Is anger and emotion always bad???

[shaman]

It is normal to get mad at times... but if you got mad at someone, it is also normal to come and apologize for being mad, like when you get mad at your child because of something terribly wrong the child did and could not control yourself (you get mad but you dont hit anyone, understand..?) then it is also completely normal to come to the child and hug the child and apologize for being mad. So if someone looses her/his temper for a short while, that's ok, but it is even better if that someone apologizes (it might be better maybe not to get mad, sure, but here we are talking about someone who alread got mad). And once you apologize, it would be nice if the person you apologize to would fogive you. All this are signs of some kind of wisdom and modesty. Not that I am the best example, when I get grumpy I turn big and all green (wait and you'll see what happens to my avatar...). at times it is OK to take your "grumpiness" out, cause if you keep that inside it might hurt you as well. But once all is over, it would be good to be again good friends and take that not too seriously. Now I don't know who and what happened, I am just telling you what I think in general about "anger management". And don't take example from the old testement and new testement, because there there are examples not to follow. Now, when I say mad, I do not mean that one yells like a monster, destroy things like a hulk and behave like a monkey, that would be a bit goint to far. You can get mad, but still be in control of your anger. Losing control of that is the wrong step. So you don't need to have total control of emotions, but you need to have the 'final' control of emotions. You can let the steam a little out, but don't let the engine explode, you can get mad but with some controle over it, some "guidance",... it is quite a lot of energy that we are talking about, so if it cannot be stopped it has to be "channelled" the right way (for example do 1 hour of kickboxing at the club to relax, break your guitar, yelled to the skies,... - but do not do that in front of the person who angers you and do not do that TO the person who angers you, etc...).

Oh, and by the way, I noticed that if you have strong emotional thoughts about someone who is at the same time sleeping, you can induce that person to dream about your emotions toward his/her. So be careful, you can cause nightmares without knowing it.

[Mustardseed]

Good answer thanks. Yes I agree but my problem is that the other person in in this case might not be right. I dont mind apologising if I hurt that person but I will not retract the point I was making. So there it is, I am sorry if I hurt you by getting mad Beth, I was frustrated, and thought you were skirting the issue. Please try your best to accept the fact, you are talking to a human with all the emotions and feelings , and do not expect perfection. Please If at all possible answer the points I was bringing out, If you have had it and still decide you will not talk to me, well thats too bad.
Thankyou for the good post Shaman
Mustardseed

[Nagual]

In this case, it's no big deal but...  How much madness/anger/aggressivity is ok?  What is the limit?  How do you choose this limit?  Why do something that should not be done?
Don't get me wrong, I get mad too sometimes when people attack/abuse me... I am still working on it...
"Sorry" is an overused word.  Too many people think they can do whatever they want and just pop a "I am sorry" and everything is forgotten...

[cainam_nazier]

With out emotion, and I mean all emotions, we simply would not be the people we are.  There are no bad emotions.


I will, with no doubt in my mind, stay by the above.


Emotions fuel us, they let us know we are alive.  If you had no emotions at all you would simply exist, and not live.  With out them there would be no passion, no drive to push us on, and there would be no value in anything.

It is our actions not our emotions that lead to so much that is wrong in the world.  The only way to fully understand this idea that there are no bad emotions is to understand yourself, to know what it is about a person, situation, or phrase that makes you feel the way you do.  Only when you know why can you make the choices of how and what and allow yourself to use that feeling, that emotion on a positive level.

Even emotions such as anger and hate can be used on a positive level if you know thier source.  Many times you will find, more so with these particular emotions, that the responce you feel is not because of the person or situation directly.  But you feel them because it is a reflection of yourself, or an aspect of yourself that you do not like.

To have emotions is to be alive.

[Nagual]

As long as it does not harm others...

[Shinobi]

...

[Mustardseed]

Man that was a great and very helpful post my friend. You hit it on the head. Actually it is a interesting question , did I get what I wanted. In one way yes in another no. I did get to tell her that I found her ignoring of my points to be immature and suspect and not up to her standard, and that I for one was hurt by this ,in my mind , blatant double standard. I also got across to her that I find her at times to be pontificating in the extreme , making everything into allegories, and living with her head in the clouds so to speak. What I did not get was her good will.!!! I do appreciate her and am genuinly interested in her point of view , but not as my teacher or superior.So I think it was well that she responded that way. Maybe one day things will change but at present I need no help from people who treat me like that. All that to say maybe I was really getting fed up and wanted to put a cork in her and aparently did so effictivly. I do find this forum to be a frustrating place to post as people seem to ignore you at will. Anything uncomfortable that they do want to answer they ignore. Especially the ones in charge of the board. Anyway that is none of my buisness.How I answer debate or even blow up is my only responsibility!!! Thanks again for the post it was very good and pinpointed things well for me. I need a lot of help in my life it seems.
Regards Mustardseed

