP BEING AFRAID.

I do believe that Alchemy can be a very important tool to use in improving the emotional health and to obtain the ability to acquire and maintain a "pure mind", turning lead to gold. It is only possible once appreciation for the lead is gained. This has nothing to di with its properties of 'protection' (ie. lead aprons to shield you from radiation at the dentist), but for its heaviness which is to be fully acknowledged. In acknowledgement one might contemplate on it like "whoa dude, that's HEAVY", which truly is a positive step in the right direction. The initial and important first step to gaining Alchemical skills, starts when you are presented with salt. Salt, which is a common and naturally occurring thing, derived from just about any soil (this salt is also known as "virgin earth" in The Six Keys of Exodus). People, being unaware that the (keeping metaphor very much in mind) salt within the dirt is the catalyst for a reaction in even those who are unaware of its presence when this "dirt" is given (even thrown/flung) to them. The dirt from the flinger could be intended as a judgment, insult or anything that is a projection of theirs which they may be benightedly using on you you as something which could potentially effect you emotionally. Possibly this person may be as a child, delighted by his learned assumption that if he throws something at you, you are going to react, which would in turn bring him gratification.

Humor this perspective for a moment: Dirt is ugly and it is everywhere.
So are insults. How about dirt insults?

Someone walks up to you and says "You are a worthless pile of dirt!"
(little did they know that wasn't just an insult. That was an in-salt!)

Well, a wise man once said "God made dirt and it don't hurt!"

Now that you're a little more primed for jocularity and metaphors....

So, you now have this handfull of dirt someone just gave you.

Now, what you are to do, now knowing about the presence (of this particular) and the properties of (any) salt? That would be to dissolve this dirt in water. Water, being as you probably know, emotional, but to make things even lovelier, let's now say that since you now know this much, this water is not just some plain old water.. Let's say it is water of new wisdom from the sea of knowledge. Now it's a *little* more charged, no? You will need to have mastered this first practice of Alchemy in order to move on to being successful in anything else. Realize that the solution you are creating, in dissolving and extracting this virgin earth, will be useful for you in the future. Extract the virgin earth (salt). Remove the soil. Retain this. Allow it to fill you and serve as a powerful solution. Eventually, it will replace all the toxic water in your body, if you let it.



Now, let's say that some one (of a PURE nature- a rare and valuable individual) gives you a "look in the mirror". Cold, hard, weighty truth- that is, unaffected by any desire to deride you and only brought to your attention with all good and pure intentions in mind. For instance, he tells you that you had done wrong-- made a mistake in your actions and exactly how it was wrong, being thorough in making sure you fully understand the wrongness. Let's say it REALLY hits you pretty hard (cold, hard, weighty) initially since it regards something you normally do, yet may not have been FULLY aware of until that moment. This, in my opinion is the lead. You can choose to be burdened with this criticism and see it as negative, focusing too strongly on all negative properties of lead and let's say, allow it to fill you, until you may actually be able to FEEL it as it is delivered to you. You may feel physically like you are suddenly weighed down. This is indeed a telltale sign that you have received true lead. Unless you learn to dissolve it, you will retain the poison and feel like you are a horrible person and an inadequate burden on his purity. This, of course is why Alchemy is so valuable because now, having had experienced the ability to transform, you can truly preform a miracle of sublime growth within your self. Effloresce and work toward wholly becoming pure and the best definitions of bland! BLAND?

As you have seen, the Alchemists awareness of metaphors and symbols are indeed used for very powerful internal transformations. Everything you grow aware of in your practice allows you to become progressively closer to having the ability to transform this lead into something valuable. When you have fully mastered the completion of the first lesson, you are fully equip to handle (1.receive/dissolve, 2.contemplate/extract, 3.transform/transmute) this lead. Know that if you were to use it without full knowledge of the first lesson, you may hurt yourself. You may misuse the lead as for protection, to create an emotional shield, you will certainly poison yourself. So, having had fully weighed and digested these properties in your mind, realize that it is much better for you to let go of and extract the heavy, poisonous properties of lead. Obviously it is just the properties, & not all of it, for if you were to simply throw it away, you are yelling "bonk YOU!" to the person who presented you with this gift, thus ending your position of "Alchemist". Having had grown wiser from contemplating the lead and how utterly ridiculous it would be to just stick it in your pocket forget about it, eventually being poisoned. Not to mention continue accumulating this lead through repeating the same way of dealing with it whenever it is presented to you throughout your life (could you imagine depression and a bonked up world outlook being a result?). You would be regarded by the very few existing successful Alchemists as weak and woefully unsuccessful.

