This little cornchip, known the the common folk was called a locke, wandered far from his home. You see he had lived his life in solitude with no dangers of any kind, but he knew that the world was not a peaceful place. He had spoken with wonderers before and heard stories of battles and mischief, and desired to know what was beyond the small walls of his own tiny town. So Lock ventured out in search of dangers that he had never imagined before...
As he took off he remembered a key point. Never to go over the same footprints twice. He knew that if he tried too hard to end up somewhere he has never been, he would most likely return to his original spot. He grabbed his hat...
.. And ate it. Then he put a nut shell on his head, and examined himself in the mirror, before leaving the village. He left at night, while everyone was asleep. Locke had never been or seen outside the village walls before, and it was a shock what he encountered, when he stepped through the gates. He saw a man, sitting in a barrel by a river, playing with a clam shell. He told Locke that he was the first man to ever have eaten an oyster..
...through his nose without sneezing. "Oh, how splendid" said Locke, with eyes open wide..."Can you give me a demonstration."
The man's face lit up with enthusiasm as he began to jump up and down inside his barrel, cackling like a madman and grinding his yellow teeth together. After calming down, the man reached into his pockets and...
......Pulled out 2 pints of lager and a packet of crisps.
"knock them back" said the strange man "and I'll go get an Oyster"
Locke agreed and began to drink the enchanted brew. After about 5 minutes locke had nailed both pints. He had just begun working on the chips when, out of nowhere....
..a giant Oyster burst out of the lake with a tremendous roar, followed quickly by the terrified man in the barrel.
The man in the barrel, let's call him.. Unfortunate, was about to be devoured by the monstrous Oyster when....
... the packet of crisps in Lockes hand blew open and an army of crisp soldiers appeared in attack formation infront of the giant Oyster.
*offtopic* I started one of these in another forum years ago. Each post had to be 3 words or less. Heh
*On with the story*
Then the army made a periminter around the moster. 5 soldiers combined their strength and became a tank. In 2 minuets, 8 tanks were made and ready to roar.
[This is my 50th post! yay!]
Locke, being half cornchip, could converse
with the crisp soldier/tanks. However, he had never seen an oyster
before, and he stood transfixed by the strange sight. The man in the
barrel started yodeling, breaking Locke out of his trance.
"Tell the crisps to attack!" yelled MIB (man in barrel, heh)
Locke commanded the soldiers to attack, in crisp language, but
his voice was slurred by the drink, and they thought he'd ordered them to..
..get jiggy with it. The tanks and what foot soldiers were left began gettin' down any which way they knew how. Seeing this the giant Oyster...
The oyster broke down into 3 dozen small oysters. Then the 3 dozen oysters destroyed all the tanks but one...
The effects of the drink had worn off by now, and, looking around him, Locke realised MIB had disappeared! He hung his head sadly. He has so wanted to see the oyster trick. But, there was no time for mourning, the oysters were coming. He hopped aboard the remaining crispy tank and drove away from the river at full speed.
The oysters reformed into their giant Overlord once again, and this giant oyster began to roll after Locke. Quickly he turned to face the beast, and without thinking or hesitating, he jumped from his tank and commanded the crisps to eat the giant oyster, shell and all. Crisps have profoundly strong teeth after all.
After the defeat of the oyster, Locke set his sights and his heart on the Great Mountains beyond, and his spirit filled with a sense of adventure...
Locke followed the river upstream in search for perhaps a waterfall, as he has always wanted to swim under one.
A short while into his journey he came across a large old black tree that had two short legs wearing dark blue pants sticking out of the side.
"Hello?... Are you alright in there?" Locke asked as he got closer to the tree.
"Help! I was just walking past when this tree tried to eat me!" replied an odd voice from the tree.
Locke was shocked and pulled at the short legs. He strained as the tree had a very tight grip on this thing.
Finally the tree gave way and out Popped a small man...
