Messages

  that really helps!!??  will have to try that with epsom, can i get at food store?  theres this part of me that feels its not even able to project normally, like its all just too abstract behind closed eyelids, but maybe thats just those damn watchers have deteriorated everything again!

gypsies are busy falling into a hole

Casey is definately all of those things as that parrot quote says.  i love the idea of building a screened aviary, i always like increasing the options pets have.

and yes i do remember unlocking her, i guess the way i percieved it,it never dawned on me i was saving her.  

thank you, gypsy

I never know where to start or how to start so the fact that I'm typing NOW means i got passed it, BAM.

I'm in here with Casey now ( my bird)  she knows I'm talking about her (chewing on her foot making noises)  we were doing good minus a little hesitation until something happened, she didn't like the way i reached for the bottom of her standing basket and made a squawk to let me know and darted in my direction, not even that she couldve reached but i moved my hand quickly anyways.  i showed her the outside too, i feel bad that she doesn't get to be in a tropical place flying, it is sad and that's part of the reason i believe she will bite me, shes in captivity.

Ive also heard that sex contaminates the aura for a while afterwords too, and it definitely makes sense, its like the quick way to combining with someone, or actually just another way or doing it.  and STDs are sexually transmitted disease that are physical, and i dont have any.

when i was in kindergarten i winked at all of the teachers and they liked it.  winking is a power i believe.

that sucks that your step mom is one of those evil ones, damn. but hey, I've never heard of an evil step mom getting away with it in the end, there will be a happy ending i believe for you and your daddy. i know what its like to have a dad that is the opposite of your needs and his own.  he doesn't  get any other outside influences and since your his daughter that must seem to him to put him in the "right" because parents always know what is best, yeah right.  

Ive already wanted to use a sorry , but definitely lets not use sorrys anymore, unless i spill something all over your new dress, then i will say sorry. but i dont do that.

my spirit is tired too, and i have very bad eyesight too, and i lost my glasses.  i wish i had powers .  

my mom just gave me one of those deliberate smiles to make someone smile, but i saw how it was forced to total smile, i didnt show teeth in the smile i gave back to her, just a little grin.  a sad grin.  poor mom.

why don't i remember saving a lady in the astral, and what were we doing together there?  I'm frustrated about not being able to remember anything i do.




love, gypsy

dear lovely 333,
I'm sorry i don't have the means to really carry any value , or at least i feel like I've let everyone in my life down and I'm a worthless piece of a trance looping in a body.  i liked that gypsy kids picture you posted too.  i had some weird stuff happen to me today, well and yesterday.

before i get into it, have you met me in the astral?  I'm pretty sure i wouldn't remember my astral experiences if i had them, but honestly i feel like i go through a lot of things i am not even aware of in this physical brain.  it is strange because Ive asked people to try and contact me there, but now i don't know if its been done and i am just that gone.

i have a parrot that seems to be wiser and more aware then certainly anyone else in my family.  she knows i am afraid of her biting me and she knows just how to flaunt what shes got.  she opens up her beak really wide to let me know that she knows exactly what i am afraid of.  when i was very little and this parrot belonged to my grandmother, i developed a close relationship with this bird in her cage on a visit, when both of us were young. then i was at least a bit more "pure" and she probably knows me better then i do.

recently, as Ive said things about the "universe" constantly reminding me about my nonacceptance of my life's actuality, the parrot is in on that big time,  or else I'm really a wack job.  just wondering if you have anything you've been through, for me, i am getting the feeling she wants to be closer to me, to be on me more, to almost teach me about what i am doing, she definitely knows how to point it out.

do you know if these aliens incarnate themselves or children spawn into body's to deliberately seek out certain humans and stop them or help them to whatever end.  my old friend Ben seems to be not a normal earth or human soul, maybe an alien, but my own projected thoughts about him are what keep me down a lot. like my life's worth is based on being friends with him, i can see this is wrong but i feel week to it anyhow.

