Three Jokes to brighten your day...

[Eukaryote]

Funny!!!!

[amazing abilities]

quote:Originally posted by Blossom:
Bear with me on this.. They go in order of funniest...  So laugh hard at the beginning and hold that thought...

A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor...

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?

"Make me one with everything."

When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
=============================================

The End Is Near!

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The end is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"
=============================================

And this is next one is not really a joke, but my 20 year old son brought this home from work today and gave it to me..  I really like it and just thought I would share it too..


A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.  When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks; rocks about 2" in diameter.  He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.  He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed that it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He then asked once more if the jar was full.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He then asked once more if the jar was full.  The students responded with an unanimous   --  yes..

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar  --  effectively filling the empty space between the sand.  The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.  The rocks are the important things -- your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.  The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.  The sand is everything else.  The small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the rocks."  "The same goes for your life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Play with your children.  Take time to get medical checkups.  Take your partner out dancing.  There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter.  Set your priorities.  The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled.  "I'm glad you asked.  It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

=========================

Sincerely,
Blossom

[amazing abilities]

sorry im new
but i have a question blossom i have a girlfriend and i have to meet her dad to take her out anywhere but she doesnt want me to becuase i think she is scared of her dad do you have any advice

[Jeff_Mash]

quote:Originally posted by amazing abilities:
sorry im new
but i have a question blossom i have a girlfriend and i have to meet her dad to take her out anywhere but she doesnt want me to becuase i think she is scared of her dad do you have any advice

Well, I can tell you what NOT to do.  Don't have any condoms fall out of your sleeve when you go to shake his hand.  http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile_big.gif" border=0>




Keep smiling,

Jeff Mash
MyJokeMail.com - Jokes and Humor
http://myjokemail.com

[fredhedd]

jeff-you may have started something good here.  by process of elimination the answer should prevail.  all everyone has to do is tell what not to do .  

no humpin in front of the dad.

don't worry amazing abilities, we'll get you through this.

[cainam_nazier]

Never actually tell the parents what you want to do to thier daughter when they are not around.

Most important.


David Rogalski
cainam_nazier@hotmail.com
I am he who walks in the light but is masked by the shadows.
http://www.prepaidliving.com/vip/David127385

[amazing abilities]

thanks guys all of you
and here is another question i have always believed in when something extremely bad is going to happen god gave the human body to do amazing things like when its using adrenaline of something or if youve ever watched dargon ball z powering up so what do you guys think?

[Blossom]

If you are referring to the unexplained strength of a mother lifting a car off her child, yes... that can happen..

[amcturbo]

Blossom,
Thanks for the laughs ... those are great! (Change must come from within ... ROFLMAO!)

Cheers!
Greg Taylor

"Whatever consciousness may be, it's not a small thing" - Ingo Swann
"Oh, I... ain't got no ... body" - David Lee Roth (Van Halen)

[Blossom]

Bear with me on this.. They go in order of funniest...  So laugh hard at the beginning and hold that thought...

A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor...

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?

"Make me one with everything."

When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
=============================================

The End Is Near!

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The end is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"
=============================================

And this is next one is not really a joke, but my 20 year old son brought this home from work today and gave it to me..  I really like it and just thought I would share it too..


A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.  When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks; rocks about 2" in diameter.  He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.  He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed that it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He then asked once more if the jar was full.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He then asked once more if the jar was full.  The students responded with an unanimous   --  yes..

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar  --  effectively filling the empty space between the sand.  The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.  The rocks are the important things -- your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.  The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.  The sand is everything else.  The small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the rocks."  "The same goes for your life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Play with your children.  Take time to get medical checkups.  Take your partner out dancing.  There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter.  Set your priorities.  The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled.  "I'm glad you asked.  It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

=========================

Sincerely,
Blossom