Thanks for saving me. I've been in there so long and I was beginning to think no one would come. My name is Indrid, and I'm trying to reach the village just past this forest. There were three friends with me, but we got seperated when...
I got conked over the head with a rather large and blackish tree branch *glares at the vaguely evilish looking tree* and swallowed right up into it's nasty smelling innards.
The tree suddenly stood up (very odd sight for a tree to do) and rattled it's leaves vigorously. And in a deep, annoyingly snappy voice it said "BAH! I was just trying to help you win at the game of hide-and-seek that you young chaps were playing...very boring it is around these parts sometimes, especially for us trees!"
The old tree was settling back down when...
..All of a sudden, the tree noticed the river had become full of snakes.
"Not the snakes! Their posionous to us tree-folk!"
And off he ran deep into the forest from the river of snakes.
Just then, locke noticed that..
Seven beutifull naked ladies were lieing down on the rocks by a small stream. One lady said
[thats a difficult one to work with]
.."Indrid..."
"How do you know my name?" Indrid asked. Locke looked at Indrid to see his eyes to start to get a spaced out and weary look to them.
"Indrid, swim across the river to us, Indrid. We'll give you all you ever wanted." The seven women all said together.
Indrid started walking closer to the snake filled river. Locke was starting to get very worried. Then he remembered about the old tales of the seven sirens that would call men to their death.
"Hold on Indrid," Locke tried to remember what the tale said about stopping the sirens, "The only way to stop them is...
...to throw pooh at them. Locke then reached down the back of his pants and pulled out "winnie the pooh"
Locke handed Indrid the pooh and said, "throw this at them they absolutely love pooh."
Indrid took the pooh and...
he gives it a nice ******BUMP****** over the head (for good luck) then throws it at the apparent harpies!
It falls short!
Indrid starts to jump in the river to recover the pooh bear when...
The bear comes to life and runs toward the ladies. The ladies all grouped around the bear and suddenly the bear says
"Kamicazeeee!" and kills all the women. Fortunatly the bear lived. The bear then...
....then undid a zipper down it front, and turned out to actually be Grunhilda the Radical Feminist Valkyrie.
"That will teach you, you promiscuous little tramps," she said as she surveyed the carnage around her with perverse delight. She reached inside the Bear suit, took out her sword and magic helmet and started off into the forest.
Just as she entered the trees she was stopped by a strange whispering noise from the river bank. She turned around and stared in bewilderment as glistening swirls of light danced over the bodies of the seven naked ladies. Her eyes widened in fear as.....
Oi, this is supposed to be about Locke the
cornchip thingy, not some stoopid Valkyrie!
Her eyes widened in fear as ... her heart gave out, and she fell dead to the ground. Spent too much time in a stuffy bear suit!!
The light she had seen was the souls of the sirens floating away. She could see them because she was about to die herself.
Anyway, enough about her, she is dead. Back to the wonderful Locke.
...
Locke and indrid decided to go together on the journey since bothe were on one. So they continued into the forest across the stream, before going on they look at the bodies of the seven girls and that valkarie lady. Too bad, we could of had great time with them (if ya know what i mean) indrid said. Locke replied in anger "this is not the time for sex talk now lets move on. so they........
Jumped onto the conviently place motorcylce that Indrid had in his pocket and headed through the forest. Of course being the enviromentally friendly "people" that they were they remembered to stay on the trails and not to disturb the...
Man eating Rabbit which attack only people by the name of Locke and Indrid. So They crept quietly past the home and as they went on, indrid tripped and.....
...tripped some more... "Man these shrooms are good! Would you like to try some, Locke?"
Locke peered over at Indrid, then at the little mushrooms in his reached out hand.
Having spent his life within the bounds of his village, Locke had never seen such strange looking mushrooms before. All the beautiful colours, the blue, the silver, red and green, all swirled together. Locke's eyes sparkled with a hypnotic glare, as he scooped the mushrooms from Indrid's hand, and gobbled them up.