Ive missed talking to you by the way.

the dream i had last night was like a video game, i was a Jedi maybe? i was with others too, a woman.  or i believe at the end of the dream i unlocked this lady as a hidden character, why the bonk is my dream set up so it can seem to have video game menus i look at?

that reminds me of last year when i believed i had reached a state of being known as "menu settings mode"      ohhh, i wish things would come clear.

i did leg relaxation today on day 1 of mastering astral, then fell asleep because i was frustrated, had weird in and out of dream things happen, delusional about a spider outside on my window where the sun was coming in and delusional about a car pulling up where i was parked hiding. (i park behind a place called Raily Hill in midlothian, near that alien complex skyscraper i think exists )  

my posts get worse and worse don't they?

eeew, my foot is asleep, aaha

later after another attempt at some MBA exercise i feel asleep to not really remember a dream but awaken with a strange familiarity and understanding of my father and his brother, like i was in some encyclopedia while sleeping about my dad.

i also hate the fact that i am weak to sex and its many twisted porno forms , after i have sex i feel really depressed and usually just want to stop whatever i am doing and give up/go to sleep, but of course leading up to it is just like, well leading up to sex , yeah.  should i feel guilty?

i downloaded switchwords but I'm afraid to start chanting or singing while my sister, mother, and little brother are in their rooms.  but i will put what faith and intent i have left into them as i can. thank you for that. and what about those shelves?

oh i know the song hotel California, and that IS crazy. BTW, i am 18 years old, i wonder if this means i am no longer "cool"

ah, this is your log and I'm writing all over it irrelevant things, sorry sorry, i will stop now,  

Gypsy

then this is bull excrement and i am sick of suffering needlessly because of damned aliens breeding lymph nodes and what not in my neck and making me "depressed"

I am not wise, not now, so please enlighten me, do we sit idly repeat this loop?  personally, my soul cannot take it.

would they then try and prevent us from entering the astral consciously aware of it and its possibilites then?  

they must love the earths pathetic belief systems, its like we perfectly set up a world where their controlling us is so easy, did it start early? egyptian times perhaps?  

how does one practice this awareness when one feels he is constantly awaiting a point in his future in which he will transform and live the niceness he imagines in the world and yet that point is always another side of reality away?  breathing? insane outburts in public confession of all his secrets and fears? confrontation to those so called friends he loathes and misses so much?  egg splatter goop

what is this "bellin" conjuration you speak of?

hey this link does not work for me!! is it working otherwise??

so what is the real deal with aliens, ive met one,  red burning eyes, it "tore" thru a dream into my room.  before that, a few months before me and two friends were getting out of my van, it was dark, and overhead to huge propulstion lights appeared and then blasted off at light speed, this being my first real ufo encounter.  do you think "they" are keeping us souls trapped on earth to work for them?

ive never done it but it makes sense, it goes something like close your eyes and dont do anything but notice what goes on in that dark world, colors, lights, swirls, and eventually scenes or something.  through the simple act of noticing you are expected to become so distant that your consciousness shifts to that other location and then you notice you are there.

families seem to sometimes experience the same afflictions in life and during sleep it normally represents itself thru something, my family one night heard a baby crying , screaming, we all confessed to hearing it the next morning, but at the time we thought it was a dream.

the people in your dream thought you were crazy?  were they people from your life?  

i like pixies.

Last night i had a plethora of dreams and my memory of them is fragmented but i was with two of my cousins and we were walking down a street/hall and we knew we were being pursued somewhat until the zombies came out and we started to run, for some reason before they appeared i had said something about loving them too, which is out of character for me i think.

i ended up getting separated from one or both of them and i was still running as hard as i could push myself , now in a mall or movie theater.  now i also remember Christmas toy shopping for star wars action figures, just the act of remembering how i used to love action figures .  

ended up in another tall building , near the top levels, and me and my brother who is still a little 7 year old sneaking into the "executives" pad at the top floors, which we weren't supposed to be in i think.

my personal interpretation doesn't matter , I'm interested in what other people think about it, the zombie chase, executive and brother who couldn't keep up.

i feel like i was supposed to be in a transition point in my souls evolution but somehow screwed up by being really shy and lone dependent,  can astral improvement improve my life , or does that seem like cheating to anyone, do i have to improve my waking life before i deserve to project? would developing my energy body not matter?

 i ordered mastering astral projection with the intent of devoting myself to it, but what else does one devote a lost life to?

i read to command "full clarity now" after moving as far away from your body as you can over and over untill you get better vision

