Post your lies here

[Telos]

The following is a complete fabrication. But, as everyone here knows, thoughts are real.

I close my eyes and leave my body, drifting towards the pyramids. From the top of the Great Pyramid, I can see England! I fly there and meet a druid, dressed completely in white with a long white beard. "What year is this?" I ask him.

"5,000 BC, by your watch," he says. I look at my watch. The hands are spinning like compass needles.

"Indeed!" I say. Workers are building Stonehenge nearby. I knock them over. "Carry those rocks 100 miles, did you?" They are mad. My guide appears.

She's a tiger! She walks around and starts purring. I walk over to say hi, "uhh... guide?" She cocks her head sideways like most confused animals. "What are tomorrow's lottery numbers?" She licks her paw, and runs away. "Dammit!!!"

I summon a demon army in order to storm the Akashic records. I defile the gates, and they decay, and every book is eaten and consumed in the fiery stomachs of my minions. I merge with them before sitting at the throne of the new universal monarch. I get a headache, and flirt with madness!

I can't see. Everything is black. I'm in my bed, my eyes are closed. Slowly I open. I've woken up.

Well, it could've happened.

[Rob]

hahahahahaha!!!!!

Cheers for the laff before I go to bed, needed that

Rob

[Jenia_San]

interesting...
cute idea  
heres some of mine:

I go to sleep,and leave my body.
when I'm out,My guide awaits me near my bed.
I greet the burning demon of darkness,and he nods.
then I go mad and my soul splits into 3 parts,and the part being me destroys the 2 others.
I then absrob my guide and head for my palace,where my servants spit on the floor in awe of my presence.
as I glide over the spotted floor,I spot a mushroom and and make mushroom tea. as I drink my tea it spills,giving life to my outstreched tendrils,sending thrills into my inferior.
The time is now,I am content...
the void is none and most be in the sun,so darkness is bright in the glasses of the night.
I ride to the vikings and greet Neptune,as he stabs himself with his cartoon.
as I glide on the plains of valhalla I spot vulcan,who makes mistakes with a son of a gun.
as I enter the sanctuary,my innards explode,and my little kitty conquers the world.


There!
I think Telos was way better than me,but I tryed  

[J.K.]

I left my body and found myself horseback riding one day and everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all  might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get any worse, my foot became caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground, and my head continued to bounce harder and harder as the horse would not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and thought there might be no more.... a thoughtful K-Mart manager came out and pulled the plug.

[Tayesin]

Hi,
I was wandering around the pine forest when I met a nubile young maiden who wore nothing but a thong......  oops, wrong lie.

Okay, so there I was, trying to go OBE and suddenly......  nope, not a good lie.

So the next day I decided to see if the Universe had a boundary or not, and went projecting out to find out....  that's not even a lie.

Sorry folks, I'm not good at this lying thing.

One last try.

I'm a mega-rich, materialistic kind of guy who uses everyone for my own purposes.  

Hay, I did it !  Yay.

[Jenia_San]

Now,I know it might be a stupid question but...
What's a thong    ?

[mactombs]

So, being able to project at will, I decided for this night's excursion I would visit Atlantis again to see how the guide-training program was going.

Night-time being the best time to project (especially if I am mentally and physically exhausted), it was dark when I evoked the Vibrations(tm) using my patented Three Angels and Ohm Method. I thought I was going to tear me apart, but being as experienced as I am, felt absolutely no fear.

I sommersaulted out of my body. It was a bit dim, so I demanded the help of the archangels, which came down straightaway in pillars of various-colored fire. They brought out their fiery swords and pried my eyes open. Now that I could see with perfect clarity, I was ready to check out Atlantis.

Being more of an in-style traveller (I mean, winking places or flying is so cliche), I summoned my Guide, Xerotosisuimianax, whom promptly flew up in the guise of an iridescent-hued Chinese dragon, clutched me in her talons, and sped me off.

On the way, I stopped by to help no less than a dozen of my friends out of body to do their newb journeying. (What can I say, I'm a saint). Anyhoo, the thing about Atlantis you have to understand is that the Titans are really strict about what outsiders they let in. Naturally, since I had on several occassions beat them in the Chi Tournament Melee Ultra, they ushered me right through the Mystic Gates. I think a few of them were trying to explain at the time to Frank why the universe was actually 16-dimensional and how thoughts only become reality as long as it isn't erotic thoughts about the opposite gender (this has to do with the fine balance of the Universe).

So, inside Atlantis, there were a class of Ancients trying to learn telekenisis, and a few of them starting to roll the dice for making doomsday callendars, while most of the others were learning how to will ouiji boards to move or taking the course on How To Recongize the Most Gullible Mediums and Why No One Believes Chimp Astronomers.

Then I got suddenly woken up. This just happens sometimes, though usually I can make my projections last for at least 5 or 6 hours.

[Nay]

Now,I know it might be a stupid question but...
What's a thong    ?

It something women wear, dental floss for the butt if you will, or if that doesn't help, panties with a whole lot of material missing ...... and Tay, I want MINE BACK!!  

Nay

[paker7]

I have a very small erm.................. hmm............ "equipment"      

[no_leaf_clover]

I'm Satan and you're all going to Hell.

I have a very small erm.................. hmm............ "equipment"      

This is the "Post your lies here" thread. An honest mistake, I'm sure.  

