The dreaded leap of fear

[Selski]

Nay

You touched a nerve.

I'm not ready to go there yet - but I applaud you for doing so.

Sarah

[Nay]

quote:Originally posted by runlola




was it the ex or current that you were leaving with the suitcase?

That is a good question.. It was my current husband that was standing there, while I was packing.  I'm thinking that was a symbol of me finally packing away my fears of my ex-husband and my current, or was current fears of my now husband of leaving me, because I felt I wasn't worthy of such a kind man.

But who knows..I'm just surprised I haven't had a panic attack yet..lol

Thanks for your question Runlola. []

Nay

[Nay]

quote:Originally posted by Selski

Nay

You touched a nerve.

I'm not ready to go there yet - but I applaud you for doing so.

Sarah

Oh..I really hope it was not too bad a nerve.[]  I really think this will help me along my path and was hoping others would learn along with me.

Thanks Sarah, and know I'll totally be here for you, when you're ready. []

Nay

[daem0n]

glad you made it

the most embarrasing dream i ever had was when i was screwing my mother, don't really know why, it had been a couple of years ago

see, it isn't that difficult

[daem0n]

and i feel nothing, 2 months ago i would be crying if someone found out

[Nay]

quote:Originally posted by daem0n

glad you made it

the most embarrasing dream i ever had was when i was screwing my mother, don't really know why, it had been a couple of years ago

see, it isn't that difficult

Hahahahaha...*wipes hand slowly down face*  You have a way with words, I'll give ya that.[]

Thanks for your honesty..[] *I think a vessel just popped in my head*

Nay

[Nay]

Good Day everyone. []

I titled this, "the dreaded leap of fear" because there comes a time in ones life when you just have to work without that safety net.  And my day has come.  

This may not seem like a big deal to most, but believe me, I'm shaking right now, because I'm about to become quite vulnerable, at least that's what it feels like to me.  

I've had it most of my life, thanks to a multitude of abuse and disfunctional surroundings.   I don't trust people..period.  I've learned to trust a select few on these forums, but that is about as far as it goes..and even then, I'm not really open to these people, I still hold things close to my chest.  

I've mentioned awhile back on another thread, that I've been doing alot of thinking lately...and well, it seems that for me to move past this I need to stop being so closed up and communicate things about myself and stop thinking that people will laugh, criticize, or just plain out ignore me.  

Easy you say?  that's just it...not easy at all for me, not in the least.  Fear has me in its nasty grip, but no longer I say.  Fear can come in so many different forms and it's so different for each and everyone of us but I'm sure some will be able to relate to this in one way or another.

I'm going to paste a dream I had on, ummmmmmm..ok, just looked it up and it was April the first!  hehehe, having the sense of humor I have, that isn't lost on me..[]  

Anyway, I shared this dream with three people from the forums.  I didn't share it(on the public forums) until now because of the fear, the personal nature of it and plus it is a bit graphic...so go no farther if you don't want to read it.  

Since this dream I've had more experiences that just keep pushing torwards....well..this!  Me sharing and working without that safety net or fear.  And I'm gonna be honest, it's no big secret that some people really dislike me, and frankly it's like I'm giving them something to use against me.....soooo, like I said, this is a big step for me and hopefully will clear my path to continue onward.  I only changed a few things in this..like I took out the names of the people I sent it to.

I'm so excited that I almost can't contain myself!!!

I know that now it was a "training" of sorts..I don't like that word but you know what I mean.

I will do my upmost best to keep this short, but I have much to tell so please bear with me! Plus this is going to be a bit graphic..I will once again try and not be too crude, but it was how it was presented to me, in order for the emotions to be dragged out of me.

Woke up this morning around five, came on the forums, not many post. I go back to bed and start relaxing. I started to get somewhere but my son woke me up, which is fine because I don't think I was in the right place anyhow.

Get right back into it and find myself in the house I live in now. There was a tornado (have lots of tornado dreams) oh, I guess I should say that I wasn't really lucid..up until the end.

Anyway, I save the people in the house of course and see that the tornado once again just passes us by. I keep fading in and out at this point and struggle to stay in the "dream"

I now find myself looking at my husband and he is doing something that no human should do with a animal. At this point I'm just kinda in shock not really any emotions, just stunned at what I am seeing. and once again I start to be pulled awake and struggle to hang on, I manage once again to go back. But now it is my ex-husband that is coming for me. He was in the process of breaking down the door and I knew he was going to beat my arse good.

Now this got a fear emotion, not overwhelming but there. I call the police and of course he gets in before they can make it there. He is chasing me and catches me and proceeds to beat me. I fade out yet AGAIN!! but come right back to me standing out on my street showing people my bruises, I even looked in a mirror and my face, neck and back were covered.

The ppl around me felt sorry, but again I am not feeling anything but indifference to it, like..yeah, its happened again and now is done. For some reason I felt this would never happen again, that this was the last time.

