Just moved to Dumpsville.

[Josephine]

Hello, all.  I have been a member of this forum for years, although I rarely post anything...I think I have like 3 posts, maybe.  Anyhow, I am a fan of this forum and read it all the time, and have learned so much about astral projection here.  Here I am posting again.

Anyways, I am very confused and would like some advice.  My boyfriend of five years just broke up with me a week ago.  After getting over feeling sorry for myself, I began to take stock of why this happened.  The reason he ended it was because he's had an awful year, (can't work due to an injury, dad was killed in a car accident, can't do anything he loves like biking due to his injury, everything just seems to go wrong with his car, etc...A LOT of stuff like that), and at one point, he said very sincerely: "I hate my life so much."  I am really concerned as he is very depressed, and not just about this past year, but about his past (he was abused as a child) and all that;  this last year seems to have trapped him in this negative space, where he dwells on everything bad that has happened to him in his life, and can't let ANYTHING go...I am afraid that he will try to do something stupid to hurt himself...

I know that there is nothing I can do, and that I am not responsible for his actions, and only he can take charge of his healing, but I am so terrified for him and worried that he is in a downward spiral...and all he can say to me is "it's easier to not care"

Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do? I know I can't help him or make him get help; only he can begin to heal himself when he chooses to do so, but if anyone has advice on how I might be able to cope better, because I'm crying myself to sleep every night.  Any advice is welcomed, and any excercises or meditations....anything. 

[budhabee]

Hi Josephine,
I know nobody has answered this post yet.  I really have no good advise except that just reading the post you can truly understand why he is so down.  It sounds like he may need a change of attitude and he is not going to get that if he doesnt make an effort in getting better.  I don't suppose he would be up for seeing a psycologist?  Even though he broke up with you are the two of you still talking?

[Josephine]

  Yes, we are still talking.  The funny thing is, when we are together, even though we're not a couple, we are totally fine.  We talk like always and get along superbly as friends would.  We dated for five years, and he is my best friend in the whole world, so yes, of course we're talking. It's just really hard not to want to kiss him or hold him, you know?   And I know that he did not break up with me because of anything I did.  He broke up with me because he doesn't want to drag me down with him, and right now, he says he can't see a future with me, that he doesn't see it ever working out.  I know that it is because he loves me that he doesn't want to drag me down with him, although it hurts that he doesn't see us working out. 
     I've mentioned the idea of a psychologist or counseller to him, but he just brushes it off. The thing is, as much as I want to do everything in my power to help him, he's the only one that can fix his problems, and like you said, it's an attitude adjustment.  But he is the one that needs to to that, and I'm worried that he will never be willing to do so.  Like, he says things all the time like "I don't need anybody," or  I love him so very much, and it hurts to not be his girlfriend anymore.  But all I want for him is to be happy, so if I can't support him as a girlfriend, I'll do what I can to be there for him as a friend. 
    And it's also really sucky, because he is so apathetic towards everything, that while I'm crying and pouring my heart out, he just sits there.  And while anyone else would see that as moron-ish, I know that it's not because he doesn't love me, he just can't feel anything.  When we first met, he wasn't unhappy, and I guess I've just been with him as he became so apathetic and depressed that I just accepted that. And the thing is, I see his depression, but others don't, and I asked him why he is always miserable around me but not other people, he said it's because he just pretends to be happy around them so that they don't think anything is wrong so that they will leave him alone. 
   In terms of us as friends, it's really hard...I wrote a letter to him that I also read to him because I needed to say the words...but basically it said that I understand that we are broken up and I understand why and that I need to let go, and that I will do whatever I can to be a part of his life and support him.. I said that even though he says he doesn't need anyone, I'm there for him regardless.   He's leaving for British Columbia for a month so I won't see him until he gets back, which will probably be good for the both of us to have some space and to think, even though i just want to spend every minute with him.  And the more I beg for him back or try to convince him that we belong together, or tell him to get help, the more I am pushing him away, so I told him I wouldn't do that to him, because it doesn't make it easier for either of us.

   I am very concerned for him, but I'm also having the hardest time with it...I know that only I can get over this grief, but it's so hard.  I wonder what sort of meditations or excercised might be able to help me with my grief.