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Yes I am with kodemaster. But if you really want a kick try running until you are at the verge of throwing up due to exhaustion, that should release quite a massive dosis of painkillers in the brain (joke)

Endorphines are your body's way of commending you when you have done something hard.

Some runners are almost addicted to the rush of endorphines. The term "running high" is what happens when you run and you brain release endorphins at the same time. Then it feels like you are flying

Nice article dealing with the "what"-part of anger. Now I just need the "how"-part =)

Thanks for the replies. I am not trying to find ways of doing damage to people of things. I am looking for a new way "tunnelling" my feelings so that I won't be so self blaming and thus self-destructive.

The problem is that it would seem very weird for a guy like me to suddenly show those kinds of feelings, not only to myself but certainly also for the people around me. The morals I have been brought up with does not allow anger to be released. Anger is something that has to be controlled and kept inside, but it is cluttering up inside of me (cliché I know). Would it be fair to call this an anger problem? Because I am certainly not in control of it.

I am not quite sure whether it is serious enough to seek professional help. It is not like I am dying from it, but it is indeed frustrating. Talking about it seems to help though. I am even keeping a diary! I have written in it for over a year now, quite a collection of words I must say

But still writing only seems to lessen the pain a bit. I have a feeling that the real problem requires some more physical action.

I had this thought while I was out running 30 minutes. How do you get angry at will? I figured that I would be able to run much better if I was angry.

The thing is that I am not a very angry person. Or said in another way I do not get angry in situations where normal people will get angry and that alone is annoying for me. I am a very "closed" person. If somebody does something to me I never yell back at them or hit stuff or anything. I usually blame myself of what is happening and I try as hard as possible to find some sort of logic to what has just happened. It ends up in despair most of the time. I even felt it now when I was out running. I felt pain but I knew that my body was capable of keeping running and perhaps even faster! But for some reason I stopped and had to catch my breath again. I got so annoyed with myself for not being able to run on but that did not make me angry, it just made me frustrated. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't.

How do I turn this constant chatter of "control" and "self blaming" that's going on in my head OFF? I must say that it feels like I am choking especially now when I am aware of it. I am tired of being so endlessly passive and not being able to feel the realize of rage. It is ages since I have really cried or screamed or destroyed something out of fury.

How do I get angry?

Thanks for the answers you guys. I will reply tomorrow when I am not seeing the world through the eyes of alcohol. I wonder if being drunk would fit as another personality as well? The "drunk me", that has got to be a part of me also!!

Well good night all

Yes but when you think about it are you ever able to say "this is the true me". When do you know when you are not just aspects of yourself, but truly yourself?

Well, I was wondering about something. Something actually very basic. Something that is commonly talked about - "Who you are".

My theory is that we are all schizo. That we are actually many personalities in one single body.  I constantly hear about how we all put up masks all the time. How we take different roles and how we in the end are not acting like our true selves. So I thought "who is your true self"? Are we in the end not just a massive collection of masks? Is there really anything behind the masks?

I will use myself as an example.
I have a mask for when I am in school and together with my friends there I am usually very witty and light spirited and I am the one telling every body not to worry so much about life and just take it easy. That is me when I am together with people. Then there is the "me" when I am alone. I can get very negative and depressed when I am alone. I think alot when I am alone but it never makes me happy in any way. Then there is the me when I "do things". That "me" does not think very much ahead because if I did, I would not get anything done – that is my experience.
I find that different situations call our different personalities in me  

But who is the true me behind all these different "Is"? Which is the main personality? Is there really anything behind the masks?

heh, I can understand your friends, I even give you strange looks when you try to explain your beliefs to me lol

But seriously, if they do not want to open their mind are you just supposed to leave them or try to force their minds open   ?

I actually got real angry with them at a point, because not only did they not believe in astral projection (which they still refere to as a belief) but the little ¤##"¤ started making personal attacks on me. That ticked me off!!

But still, I must remember that I still share much of that scepticism for many metaphysical concepts including the "thing" known as "Illuminati" I that is actually a great parallel I think. Because I think that I feel the same way about "The Illuminati" as the people in the hardware forum thinks about astral projection... which makes me just as bad actually    So i cannot really hate them, because then I should hate myself too...

BTW. I am going sailing with my family tomorrow. So if I don't reply in the next week (or longer) you know why. I am going to OUTCOLOR my sister on that trip, damn she is brown now, I cannot have that!
But my skin fell off last year due to TOO much sun.... so I am going to find the right balance this year

I have just had a enlightening experience regarding this topic..... I am now totally sure that nobody chooses spirituality. One is in one way or another pushed into it!

I remembered the very first forum I registered at, it was a Danish forum for computer hardware. And I just thought that I would let all these people there who have helped solve my pc problems know that there is such a thing as astral projection, and that it is mind expanding and at least worth a read. But then what happened? Everybody started attacking me and calling me fanatic.... ME FANATIC... that is directly absurd!!!

But I know what they thought. They thought that I was this totally crazy person having delusions about life and that I was trying to convince them these delusions are true.

