<sigh>
I'm getting to my wits end here. I don't go out drinking, gambling, womanizing and all the other 'zings and 'ings that you could think of, yet what do you do when your partner won't give you a little space of an evening to practice meditation, or phasing? She'll clatter pots and pans in the kitchen, turn on the hair dryer full blast, last night I said I was going to practice and she started tiling the bathroom! (huge noises). She knows how important this is to me, when I said that I was going to practice last night she gives me this look of total resentment, like; 'wtf are you doing that for, you should be sitting here with me watching soap operas!' :( I can't stand soaps, btw.
I mean, it's only 45mins tops so what gives??!! :mad:
<sigh> I'm really starting to ponder that 'D' word...
Just venting folks, normal service will be resumed shortly.
S
hmm thats a tough one. Do you find unable to talk to her about what phasing is and other realted beliefs you might have?
Yes talking would be good, if you have a good relation you should be able to work it out, but you could also try to block out outside distractions as practice.
You should really explain her why this is so important to you and what it is all about. Ask her why she can't respect that and work it out. make it really clear that it means a lot to you and that you need silent atmosphere to practice. For example she could watch TV with a headphone while a practice or so. If you explain her she should respect that and help you with your practice otherwise some more fundamental things in your relationship seem to be a little "out of tune"
Hi,
Well she and I are pretty much complete opposites in most things, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Shes one of the type that believes that when you're dead, you're dead! . That's fine by me I respect her views on the matter, tho she has been interested a little in buddhism recently.
MisterJingo,
I've talked alot about phasing, etc, usually after about two minutes I get the flippant hand wave and the 'Whatever' comment, which esentially means 'I don't give a monkeys' what you think. For a long time now she gives out the impression that everything has to be done 'her way or it's the high-way'. She is unfortunately a very selfish person in many respects, is making everything within the realtioship very tiring. She even thinks that I'll be off sha**ing all the ladies in the astral, no I've not ever been unfaithful to her.
Lente,
Normally I'd agree with you, but having the sound of crashing tiles in the next room is asking a bit much really! ;)
Tombo,
She already knows this, still the interuptions continue. This is what I've been thinking over the last few months (Some more fundamental problems), which she refuses to address. We've already tried counciling, but she refuses to see any other point of view than her own.
What I guess it comes down to is that we both know we're opposites, even tho opposites attract, as the saying goes... They repulse too.
This has been going on in one form or another since we've been married (8 years), and as you might imagine...I'm just really freakin tired of it :(
Thanks for listening :)
S
p.s Nothing like airing your laundry in public, eh? LoL
Quote from: Steve 2BHi,
Well she and I are pretty much complete opposites in most things, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Shes one of the type that believes that when you're dead, you're dead! . That's fine by me I respect her views on the matter, tho she has been interested a little in buddhism recently.
MisterJingo,
I've talked alot about phasing, etc, usually after about two minutes I get the flippant hand wave and the 'Whatever' comment, which esentially means 'I don't give a monkeys' what you think. For a long time now she gives out the impression that everything has to be done 'her way or it's the high-way'. She is unfortunately a very selfish person in many respects, is making everything within the realtioship very tiring. She even thinks that I'll be off sha**ing all the ladies in the astral, no I've not ever been unfaithful to her.
Lente,
Normally I'd agree with you, but having the sound of crashing tiles in the next room is asking a bit much really! ;)
Tombo,
She already knows this, still the interuptions continue. This is what I've been thinking over the last few months (Some more fundamental problems), which she refuses to address. We've already tried counciling, but she refuses to see any other point of view than her own.
What I guess it comes down to is that we both know we're opposites, even tho opposites attract, as the saying goes... They repulse too.
This has been going on in one form or another since we've been married (8 years), and as you might imagine...I'm just really freakin tired of it :(
Thanks for listening :)
S
p.s Nothing like airing your laundry in public, eh? LoL
Hey Steve,
I'm not really too sure what you can do given the circumstances you've described. If you have tried talking and she isn't willing to listen or won't show you a bit of consideration during your practice time - I guess the only option is to practice when she is out (that's if you are ever in when she is not).
Have you always acted like this towards each other? Or were there periods earlier in the relationship where one would be more considerate towards the other? If this is too personal a question to answer, tell me to get lost ;)
As far as I know, dominating females are very much a problem in some relationships. Sometimes they even play the victim in order to control their partner. That you don't seem to be spiritually compatible does not make it better.
Do you want her to slow YOUR spiritual progress down ?
How much is your spiritual progress worth ?
Quote from: Steve 2BHi,
Well she and I are pretty much complete opposites in most things, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Shes one of the type that believes that when you're dead, you're dead! . That's fine by me I respect her views on the matter, tho she has been interested a little in buddhism recently.