[what happened to the man eating rabbit?]
i thought the rabbit would eat indrid and leave Locke on his own.
oh well continue the story.
He then started to trip as well. After a wile the bolth grew very paranoid. So they walked away from each other. Locke walked into the rabbits house and got aten savagly.
Soaked in blood and slippery goo, Locke started thrashing around inside the rabbit's stomach in search of an exit. Surprisingly it was very spacious inside, and well lit too. Splashing around in the stomach acid, bouncing off the pink gooey walls, Locke's paranoia soon turned into...
nothing. He got over his trip and pulled out a macheti. He then sliced open a huge hole in the bunnies stomac and...
...climbed out to find out that it was in fact the White Rabbit! Well, Alice, The Mad Hatter and the rest of the guests at the tea party had a look of murder in their eyes as their gazes bore down on Locke.
With knives, forks, cups, saucers, boiling hot tea and the odd rock hard over baked scone flying at him, Locke....
Remembered he still had half of a mushroom left from earlier, ate it and suddenly grew huge!
(I bet nobody saw that coming)
(lol I didn't lullabi)
Locke then stomped on the Mad Hatter and co. in a very ravage fashion, flew out of Wonderland and gave his thanks to the feminist movements of the Queen by taking a dump on them all. To finish off the job of destroying those evil little cards, he pulled out a deck of Magic: The Gathering and to his surprise, the monsters actually jumped out and kicked the other cards' asses.
Once he was out of Wonderland he was beyond the mountain, and what he saw beyond was nothing other than....
Mr. Monkey who was a kindhearted fellow but of course he has some serious weakness's...like whenever he typed who wohoixh xl mess ss up and things like a time when he was in the shop and Wilbur the Monkey came up to him and said How do ya do will purdue? but hey...whats with the jay! wheres my pay! damn yeeeee and thats how its goes down there....its kind of like that time when
[ummm.......pass]
I caught you masterbating! I remember that day clearly, I passed out then...
"HOW ABOUT THEM NICKS?", yelled Locke in an odd attempt to change the subject. "Oh, well never mind", Lock continued, "It's about time I got back to my journey." Slightly confused Locke looked around for some familiar ground.... "Where was I heading again?"
We were heading to the enchanted village beyond the Forest.said indrid, Lock and Indrid continue along and stop by a odd looking tree, it had many Toad stools growing on it. but they were'nt white, they were differant colors. So Lock and Indrid get a closer Look and to their amazement the toad stools were.........
All staring up at them! "WOW!" said Locke, in sheer shock! He had never seen living toadstools before. But then the Mario Bros. came along and ate the toadstools. "MAMAMIA! Those-a weren't the best-a toadstools Luigi." Said Mario. Then with a big bllllooing! they took off to save the Mushroom Kingdom.
"How wierd the big wide world is," thought Locke. So they kept walking. Soon enough, they came to another big tree, but this big tree had a big hole in it, that led to an underground city! (or so said the sign by the hole). So Locke and Indrid followed down that hole and...
went falling into an infinite falling fashion which never stopped! After 2 or 3 hours they got bored and Locke was getting impatient. he asked with an agry voice " how long do you think we've been falling?
Indri replied "i dunno but this falling is getting me sleepy. and than they finnaly came to the end! They fell onto the city street and looked around. They saw.......
a monkey who was masturbating....and he told him to spell it right you monkey mojo mata...and then he thought he was gay....but then he realized he was just sad...and then it was like a giant mushroom started to dance outside....it started to sing that song....and then
started to go after the person in your head....and he started to hear a voice in his mind....go get me a drink you monkey....but then he thought...where is this voice coming from...THE SCREEN!...ack!