It is directly impossible to get these people to open up even just a little to this topic of astral projection. But what did I expect, it was a PC forum...

Definitely a serious case of freakiness. I would not recommend you to go anywhere not bound to a chair wearing a straitjacket.

Besides from that I think that your story sounds very natural and evolving so to say. Very role model like. But I only know what you write about you, perhaps your neighbour sees you as complete hippie lunatic – the power of perception right ?

Well ok then, I let you go but don't think that I won't be watching you ready to pounce at the first sign of weirdness and lock you up with the others. I wonder if should feed them or just let the dynamics of Darwin's "survival of the fittest" come to the test? See who first gets eaten

Why do I always get so lame when I am tired? Talk about altered state of conciseness...

I might revise you diagnose tomorrow so that it will fit better with the western way of psychoanalysis!! (No really I won't hehe)

Interesting stuff indeed! It seems that you in some way or another was driven to choose this path. That was also what I suspected. Almost Mrs. Murphy I am sorry for your loss. I have no idea what it is like loosing someone you love..... and I am actually thankful for that! GANAMOHA I will put you under the "maybe" section then if you don't mind
James S I too am a Christian. At least that is what it says on the paper but I really never looked into it. I really don't know what to think about it but I must say it is not something I take way to seriously. I hardly ever think about it.... Though perhaps I should?

Well keep posting

Well I will then put you in under the category "Outcast Freak" Knightlight

Anyone ells ?

Perhaps my question is more about choice in it self. How can we say that we have really and truly chosen anything before we have every possibility in the world in our grasp? Is it not in our nature to get as much (in every aspect) as we can? A choice is not to settle at "what you were able to get" even though you wanted more but simply couldn't get more... or is it?

I would say that a choice is where you could have had more but chose to settle for less..... But who would do that? I know that I wouldn't.... At least I think I wouldn't.....

The is no such thing as guilty conscience, only the fear of getting caught right?

So here I am, once again, wondering about something.

I can see that most people here are into the "spirituality thing" and from my point of view spirituality is great...... if it is a choice.
My thoughts go in the direction of thinking that many of you simply ended up here (not in this forum in particular but in this way of thinking) because that you were unable to function in a normal society and be successful there. That you were forced to go this way because you couldn't fit in anywhere ells. Does this ring true for some?

That would at least take some of the glamour of "I skipped society because I find spirituality to be more true" when in fact it was you that were skipped by society.

If you think about it would you then have chosen spirituality if you where happy and satisfied in the normal society?

If spirituality is chosen based on one being unhappy and unsuccessful where one was, are the spiritual people not in fact just the outcasts from somewhere? And if so are they not in some way trying to glorify their weakness and inability by saying that this is a HIGHER PURPOSE when they in fact have no idea of what being successful in society would offer them?

How many here have honestly chosen to be here by will and not by need?

I came to think about this as my father told me that he never wanted to be a rich moron because rich people are simply evil...... He talked on about his theory for this when I suddenly realized that he had no choice of being rich..... because he simply lacks the skills it takes to build up firm e.g. and then not to seem defeated he said that this is his choice – not being rich that is. He can't say that because he had never had the option of being rich and very successful otherwise I am sure he would have taken it!

Any comments?

I think it for "In my opinion" or "In my own opinion"

but he learns thing si thing.

in th eend, after he didnt get "condom" he asked me to write the word.

LOL You will let us know when a terminator shows up your back yard claming that he is from the future and that we must destroy that flash program before it is too late  ?

And Tom it does know coffee!!! I checked it myself.  http://img38.echo.cx/img38/2505/coffee8vt.jpg

(Insert appropriate joke about Tom's intellect here)

I think it is amazing the programs knows so many "things". First I though "Hah, I am going to trick it" and then I thought of a snail or a slug and it guessed it, I was amazed!

What is also funny is all the bull sh*t Vader says "This is a battle of wits and clearly you are unarmed" I can't help but laugh at that

Just stumbled upon this link. damn..... He "reads" my mind every time lol!

http://www.sithsense.com/flash.htm

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Now I have finally bought Robert's books "Astral Dynamics" and "Mastering Astral Projection" (which I will not read until I finish AD)  and I have come to the "NEW" part. I have tried NEW before but I stopped almost before I really begun. The problem is that I experience difficulties with the very first and basic exercises.

I simply cannot feel much of my body. When I try to feel my hand it goes just fine. But when I try to track a path up my arm this "feeling" of my arm just disappears and I feel nothing. That is have a really invalidating effect on me as I try and try over and over again to feel my arm. I even did something I usually don't do, I skipped and tried to "feel" my corpus instead. But I couldn't !!!!! Just like last time I tried NEW. I can feel my hand and feet but not really anything ells.

I really need to able to do this before i progress. I want this to work!! I really do but I get so insanely frustrated when it won't work.

Is my energy body broken or something?

What can I do that would help?