MisterJingo,
I've talked alot about phasing, etc, usually after about two minutes I get the flippant hand wave and the 'Whatever' comment, which esentially means 'I don't give a monkeys' what you think. For a long time now she gives out the impression that everything has to be done 'her way or it's the high-way'. She is unfortunately a very selfish person in many respects, is making everything within the realtioship very tiring. She even thinks that I'll be off sha**ing all the ladies in the astral, no I've not ever been unfaithful to her.
Lente,
Normally I'd agree with you, but having the sound of crashing tiles in the next room is asking a bit much really! ;)
Tombo,
She already knows this, still the interuptions continue. This is what I've been thinking over the last few months (Some more fundamental problems), which she refuses to address. We've already tried counciling, but she refuses to see any other point of view than her own.
What I guess it comes down to is that we both know we're opposites, even tho opposites attract, as the saying goes... They repulse too.
This has been going on in one form or another since we've been married (8 years), and as you might imagine...I'm just really freakin tired of it :(
Thanks for listening :)
S
p.s Nothing like airing your laundry in public, eh? LoL
Steve reading your story it seems to me that your phasing problem is the least of your problems, I think your need to have a serious talk with your partner about mutual consideration.
:sad: I'm sorry for your problems!
From what you say, it sounds like your wife is very unopen to communication--the way she dismisses you and shuts down the conversation by her "Whatever" response. Personally, that always drives me crazy when someone does that! :mad:
Furthermore, it sounds like she is going out of her way to disrupt you--why didn't she just sit tight and keep on watching her soaps while you practiced, instead of deciding to retile the bathroom? It could have been a win-win situation, if she'd let it.
Finally, does she really feel like you practice AP in order to cheat on her? If so, I'd say that is probably the biggest issue that needs to be addressed. Being a rather jealous woman myself, I know the pain and the irrationality of it--it's a vile poison. And it really needs to be talked about openly. Of course, if I were in her shoes, what I would do is demand that you teach me how to AP too, so I could keep an eye on you! :wink: But who knows how she feels, or what would help it...
Have you asked her why she has a problem with giving you 45 minutes to practice in peace? Or ask her if she feels like you show enough consideration for her and her interests, or if she feels that you spend enough time with her---I'm not suggesting that you don't, of course, but questions like that might open her up a bit, and get at some of her trust/suspicion/jealousy issues.
I don't know... I think I was just absurdly lucky with my late fiance... he and I were very different in many ways, and we had some very different interests. But somehow, we were always able to see each other's point of view, and to respect our differences--or even learn from them. I'm sure it bored him to death when I'd start harping on certain things... but he never showed it. He would just listen. And if I needed some space, he'd do something on his own. And vice versa. And lots of times, we rubbed off on each other, rubbed away some of the sharp corners. We were very complementary to each other. :smile:
But I have no illusion that all relationships work that way. I seriously doubt I'll ever find another relationship like that again.
Sorry, I didn't mean to make this all about me. :wink: I hope that you and your wife can work something out together. I hope she will have a change of heart. Both of you, and your relationship, will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Hi,
Firstly, thankyou all so much for your kind thoughts, suggestions and insights. In the coming times I've got some serious thinking, as what to do with all of this.
MisterJingo,
Well yes, my practicing has been pretty much curtailed to times when she's been out. The thing I find so galling is why should I need to be covert about something such as this?
QuoteOr were there periods earlier in the relationship where one would be more considerate towards the other? If this is too personal a question to answer, tell me to get lost ;)
Now that you mention it my hobbies/ interests, etc, have always played second fiddle against what she's wanted to do. She may say that "why don't you find yourself a hobby, that gets you out of the house", but then what follows is the emotional blackmail about not going out, the sullen looks/behavior that in the end will make me give up on hobby x, just to get some peace. A hobby is ok as long as it meets with her criteria of what is acceptable and how often I can practice it. If it's deemed by her a waste of time, then, boy do I get it in the neck.
cinnabardk,
QuoteAs far as I know, dominating females are very much a problem in some relationships. Sometimes they even play the victim in order to control their partner. That you don't seem to be spiritually compatible does not make it better.
Sure hit the nail on the head with that one! :)
QuoteDo you want her to slow YOUR spiritual progress
Well that's the 64 million dollar question. Of course the answer is no, but one of the points of partnerships I always felt that you enjoyed the journey together (physical life), help each other grow. The trouble I find these days is that she's just getting in the way of what I need to do.
