Today I discovered that everything is my fault

Jeff_Mash · October 10, 2003, 22:59:15

Maybe it's because you're nothing but a Fat Turkey. [

]

Anyway, you have to learn to have the attitude of "No one is going to help me if I don't help myself." That goes with everything. No one is going to compliment you if you don't compliment yourself. No one is going to give a sh*t about you if you don't give a sh*t about yourself. See the pattern?

No one knows you better than yourself, and if you have a poor self image (or attitude about your life in general), then how can you expect others (who don't know you as well) to make you feel any better?

Fat_Turkey · October 10, 2003, 23:09:12

[mood|still frustrated[

!]]

But here's the thing. I hardly know myself, I find myself constantly taunting me and destroying my sense of pride (call it my ego or whatever, bleh). Maybe I am supersensitive. But why the hell do people have to exploit that against me. I've even went to my Housemaster about my endless torture at the stupid pathetic school I go to, and all he tells me is that I have to make friends with them.

So if I want to sustain my sense of pride, which apparantly the majority of my subconscious greatly cares about, I'll have to become a smoker, drinker, and I'll have to smoke pot twice a week or more. Oh yeah, I'll have to drop karate and all spiritual aspects of my life. I'll swear much more too, and I'll hang with people and pick on weaklings such as my oh-so-much-weaker ego.

Making friends with assholes isn't part of my agenda, so people can screw themselves when they say it's my fault I don't get on with people well enough and that's why they make fun of me.

I used to think quite highly of myself. But for some reason I get quite worked up about little things. I get really defensive. Probably because I told people about when I was into ki last year, and they never laid off.

Bleh, like I said, I hardly know myself. Maybe I have just as weak an ego as the assholes I hate. Maybe I try to keep my sense of pride high, and as soon as ANYBODY trudges on it I go nuts. God, I don't even know a single millionth of the possibilities of who the hell I am, so how can I be happy about it. I mean, half the time people are mad at me for getting worked up about something that I thought was just as appropriate as their answer...but on a second look I always regret it.

Dammit, now I'm lost. Thus is the nature of trying to find myself, I'm such a confusing little prat I confuse myself so much I have to give up...

~FT

Fat_Turkey · October 10, 2003, 23:10:35

Oh another thing.

I do know that nobody is going to help me. I realised that while I was suicidal and since I have never had a suicidal thought.

Other than that...I was going to post something, but my thoughts are everywhere...

~FT

cainam_nazier · October 11, 2003, 00:35:28

FT,

It is true to some extent that we reap what we sow. But many of the things that happen through life are a product of our own doing, but not in the manner in which it sounds. Things that happen to you are more often then not a reaction of what you do but what you think. I have read your posts and spoken to you many times and there is much negativity in your thoughts. You think that everything is wrong, that nothing can be fixed, and you do not yet see the reason for this kind of existance.

The people that harrass you, forget about them. You will not be able to change them, and you not be able to prevent it from happening. You need to accept that some people are just that way and move on. Although you may say or even actively think that you do not care what these people think of you, but you do. I know this because you care, you actually may care a little too much about somethings. I can seeitin the way you write and the things you write about. You care about the world, the condition it is in, the effect you have on it, and what can be done to fix it.

You need to move on and accept things as they are. This includes you, the people around you, and the world in which you live in. You are lost, confused, and have no idea what you are doing. But you know what, THAT IS NORMAL , more so for the stage of life that you are in.

So what if you don't know who you are. So what if you can not define your life into neat little packages. Do you really want to be a person who is so easily catagorized?

When ever some one asks me to define who I am, the first words out of my mouth are, "I'm Dave." Everything else that follows is largely unimportant and it constantly changes. But in the end "I'm Dave" and I am happy and proud of that, and I say it with a smile. This is because I know that my life has some kind of purpose, that there is a reason that I am here and living the life that I have. I may not know what that is right now, or I may never fully know, but I trust in it.

You need to trust that you life has a purpose, a reason. Even if you don't know what it is, or put a convenient label on it and say, "This is my reason for being." It is there none the less and you need to trust in this and accept it.

You will one day find your path.

Fat_Turkey · October 11, 2003, 02:24:03

[mood|enlightened [:O]]

Wow, thanks for that Cainam. Once again this site has served an eternity of beautiful answers for a problem.

I guess in a way I feel....defective. I don't know why or how, I can label some reasons why...but it still feels like there is something more wrong with me than anything else.

