Celebrity obsession, dreams, feel haunted, and insanity taking over me. Help.

[Fairywindblues]

I'm new here and I honestly joined to get answers. Whether you people believe me or not is up to you. I've been feeling this way, for, gosh... years. For no reason whatsoever. This 'obsession' that I have has lived with me for several years, now. And the 'obsession' came out of nowhere, has lingered, driven me mad, and I'm honestly starting to sense some divine intervention in the works.

Let me start from the top. Now, keep in mind, that this all may sound completely ridiculous...

I was 17 or 18 years old or so. I'm now 21. Almost 22, actually. I was browsing IMDB.com and clicking on random celebrities. I don't have obsessions with celebrities, but I was just curious, and just flipping through. I browse that site so much. I read bios, look at pictures, etc. all for the sake of passing time, not oogling celebrities. Thus, I had seen many pages, and many famous people. Some beautiful, some ugly, alive, dead, tragic -- you name it.

Someone mentioned one particular celebrity that was famous for a very tragic reason, but her name didn't ring a bell to me at all. As in, I had heard nothing about her, or of her circumstances, or knew what she looked like. Nor did I know of her tragic past. Someone just mentioned her name in a conversation and I stared at the name and nonchalantly searched her.

I had never seen her before in my life, despite the fact that she was really famous. I have a very photographic memory and I knew that I had never seen her, heard of her, or even possibly heard of her.... yeah, go figure, you'd think I'd have been more insightful into the world of celebrities after lurking IMDB so much. But I was 100% sure that I hadn't even heard of her so there was no way I was just digging up an old obsession and whatnot. Like I said, I'm pretty photographic.

I stared at her photo. I knew nothing of her life, death, or anything. But I just stared. I saw something in her eyes. I see the same sullen, blank, tragic look in my own eyes. But I saw... something ... in her eyes, that I had never seen in anyone else's. I felt something that I felt, while looking at her, that I've never felt before while looking at anyone else. It was like falling in love minus the attraction. I'm female and women aren't my cup of tea, nor is my obsession sexual AT ALL, just... I'm trying to explain this as best I can, here. I felt like everything in the universe shifted. For me, anyways. As in, I would never be the same again. And I haven't been.

It wasn't until after I read her bio that I found out some horrid stuff happened to her. But note that my attachment or whatever you want to call it happened before this new gained info.

I remember that since then, I couldn't get her out of my head.

A few nights later, I had a very lucid dream involving a time-machine telephone-type thingy. I was in a room and I went up to the time machine (telephone!) and called this said celebrity up (I'm not mentioning the name on purpose. I already think I sound nuts). It was lucid and I was convinced that I should ring her up, see if she answers, and try to save her from her own death. Okay, I know it wouldn't change anything in real time, but if you've seen the movie Source Code, you'd understand.

Luckily, she picked up, and I had literally 'called' minutes before her death. I was walking her through it, telling her how to respond, what to do, how to get out, etc. It was all in vain, and I was becoming very lucid at this point, and completely self-aware, and I just stayed on the phone and listened to the events play out in the background. It was horrifying.

Even weirder is the fact that I heard her say something, or a certain phrase, that, after later research, sources say she did say before the time of her death. At this point, I was just feeling weird and creeped out and very shaken.

Then... I tried to go on with my life but there were songs that I'd listen to, or movies that I'd see, or things that I'd see, that had absolutely no relation to her, or any of this, and I mean, NO RELATION, as in, they wouldn't even hint at her or her life/death, but... a song would come on the radio and bam, she would pop into my head.

More recently, I was in a very lucid dream, again, and I wasn't even thinking of her or anything. I was actually at the point in my dream where I was becoming self aware, and then lucid, and I was eventually planning on projecting out of there. But then... I was in a dark room, out of nowhere, and there she was, standing there, looking like a ghost. She said nothing. She didn't object to anything. I went up to her and I saw her in her full, tragic beauty, and she let me touch her. All I did was touch her face. I ran my hands over her eyes, her face, her lips. She felt.... real. Very real. I remember her lips feeling and looking how I always thought they would. It was also very creepy because I've now encountered her at least 20 times over the years in dreams, on the astral, etc. And each time, I could sense that she was a burdened soul. This past time when she let me go up to her and touch her face, I felt that she gained comfort from it, too. When I went to touch her, she sighed, in a way that someone sighs when they really, really, really, REALLY need a hug.

In mere dreams, no one ever really responds to me that emotionally... I dream about my current boyfriend very much and he dreams of me, and it's funny because I'm the lucid dreamer, he's not. And I always go lucid on him and try to see if he dreams about me that night. But he's never just sighing with relief to hug me and stuff.

Another time, I'll note, was back when I had sleep paralysis 2x/week, every other week or so, for about a year. I woke up in a state of paralysis and heard her voice (I know her voice now, inside out) speaking to me in a casual conversation about how flattered all of the attention I was giving her makes her.

