Advice

[Sammie]

I need advice on a life-related matter but can't find anyone willing to give me input: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/a6z8nl/i_lost_contact_with_a_new_friend_and_need_advice/
Please read it, it is about an amazing friend I made and possibly lost somehow..?

[Nameless]

She's likely only exploring a RL opportunity. Doesn't mean she's lost to you although that may be the case. It happens. There really is nothing for you to DO at this point.

[Sammie]

Thanks for your response. Although not 100% sure what you mean with RL opportunity?

[Nameless]

Oh sorry, I meant a physical opportunity or relationship as opposed to online/virtual.

[Sammie]

Ok thank you. Well, we said if things went well we would meet and hangout and it did so on saturday we decided to check or calendars after christmas as she very much would like
to meet me. So it was never only supposed to be online, but I think she was fine with that too. She also stated how she never met someone like the friend she had before me except for me possibly.

Thank you, this place is my only constant thing in my life and possibly my lifeline.

[Sammie]

I think she has seen my messages where I ask what happened and if she is okay but can't know.. Do you think I should I let them be or delete them?

[Sammie]

Well at least she got back to me now. I don't know if it was that I could feel something was wrong or the law of attraction responding to my feelings, because the moment I read nameless reply
I started feeling like everything was ok and things could be fine anyways. It felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I was gonna start doing something fun and relax with this new found relaxation.
I also started writing down positive scenarios of what could have happened because I felt so good and it felt natural, and then I continued feeling good and suddenly she got back to me

Seemed a bit coincidental, although I don't know whether she saw both my messages or if it was good I let them be... At least they show I care.. Btw there was an urgent situation she had to handle. Happy ending

[Lumaza]

 A few things immediately caught my eye here. I will quote them below.

"Surprisingly a girl with a boyfriend contacted me in about me age and seemed a lot like me, she states that to me.

She had very few friends, but none of which were emotional or could speak about deeper stuff. Apparently she had one guy who was deep and stuff for two years but he left because his new girlfriend didn't allow him to speak to girls as friends."

Now a question for you. How do you think that "boyfriend" would feel knowing his girlfriend is conversing with you like she is now? In other words, put yourself in that other "guys" position and you may see what is wrong with this picture. Getting into a relationship with someone that is already "attached" is a recipe for destruction. I have seen people go down this path too many times and it never turns out good!  Being a friend is fine, but I think you are looking for more than that.

[Sammie]

Nah, we're just friends she was clear on that. The guy know we play games and doesn't like playing with her. He knows we chat and is like right beside her and older than me. I have always preferred female friends and she, male friends, but that is harder as you grow up. There is no way I could destroy their relationship, if so it was already doomed before and it would be for their own reasons. I think you are speaking from your own experiences.

From my perspective it is just the friend I have been looking for all those years. Only one other person came close to that and was a guy, and I think I kind of fell for him a bit but then we lost each other and different countries so on..


Ofcourse I like her(as a friend), I told her so after she told me that herself too, because I didn't want to give the wrong impression. I usually let people take the lead to not intrude. There is even like another guy chatting with us sometimes and sometimes her boyfriend too.

I have had many good friends of different genders in the past, but the pain when someone leaves is always the same, like I thought happened today. But this person is special because she is a bit like me and genuinely cares.

As I see it I help their relationship. Apparently this guy isn't the emotional kind and she had been down because of this and our friendships has improved both our moods etc.. See it as trees and animals. We breathe in oxygen and out carbon monoxide, which the trees "breathe in" and breathe out oxygen for all else on earth. Not a single tree has to be in a relationship with anyone to be a part of this "system":

Just because the stereotype is for the opposite genders to be in a romantic relationship, it doesn't have to be. I am tired of all these freaking presumed facts that things are supposed to be certain ways. I just wanna be me and do what I feel is right for me

[Lumaza]

 There is nothing wrong with having a woman/female as a friend. Like everything else in life, including our practice here, "it's the intent" that counts!

A friend of mine's apartment was broken into a few months back. He lived there with his Fiancee. The Police notified them a few weeks ago that they found some of his things. They also wanted to talk with him. His Fiancee's phone was something that was found. The Police accessed it and found that she was having a affair. The reason the Police questioned him on this was that when their apartment was broken into, they, he and his Fiancee, were sleeping in their bedroom. The thief didn't "break in", per se. They just walked in. He figured either him or his girlfriend may have left the door unlocked by accident. The Police thought it may be something else. Anyways, long story short, it has been a very hard time for both of them now.  

That relationship/affair was also started as a casual, just friends thing, but in time it changed.

I'm not saying this will happen to you. If anything I am giving you a "heads up"!  

[Sammie]

Trust me, I'll take bets if you want to

[Lumaza]

Trust me, I'll take bets if you want to

Like I said, what I said above was just to give you a heads up. What you do is up to you. It's no concern of mine!  

Good Luck! 

[Sammie]

Thanks for your input