What to do with the Emotionally unstable, help plz

[OrionsDream]

Hi, I need some advice. I have one very emotional 'friend'. When i do something that out does what he did, such as energy stuff, he gets into this like 'attitude' that its a race and competition, an attitude that is not a good one to have. Also, when he gets mad he closes his mind so much that you cant even get common sense into his head.
I sort of sympathsize with him bc he has a tought family life, but still.

How does one deal with a person like this? This kid is into energy stuff, but is also so emotional it blocks his better reasoning.

Somebody from another forum started to teach me as a 'pupil' so to speak. My friend got extremely jealous and felt like he deserved it more. I tried to tell him i would teach him if he wanted, but he said it would hurt his pride....

He also goes through moments of depression online, when he realizes hes dropped out of school, is fat, and has no real face-to-face friends. When he reflects on this, he starts acting very weird and happy in a messed up way.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS KINDA PERSON?!?!
please i need some advice. If i dont figure a way to help him, i think i will just stop talking to him bc there is truly no point with arguing to someone who is so closed minded.

[Kazbadan]

It seems that your friend is emotionally unstable with a very low self esteem. He is fat and he may think that worth nothing and that girls will not love him (maybe he has no girl friend. You have a hard job in hands...

First, if you win on any game with him, you must cumpliment him in a serious way. But when he wins or when he acomplish something hard (be it AP, a good art work, etc) cumpliment him in a way that doesnt look arrogant or meaning, or in a way like if you were superior (even if not being arrogant. Do uou see when a father says something good to a little child when i acomplish something (for example a nice paint draw)?

How does the father act? He says "Oh, very well Danny", etc..in a way that its obviously to childish or with compassion. Avoid that attitude with your friend because he will detect that. When he gets something hard to get due to his work treat him with respect like if he was a master on it. When you cumpliment Kasparov you dont see "Oh, very well Kasparov, you just beat the most powerful chess PC in the world"..no, instead you say "Wow! amazing! I must say that you donne a great work!"

You see, this kind of guys has low self esteem and they need to hear this kind of things.

Anyway, if he starts to get arrogant with you or too competitve, dont be to much good with him. Show your feeling. If he wins you in a basket game or if he knows that its better than you in AP and then he starts acting arrogant with you, just say: "Hey you dont need to do that. I dont like arrogant people. When you win something i will not "beat you" or have fun on you." and then explain that if you were in his position with any other person you would never treat him /her on that way.

I´ve a cousin that sometimes starts to act a little bit arrogant when he wins something. Another good option for that its just ignore him. He wins and i act i say "no, i dont want to play any more" or i say "have you finished"? I mean...he may have some serious mental problems but thats not an excuse for you must accept such attitudes.

About being fat: any fat guy, with hard work (yes, hard work...not miracles) can went a gymn and in 3 months get a great body. Fat guys are even more lucky than thin guys because they already have what they need to create muscles. I am very thin and for me its very hard to have any muscles. Say that do him (fat guys are lucky than thin) and put him in a gymn with a good coach.

You must find friends for him too. Having friends and having funny things to do in life are very important things to be happy. He really must go out with people. Maybe you should find some shy freinds to him or he may feel in "danger".

This are soe random ideas. Maybe later i will come back with more. must go now.

[OrionsDream]

Kazbadan, it seriously seems like you have read my mind and his.

You are exactly correct. Whenever i compliment him on something, such as energy work, he knows that i'm better, and gets very mad, in a held-in-way because he says i'm acting superior. Yes he actually says that.

I do like that suggestion about the not complimenting him as a superior, but as a 'you are really good at it, better then me in fact!' kind of way. Hopefully he won't start to go to extremes and think i'm manipulating him... in the past he thinks i have.

Problem with this situation tho is, that i am about 5 states apart from him. He will start to run, or do some exercise, but then a couple of weeks later he stops and wont start because of some reason or another.

I have done in the past exactly what you said, how to respond to his competitive spirit, because he is VERY competitive, thinking everything is a race. It has worked, but made him depressed in a way. I'm pretty sure hes an introvert (scared of public) or close to one.

He is about to turn 16 and is doing some internet high school thing cause he dropped out of regular one. I looked it up, and it is a sad excuse for schooling, but he will get a secondary high school diploma none the less.

Overall, he has one friend near him, and that friend uses him more than he can imagine, tho he does suspect it.

He is on marijuana, and every cent he gets he spends on it. He actually has stolen 50 dollars from his brother, and 190 dollars from one of his old rich friends. He asked his mom for money, and she gave him 40, not knowing what he was to do with it.

Thank you so much, and please if you have any other ideas, i welcome them.