And this stuff, there's been more that I don't want to list or don't want to go on about, but like I said... obsessed since I was 17 or so. Am now 22. Have better things to do with my life than feel like I'm giving my thoughts, my energy, and my... affections? to someone I've never met, have never known, and all that jazz. I could list more experiences but they just add up and start to sound funny. Even to me.

In case anyone thinks this is made up, or lame, or funny, or stupid, please...

I am being completely real here and I honestly want it to stop. I want her to stop invading my dreams, my mind, my astral travels, and whatever else is happening here.

Can anyone just help? PM me or post but don't laugh, don't brush it off, don't call me crazy, don't call me a liar, because...

I actually do feel like I am being haunted, in a sense of the word, against my will. And I felt like I have been from the start. And this does affect my life in a way I can't even explain because... I almost feel like there's no physical description for this madness...

It's almost like the universe, or some power, or some 'thing' just impregnated my mind with this irrational form of love and attachment to something, and someone, that I just don't want to have haunting my thoughts.

[NoY]

Welcome to the Pulse 

you may have created a thought form and given it life and then when you wanted it to stop the only thing it could do is feed on you

or it may be a robot grey, they often dress like family and friends in order to harvest your energy

or it may actually be a part of her that is joined to your mind in love,

i understand totally where you are coming from
i wrote a post on it myself and i suffer and enjoy all three scenarios

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_astral_projection_experiences/true_love_and_visitors-t33047.0.html

just set the rules you want and stick to them

:NoY:

[Everlasting]

I want the name of the dead celebrity.

[Pauli2]

Send her love and allow her to be absorbed by you. She may be an Aspect of Self,
who wants back.

[Fairywindblues]

The celebrity is Sharon Tate. If, from the astral, she is reaching out to people, I wouldn't be surprised. She did die in a very tragic way, and to a very dark evil, I believe. (Charles Manson and his cronies). She was also taken in the prime of her life, when she was at her most beautiful, and she was expecting a child. I recently just found out about the Ghost Busters episode involving her, Jay Sebring, Abigail Folger, and the other Polish guy. I can never get his last name right without looking it up first. Basically, many people claim Cielo Drive is haunted..

Would it make sense that these etherial versions of them are still functioning on such a low vibration because so many people DO send them love/thought? Even though I sort of became obsessed the second I saw her, and have fed her MUCH of my energy (willingly/unwillingly), I sense that she and I somehow have/had met on the astral before, OR, perhaps, I was a fan or knew her or her tragic story in a previous lifetime.

However, I don't think of myself as just a fan. I constantly feed her energy and I'm aware of it. I've been doing this from the second I saw her. It's not even that I'm morbidly fascinated by the tragedy that happened to her. Basically, had she have died of natural causes, I still think I'd be obsessed because it felt like she just reached out to me from the photograph the second I saw her, COMPLETELY unaware of who she was, how she lived, how she died, etc. And since I saw that photograph, she has been living in my mind, it seems. Showing up in dreams, haunting my waking thoughts, and I KNOW that I've at least run into her "shells" in the astral. Reason I say this is because I know that celebrities must have longer-lasting astral shells than most people. People feed them their love, admiration, and energy simply because they were famous and worshiped. I bet lots of people have run into a Marilyn Monroe entity in the astral, for example. But would it be the real Marilyn? Is what I'm getting at, for example.

I'm at the point where I can't even watch her movies anymore because it just reminds me of my insane obsession. In fact, I don't want to call it an obsession. I'm NOT in love with her in the physical sense. I don't think she was the best actress out there. I do think she was beautiful, though, but so are many others both dead/alive. I've seen beauty beyond words ever since my first astral projection, being the direct result of a sleep paralysis incident at a younger age, and yet.... I've had some "Somewhere in Time" (For those who've seen the movie) episode which has lasted for years!

Somewhere in Time, by the way, was a movie starring Christopher Reeves. He went into a hotel and saw a photograph of a very beautiful actress. He then lost his sleep, paced around, and couldn't function because he had developed an attachment to her, through the photograph. And it turned out to be based on a true story. Richard Matheson, the guy who wrote the book, said he fell in love with a photograph and she haunted him until he wrote the novel "Somewhere in Time"

All in all, I have mixed emotions about this. I kind of want it to stop but I know it will never stop. Even though I have never met her in this lifetime, or am not obsessed with her movies/morbid details of her death (Yeah, some "fans" are really just obsessed by the tragic events that surround her), and even though I have no right to love her in the sense that I've never known her, and thus, in theory, CAN'T.... I still do. And I constantly give her love and sometimes I just wonder if she knows it, or appreciates it, or even knows if I'm there, feeding her all of this conscious energy.

[Pauli2]

Now you have created a thoughtform.

[desert-rat]

You may of been her in a past life .   You could use regression or self hypnosis to go back and see .  desert rat