Rowan Celestine Rowan

follow uuuuuuuup, this is old too

gigantic hotel with ian and ben and some pot. building in a building, in the inner one, built in front of food lion, like a god damn star port, in the exact same spot the hole from hell was being dug years ago when i was a child , as i remember it my mom told me the construction workers had heard voices while digging there.  but in real life it never happened, this must have been an ongoing thing my conscious has done to be, inhumane, it built itself while i grew up, how did something like this happen??   on the inner tower pretty high up, we had our fun, but cop flyers were outside the window, but we didnt get caught, we just stopped.  outside downstairs, heather and other people were there, insulting her, and she cried alot,  insulting her for things like me,  i stood aside because i was just an object at that point, i went over and tried to talk to them but it didnt work, so i went with heather in the passenger seat, like a baby.  before that i had snuck out of high school dreary, avoiding a friendship with mr terrell for some reason, avoiding whatever event was going on at the time, my brakes really didnt work at all at this point, just a long rolling stop, almost crashing into some girl.  after that i guess i ended up at the hotel somehow, like it doesnt matter, but there are always big gaps on this part of the astral, right??

the lightning storm.   every flash, every flash and its count,  inside me the bioelectricity pinged and i knew i'd be struck so i hid from it in fear.  the devil took over my soul, sharing the space.  be still, and know, i am god.  all was black and quiet.  if only i said let there be light, i never knew god ditn like the dark,  it sucked.  my toes were also stimulated. as was all the souls coming back, like ghosts. even the one in the wheel chair, right there, the closest to a pure mind split yet, but of course i didnt know who he was.

I have a quick something i'd like someone to check out if they would think this interesting...

i have a memory of being in my moms car at a local small grocery store strip mall in the parking lot.  out in front of the Food Lion we saw a lot of construction and a huge hole in the middle of the pavement.  My mom told me she was talking with them and they said when they were down in the hole they heard voices there, crying or something, she mentioned hell i think.

this frightened me as a child but more so fascinated me that something like that was going on (i was a big Ghostbusters fan)

Later in life i asked my mom about it again when my mind wandered to it at some point when she was readily there to ask about it.  she said that never happened.  I believe it happened, just not in this reality, but the fact is i have the memory.  

my life took a very hard turn for the worst last fall and one night i had a dream of being in a huge and complex alien like construct, the part i was in built almost like a hotel, however, there was much more going on around other parts of the building. there were flying cars looping around the inner chamber or the building, like a building in a building cover, like they were trying really really hard to keep everyone inside or out.  

i have memories of being with the 2 ex-best friends in my life in a room, they were talking to me in a sympathetic manner, but who knows what they were saying.  Also have some memories or flying and hiding around the top tower and support beams connecting to the other tower case thing.

then i have some memories of being outside, down on the ground, in front of food lion, where my girlfriend at the time was being made fun of by some older people, but it has relevence to my story anyways because it was at the time i became involved with her that i totally lost myself.

i could also post the account of the experience later once i find it at home if this ends up being interesting to anyone.

im saying i think this building/alien tower is exactly like one of those complexes, except it exists in an actual reality reflecting location, i dont know if that is common.

if someone would fly by Midlothian VA in the RTZ or some distant plane to find it, or just search for it, let me know what turns up, and if part of my lost soul is captured in there or something, could you either blow the building up or release me, haha.

Just thought I'd let it be known i have basically the same thing where my whole life is a dream i cannot escape from now, and my dreams are usuallu much more epic and "real".  

So I think this really does have a lot to do with actual consciousness and by that i mean total awareness of yourself, your thoughts (unfourtunately how vague and "psychotic" they might be,) and what you are actually doing.  

I can only sometimes have some kind of silly awareness that what i am doing is off and i can concentrate on my whole body, but seriously i  feel ive lost it over the years, growing up in such a trance controlling environment as Midlothian , VA, USA, and then have a family hell bent on loving yet destroying eachother through their stupid assumptions about one another, and i consider myself away from all that.

anyways, if anyone wants to invade my mind, my dreams, contact me while sleeping, wake up my astral body, go ahead.  you can say it's unwise, but i believe im going downhill repidly, constantly. ive lost what i know to be a much better reality.

a damn psychiatrist promised lexapro to be better then that

it was worse, i am now worse off

this is all just looping of thoughts and playback im sure, that's why im thinking we should help eachother constanly there, if we arent doing anything but hurting eachother here.  

if i'm wrong one day i will accept that and work here, but right now, anything, anything, anything

is it possible for anyone to achieve quiet mind, no matter what the insane pre0existing patterns of thought signify? because i'm one to consider my voice seperate from my thought, because thought doesn't have to even be complete to get the gist of some thought up point, at least ive fallen into a habbit of thoughts that make sense to me but i suppose wouldnt to anyone else

oh

WHY?