Who is this? Bob!
silly humans.....then bob started to get really scared because he saw a huge hideous ugly....
quote:
Originally posted by Arie
a monkey who was masturbating....and he told him to spell it right you monkey mojo mata...and then he thought he was gay....but then he realized he was just sad...and then it was like a giant mushroom started to dance outside....it started to sing that song....and then
started to go after the person in your head....and he started to hear a voice in his mind....go get me a drink you monkey....but then he thought...where is this voice coming from...THE SCREEN!...ack!
Who is this? Bob!
silly humans.....then bob started to get really scared because he saw a huge hideous ugly....
clone of himself i n a ballarina costume....what the hell? bob said, than Lock went over to bob and said "thats not you or ur clone its just a demon from the enchanted forest that has come to suck out your brain and all its thoughts." Bob was suprised so he.....
Jumped into the river behinf him. He began floating down shore when suddenly he relized that there was a water fall down stream. He beagan calling to Locke who was getting his brains sucked out by the demon. Then Bob...
remembering that he had some califlower(which looks like brains) left in his pocket, swam back to Locke and the demon where he started throwing the califlower at the demon. The demon lets Locke go and begins to eat the califlower. Locke and Bob started swimming toward the waterfall. Locke looks at the water fall and.......
grabs indrids hand and says "c'mon! so they jumped and began falling down the falls along with bob. when they go to the bottom Bob was found lying by some rocks. Looks like he's dead Lock said to Indrid, so they dug a hole and put bob in it and went off on their journey.
after they got out of the enchanted forest they come upon a ______ town and.......
decided to buy some gin at the liquor store. They both drank until they were both drunk so that they could releave the stress because their friend Bob had just died. After they decided to rent a room at the local inn and then they........
lol i havent been on in a long time and i was the last to post here. And... by the looks of it the "never ending story" has came to a end.
Wait! It needs a proper ending.
Okay,
They rented a room ... and then in
the room ... they killed themselves,
so they could be with Bob.
THE END
asss
THE END...
THE END OF LOW PRICES... Shouted a hilarious looking astral walnut holding a microphone. He/it was standing in front of what looked to be an enormous shopping mall, floating above dense cloud and blinding light.
It immediately occurred to locke and Indrid that they had succeeded in their act of suicide, and were now somewhere in the astral.
With that...
in mind they looked aroud and saw..
Bob. Bob and them talked for while about what happened snd then they decidied to...
look for hospitals where people most often die, to see what it looks like when people die.
Bob told them about this one special hospital where...
...all these cool spirits learn to deal with loud, funny dressed astral walnuts,
but he thought they should check out some of the nifty "Random Doorways of Doom" before they seeked out such help.
Just then Locke...
remembered that his best friend from high school had died a few years ago, so they all went off to look for him. after about 2 hours they finally........
found him.. but the friend didnt want anything todo with them at all.
So they walked away from the hospital trying to find something todo.
After some while our little hero "Hey, i am a spirit! I can possess anyone!!" Saying this he started to search for someone "Hmmmm...It must be a nice young girl! Ahaha! Thos one is perfect!"-said him while looking for a niiice nurse!
He "jumped" into the body and taked control of it while thinking "O my...! this body is great now i know what i am gonna do with it!" and then...
He did what most men today would do, (admit it deep, down inside curiosity will kick in) so he fondeled certian areas of the female body... After that he decided to go....
But before he even was able to take a second step the female swung him around and punched...him......dead...in...the...face..[^]
*woman dust of hands, and thinks..now lets get back on the right track*
Rubbing his swolen face, he then realized that what he did was inappropriate and then he and his friends decided to off and visit their old friend...
Who sent them a quizzical look for their transgresions against nature, and flew off at light speed.
It was at this moment that Indrid looked at Bob and Locke, and said, "I read on this strange site long ago... The Astralpulse, I think... that we could now create anything we wanted to experience for ourselves!"
Locke and Bob grinned in consent, and at that moment they collectively generated a whole realm of mystery and enchantment about themselves.