I go out onto the street only to find my husband standing there with several men and women. The men are lined up, naked. The women were performing oral sex on them and I was having to witness my husband enjoy the pleasure of another woman.

Now normally (and in the past) I would be freaked out and crying at this point and wake up with the feelings still hanging with me and I know this sounds stupid but I would have anger towards my husband even though he has no control over what I do in my silly dreams.

BUT...nothing, I tell you I felt nothing... I wasn't hurt, angry, jealous, sad...nothing.

So I guess they decided to try to kick it up a notch. My husband now is sporting a pierced um...penis. He is very proud to show me this.. Not to mention everyone else standing around. Ok, this got some emotion but not much again.

Then it is like a light bulb went off in my head. I walked away from the crowd..and next thing I know I am sitting in a dark room in a chair in front of a tv. Three men are sitting behind me. They start to show me on the tv what I just went thru. I start laughing, point at the tv and turn around and say "this part coming up, you should use that as the promo" (I have no idea why I said that..) But they laughed and say.."She is gooooood"..

Bam!..back out on the street with the crowd, with the light bulb still going off, I walk towards a suitcase and start packing my stuff.

NOTE: I have to add this so you will understand. In the dreams with my husband I'm usually crying and begging him to love me and not do this..yadda, yadda...I have actually grabbed onto his legs while he walked away, dragging me with him..

This time though, he came next to me while I was packing my suitcase and it was him whom was begging and crying for me not to leave him. I just looked at him and said "no, I'm done with this and this time I really mean it"

I then really have a lightbulb moment..and start saying really loud. "Wow, ok..I am fine... I can do anything I want now, I can be anything I want"

I did a little jump..but uh oh..I go straight up in the air, with my legs a kicking..lol.. I then knew I was in the astral.

It was so clear now, I had finally shed that last fear that I would be no one without someone else, that I didn't need someone else to validate my life.

I learned to love myself at that moment...I am a good person, I am worthy of my husbands love. I'm not that battered child anymore who can't cry because it brought more pain. I can stop thinking the other shoe is going to drop. I can stop fearing more pain in my life, well at least that kind of pain. Not saying my life is going to be nothing but a bed of roses from here on out, but....I will handle it because I truly can.

Then I woke up. I feel so light..hehehe.. I can't describe it. I feel like I shed the last layer of skin that was holding me back. I feel...reborn.

I also wonder if me getting over all these emotions will not help me navigate much better in the astral. I feel it will, I really feel that I am going to start having some wonderful stuff happen.

Needless to say....I wasn't over all the fear in my life.   Just those paticular fears.  I was so silly for thinking that everything was fine now, because it wasn't.  Hence why I'm doing this now, it is another fear, that I've been shown to overcome.  

I have to stop thinking I'm superwoman, and I don't need to fear the help and love from others, if they are willing to give it.  It doesn't make me weak, to need help and seek advise, it makes me human.  

Welp, I guess that's it...lol.  I'm leary of posting this now....grrrr..  can I take that leap?  *do it Nay, do it!*
But where in the world do I put this...Astral Chat or Dreams..I guess..Chat.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

Nay

[Tayesin]

Hi Nay,
Exceptional bravery was shown by you in posting this thread, not so much in context with the dream but more-so about You feeling your inner fear and still going ahead and posting intimate details of your life for public scrutiny.  Well done.

It appears you have an excellent handle on the dream messages so I won't comment too much on that.  You know in our dreams that they can and do illustrate many aspects of our inner self, fears, perversions and addictions etc, etc, which I think you had in abundance with that dream and it's not so disjointed visions.

The change in power-play with your husband is an important issue.  And in knowing that you are changed this in the dream will also open real life opportunities for you to ensure you remain in your power as opposed to being dis-empowered because of the indoctrinating processes you experienced in your earlier years.

What you did was to Transfer dream-vision-message into real life action and ultimately it was to your own benefit to do so.  You may find in the time we are in with the energy that is growing quickly around us, that you are also moving through deep issues as a simple matter of course.  Which applies to so very many of us now who are being supported in growth.

It seems to me that you are being asked to move on through those fears and issues, and there would be many from the kind of raising you experienced, to move through.  Again, that is not so different to what many others are being asked to do for themselves now.

In essence, this is an awakening for you, and an important one that will allow you to stand strong in the face of adversity in the real world.   You already feel that strength now even if some doubt does creep in from time to time.  

I appreciated your knowing that people may laugh, heap crap on, or lots of other possibilities yet you went ahead and did it anyway.  And no one has done those things in response !  So not only did the dream show you the way forward for you but you actually manifest the opportunity to test yourself as to whether you would go with the inner message or decide to stay in the place you were in.  You chose to move on through and now feel the benefits that come naturally with the doing despite fear.