Leo and Tiger, both fire element, except like , help, my fire is dead, and my sparks never seem to happen anymore to be given a chance to spread.  check out talking to yourself post   -sad sad big kitty cat

posted this a few months ago but i think i should also put it here.

The other night I had a very peculiar dream and i was searching for some input, or guidance, or suggestions, or anything.

it started i was driving in my home town and my mother, in the passenger seat, pointed to the sky and what i saw i can only describe as i giant , cloudy, moon-like rock, about the size of 2 moons, slowly falling i believe, from the sky.

we figured it was the end of the world or something and it was some kind of asteroid, but it is strange that it was such a bright moon-like white. the next oddity was the sun, which was farther away then it should have been, and very red. i didn't have time to think about this for at that point the driving had stopped, i don't remember why, and i was only examining the sky.

looking up i saw another out of place shape, not the moon, but some sort of foreign translucent planet, and close to that another white object i instinctly believed to be some sort of UFO. unfortunately i didn't have time to think anything else, for at that moment, what i can only call a tear in my reality occurred and there invading the space of my dream and sleep, some kind of alien being humanoid, large and with burning glowing red eyes, starred at me, looking over me with his flashing beams.

i couldn't move for fear, but had time to think, i believed for some reason it resembled a creation of mine, i guess i would call it an art project, but anyways, it is a tall robot i made out of lots of wires and metal, but thats too off subject i think, anyways, it was only worth noting because it was the only thing i thought other then alien at the time i saw it. i struggled for a moment and moaned and then woke up in my bed.
later, while listening to an interview with Robert Bruce, i found that similar humanoid beings with glowing red eyes is common for coming projectors, sort of as an initiation or something, like a test, or challenge.
i looked up some information on this dweller on the threshold and found some information that said it is somehow cast off parts of one's soul, lost in past lives, and that to progress, you must come to accept it, and leave it behind you, but then again, if it isn't part of me, i don't want to just ignore it.
then last night, i tried inducing a trance state (normally i have a hell of a time quieting my mind down, i am constantly in a state of talking to myself in my head out of habit, and the passed month or so has been devastatingly worse , because of some personal issues and depression) but thankfully, with some body awareness i was able to stimulate my legs and feet and then it quite easy to fall into a trance from their (legs are normally the hardest part for me to develop)
after this i got the strange sensation and feeling the being was at the foot of my bed. i tried for some astral sight behind closed eyelids and found i could vaguely make out his figure. i decided i should not fear it, and come to accept it, but then found that cold chilling sensations came over my body, but not like normal vibrations that i have experienced before.
i stayed in this meditative state for a little while , tried to obe, but couldn't, or didn't notice and don't remember, rolled over and went to sleep.

i don't think Ive dealt with this entity, despite trying to accept it and have empathy towards it. i also find it important to mention that as a person i am socially quiet and shy, except around a close group of trusted friends. we are all creative smokers who always make the most out of those "creative opportunities" through music , art, and really an onlooker would be amazed that we as people would be able to function as diversely as we do.
having a wonderful time in our friends basement interacting and acting as any character we feel compelled to jump into and do any antic we feel like engaging in. recently however i found myself sitting their watching them, not participating, in my own world of self doubt and criticism. this led to paranoid thoughts of self worth and eventually i came to not even know myself.

normal overlooked antics of talking to oneself in a mirror or dancing around to music after a shower ceased to exist because i would be to busy being aware and thinking about what i was doing, rather then doing it. needless to say, its been over a month or two since Ive had any real fun, my routine is broken, my friends supportive but surely confused.

also important to note is while this was going on, lymph nodes on the back of my neck began to swell and spread down and after weeks of doctor visits and tests returning negative, including radiology and biopsy, it came back nothing. of course i suppose all my stress and anxiety could have been related to the appearance of the bumps, and the thought of death inevitably crossed my mind, and it could all be because of that.

i find it important to point out Ive read that the heart chakra is directly related to the lymph glands, and i almost feel like my heart chakra is blown. please, i haven't been myself at all lately and any advice or direction or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.

I'm open to anything...

that was Jan 3 this year, and being its now May, i went back and split it into paragraphs, anyone who wants to read it now should be able to follow.

also seeing a thereapist, he tells me about living in the moment, seriously though, i don't even know what i would be like if i acted and reacted according to what ive come to know of myself. im in a weird situation, whats stopping me from turning it ALL AROUND?