We had a conversation a while ago, where we were comparing our perspectives. She's very much into exploring this physical world, where-as I'm into exploring the inner worlds. I'll readily admit that my lack of desire to go off to some distant land and 'see-the-sights' causes problems/tensions, but if you don't enjoy global travel (Let alone feeling bad about all the pollution you produce from long distance airplane rides), what's the point? In the end both are equally valid I suppose, but being that they're diametrically opposed in their approach/ objective doesn't make for a peaceful co-existence... ;)
Lente,
I agree. I remember years ago I was reading some psychology book, which it stated that there were two types of people in the world, guilt throwers and guilt catchers. My Wife has always been the thrower and for a long time I've been the catcher, tho in the last year or two I seem
to have largely stepped away from this role, find these days I'm just so tired of playing any kind of inter-personal power games. These games make relationships profoundly unbalanced, tho the more dominant partner may think they're the best thing since sliced bread, the other partner just ends up feeling squashed and rather crummy. I've been through all of this kind of thing with her, tried very hard to see the effect of her behavior has on those close to her.
Even her sister has strongly suggested she go speak to someone, but until she realizes she has a problem...I may as well be talking to myself ;)
Heather,
QuoteFinally, does she really feel like you practice AP in order to cheat on her?
To give you an example of when I first started to talk about/practice phasing the first thing she said to me was "Oh now you'll be able to go have sex with that old girl friend of yours, you told me had died" As you might imagine I was deeply hurt by this, you're right jealousy is a vile poison. As for her interests she's very demanding that she has the space to do 'her-thing'. Shes been studying for a university degree in a home study course, for the last four or so years. If I happen to ask for something or another I'm quite unreservedly told to '****-off' as she's too busy. Perhaps you begin to see how sublimely selfish a soul she can be. But bringing this to her attention just pours coals on the fires of retribution, so to speak. Now that I re-read through this post it almost seems that I'm making her out to be a bit of a monster, which isn't always the case. She can be a very sweet, endearing person...But so it seems these days, in my view, not very often.
Thanks again for all your understanding, listening :)
Steve
Heather,
If you wouldn't consider it an intrusion? Hope you're not offended :)
QuoteI seriously doubt I'll ever find another relationship like that again.
Not quite the same. Different doesn't mean worse...Just different ;)
I'm sure you know what I mean :)
:hug:
Steve
Has she shown interest in Buddhist meditation? If so, I could give you some links for her to read.
Quote from: Steve 2BHi,
Lente,
I agree. I remember years ago I was reading some psychology book, which it stated that there were two types of people in the world, guilt throwers and guilt catchers. My Wife has always been the thrower and for a long time I've been the catcher, tho in the last year or two I seem
to have largely stepped away from this role, find these days I'm just so tired of playing any kind of inter-personal power games. These games make relationships profoundly unbalanced, tho the more dominant partner may think they're the best thing since sliced bread, the other partner just ends up feeling squashed and rather crummy. I've been through all of this kind of thing with her, tried very hard to see the effect of her behavior has on those close to her.
Even her sister has strongly suggested she go speak to someone, but until she realizes she has a problem...I may as well be talking to myself ;)
I have to tell you steve Im no expert on relationships, but I think that you maybe past the time where you go and try to talk things out, I think you need to make a decision, do I want to continue this relationship this way or not? If its not then you need to walk the talk and leave her when see fails to make an effort for the last time.
I don't know if you have kids, that would make it all much harder.
Of course maybe you come to the decision, yes there is something wrong whit this relationship, but I rather have it this way than not at all.
In that case you will have to accept that she is the way she is, and continue to try to work things out.(which you might try and do in various creative ways) In this process you might want to look to yourself too, Im sure you have faults, and any spiritual person should become aware of himself, see keep that in mind too.
But since Im no expert it might me good for you to talk to someone who IS a expert.
Until you get things sorted out, I really recommend some good quality silicone earplugs when practicing. I am very noise sensitive, and when I lived in the city, they were a very good help when trying to astral project. Crutches like that probably aren't good for you in the long run, but sometimes they are necessary.
If she feels offended when you use earplugs when practicing, she is playing the victim, in order to control you. No one said that she could not have a good time when you require some solitude. If having a good time for her means watching soap operas with the volume up high, you don't have to be disturbed. Just use good quality earplugs.
Getting things sorted out could mean leaving her.
I once saw a news segment on TV about an elderly couple who had decided to get a divorce. Asked why, one of them said that they just did not have anything in common anymore. And so they were better off without each other. Many people would think that it was too late for such an old couple, they, however, decided otherwise.
Steve 2B,
Wow.. not a real easy road to travel - either choice or turn will be a sword in the heart. Its not easy when you live with someone a length of time that is demanding. Playing the control- helpless victim adds pressure to the relationship. My brother was in the same scenario as you were (but didn't phase or project) and after 7-8yrs of marriage his health, sanity, and living the quality of life just wasn't there. After he and his wife divorced - there's 1000% turn around in attitude, goals, dreams, health. Mind you that this decision took 2yrs for him to make, not a easy one.
