Deleted this post!!
If it were me, I would not slowly get out of the friendship, I would do it immediately. This sounds like a troublesome relationship for both of you and could end up being way more painful. You can forgive someone from a distance and then keep it distant. Even if he were not lying, your suspicions of him would be just as bad.
Good Luck to you, it's not always so easy, but certainly necessary sometimes.
It's not fair to him if you break off the friendship without telling him that he offended you by his behavior. Be specific and include examples. If he lies about it, he is a waste of your valuable time and energy and you shouldn't bother calling him again.
He could have at least offered to pay for the taxi since he screwed up, but it sounds to me like he went "Oh well, not my problem, I wasn't affected, not gonna worry about it." I would say, be prepared to find another best friend. Your best friend is the person in whom you should be able to put most of your trust, your right-hand man, the one that makes you look good in front of the ladies, has got your back, the one who you can tell things to that you couldn't tell anyone else, etc.
Does your friend sound like he's doing any of these things? Think highly of yourself and realize that if you're down on life, the people who actually do give a damn about you will be spending time and energy dedicated to your wellness.
I've recently had a similar best friend issue. I've had a friend for 13 years, but as we get older, he's been increasingly difficult to deal with. I've helped him in his life as much as possible, but now we've reached a point that I can't do anything for him, he doesn't help me out at all, and he drags me down more than anything. I even had a similar car instance - I had a flat tire, and he told me he was too far away to help. Too far was 20 minutes. And all he was doing was watching TV. There was a time when he would help, but as we get older...
It's one thing when you can't help a person, but it's another when they impede your life. I know he's not doing it intentionally, but when you get to that point you have to call it quits. It's been 3 months since I've talked to him now, and to be honest, I'm very glad. Not having to worry about him so often is a weight off my shoulders. I don't feel guilty about it because I had helped him out a lot in the past. He makes bad decisions and won't take any of my advice or help anymore.
There are times when you gotta do what you gotta do. As strange as it may sound, it's similar to breaking up with a girlfriend - you feel mean at first, it can hurt, but you know it's for the better. No one deserves being dragged down - especially by your "friend".
I think this is a good topic. When it comes right down to it, how do you tell a good friend apart from a not-so-good friend? It seems to me that people these days aren't thinking much about the needs of others. When I meet someone new, I feel a need to scan them and I do not readily open up to them. I take a defensive tactic until I know they can be trusted. Even then, I know there are always some bumps in the road, as with anyone. We all have our faults, so it's important to be forgiving and gracious (in moderation, of course). Friends should be able to learn and grow together. Sometimes friends do hurt each other, and as long as the friendship can be repaired, due acknowledgment is given to mistakes made, and lessons are learned, it can evolve into something even better. What is important is that it is ultimately and mutually beneficial to those involved.
Absolutely. "Good" friends, people you can count on, are hard to come by. I tend to cut relationships fast where I feel I'm being or about to be taken advantage of. It seems there are more people willing to take than give, not even realizing they do it. But, for every jerk I come across, I try to be that much better, and try to be the friend to others in the way I prefer to be treated. And some will take advantage of that too. I guess it's the fine line where helping is hurting, and knowing when cutting it off is what helps.
I meet alot of random people. I recently relocated myself across the country and I am 3000km away from my friends and family. I guess I did it to get away from the influence of my friends and be my own person. Friends make you what you are, but that's not always a good thing. People feed off of eachother and this expecially true in younger people and insecure unbalanced individuals. Pathological lying is a common trait, one that I struggled with in my youth. I found out however, that the little white lies that people would say in their teens to make themselves seem more cool was a survival strategy in-order to fit in with the cool crowd. I never really needed to lie to anyone, but because everyone else was so egotistical (and lying) it was almost accepted. It's just BSing when you hype yourself up. I was always a quiet person, but my actions and skills always spoke volumes. The most common characteristic I've found with pathological liars is jealousy. People were always jealous of my natural skills and the fact I was comfortable with myself. I never picked fights, but was always in one. Pathological liars are the equivalent of b-type or beta (in wolf terms).