Phew... I am quite glad I live in Denmark. We don't have so many Mc Donald's there as you do in the USA. Knightlight If you have any problem with money then just immigrate to Denmark and we will pay you for doing absolutely nothing! It is called "supplementary benefit" and that is what you get when you do not have a job. Long live the social security in Denmark. I go to school now and the state actually pays me 220$ a month just for going to school. That takes care of the need for a job for me + I live at home due to the fact that I for one actually like my parents and I hardly ever argue with them. Yes I know I have it all too good but at least I am aware of it

And to that fasting business.
I have actually come to believe in the power of the mind after this experience and after other people's experiences. Some report that they can gain huge benefits from fasting. That the senses become clearer and that they can think better etc. I was very skeptical when I engaged myself in this business and I think that THAT was the reason why I didn't feel so much. I didn't believe in it. Well others seriously believe that a fast will help on many things, and so they start feeling better when they fast. It is a placebo effect I think. Because things do happen in the body and if one believes those things to be "purifying" they will be!!!

+ I doubt that after million of years of evolution that the body would not recognize "toxins" and remove them automatically. That you would have to starve yourself in order to purify yourself against the body's needs. If the body "knew" that, it would simply have implanted a desire to starve itself just like it has implanted desires for everything ells that it needs... well at least for many things that it needs

Thank you for your support Souljah. It was you that inspired me in the first place so the equation would surely equalize if I then manage to inspire you. An eye for an eye right

hehe yes I know. A halfhearted fast is not going to chance anything. A whole new lifestyle is to be implanted if one wishes to get a healthier life, but i just wanted to try it

And Major Tom: That is also my thoughts! But apparently my mother does share the same enthusiasm for cooking exiting new foods. So steak it is

What I do when I want to tease my sense of taste is that I order a Mexican pizza from our local pizza thingy. After I have eaten one of those everything ells tastes like air!!! That is a pizza that will either kill you or make you stronger - highly recommendable!

Ok I see now that 14 days of starving was a way to big goal!! I am therefore ending my fast TODAY!!!! I can't take this anymore I am loosing my mind!!

I have lost 4 kilos and that is too drastic considering that I have just fasted for 3 days so i guess this is the end of that.

But I am not going to molester my refrigerator just yet. I am waiting until 7 pm because we are going to grill and I want have that nice juicy red steak - I want to taste every single molecule of that steak and remember that feeling forever.

Well happy fasting everyone. I guess it is a very subjective experience.

I never said I was looking for a teacher. I was just looking for a person who is TRUE in every aspect like a Jesus (just without the whole concept of Christianity) or a Buddha.

Pushing theory to extremes is one of my biggest talents. I have actually decided not to learn grounding exercises at one point if they only work for people living on earth. What if I wanted to go to space and live outside this solar system?

You are trying to make me say :" oh i see now " are you not because that I would find it rather stupid just to try and live anywhere outside earth because that is as far as I know impossible.... well at least until they set up bases on Mars and Arnold melts those ice blocks and bring oxygen then it would be possible
But yeah I will say it " Oh i see now" but only because your methaphore for taking things to the extreme is so grotesque and really really down to earth that I can only interpreted it in that way.

I am still arguing a bit with myself whether taking theories to the extreme and traveling to another solarsystem can be compared so easily. Well I will let it rest now. Thanks for your reply Tom

lol.... I must say that trying to fast and think on the same time is rather impossible. If you don't know I started fasting 3 days ago and I am on the 54 hour now. It is really torture!
But I did experience one thing OBE related though. Last night as went to sleep I could suddenly feel my arms becoming sort of "big" like someone was blowing air into them and at the same time it felt as if I couldn't move them. But just as I thought about them that whole sensation disappeared in a second. But I felt it nevertheless!!

Go to some private party bring a camera and drink until you get a blackout then wake up somewhere you don't where is and find out that you have puked all over the place. Then be terrified of the pictures on you camera and  say to yourself "THAT IS NOT ME, NOOOO I AM SO DEAD WHEN THEY FIND OUT!!!!

Danish style

I just realized something.... my day is actually totally constructed upon eating. When I think of something nice to do, it involves eating.... Jesus.... my mind is too focused on eating. I find now that i do not know what to do!!
Normally I would have looked for something to eat and prepared it and that whole process would have killed some time.
But now... I really need a hobby  

play a PC game... lol...

watch TV

troll forums...

go for a run

ride a bike...

go shopping... lol

You would be amazed how much joy is taken from the TV when you are hungry. You simply can't find the strenght to laugh at the comedies anymore

I took a run yesterday and it went ok. But when I got home and relaxed my left knee started to hurt like never before... I have never had problems with my legs before. It still hurts btw.

The only thing that actually works is playing a PC game. But still I can't seem to enjoy it very much... the hunger is really present everywhere.

I am thinking about hitting my hand with a hammer. Then I would focus on the pain in my hand in stead of my hunger.....

I love the way this fast makes me think

Now I know what fasting is good for! It improves your sense of smell. I can now when I am sitting in the basement smell what my mother is cooking upstairs - it is driving me crazy but i definitely have a better sense of smell now!! Besides from I can't really feel any improvements yet.

I guess the way I feel is pretty well described in a song Tool made called "The Patient"

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.

Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.

And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.

Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.

Gonna wait it out.