I can't advocate for you and your wife - but it comes down to one thing. Are we a team, do we have the same goals, ambitions, love, and dreams for our future together? If not, then the connection will have to be severed. Time will heal and you, like the rest will push forward.
I've been through a divorce and I had to make the painful decision and "yes" there is life after divorce. You truly learn after the first time what you are looking for, not to make the same illogical mistakes, and work,love, help as a team player.
It's also important to show that our spouses either accept astral projection / phasing or they don't. I've had the same feelings and impressions from my wife about AP. Calling it a waste of time, not bible orientated, a dark path. I spoke with the my friend Ralph who holds a Masters and Ph.D. from the Divinity School in interdisciplinary work in Theology and Philosophy at the University of Chicago. Ralph attends our small local church of (10,000 members) and also married my wife and I.
My wife thought with me talking with Ralph he would point out that astral projecting/phasing is a dark path. When I returned from our discussion/interview I explained to my wife that Ralph supports me. I don't think this was the answer she was looking for. But the more I drill deep into the discussion I've posted on AP (see the link below) I come to find that there are many,many written testimonies to the bible and astral projection. It is a valid christian tool that is legitimate - as long your purpose and intentions is to serve your creator,help humanity and in spirit by following the right path.
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=21104
I think if you explain this to your wife in a serious tone and let her know that this is for my spiritual and religious needs it might help. I'm getting off the topic but I was able to record the discussion with my friend Ralph and hope to soon release it to the public off my web site. You are more welcome to use this and let your wife listen.
Hope this info. helps and keep us in touch!!
Tvos
I know of your problem, and what i dont see being considered is that she may have tried (and failed), wanted to try but didnt know how, or knew someone who tried to do (roughly) what you are trying to, and failed/wasted their time.
I know that it is difficult to do, but put a little more effort into considering her position than just "She doesnt want me to do this/be happy". More often than not, there is a "why" in her that doesnt believe what you are doing is a positive thing.
I hope that you do not go down either easy path of leaving or staying and putting up with it. Eight years is a lot to walk away from, and also a long time for changes not to happen. Find out how and why she feels like she does, and until then, nothing can be changed to help both of you.
Just a thought, but do you have to tell her you're going to do whatever?
Why not just tell her you're off for a nap?
An application of the "if it hurts, don't do it" principle.
2cents & L&L
Jouni
Sorry for your troubles, i feel for you (and your wife :sad: ) it is difficult to have to live in this manner :sad:
Your wife seems extremely insecure with big control issues, a sign of great unhappiness within someone. There is no simple solution to this as the changes in attitude need to come from your wife and she seems pretty closed to your needs or to the fact that she needs to change/move on/let go.
I think it may be helpful if you are meditating or on the astral to approach your wife's higher self and send her love. She is hurting thus attacking, you cannot change this, but sending love can with time begin to soften her approach to you and help open her eyes and her heart.
In the meantime i agree that the 'taking a nap' idea is a good one!! :wink:
Brightest of blessings,
Lunaura.
Hi All,
I'd just like to thankyou all for your kind words and support, with all of this. I've tried the nap approach, unfortunately doesn't work. I've got some good ear plugs, have been using them at night, when we've retired for the night. It's not a great solution, as you might imagine...But I very much get the feeling that one way or another 'things' will come to a conclusions in the not too distant future. Just one 'o' them things I guess... See it all for what it is.
Thanks again, I really appreciated your thoughts!
Cheers,
Steve
Steve,
Thanks for your thoughts for me too! :smile: I know what you mean... it's just hard to see the possibility sometimes.
I'm sorry not to see any signs of progress in your situation. :sad: I hope you and your wife are afforded some relief soon... even though it may involve a very difficult conclusion to your relationship. :cry:
Our thoughts are with you! Take care!
Steve,
I have a similar problem with all sorts of close associates -- not just partners -- and it goes back throughout my life.
What I learned in the last 10 years is that part of the way I cope is to quietly "fund" my allies with energy and power. A friend told me years ago that she had the best luck with men if I was around because if I was in the room she was 20% more beatiful, 20% more witty, 20% sexier. If I was like that with friends, what was I like with partners?
Then, when I would do "whatever" to focus and head off in a different direction energetically (meditation being one of many) people would FREAK OUT I had the most problem with linear types because they had no language or concept for what was gone, they just felt like their oxygen was removed and passive aggressively reacted like a drowning man.
I struggled with it for a long time about the OTHER person, and then it began to dawn on me that for some reason I needed them for grounding and a assortment of other things that I didn't know how to do myself. I discovered that I was actualy the initiator of the dynamic.
At first I felt terrible about that. The more I have learned, the more I come to suspect that this may be the invisible glue that hold culture together.
Now, when I'm in the sort of circumstance you are in, I deal with it energetically. It's ever so much easier.