Thanks again

~FT [

]

chupacabra · October 11, 2003, 20:52:47

Stick with your spiritual pursuits/interests. I predict the nitwits you go to school with will spend a good deal of their lives going in circles, pursuing things that don't matter, listening to others instead of themselves, while you will be forging ahead and evolving and exploring. Unfortunately for now, you have to live in close proximity to them.

I am a believer in the concept: thoughts held in mind produce in kind. That what we think most predominately eventually manifests in our lives. I don't believe that your thoughts can be blamed for every random occurrence that you encounter but the path that unfolds for you is largely influenced by your beliefs about yourself and the world. You can look at this as a curse or that your are now privy to knowledge and power that most people are either unaware of or refuse to accept.

The thing is, those thought patterns are a grump to change once they become habit. Change them now before they wear grooves into your brain.

xander · October 11, 2003, 21:09:26

No No No! Everything is MYYYY fault.

Despite teh fact that I sit in this excrement apt and mind my own damn business I must be somehow telepathically contacting total strangers with personality disorders to interact with me. Despite the fact that I don't smoke weed, drink, or choose to interact with LOSERS I must someohw be in control of every physical and emotional action of others.

I am told to turn the other cheek and be defenseless and yet I have predators come across me and treat me like excrement. Despite the fact that i'm usually depressed and rarely take my anger out on others, it must be my fault that other people yell and scream at me for not making them happy.

Well pardon me for not dressing up like brittny spears, grinding my pelvis against them and singing "born to make you happy"
Cuz afterall everyone elses happiness is my friggin responsibility!

From now on I'm a friggin Nitzschean! I'm told i'm arrogant and selfish despite the fact I hate myself and constantly give others everything they whine for. Well then I'll start being arrogant and greedy!!

HAIL XANDER The Center of The Universe!

TheLunatic · October 11, 2003, 22:31:30

quote:
Originally posted by xander

No No No! Everything is MYYYY fault.
Despite teh fact that I sit in this excrement apt and mind my own damn business I must be somehow telepathically contacting total strangers with personality disorders to interact with me. Despite the fact that I don't smoke weed, drink, or choose to interact with LOSERS I must someohw be in control of every physical and emotional action of others.

I am told to turn the other cheek and be defenseless and yet I have predators come across me and treat me like excrement. Despite the fact that i'm usually depressed and rarely take my anger out on others, it must be my fault that other people yell and scream at me for not making them happy.

Well pardon me for not dressing up like brittny spears, grinding my pelvis against them and singing "born to make you happy"
Cuz afterall everyone elses happiness is my friggin responsibility!

From now on I'm a friggin Nitzschean! I'm told i'm arrogant and selfish despite the fact I hate myself and constantly give others everything they whine for. Well then I'll start being arrogant and greedy!!

HAIL XANDER The Center of The Universe!

What the hell are you talking about?

Do you think that life is one string of happy experiences after another for the rest of us? Life is hard work and no mater what you do or say you will run into people who want to hurt you. How much they hurt you depends on YOU and weather or not you make good judgment calls.

I'm a very depressed lonely guy and I use to think somewhat like you but I realized that you can't complain about things then make no attempt to learn and change who YOU are.

The better person you become the harder it will become to remain so. Leading a good life is harder than a bad one. No one said that its going to be easy.

You need to wake up and see that you are in control of YOUR life, NO one else. YOU are the one who needs to learn to be less negative and yet still realize that not everyone is looking to be good toward you...

At the end of the day you need to ask yourself weather or not you where right in your actions. If you say yes then the rest is completely unimportant.

Don't make me come over there and bonk you on your head.

xander · October 12, 2003, 07:07:51

quote:
Originally posted by TheLunatic

What the hell are you talking about?

Do you think that life is one string of happy experiences after another for the rest of us?

You need to wake up and see that you are in control of YOUR life, NO one else.
[/quote]

No I dont expect it to be one long string of happiness, but when it's one long string of pain and suffering THERES a PROBLEM!

YES! I know I'm in control of my own life and no one elses, the hard part is convincing others of that when they go to incredible lengths to force me to make them happy!

Xander The Great and Mighty Center of the Universe!

Syke · October 12, 2003, 07:21:34

ok im a little confused here... it sounds to me like you are both saying you are controlling your own lives..... the problem being what exactly?... one has an un happy life and the other ones learnt to deal with it?

im not going to post my thoughts on the matter as someone will disagree and i cant be bothered arguing my point.