[Blue Giant]

Hey MustardSeed,
I personally think that anger is not bad. However, all you need is to experience once to know what it is all about. Generally, like my cousin once told me....everyone deep down inside truly wants to be happy. I think once you know how to detect it, that is knowing what it is, it no longer serves you well, except that it points the way in which to feel good. I think maintaining harmony, that is, not fluctuating between happy and mad is the key. Once you have mastered that...that is, not having an emotion be triggered without you consciously commanding it to, there will be a gift in store. Of course, this isn't an easy task though. Your on to something, Mustardseed...cuz you wouldn't have asked the question if it didn't bother you...teehee...keep it up
Rusty

Yoda once said;
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering

[Mustardseed]

You are right about that. It does bother me. But on one hand it feels right while on the other hand I am wondering if it could be. I figure I no longer believe in the sweet pea string for a backbone Jesus and the Christian who just sits back and lets everyone take potshots at him or ignoring him. It feels good to once in a while stand up for something. I am a parent and I have seen a lot of parents spoiling their kids by being so "sweet and understanding". Like saying "ohhh sweetheart that wasn't nice,....you shouldnt hit your brother in the head with a shovel ok I love you but please put the shovel down....please put it down sweetiepie....no no dont hit me..." You know the kind of conversation. Sometimes you just gotta get mad at bad behaviour. Anyway I am still praying about it. Thanks for the input.

Regards MS

[Mustardseed]

Hi all
Just the other night I got really angry with someone on the forum. The reason was that it seemed to me this person was sidestepping some serious issues on grounds that I was attacking her, and not debating the issue. Something I felt was unfair. She has now declined to ever talk to me again! Well I will have to live with that. I have now prayed ant thought about it for a while and had some observations and questions.
First, it is possible that I made a mistake but I think we sometimes have to allow people to get mad. This total "control" of ones emotions seems at times to be a bit of a pride thing. We all get mad at times and sometimes justifiable so. What we do with anger is another matter. Sometimes it turns us to a destructive attitude and has no fruit but sometimes it actually is constructive and wakes people up to the fact we feel strongly about some point. Maybe even makes them asses themselves and what they did to have such a response coming back at them. It is said anger is one word short og danger and mostly it seems to confuse us and make us much less effective and dull our senses, but not always. My book tells me that God is "angry with the wicked every day" Jesus got so ticked off with the hypocracy he saw, that he made a whip and beat the moneychangers out of the temple.
Another point is that I find it impossible to seperate a person from what they believe and why they believe something. Robert once said to me in an argument that once archaeologists have a vested interest in "finding" something, they are compromised so to speak, and I understand that, but is that also not true for people who "do not want to find anything"!!!! . It seems to me that it is important to asses why someone could have a reason to believe as they do. If a whole life and research is built on certain notion and theories, does it not make a person questionable as well. You all know what I am talking about. I would be interested in your opinion.
Regards Mustardseed

[Gene]

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[no_leaf_clover]

It is our actions not our emotions that lead to so much that is wrong in the world. The only way to fully understand this idea that there are no bad emotions is to understand yourself, to know what it is about a person, situation, or phrase that makes you feel the way you do. Only when you know why can you make the choices of how and what and allow yourself to use that feeling, that emotion on a positive level.

Even emotions such as anger and hate can be used on a positive level if you know thier source. Many times you will find, more so with these particular emotions, that the responce you feel is not because of the person or situation directly. But you feel them because it is a reflection of yourself, or an aspect of yourself that you do not like.

My thoughts exactly, Cainam. They could lead to quite a bit of insight regarding yourself. By no means wrong.

[data]

Emotions are not bad; anger and hate could be though. Sometimes, we can't help but be angry, and if this happens, it's best you let it out, than leave it in.

It may not be particularly wise to let it out on another, that will only create further tension. Rather write it down, externalize it somehow(creatively) and try to see the humour in it. Then simply throw it away. You will find by doing this, when a similar situation happens again, it won't have nearly as much power as it did before. Throwing it away is telling your mind you will not get attached to this episode.

Eventually, you won't get angry anymore.

