I've been lied to recently by somebody I trusted and believed in. Why do people do this? Could it be that they have had the same done to them? I wonder what they gain from doing this. Do people on here believe in 'what goes around comes around'?
Quote from: ange.connell on September 12, 2014, 17:37:04
I've been lied to recently by somebody I trusted and believed in. Why do people do this? Could it be that they have had the same done to them? I wonder what they gain from doing this. Do people on here believe in 'what goes around comes around'?
Why?
Why does anyone lie?
Ego...
I'm sure you've lied to people or even yourself sometime in the past. I wouldn't say what goes around comes around... sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.
Just... ego.
Lots of reasons.
One is fear... fear of many kinds... fear of losing something or someone, fear of retribution, fear of what others would think of them if they told an uncomfortable truth, fear of something in their life changing, etc.
Another is to use words as a weapon- to deceive an enemy, to harm someone emotionally, to acquire something unearned, as a tool of war, etc.
Another is as a means for acquiring resources of many kinds, such as human affection, or physical materials.
I think it is important to recognize that the natural world we live in favors lies and appearances over truth. There is usually strong motive to hide weaknesses, to confuse attackers, to feign strengths, to hide resources, etc. in the animal world. Humans inhabit that world, and are evolved from the same material. The base condition of nature is deception- it is in our genes. Children quickly learn to lie without being taught for many of the above reasons, and it is only through exposure to human culture they learn to do otherwise. We form implistic social agreements to be truthful to those close to us, but those agreements do go against nature to some extent at times.
So a short answer is the person you know is operating on their basic natural state, and cultivations you expected to be there are in fact not, or in slightly smaller amounts. You will find this is true of almost everyone. I think you may take slightly less offense when you realize it is in their direct nature to lie, but clearly a long conversation is still needed with them.
I wish you both well! If you wanted to speak through the issue any further with any of us, feel free to PM!
The books and articles I have read about other peoples tendancies to be liars lean towards problems they are dealing with that is affecting their ego. This is their problem not yours. If you are hurt by this it becomes your problem! We are all one. Try to understand that a portion on your spiritual growth is to be understanding of everyones lack of information. What I mean is we all have available to us the knowledge of our universe and part of the physical reality we are here for is us to learn how to remember this knowledge. Switch your idea about being lied to from a negative experience to an experience of learning. Your friend might need help with something. Sorry I have not made sense. The experienced moderators may agree with me and explain it better.
Yes, I've lied to people and to myself. The difference is that I've not done it to hurt anyone. I was lied to so he could hurt me. When you believe what you're told it hurts to find out the truth. Think it's all my fault. I'm gullible, I allowed myself to be lied to. But like you said, it's a fault with him, not me.
Thanks very much for the replies. Helps me understand
Quote from: ange.connell on September 13, 2014, 16:07:37
Yes, I've lied to people and to myself. The difference is that I've not done it to hurt anyone. I was lied to so he could hurt me. When you believe what you're told it hurts to find out the truth. Think it's all my fault. I'm gullible, I allowed myself to be lied to. But like you said, it's a fault with him, not me.
Thanks very much for the replies. Helps me understand
In the end, ALL lies hurt.
Which ones hurt the most are the ones we tell ourselves though... and sadly, most of us do this on an almost MINUTELY basis, and what's even more sad is that we don't even realize we're doing it.
You're right though, when someone lies to you, it has nothing to do with you... it's their problem.
Consider then, who has the problem when you lie to yourself?