It also seems to me that you are becoming clearer on issues that have held you back and that have also pre-empted relationship decisions in your life so that you can handle what comes along your way.  This dream shows this to be the case.

It is all good.  Even the upsetting imagery of the dream wasn't enough to prevent you from feeling more empowered in yourself and more able to decide clearly on your direction and not be ambushed by the issues you have had that previously controlled you.

LOL, I think I have said the same things in a couple of different yet similar ways.  

You know, i get the feeling that the reason the dream imagery was so sordid and slapped you in the face was for you to see how you would deal with such extremes.. and again you came through it without a scratch.

Thanks so much for sharing the dream, more than the dream, the-not-written but easily seen deeper issues and the strength you found in yourself to move on through all of it.

Love Always.  

[clandestino]

Needless to say....I wasn't over all the fear in my life. Just those paticular fears. I was so silly for thinking that everything was fine now, because it wasn't. Hence why I'm doing this now, it is another fear, that I've been shown to overcome.

Hi Nay !

Its amazing how fears often lie under the surface. I like to think to myself "There's nothing* I'm afraid of."

Yet, I know really that there are things, emotions, that I fear. I will avoid situations in order to reduce the likelihood of facing these fears.

Its hard for me to appreciate how difficult creating this post must have been for you - because I myself have never really chosen to confront my fears head on. One day, I guess I will !

Kind regards,
Mark

* Ok, I'll admit I'm a bit scared of tigers. And dogs.  

[CaCoDeMoN]

Thanks for sharing your dream, Nay!
Something similiar to what you decribed happened to me this summer. I've had problems with controlling my fears, to the point that it became unbearable. This was mostly caused by problems in school(i was beaten by classmates almost everyday) when I was younger and a hard childhood.
On one night I've had very vivid dream, in which my father insulted me. Normally I would not do anything, just ignore him, because my fear would be too strong to say anything. In this dream I've told him that he has no right to insult me. He came to me and started to threaten me. He threw more insults, told me that he would beat me, and shook his fists, but I wasn't scared at all. I knew that he will not harm me, a I just sit and watched him calmly. At this moment I've realized that fear is only illusion, and I woke up. Now all my fears are gone, I am not afraid of agression anymore, my fear of darknes also left me(before it was really annnoying). When my father was very angry at my mother recently, and told her such things that nearly made her cry, I've gone to their room and explained him what I think of his actions. And the strange thing is that he didin't insulted me or threatened me as always, but he tried to explain why he is so agressive. After a short discussion with me he apologized to my mom, and the whole week has passed, and he didn't argue with her.
I think that dream that you've had is an indicator of emotional blockage breaking, of course you still have to confront your fears after that, but it is much easier.

[Nay]

Tay, thanks!   That is how I felt about the dream.   wonderful that you saw between the lines like that!  I will say that I've been feeling alot more at ease when it comes to being open and trusting.  It is strange how I can shut down after a time..but I'm determined to ride it out....no easy way out of this one.

Mark, thanks to you too!   Come on..share some fears with us..hehe   That is one of my problems...pretending..or I should say denying, that I do have fears.  I must take the "I'm cool and not afraid of anything" mask off before I can really allow myself to grow.  

CaCoDeMon, thanks to you too..lol.  Isn't it great when we get a sense of release and understanding through our dreams??    Very cool dream! Thanks for sharing.

Now I feel like I sould be saying..."I love you man"..HEHE  

Nay

[Tayesin]

You are welcome Nay.

I say I am not afraid of death, as any day is a good day to die.  But, not just yet thanks !!

So I learn as a parent that I now fear dying before my daughter is an adult.

I fear screwing up my new and excellent relationship because I had previously been single and celibate for eight years through choice and have found my One... don't want to lose that.... Fear.

When I focus on feelings in my body they always lead to a Fear based inner issue.

We carry so many fears inside us that we aren't aware of, and all that on top of the fears we know we have !

I found that we can quite simply work through our inner fears, if we apply ourselves that is.  Doing it is easy, making myself do it is difficult as the fears and programming don't want to release their powerful hold over us..

This process works by thinking about the issues that raise our fears, then focus on the feeling that comes with it.  You have to stick to it and make yourself go into it and allow the previously un-wanted feelings to come up fully so that we do really feel them this time.

Most people want to escape about now, but by persevering with it, the feeling will weaken and then you may well get an image in your mind's eye.. a core image they are called.  Once you recognise this image you can discard it using any visualization that you want.  It really does work folks.

Recently events have occured that show me it is time to stand up and not let fear rule me any more.  What specific fear ?  The fear that I allowed myself to hide behind so that I didn't have to be what I am in the world.  I immediately felt stronger again when recognising this fear of being Self and knew that I can move through this one by just doing it and ignoring the Chatter of the mind that tries to convince us we are going the wrong way!

So Nike were correct !!!!!  

Love Always.