I think I'm pretty good at staying positive when I don't see any progress. I know everyone is right where they need to be. Things will happen when we are ready for it. But sometimes, I admit, it is frustrating for me. All this talking of intent and want. Yes, I want with all my heart. I can intend with every inch of myself. I know there is nothing to fear. So why can't I trick my body into falling asleep? Why can I never reach the point that sleep paralysis hits? I can watch the pictures in my mind swirl about, weaving in and out of little narratives. I feel myself on the brink. I stay relaxed and let it come. But then there's nothing.
I asked my guide today, after teetering on the bridge for quite a long time. Why was it that I could never pass that point? Again I was reminded that everyone is right where they are supposed to be. Experiencing what they're meant to experience. But why? If I'm not doing anything wrong... Then what? Am I supposed to just be satisfied? Such amazing experiences right there out of reach? He smiled and replied "que sera sera" What will be will be.
I got up, not wanting to lay there anymore. Grabbed my guitar and played the song of the same name. I had forgotten about it and how beautiful it was... I know I should be thankful for all the wonders and experiences I do have, though never from a completely wakeful state... and I am thankful. But sometimes it can be hard, too.
I really need to grow up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxewJrCjTbA&feature=youtu.be
Nice.
I was also given songs in dreams as answers to questions. When I looked up the lyrics more closely it always made some sense to me.
Hi K.
It's a message for you to understand. For some time I was in this exact position, drifting around the exit door and not able to get through. I stopped forcing myself through it. It cant be forced. I can get to the point where this big stop was in a couple of mins most times but simply stopped right there.
While the noises are shooting around and the lightshows displaying their nonsense, I found time to ask a question. Why do I need to wait?
I never really got an answer but something happened that I'll remember when the time is right. It works that way with me.
I gave up after that and left the attempts for a few days hoping to see this hidden answer. I never saw it, I tried again and caught a glimpse of the effects of how sleep affects your exit.
Up till this point I wasn't getting enough sleep at all and it answered the question in a way I understood. It was a WARNING.
I wasn't expecting that nor did anything seem out of place either. I got more sleep and then my daughter fell ill shortly after. I couldn't sleep properly for a few days with the stress of it all. Im glad I understood this wierd way of being shown.
It may be something related to your blockage. It certainly helped me. I haven't seen any guides in decades but they sure work in our favour.
Your post reminded me of this block, strange I know...
What's your problem? Do you get some kind of kick out of making grown men want to cry for no reason? :-D
Very Beautiful and melancholy. :cry:
Volgerie - I really couldn't have picked a better song. I mean... it's just about what I've been telling myself... it's a message I know, but I need to take more seriously, I guess...
Szaxx - It's good you were getting more sleep before that happened. I think part of my problem right now is that I am getting too much sleep. I go to sleep when I feel like it, wake up when I feel like it, no responsibilities... I mean, I try to be productive with writing/music and such... But I'm slowly finding myself in a rut. Then feeling guilty about it because I know I'll be going crazy once I'm back in America trying to put my life together. @_@ Just no balance. I know deep down that I am experiencing exactly what I should be experiencing... it's just hard not to get a little frustrated.
its_all_bad - Shouldn't you be somewhere else? And yep, you caught me red handed. :)
I know what you mean... I wish it was happening all the time! It's good that you know you are experiencing exactly what you should be experiencing. It's already a blessing that we have this ability to go out of body... right now I am having one powerful experience each month... but it's like it's never enough, but let's be grateful! :D
Funny you mentioned songs. Last night, I was merely walking around in my dream, singing Somewhere from West Side Story on repeat. :-D
Try relaxing and letting go of expectations. Fall into the abyss without trying to force yourself in there.
I find that I enjoy being OBE and LD so much that I sometimes go about acting like I completely detest the physical and like I just want to get back into OBE and I want to do it NOWWW!!!
Once I step back and realize that my reasons (though they seemed pure), are selfish, in part, I find it easier to relax and let go enough to gain what I set out to gain.