Saying Hello and Updating on Personal Current Events

[Nameless]

As you probably know by now my husband passed only a short while ago. I apologize for not being around more but I'm confident you all understand.

There have been a lot of ups and downs, most especially the last couple of months. I'm at a stage now where I just don't know what to do but I am trying to just relax and let things sink in and settle. Even though I've been prepared for this there is just no way to prepare fully.

One of the last things he said to me was for me to just do me after he was gone. I thought, yeah sure no problem. I now know how big a problem that really is. I don't know who I am. I get up in the morning and there's no one to check on, no meds to administer, no breakfast to prepare. No one to clean up. No television blaring on and on. No more doctors appointments. No one getting upset if I take a break and spend a moment chillin.

We had a beautiful service here at home this past Saturday with lots of family and my kids friends. Couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. I'm glad he isn't suffering anymore. I've a feeling he's very happy right now.

I've been having lots of dreams lately although I can't specifically remember any of them. I just wake with a feeling that it was good. That has been a great help.

I'm free now to do anything I want and it just pisses me off that my own health makes that hope very dim indeed.

Oh well, it is what it is. I know this post isn't really relevant to this forum. I just reckon I needed to express myself so thanks for letting me do that.

Hugs

[Xanth]

You've been through a very intense, life changing event... it's enough to knock the strongest of us off our swagger.
You're more than welcome to express yourself here as much as you want. 

It doesn't sound like you really need any advice as it feels like you're just having to re-find yourself at this point and you know that.

I will make one suggestion... your own health is usually not always a lost cause.  Get out doing things.  We only wither when we stop moving.  Always keep moving. 

[Nameless]

Thanks Xanth, appreciate the suggestion. You're right my health isn't a lost cause it just aint good as I need it to be. Maybe now I'll have time to take care of me. I'm not used to that and it feels really strange but first I have to find an income. But it'll all be okay, don't know how but I'm trusting it will.

Anyway right now I'm just wanting to jump in and maybe help some one ap or ld or something. Anything to feel productive. Lots of love to ya.

[LightBeam]

Hi Nameless, be strong, time will sort things out. As you said, just trust things will be provided to you in time of need. I have done the ultimate trust exercise a few times when it seemed that there was no way out, but shortly after I released everything to God/Universe/whatever you call it, things developed in my advantage out of no where.
You need to take care of yourself, yes. Our vehicles are precious and fragile. You can start with a cleanse, cut out all added sugar, have a few fruits, but lots of veggies and some meat. I think this is quite affordable, as veggies are the cheapest. I like to have for dinner cream soups. Just add some frozen veggies like broccoli, kale, green peas, green beans, etc to a boiling water with some bouillon, then puree them and add spices.

[Xanth]

Baby steps.  We're all not quite where we want to be health-wise. 

Start off going for walks.  Before I got into running, I used to love walking.  It was nice to just get out and was a good way to clear my head... my head was really full of crap back then.  LOL

............. still is from time to time.  hehe

[Plume]

Hello Nameless, I will agree with all that is been said here about health , fresh air and lots of walk in nature.
It is a big change for you , i could not imagine how it would feel to be where you are now. Funny that you say you don't know who you are , often we only see ourself throught what we are for others, we invest so much on that projection. Well it looks like you need to let things unfold with time. I am around here and there .
I am still on track with my crazy dreams... got to finish this church contract by Mai and will release my DreamCatchers this summer. There is one for ....

[Phildan1]

Funny how I'm rushing into this trust and "unfolding in time" thing too. I guess we never get used to this allowing thing in our human life and it hurts when we are adults. We tend to force things. I tend to see this in life the other way but I guess time delay (when the NP tries to help) messes up all. This is one problem in my personal life and I still try to catch the tail how it works while we live on this end of the game. Did anybody else experience this in his/her life that if we need something in life, it will unfold with patience? I wonder if this is the case.

[SCHMUSTIN]

Nameless,

My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones.
It is hard loosing a close loved one and at time seems hard to stay your path, as it may seem unfair and wrong. But just know, you are a strong person, and I can tell that from your posts over the last few years.

He is watching, he is listening and he is here to guide/help you. Watch for the signs and you will know. I know, i know... I am preaching to the choir LOL!

Have you found a Dime ($0.10 Coin) yet? After my mother passed a year ago, I tend to find them in really strange places in my experience.
I believe the dime represents your angels telling you you are on the right path and keep going.

Maybe your husband will find a different way to communicate. Just be open.

I am sending loving thoughts your way! All the best to you and your family in this experience.

Stay Strong, Stay The Path, Have Faith.... You will be OK!

[Nameless]

Plume I love your crazy dreams and am still looking forward to your finale. Miss you girl.

LightBeam your advice to eat healthy is spot on, it's something I have been neglecting for far too long. My body is seriously missing fresh produce right now. Gonna cure that tomorrow

Xanth, you are so right about walking (my favorite sport). I've been neglecting that too mostly due to my legs being stubborn and complaining all the time. I did rake some leaves though so that should count for something.

Oh yes Phil, I'm open to new pathways and suspect a few right around the corner.

Thank you SCHMUSTIN, I rarely find dimes, mostly pennies and nickles all the time. But the other day I found 3 dimes, interesting you would mention it.

I want to thank all you just for being you and being here. Now, let's get some conversations going up in here, lol.

[Xanth]

Xanth, you are so right about walking (my favorite sport). I've been neglecting that too mostly due to my legs being stubborn and complaining all the time. I did rake some leaves though so that should count for something.

As long as there is no actual "pain", just "discomfort"... then walk like crazy! 
Pain denotes something wrong... discomfort is just your brain trying to talk you out of doing something good for yourself.
Tell it to STFU! 

[Plume]

So glad you like my crazy ideas 
Got distracted and I am on track again , for some reason I know you know that and you somehow  you make me feel that you know more then I know about my crazy dreams... fascinating ...

[Nameless]

LOL Xanth! My body hears the stfu quite often.

Plume all I truly know is that you have great things in store.