School and Home

[Steelflame]

Alright, so today was my first day back to school and yesterday was my first day back with my mom after spending most of the summer at my grandparent's. My dilemna began yesterday. Alright so, on my way back home I stopped to spend some time with a friend who I probably won't see for at least a couple weeks, probably more. We're really close and I had a really good time with her, but I could see she was really sad that she wouldn't see me for quite a while, and she could see I was quite sad about it too. So when I got home, I was already a bit down. When I got home, I went inside and this is when my emotions really started to blacken. My room was empty except for a mattress on my bed frame. Apparently, my mom allowed the house to get so humid that mold grew all over my stuff, which is ironic because she has a mold phobia. The only things of mine that were still in the house was my clock, my art box, and my chair. She said I can keep my clock after she cleans it, same with the art box, but the chair was literally covered in mold. Needless to say, I was quite upset. She said I couldn't even sleep in my bed because she had to wipe the mattress with bleach first. So, I ended sleeping on a bed with a sheet and a damp blanket with no pillow in my street clothes. This combined with many other things that have happened with my mom really hit me hard. I got up in the morning, got my things out of the car because there was literally nowhere to put them inside, and got on the bus. School was normal, it sucked. This is the end of the story part.

So, the reason I'm writing this is not to complain, but seek help. Right now, my insides feel like they are destroying themselves, and I just want to scream. Everything has been building up inside and having to come home when It's worse than it's ever been and declining, and start going to school which I hate with a passion, has sort of triggered every negative emotion I've ever buried and I feel like I'm dying inside.

[Bluefirephoenix]

Well mom is right to wipe things down with bleach because mold isn't good for either your skin or your breathing. Coping with long distance relationships is an adjustment. It's really hard to move away from someone your attached to. I know what this is like I've had to deal with long distance relationships most of my life with one family member or friend or other. It takes a couple weeks to pick up the mood but you do adjust to it. Physical activity is probably the best thing for you right now and I know in spite of your dislike for school getting into the school work will help you cope. Focusing on things that need to be done tends to take the energy away from a depressed mood. .. It's worth a try anyway.  Something about school School is your ticket to freedom in living here. If you do well you can do pretty much what you like job wise and believe me that's a big plus as that sucks far worse than school does if you cannot do what you like or at least something tolerable. The better you do at this the better off you'll be.. Your coping with this learning to do something you don't really want to do is one of the most difficult things you have to deal with

My husband and I started out as a long distance relationship we had to cope with that then dealing with immigration and I had to do all kinds of testing so I could work in Canada. So I had to cope with that and studying for exams I had already passed and material I hadn't touched in 20 year and I had to pass with high marks in order to get my license here. So I feel your pain believe me.

[jadrian70]

It's difficult to offer advice when we can't see the whole story.

I can look at your previous posts and determine that you're 15 and live in a strict Christian household.

I can read this post and ask how does someone allow a home that they live in to become over run with mold to the extent you describe?  And my first suspicion would be that your mom may be suffering from depression or some kind of mental illness.  You also mentioned other things happening with your mom in the past and it seems like this summer you may have escaped to the refuge of your grandparents home.

Again, without really knowing your situation, it's difficult to offer advice.   I could say, why not live with your grandparents full time, but perhaps you would already be doing that if you could.   I could say, stay in school - it won't last forever and you need it to get a good job etc.  And I'd be right, but the fact is I DO remember how that sounded when I was 15 and frankly, it didn't help.  I loathed school too.

You're here poking around Astral Pulse and finding that there are people in the world who don't think the way your family does.  They're open to new ideas and experiences and aren't going to judge you if you say something that sounds a little crazy.  Take advantage of these resources. Instead of trying to learn to manifest objects, maybe take a break for a while and learn to meditate in order to find peace.

That being said, the best generic advice I can offer is hang in there.  Nothing stays the same forever.  Things do and will change.  You won't be in school forever.  You won't live at home forever.  You won't be parted from your friends forever.  Everything is about choice.  Actively choosing/deciding how you're going to react to your environment can be a very helpful tool.  If you decide beforehand that you are not going to allow yourself to become upset by "insert antagonist here", you immediately give yourself control.   Good luck to you.

[Steelflame]

Thank you both for your advice and kind words, in hindsight that post was a bit melodramatic so thank you for not calling me out on that. Even though this is only a forum, your posts have given me a little boost in confidence and I'm sure I can make it, so again, thank you. 

[Bluefirephoenix]

I used to be a high school nurse and believe me I used to get questions like this all the time.  With very very few exceptions, things usually turn out okay. With your limited experience you cannot always see that but I know from experience with high school students most  do just fine and adjust to whatever they have to to. Change is hard and coping difficult.