In extracting the negative properties, you will need the virgin earth solution which you have retained and dissolved time after time. Now, you gently place the lead within it and observe as the perceived focus you once had on those negative properties to fade in the solution. You take away some of the weight, lighten it (lighten up!), which in turn aids to dissolve the poison in this true holy water you have created, in the mastered practice of dismissing the dirt and extracting the virgin earth. This solution you have made is the best thing to use in the heavy situations, for now you have lightened it and made it pure through wisdom and virgin earth. The source of all things, unfettered by neurotic perception. You have chosen to make your lead something precious You can choose to take the cold, hard, heavy truth with not only appreciation, but acceptance and growth rather than defensiveness, which may have at one point only hurt and crippled you. You have created precious gold. If any one is lucky enough to repeatedly receive pure, good intentioned criticism (if you have an emotionally healthy family, you should), which is the only thing you can really turn to gold, as only a positive source can beget the most positive of results.

Now, not only have you emotionally grown in leaps and bounds. You must realize you now have the knowledge to become rich beyond any average man. Being no longer corrupted by a tainted and misconceived connection to the world where many see only what is physical, you now can choose not to be effected by externals. Be aware that gold possesses the properties of excellent conductivity, ductility (as opposed to rigidity) and it does not tarnish. Externals become less of a factor, not out of an acquired "numbness" but by sheer and increasingly effortless will. You may just say you are on the path to developing the "Midas Touch". Perhaps this gift truly can be likened to the Midas touch, so keep in mind his downfall. Always be aware of the ever present danger of corruption, as you probably know what it is that knowledge is also widely regarded as. Be meek and you will inherit the earth. Be driven by your ego and it will devour you.

I just joined this intriguing site today. How is everyone out there?

Fantastic.

I have experienced some very fascinating and uncommon (often written off as 'psychotic' or 'supernatural') phenomenea over the past few years. Ever since I had a kundilini (and perhaps otherwise) kind of awakening in 02, my life has never been the same. Not to mention, people have a much harder time relating to me and vise versa. I have a sick, sick problem with not caring about what people think of me. Judgements wash over us every day we make contact with our fellow man. Why choose to be effected?

I've had the best experiences in flying with great ease in dreams when it truly crystilzes in my awareness that I am dreaming and that I need NOTHING to help me fly. It's only sheer, confidant will. I recall a dream in which I was driving a truck, for instance and it suddenly lost control and I was just spinning down the road.. then I righted myself and returned to driving straight and it spun out yet again. Seemed like a glitch in the dream that helped me I realize I was dreaming and promptly willed the truck to fly. Shortly I let go and let the car dissolve, which seemed to "hyper-boost" my awareness of self-control, where I then did what I pleased to the extent of what looked like astral travel, because I soon began spying on strangers for fun.

I've also recently discovered how amusing it is to cause 'living things' in my dreams to shape-shift into anything I think of and even turned inanimant objects into living life forms.
(once turned a room full of TVs, which were all blaring football games into pigs and then willed the old men who were glued to them to do unsavory things with them)  The most hilarious stuff ever, to suddenly assume such power over your dream world that all that is limiting what you can do, is your ability to "think on your feet".

I think when you find difficulties in flying in lucid dreams, it could be a way that  your mind is telling you that you need to work on your self-esteem. Perhaps any little snag in your confidence "dream wings" will effect the ease in which you fly?

As always, I am wide open to imput.

