Poem Titled "Trapped Within" (not emo)

[Fat_Turkey]

I think you should change "Aaah, but if only he realize" to "Aaah, if only he WOULD realize," or "realized." That's really the only grammatical error I could find. If there are more, well, bleh, I only skimmed over it because I've read it before.

~FT

[mazdaaf]

[] really cool! i love how it painted a really good image in my head awesome job [8D]

[wantsumrice]

FT, grammar doesn't exactly apply to poems [^]  Thanks for the input!

[wantsumrice]

I'm entering this poem into a poetry contest.  What do you guys think about it?

-------
Mind closed shut.

His box was invaded and he felt uneasy.
An idea totally unknown to him,
And he feared it.
Because of the fear he felt the need to ridicule.

Why?
Societies box encased him,
Trapping his true shapeless spirit,
Where now existed definition.
A shell growing on him since childhood.
It was impossible for him to understand,
The box had no holes.
Drops of truth impenetrable to Society now.
Society routed his brain to think
Like the mind of a sheep.

Anything beyond what he could see,
Did not exist.
Anything beyond what he could feel,
Did not exist.

Yet the true form begged freedom
But fear of rejection and humiliation
Smothered the pleeing spirit within.
Ahh, but if only he realize
Societies glass box easily shatters.
Ahh, but if only he realize
His self denial withers his soul.

Blossom the petals of thine own Iris
And the jewels of freedom will reign.

-Ivan Wu (4/30/04 AD)