[Frank]

He he, I can see this could well turn out to be one of the most popular threads ever.

Yours,
Frank

[Nick]

My wife's really Catherine Zeta Jones...honest...

[Nay]

My wife's really Catherine Zeta Jones...honest...

Phhffttttt...she told me she was over you!   cheating....Bi&*&..yeah you heard me..  

[GorillaBait]

Reality shatters into a quintillion iridescent penetrating shards of excrutiating intelligent color, biting into my green-tinged veins with a sadistic brilliance.  A ventriliquist's dummy barks madly in the corner.  I lay in a pool of purple-flecked sandy personal fluid, as my consciousness slowly weeps beside me, mourning the falling of the arches of the age of black logic.  I raise my head, and my wildly spinning yellow eyes pick up the remanants of the sunlight oozing slug-like through the fractured wall-monsters which rest complacently against each other, reaching up to an ominous white point in the finite distance above.  Crystalline mannequins flaunt their holy curves to the derisive applause of speckled Vatican robed pagan ex-Popes.  I sigh with latant remourse as I give up the ghost to the more suitable Holy Ghost waiting patiently nearby for my exhaling demise.

Woo, that was fun, someone should pay me for this.

[Frank]

"I lay in a pool of purple-flecked sandy personal fluid, as my consciousness slowly weeps beside me..."

I love this kind of stuff, that was really good. Now, question is, can anyone beat it?

Yours,
Frank

[paker7]

I'm Satan and you're all going to Hell.

I have a very small erm.................. hmm............ "equipment"      

This is the "Post your lies here" thread. An honest mistake, I'm sure.  

But it was a lie - i don't have any equipment - i'm a girl.  

[Nay]

LOL!!!!!!!  good one Paker!  dang equipment...

Nay

[no_leaf_clover]

Nice, GorillaBait.

But it was a lie - i don't have any equipment - i'm a girl.

In that case my comment still stands  

[Potatis]

A girl with no equipment? Don't worry! Be yourself.. don't even consider that operation, it doesn't matter if your equipment is not large. Be proud of who you are on the inside!

Potatis

[Logic]

My wife's really Catherine Zeta Jones...honest...

No she's not, I would know.. I am Catherine Zeta Jones.

[heter]

So, being able to project at will, I decided for this night's excursion I would visit Atlantis again to see how the guide-training program was going.

Night-time being the best time to project (especially if I am mentally and physically exhausted), it was dark when I evoked the Vibrations(tm) using my patented Three Angels and Ohm Method. I thought I was going to tear me apart, but being as experienced as I am, felt absolutely no fear.

I sommersaulted out of my body. It was a bit dim, so I demanded the help of the archangels, which came down straightaway in pillars of various-colored fire. They brought out their fiery swords and pried my eyes open. Now that I could see with perfect clarity, I was ready to check out Atlantis.

Being more of an in-style traveller (I mean, winking places or flying is so cliche), I summoned my Guide, Xerotosisuimianax, whom promptly flew up in the guise of an iridescent-hued Chinese dragon, clutched me in her talons, and sped me off.

On the way, I stopped by to help no less than a dozen of my friends out of body to do their newb journeying. (What can I say, I'm a saint). Anyhoo, the thing about Atlantis you have to understand is that the Titans are really strict about what outsiders they let in. Naturally, since I had on several occassions beat them in the Chi Tournament Melee Ultra, they ushered me right through the Mystic Gates. I think a few of them were trying to explain at the time to Frank why the universe was actually 16-dimensional and how thoughts only become reality as long as it isn't erotic thoughts about the opposite gender (this has to do with the fine balance of the Universe).

So, inside Atlantis, there were a class of Ancients trying to learn telekenisis, and a few of them starting to roll the dice for making doomsday callendars, while most of the others were learning how to will ouiji boards to move or taking the course on How To Recongize the Most Gullible Mediums and Why No One Believes Chimp Astronomers.

Then I got suddenly woken up. This just happens sometimes, though usually I can make my projections last for at least 5 or 6 hours.

Lmao

[Jenia_San]

I just thought of the stupidest pure lie...
even though it's completetly idiotic(at least sounds so to me) I'll post it.
"I cut off my 'equipment' allready cos' I really loved it!"
I know. yes IT IS A LIE.
stupid lie.
oh, and heres another lie.
"I'm NOT going to wash the dishes now!"
wow,I sure like lying to myself  
too bad I can't fool myself into thinking it's the truth  

[GorillaBait]

My wife's really Catherine Zeta Jones...honest...

No she's not, I would know.. I am Catherine Zeta Jones.

Ah, my love, greetings, for it is I, Michael Douglas!  Come to meeeeee.....

[jason]

I am actually nothing more than flesh and guts,etc  

physical reality is all that exists,and we are living  pointless lives ending up as us being worm food.then the worms die,and I suppose other worms eat them too.

with this being a lie,it also happens to be the world view of the majority of the western worlds population.Is it any wonder why things are such a mess?

there are no consequences to our actions.


and BTW-I'm actually Jason Alexander,and I'm an actor and an architect.

[Tayesin]

Now,I know it might be a stupid question but...
What's a thong    ?

It something women wear, dental floss for the butt if you will, or if that doesn't help, panties with a whole lot of material missing ...... and Tay, I want MINE BACK!!  

Nay

 So you were the imaginary nubile maiden ?  HMM and MMMM.
LOL