Hey, I will admit that after experiencing what may have simply been a sample of the power of this book, I am desperatly trying to make sense of it all. This new theory, which I came up with just last night, upon reading the 'key' theory of "the egg", seems to be the most stunning to me, thus far. However perhaps that's the thing with the book.. You mess up in assuming you may have something on it and are just consumed by a haunting obsession.  [xx(]

MakiZero, those kinds of subscriptions to such dogmatic beliefs ("faith is for fools") are only hurting you. Yeah, it sounds catchy, due to it's alliterative qualities, however that is one of the deluded talents of humanity- to paint a negative picture and make it seem "witty and pritty", causing it to nourish your ego so you can continue justifying lying to your self. I am sorry you have a bad semantic response to the word "god". If "god" leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, give it another name that means something positive to you because believe me, it's there, it's unavoidable and it will serve what ever you dish up for it, right back to you.

Ever think about Memetics? It sounds like that's what you are talking about. A good book to give you the basics on it is "Virus of The Mind" (http://www.memecentral.com/votm.htm), by Richard Brodie.

No, I am sick of people who are normal.

What I mean is the people who believe (in their heads, they qualify out of close-minded skepticism and say "if it is possible") that once you reach a point of consciousness and cease to be effected by externals and choose to no longer be a victim and choose to be perfect, you then cease to be human.

Well, if that is what every one thinks of some one who is stronger than them, that is fine. Just leave me out of the "humanity" cage of complacent, self-defeatist negativity and weakness. It is unfortunate that when Christ was killed, so was the collective belief that any one who really put forth the effort to do so, could parallel him in consciousness. Why do you think he had apostles? Because obviously they saw he was a man of pure nature, free from the clouded misconceptions of delusion and ego. Christ (or any other great teachers of wisdom) was there to show people the the qualities of themselves which aren't true qualities to begin with and are nothing but mere "filler"! I find it tragically sad that people don't try harder to seek out a teacher.. Hell, what about the Dali Llama? He has the right idea! Hell, he SHOULD if supposedly he keeps reincarnating.. Coming back time after time to teach us. Now what on earth makes people think that there's not any other exhaulted beings (hmmm Christ, for instance) who are coming back, but no one is noticing, due to the fact that they're too busy humpin' the American dream?! Woah, I wonder who's ever thought of that one.  

But I digress.. Unfortunately due to a low sense of self, which is quietly accepted and kept as a general dirty little secret from the people by the people and for the people, thanks to deformed ego; Everyone's backstabbing best friend, which people choose to hold on to, not even realizing that all it does is preclude them from growth. Poor kids. I choose to evolve, while no one even seems to comprehend what foot one would start off on in order to head in The right direction. Well, that's every one else's life. I really don't know what to say to the herds other than "blame it on the curse of the cross", since it seems that all they will ever be able to do is place the blame outside themselves. Looks like the Oh-so intellectually developed pedantic physicians of today, tomorrow and doomsday will continue to dole out poisonous pills to help people deal with their own damning projections, associations, pre-conceived misconceptions, unfounded fears and overall failure to identify and deal with one's own weaknesses. Note, that at the begining of this I mentioned the concept "cease to be effected by externals". Not only is everyone I know effected by externals more often than not, they are woefully overly DEPENDENT on them! Shop-a-hollics now need to turn around and invest in medication to combat their "illness"! What a JOKE!  Unfortunate that even great philosophers of days long ago had it, however people can't apply the formulas to their own lives... So they're often shunned or killed.

Thank you so very much! I will definatly contact her immediatly, as it is growing quite irritating now that for nearly a whole year, I've had problems meditating and indeed seem to be experiencing some serious short-circuiting.. You are most likely so right in directing me this way.

Thank you for your advice! I will certainly follow up. This would definatly explain my difficulties in willing myself into higher states and other strange things that happened after the incident.

People here seem to also fail to realize that there is a very strong link with being EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY and having 'special abilities'.  Not to mention, no one seems to get it that Alchemy can help one to transform concepts that they are afraid of or uncomfortable with into something much much more valueable. People are far too defensive, far too reactionary and why? Are they afraid their arm's going to fall off if they don't protect their delusions?

It would be nice if I could find some one out there who is also really curious about WHAT exactly those Sumarian revelations tablets (ME, pronounced "meh") are trying to tell us. Linking Alchemy to Chemistry, Math to Numorolgy, Astronomy to Astrology.. etc..  Is any serious scollar out there besides myself trying to find the benefitial link? Apparently the Sumarians position as very adept thinkers has been woefully underestimated.

If you read anything about Chakras, your 3rd eye chakra is responsible for your imagination.