Losing my sanity over 2012...help!

[DASH Project]

I am a 22-year-old diagnosed with autism/Aspergers, so the obsessions are inherent to my disorder, but the degree of my condition is horrifying...

I suffer from anxiety, paranoia and delusions, usually about the end of the world but sometimes about other things. It's been this way all my life, but ever since I found out about the 2012 hype in early 2006 I've been having paranoid panic attacks about the end of the world, which I forsee to get worse and worse the closer we get to December 21st, 2012. My biggest fear - aside from the world itself ending, and dying horribly in a slew of natural disasters - is committing suicide on that day if I think the world is ending, thus forfeiting my chance to live on in either a normal life, or a better life after the global shift/transition, in the case that the world does not end.

My paranoia is growing, and I'm tormented by constant, vivid imagery (with sound!) of scenarios involving natural disasters, hot volcanic ash burning us all alive, water rising and drowning us, faultlines ripping apart our world, mass panic, followed by destruction, loss, terror and agony. They don't feel prophetic, and I don't have to enter a meditative state to see/feel them. In fact, entering a meditative state or praying will tend to relieve me of them. I also find that exercise, hanging out with friends, going out to plays or movies (but not the movie 2012 of course, nor any other disaster movies in that case,) playing video games or reading all seem to help me get my mind off of it. However, if I see, hear or read something which reminds me of my delusions, even slightly, I will begin to freak out and the delusions will come back, sometimes for many days or even weeks.

I've become so obsessed that I literally cannot imagine myself living past 2012. I was able to imagine myself doing so before my paranoia got so intense, but not anymore. I will also say that I have a primal fear of natural disasters, especially volcanic eruptions, possibly due to a past life experience.

A solution?

Seeing as I've become obsessed with that date (December 21st, 2012) I've decided it's unwise to just denounce everything, so now I've come to a possible conclusion that reading about positive predictions for 2012 may help me more than anything, as I begin to shape my own views on this phenomenon. And truth be told, I am seeing more predictions for a "global consciousness shift" type of outcome than the more popular "every single natural disaster ever will hit the Earth and we'll all die" outcome. I've been facing a lot of emotions - sadness/grief, anger, terror, etc. - and I just want to feel better. I have unfortunately conditioned myself to believe that living in a state of constant fear and vigilance will keep me safe, but now I'm driving myself insane.

Does anyone recommend any books with positive messages about 2012 for me to read? Like I said before, I'm beginning to think that reading positive interpretations about 2012 will help me to overcome my fear.

[Naykid]

I recommend going to see a professional.  When you have serious issues as yours, it's best not to go searching for answers on the internet.  As much as people think they might have the answers for you, they might do you more harm than good.

May I ask about your Aspergers?  My son of ten has Aspergers.  You seem highly functional, am I correct?  The one thing that has struck me about my son having Aspergers is his emotional state.  He can get extremely angry when things don't work out the way he thinks it should and sometimes we have quite the meltdown.  It's gotten better as he's grown, but he is more sensitive to noise, ppl touching him, really bright lights.. things like that.  On the other hand when he was three, he was reading french off of a box and I'll be damned if he wasn't pronouncing it right..least it sounded fine.  He's also a math wiz.  I wouldn't change him for the world, but I would change some of the people who just don't get him.  Grrrrr...

I do hope you find the help and peace you want. Good luck.

[Xanth]

I recommend going to see a professional.  When you have serious issues as yours, it's best not to go searching for answers on the internet.  As much as people think they might have the answers for you, they might do you more harm than good.

That's probably the best advice anyone here (or anywhere on the internet) could give you.

I do wish you good luck though.

[Everlasting]

The "professionals" will only push drugs, they have contracts with the pharma cartel. Instead embrace the idea of the great cleansing, it's simply the earth taking a shower. 

[Naykid]

The "professionals" will only push drugs, they have contracts with the pharma cartel. Instead embrace the idea of the great cleansing, it's simply the earth taking a shower. 

Not every Doctor out there does that... sheesh. He has Aspergers, they don't treat that with drug and you can't make it go away by taking some earth shower.    This guy needs help, not more paranoia shoved down his throat.

Dash, this is an prime example of why you don't go on the internet for help.  Lordy... 

[Xanth]

... and to add to what Nay said, what the doctors will do is besides the point really.
Fact of the matter is no solution will be found here on the internet.

Dash, this is an prime example of why you don't go on the internet for help.  Lordy... 

I'll second that.

Please Dash, we do highly advise you talk to someone who isn't text on a screen. 
Good luck.