-Syke

TheLunatic · October 12, 2003, 12:34:15

quote:

YES! I know I'm in control of my own life and no one elses, the hard part is convincing others of that when they go to incredible lengths to force me to make them happy!

People can't force you unless you let them. If you don't like what they are doing then limit your exposure to them.

TheLunatic · October 12, 2003, 12:36:11

quote:
Originally posted by Syke
im not going to post my thoughts on the matter as someone will disagree and i cant be bothered arguing my point.
-Syke

haha ok...[

]

xander · October 12, 2003, 12:51:36

quote:
Originally posted by TheLunatic
People can't force you unless you let them. If you don't like what they are doing then limit your exposure to them.

Actually they can through threats of physical or legal violence.

Xander

TheLunatic · October 12, 2003, 12:58:35

quote:

Actually they can through threats of physical or legal violence.

If someone is threatening you then you need to take the appropriate action to make it stop. Defiantly don't hang around with someone doing that sorta stuff.

xander · October 12, 2003, 13:55:51

quote:
Originally posted by TheLunatic
[If someone is threatening you then you need to take the appropriate action to make it stop. Defiantly don't hang around with someone doing that sorta stuff.

One individual is the guy i'm forced to share a kitchen with. Its the only place I can afford and the cops can't do anything till he physically assaults me. Meanwhile he and the rest of the pot-smoking losers in the bldg call me antisocial because I avoid them whenever possible.
I am better than these losers and I will NOT stoop to their level.

Xander

TheLunatic · October 12, 2003, 22:44:22

quote:

One individual is the guy i'm forced to share a kitchen with. Its the only place I can afford and the cops can't do anything till he physically assaults me. Meanwhile he and the rest of the pot-smoking losers in the bldg call me antisocial because I avoid them whenever possible.
I am better than these losers and I will NOT stoop to their level.
Xander

If you don't interact with them than you are antisocial relatively speaking. Why do you care what they think about you.

Make plans for the future and work toward them.

Or do nothing....

xander · October 12, 2003, 23:13:24

quote:
Originally posted by TheLunatic
Make plans for the future and work toward them.

I am. and no I don't care what they think[}:)]

Xander

Fat_Turkey · October 28, 2003, 20:59:45

Well first off we need to step back and not let our tempers get a hold of us...

Secondly, see if you can sign up for a martial arts or self-defense class somewhere, or if anybody you know does it, ask them to teach you some stuff. That way if anybody assaults you, then you can survive to tell the tale to the cops.

If they all smoke pot, why don't you bust them anyways? I mean I know there must be some problems in the way...but I can't really see them...

Hope that helps.

~FT

Ybom · October 28, 2003, 21:38:19

No matter what you do, it is your path...no one can take your path from you, not even yourself. So where does your path lead then? I've read some posts about the astral plane containing answers regarding the future, so check there.

I don't mean to be passive about your exact problems, but seriously, most of us have probably experienced something similar or worse. Would anyone like to share some of these things?

I think I've been relatively lucky myself though, despite 10 years of depression, that nasty skin condition, some sexual molestation as a 5 year old, and we can't forget about me still not being the social type. What I tend to do to counter these in my head are all the good things about me. I am athletic and have a naturally high metabolism, and I've recently found a strong link between me and my dad, not to mention having artistic skills, and a strong spiritual sense regarding where I'm going to go.

I can name several things off the top of my head that you both have. You have access to some of the richest stories and how-to documents right here on this website. You have several people willing to make you feel better, in addition to helping you. You have your spirits and your youth, but even then that's given, you have your interests too...no one can make you a social person, so stop trying and do what you have to do.

My prayers go to both of you. Is there anyone else out there willing to pray with me?

Fat_Turkey · October 10, 2003, 22:50:40

[mood|frustrated[

!]]

Hello all.

Today I discovered that everything bad that has ever happened to me is (wow!) my fault!!

I mean, either it's karma or it's just that I have a social problem with everybody around me. Or it's that I'm too defensive when I shouldn't be. Oh no, it's not that people won't leave me alone...hell no it's just all my fault.

Like, say somebody shot me in the back. I suppose it's my fault that I wasn't friends with him, or it was my fault that I swore at somebody for irrational reasons for weeks, and that's my karmic debt. Jee, it's fun being a total fuckup. w00t for me!

Bah,
~FT

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Today I discovered that everything is my fault