The other night I had a very peculiar dream and i was searching for some input, or guidance, or suggestions, or anything.

it started i was driving in my home town and my mother, in the passenger seat, pointed to the sky and what i saw i can only describe as i giant , cloudy, moon-like rock, about the size of 2 moons, slowly falling i believe, from the sky.

we figured it was the end of the world or something and it was some kind of asteroid, but it is strange that it was such a bright moon-like white. the next oddity was the sun, which was farther away then it should have been, and very red. i didn't have time to think about this for at that point the driving had stopped, i don't remember why, and i was only examining the sky.

looking up i saw another out of place shape, not the moon, but some sort of foreign translucent planet, and close to that another white object i instinctly believed to be some sort of UFO. unfortunately i didn't have time to think anything else, for at that moment, what i can only call a tear in my reality occurred and there invading the space of my dream and sleep, some kind of alien being humanoid, large and with burning glowing red eyes, starred at me, looking over me with his flashing beams.

i couldn't move for fear, but had time to think, i believed for some reason it resembled a creation of mine, i guess i would call it an art project, but anyways, it is a tall robot i made out of lots of wires and metal, but thats too off subject i think, anyways, it was only worth noting because it was the only thing i thought other then alien at the time i saw it. i struggled for a moment and moaned and then woke up in my bed.
later, while listening to an interview with Robert Bruce, i found that similar humanoid beings with glowing red eyes is common for coming projectors, sort of as an initiation or something, like a test, or challenge.
i looked up some information on this dweller on the threshold and found some information that said it is somehow cast off parts of one's soul, lost in past lives, and that to progress, you must come to accept it, and leave it behind you, but then again, if it isn't part of me, i don't want to just ignore it.
then last night, i tried inducing a trance state (normally i have a hell of a time quieting my mind down, i am constantly in a state of talking to myself in my head out of habit, and the passed month or so has been devastatingly worse , because of some personal issues and depression) but thankfully, with some body awareness i was able to stimulate my legs and feet and then it quite easy to fall into a trance from their (legs are normally the hardest part for me to develop)
after this i got the strange sensation and feeling the being was at the foot of my bed. i tried for some astral sight behind closed eyelids and found i could vaguely make out his figure. i decided i should not fear it, and come to accept it, but then found that cold chilling sensations came over my body, but not like normal vibrations that i have experienced before.
i stayed in this meditative state for a little while , tried to obe, but couldn't, or didn't notice and don't remember, rolled over and went to sleep.

i don't think Ive dealt with this entity, despite trying to accept it and have empathy towards it. i also find it important to mention that as a person i am socially quiet and shy, except around a close group of trusted friends. we are all creative smokers who always make the most out of those "creative opportunities" through music , art, and really an onlooker would be amazed that we as people would be able to function as diversely as we do.
having a wonderful time in our friends basement interacting and acting as any character we feel compelled to jump into and do any antic we feel like engaging in. recently however i found myself sitting their watching them, not participating, in my own world of self doubt and criticism. this led to paranoid thoughts of self worth and eventually i came to not even know myself.

normal overlooked antics of talking to oneself in a mirror or dancing around to music after a shower ceased to exist because i would be to busy being aware and thinking about what i was doing, rather then doing it. needless to say, its been over a month or two since Ive had any real fun, my routine is broken, my friends supportive but surely confused.

also important to note is while this was going on, lymph nodes on the back of my neck began to swell and spread down and after weeks of doctor visits and tests returning negative, including radiology and biopsy, it came back nothing. of course i suppose all my stress and anxiety could have been related to the appearance of the bumps, and the thought of death inevitably crossed my mind, and it could all be because of that.

i find it important to point out Ive read that the heart chakra is directly related to the lymph glands, and i almost feel like my heart chakra is blown. please, i haven't been myself at all lately and any advice or direction or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.

I'm open to anything...

that was Jan 3 this year, and being its now May, i went back and split it into paragraphs, anyone who wants to read it now should be able to follow.

also seeing a thereapist, he tells me about living in the moment, seriously though, i don't even know what i would be like if i acted and reacted according to what ive come to know of myself.  im in a weird situation, whats stopping me from turning it ALL AROUND?

wait im stuck in focus 22