I realised that if you keep your mouth shut and not try to be included in a conversation you tend to avoid lies. Actions speak louder than words anyway. If some guy (or girl) is hyping themselves up on how great of an artist, snowboarder, football player, musician they are, typically they are all talk. Show them up as the effortless virtuoso that you are.
I found that certain individuals you don't even know can and will hate you for no reason. I met another older lucid dreamer (in person) and she proclaimed to me that she has the same problem. She had chalked it up to the fact that lucid dreamers/astral projectionists have uncanny control of their reality, both awake and asleep. This power gives certain people a confidence and self-assurance that 90% of the population wishes they had. Many people are afraid of their dreams or to even sleep, some people don't even dream. I think it is this that causes others to dislike more "spiritual" or "open-minded" people. Their inability to comprehend what it is that we are capable of causes them distress. So many people are just living in the world, they can't even contemplate or begin to understand what lies beneath the surface. People are afraid of what they don't understand, and fear is manifested as anger in males. I've blown way too many minds trying to explain it, so many people don't even want to try to understand it.
I remember hearing this quote from a paul oakenfold track titled LSD. "they're afraid, they're afraid that we will open doors and windows of perception, they're afraid that we will bring something back from the otherside, and this they cannot control"
Esoteric would be what we are. Knowledge of things that we cannot explain. The ability to tap thought clouds and read and write to the akashic.
sorry off-topic a little.
I think you are right about people who run their mouths. They do it in hopes of being validated more than they validate themselves. I have had friends who make other people look bad to make themselves look good, friends that sleep with each other's boyfriends/girlfriends and then lie about it, even when everyone already knows what happened, friends that flake out and don't call back after saying they will or following through with plans they made (I can't seem to get away from those ones!), the list goes on. It's really unfortunate that people do these things, and I wish they would take others' feelings into account before doing things like that. But they aren't in charge of our feelings, we are. So we have to see them for what they are and decide what action to take. That is what feelings are about. They help you decide what action you should take, if any. I have wasted enough of my time waiting for phone calls to be returned. If they are not returned in a timely fashion, then I go with plan B (I always make a plan A and a plan B at least, and sometimes a plan C that involves going off by myself and doing something). That way, my time is not wasted sitting around waiting for something that is never going to happen.
Hello everyone,
Thank you so much for taking the time and posting your opinions and advice. I truly appreciate it. I agree with all of you, that this is a tough question which we all have to think about sometime in our lives.
AmbientSound, i can totally relate to what you said in your last post about friends flaking out and being inconsiderate. I think that's the main problem i have had with all my friends throughout the years , is that i feel like they are inconsiderate. I try my hardest not to hurt them in any way and respect them and always be there for them but they are still inconsiderate. I guess, that's why in all my friendships that i have had in the past, i was always the one who broke of the relationship because i felt like i was being taken advantage of or they were too pushy and aggressive when it came to doing things.
Well after doing some thinking, i feel like i should break of the relationship because there is nothing left to gain from him but negative emotions and headaches (from listening to constant BS). It is definitely not an easy thing to do, but i feel like it needs to be done. The next question that i have is how do you think i should approach this break off??? The problem is that i'm the type of person that when someone bullshits, i don't say anything to them, so they actually think they got me fooled, but in reality i'm well aware of when people BS to hype up their image. So my friend probably thinks all is cool, but its me that wants to get out of this relationship. So, my point is that i feel like it would be weird and awkward to approach him and tell him all the things that have been on mind and why i don't want to be his friend anymore. I was thinking a more smooth approach would be to just distance myself away from him and just tell him that i'm busy with school and work, etc. and just rather stay at home most of the time and relax.
Anymore suggestions about whether i should end this relationship or how i should end this relationship would be very helpful. Once again, all your suggestions so far have helped me a lot and i thank each and everyone one of you for taking your time to help a fellow soul.