[Kazbadan]

wow! marijuana? internet school? thats bad...he will never get any friends in internet school!

friends are so much important, and getting a girlfriend...he really need self confidence.

i suspect that its a case for a psychologist, but you really must find one that its good. other point, does the guy have any father/mother/family? its very important to have them knowing this problems.

Other idea: if he is not wanting to went on a gymn, maybe he want to went on something nice. He must find a nice hobbie/activity with other people. MAybe camping (maybe scouting groups). It will combine exercise, nature and friendship.

Oter random idea that just occured me: when he gets really angry with you, dont speak with him. Just say that its better to let the ideas to cool down a little, they go away for 20-30 minutes..thats the time that experts say that body will take in order to drop the "angry" state (during that time, substances in your body that makes you go angry will disapear). Only them he may be more relaxed for speaking.

This guy may have more problems than we imagine. Maybe some family problems that created such angry on him. I really advice a good psychologist...what i am saing here are just little ideas for specific problems and even so that y maybe will not work.

Tell me more if you get, in the future, any results with him.

Wish you the best.

-kazbadan-

[OrionsDream]

Ah yeah, that would be a good idea except that hes 5 lives states away from me and i dont know his parents or his phone number so i could call them.
Yeah i agree i wish he would make friends, but he is afraid of society! hes afraid of what random strangers will think of him if he goes out.

everyday i ask him what he did today after i come back from school, and he says 'nothing'. day after day
sorry this is so short, gotta go to school, but more posted lata. thanks

[Kazbadan]

are you the same age as him?...much older? how did you met him?

anyway, its really necessary to d osomething.

i work with kids and my experience says that this kind of teenagers have a strong potential to commit suicide or any other crazy thing (be it robbering, or anything worst). They do that because society, in their view, its the cause of all their suffering.

This guy must suffer a  lot i think.

My only advice its really the doctor...they have "tools" for dealing with people with such problems...unless he is very strong it will be difficult to get out from that situation. Eventually his anger and grease will grow up, same too for depression. Sooner or later, if nothing is done...i expect the worst.

Mean while, maybe you should do some of the tips that i said or maybe buying a book about how to deal with suicidal dudes. Make him know that you are with him. Be funny, dont be the confident guy that will ear him. only sometimes you should listen to his problems. If he is whinning all the time, that will create more negative thoughts.

When i was depressive, i would like to have someone that could listen to me but i know that if that happened to much times it would be bad. When i was depressive, being with funny friends, going o the movie, play soccer with firends, etc were the best things i could ever had.

Such normal things would make me see that i was normal, that life can have funny things and that i have friends.

sorry if i cannot be of more help, but his problem must be dealed with a competent person i think.

[OrionsDream]

I am actually a bit less than a year younger than him. Probably around 8 months younger, and with his ego/pride that age is not on my side =/

I am actually, now that i look back on this, really really really mad at him. He was given a gift when he found this spiritual/energy information, and he is dwindling it away, then gets mad at me when i do it better than him. He constantly blames society and reptilians for all his troubles. Ok ok when you get down to it, sure its their fault, but it WAS their fault, now its his fault for not even attempting to fix it.

It just pains me so much, it sparks me, that he is detiorating his own life to the point of no return! To me, his actions are of those of an idiot.

He also keeps saying marijuana is if anything, good for you bc it raises spiritual awarness stuff. But if thats so, is it just coincidence he dropped out of high school when he started using the drugs? Pheraps that is true about marijuana, but if it is, it is only true for those with a strong will to resist the negative effects, and he does not fall into that category.

I think i will stop talking to him shortly. I think he is at the point where he is so closed minded, his brain has put up a sign saying "no common sense allowed".
agree? any more suggestions?

[Kazbadan]

it seems that you are little time with him (5 states apart)..so its better to act like Runlola says: when you get with him focus on nice things. Thats all you can do YOu are 1% of the time with him maybe. NNow his destiny its in his hands.


you cannot change the world.

some people accept help and they will change themselves at time if someone helps them..but not everybody.

Dont get depressed for others life. YOu already must carry your own fate. Thats a lot. If you try to carry the destiny of others you will fall down. Its not your fault. You have done what you can. Relax.

[OrionsDream]

Yeah ur right. I actually think that i'm gonna take like a 'break' from him. Just stop talking to him for a while or so, and maybe stop for good. Im the kinda person who once i'm in a challenge or something, its so hard for me to get out of it. So from now on, no more pointless convo's.

[Kazbadan]

Correct. Besides that, in any situation of my life i notice that if i am into something to hard and if i get out for somewhile, wheni come back again i will bee more lucid, relaxed and with more ideas.

some for you in this case too.

[OrionsDream]

yeah ditto. thanks