As for hate, again it is difficult not to hate someone, there are some really obnoxious, evil, cold people. However, try to empathize with them, they are there because of their conditioning, environment, circumstances and upbringing. It is not because they are inherently bad. Sometimes, they are just crying out for attention, because they are so hurt inside; or they are looking for greater purpose and are lost; or they searching for their soul and cannot find it.  I am sure we can all relate to this, right?

So, at least be indifferent to them or neutral to them. If you can do this, you will never hate again. Most of the time, as someone pointed out earlier, our judgments of others, is really just a reflection of what we lack ourselves.

Anger and hate are definitely not good for you. Whoever tells you otherwise, does not understand the adverse effects they have on your mind, body and soul.

Another, emotion, is being judgmental of people. We are human beings - we make mistakes. Is there anyone who has not ever made a mistake? So, when someone makes a mistake, don't shoot them down, criticize them or ridicule them. Do something constructive, like offer than friendly advise.

Then there is envy. Most people would not admit to being jealous, but most of us are jealous of someone in our life. Someone who is  more happier than us, earns more than us, better looking than us, more intelligent than us, better grades than us, more popular than us. It is natural for people to feel shown up by this person, to feel inferior, and our natural self-defense reaction is to resent this person, or concentrate on their negative traits to undermine them.

I've been jealous quite a few times. I'm only human. To combat jealously, you need to make a realization. That realization is simple enough: If you measure yourself against others, you will always come short.

To elucidate on that. No matter who you are, there will always be someone better than you. You could be the most beautiful man/woman in the world, and then the next year, you're the 10th the most beautiful man/woman in the world, in a few years, you don't even have a rank in the world. You have have an IQ of 180, making you more 'intelligent' than the vast majority of the human race, but there will still be someone with an IQ of 200+.

I think you get the picture. So, stop measuring using the yardstick of society. Just accept yourself for who you are, and where you stand, and work on your problems and issues, and set yourself your own goals and dreams. Don't live in the shadows of others.

Finally, there is prejudice. All prejudice exists within your mind. It has nothing to do with who you are prejudiced about. It is a problem/issue in your mind that you need to resolve.

At the end of the day, these negative emotions/feelings/thoughts don't happen to you. You let them happen to you. To stop them happening to you; you just don't let them happen.

[Gene]

Delete this post

[data]

Gene, isn't love an emotion too?

[beavis]

[data]

Live Long and Prosper!

Personally, I could not lead a life as a Vulcan, suppressing every bit of emotion. It would be nice to have a brilliant Vulcan mind, but to not have a heart, an integral part of the soul, the essence of god itself, leaves little difference between a robot and a living being. A difference 'Data' strives to abridge.

Emotions colour our lives, they make every moment interesting. That is why they are so important. If God was a painting, he would be a very colourful painting, not black and white.

However, there are certain emotions that are not good for us, negative emotions or vices. While they are crucial to our growth, and help us along in life, ultimately we need to leave them behind as we grow up and use our higher emotions and feelings. Ultimately, even these, are left behind, to become a detached observer of life. To get neither elated by pleasure or hurt by sorrow. To just observe.

[Gene]

Delete this post

[G3MM4]

Hmmm, sure you're not a robot? :p

I think it's healthy to show your emotions, even anger, as long as you keep some sort of control over them.

[CaCoDeMoN]

I think it's healthy to show your emotions, even anger, as long as you keep some sort of control over them.

Showing emotions is healthly, but you have to remember that thinking about your anger AFTER you expressed it renews it's energy, so it's best to express it and forget about it.

[data]

Yes, CacoDemon. That is why I recommended writing them down on paper and throwing the paper away. It is a lot like how the recycle bin works on windows. When you delete something, you express the desire to delete, send it to the recycle bin, and then empty it out.

However, expressing it on the subject of your anger, which is most often another person, will only perpetuate a vicious cycle, and they are likely to react, causing further anguish and frustration. Anger is a very strong emotion, and can only be cancelled out by anger, leading to crisis. In most peoples case that is verbal insults, physical violence.

Hence, why wise people advise against anger, and call it a vice, and in my opinion, rightly so.

G,

Why do you want to be so separate from the human race?

[G3MM4]

I think it's important to let the subject of your anger know that you are angry, and why you're angry. As long as you do this in a controlled fashion, then any insults or whatever coming from the subject of your anger is their problem, not yours. I find this works well for me. Many times I've expressed my anger in this way, and the issues have been solved.

On occasion you will get the odd person who can't or won't accept that they are the cause of your anger, and they will probably express that via violence or insults or whatever.

[JKK]

it depends on the issue..but I think people should get a better control of their emotions and not fall into ones such as anger, jealously, etc...they don't lead to much thats positive so if you can just learn to ignore them..life is all the better