"Let's call it The Astralpulse Island !", exclaimed Locke.
Instilled with curiousity, they strolled over in the direction of the great pyramid they had created, their little minds filled with awe and euphoria at what could be found in such a noble dwelling.
After four minutes of travel which appeared to bring them no closer, they...
with reruns of Fullhouse! Come, the moblie plasma screen is hidden under one of these trees! I just have to remember which one, before
and then an A bomb went off, the end.
Awwwww. I was just enjoying that.[:(]
Boo hoo.
a large rhinocerous riding a four wheeler coming at them at full speed... locke jumped up and grabbed indrids arm and.....
exclaimed, "Yep", we're still in the astral alright... it seems that our delusions generated by our denial of the fact that we really and truly did die was sufficient to produce this phantasmic episode, and all of this fanciful nonsense", as he panned his arms over all that was ahead, turning to the rhinocerous and transmorgifying it into a grinning tabby.
"What is next on the agenda?", he said, looking back at his friends.
At this moment, to the surprise of all, the orange striped feline returned their gazes, and answered, "Whatever you deem ."
Why the hell not? , the exclaimed in unison.
They each hung onto one of the dragons wings (yes, the dragon had three wings) and the big pink dragon flew to its home, a castle in the hills. It was a purple castle with lots of towers and a big green moat.
The dragon landed at the door to the castle and said, "if you want to enter, you must say the magic word"
Locke, Bob and Indrid looked at each other puzzled. Suddenly, Locke said...
Then Bob accidently crushed a astral butterfly. Then something terrible happend.....
for a second then quickly shouted out a quick spell to get his soul back.
And failed.
Bob said, "Darn it, I didn't know the spell of 'Soul recovery in case of astral butterfly attack' wouldn't work if I was the reason behind the attack."
Locke looked at Bob and said, "Dude, there is no 'Soul recovery in case of astral butterfly attack' spell. You just said, 'F**K YOU AND YOUR MOMMA' as loud as you could in latin.
After a moment of surpise. Bob resolved never to use the internet again for his spell research (especially sites with names like fakebutcoolsoundingspells.com), and then pondered for a second on what the implications of what he just said loudly directed at that astral butterfly.
But before he could
he realized that it was impossible to incur damage upon one's soul. "Oh well", he said, "what is it that we should do next?"
"Ooh- ooh!", interjected Locke, "Let us see what is inside!"
As the trio entered the vast edifice, they began to hear a sound which could be compared to a vibraphone...
"Quick!", shouted Indrid, "Grab hold of that conveniently-place lamp tassle!" The group, acting in rapid unison, hoisted themselves up onto the staircase with the gold-guilded rope. What they saw continued to astound them: the stairs spiraled upward to unfathomable heights.
"This is what happens when you have fear in the astral", explained Indrid, "your fears all begin to manifest themselves in cold reality."
As the band sallied forth into the yet unknown domain of the climbing stair, they were met with yet another peculiar sight-
Its vitality is quickly fading- quick! Someone must help and revive it!
Thank you,
Stillwater
Omega then thought well why do my ideas flee Astralsociety do you go to astralsociety fat turkey i invented the neverending story so i am God ha aha aha aha ha ..[}:)]
Okay everyone it's time to sit back, relax, and enjoy the little idiots..I mean children in all of us!
This is a neverendingstory. Every post adds a little bit on. The rules are...well there are no rules! Just don't make the post so long that you can't read it without taking HOURS!! (Cainam I'm looking in your direction) And try to keep semi-literate...geez. Spelling and grammar reasonable, none of this r, u, y, 2 bullcrap.
Keep it small, about 1-3 paragraphs maybe...perhaps 5 if it's not too long.
So I'll start...*ahem*
Once in a land not so far away and not a very long time ago, in fact it could be in the distant future. Who knows? Anyways, there lived a small little creature that looked somewhat like a combination of a cornchip and a pineapple lump. One day...