Slight success or Epic fail ?

[jadrian70]

The night before last I think I had some success. I say I "think" because I'm not 100% sure, as it all happened so fast. 

After getting up in the middle of the night for a bathroom break, I returned to bed and decided to try APing.   This particular attempt was interesting.  It felt different somehow.  I seemed to truly be floating in a kind of fuzzy consciousness and I had the distinct impression that I would be successful this time.    Sleep followed at some point and then I woke up, or at least I thought I woke up.   I felt a strong pressure on the tops of my thighs, it was very heavy, but I did not feel paralyzed.  I'm not sure if I was already half way sitting up when I became aware of the pressure, or if I raised up after detecting it.   And I'm not sure if it was my physical self or astral self.   I remember thinking briefly that the pressure was odd, but then the next thing I knew I seemed to be in full panic mode.   I was completely overtaken by this overwhelming instinct that I wasn't supposed to be doing what I was doing.   Something was happening and instead of pausing to analyze  or process it, I instantly began thinking, 'no, no, no, no, no..nope, nu-uh, not doing this!!! ' I recall moving or kicking my legs and sort of knowing that that would end it. 

When it stopped I remember very casually pulling up my blankets, rolling over to go to sleep like nothing had happened, and thinking 'oh hell no, I'm not doing that anymore.'

This won't stop me from trying again, but I'm so annoyed and disappointed with myself.  I'm the personality type that stays calm in chaos, but I didn't even seem to get a chance to experience what was happening.   

[CFTraveler]

If I'm right you were partially projected.  Blind panic that has nothing to do with rational fear is sometimes a symptom of an expanded energy body.  It has been theorized that the feedback can 'tickle' the fear center in your brain, the amygdala, causing a visceral fear that is totally physical, and not mental at all.  I have felt it and it is weird.  Like an *ache* in a part of your chest that you know has no reason to be there but is there regardless.

[Lookedynamixhales]

First of all i would like to say definately not an epic fail you made progress you where thrown in the deep end and you can prepare your self for next time and try see it through it sounds like you experienced a form of sleep paralysis or hypnagogia keep it up sleep paralysis allows the easiest exit for me don't let fear take over deep breaths will aid this

[soarin12]

Don't worry, you'll work your way through it as long as you keep practicing.  There's all sorts of strange effects that can invoke fear.  It's just fear of the unknown.  I've had the pressure thing too.  Mine was on my chest though.  Just keep focused on the trance or your exit, and don't become sidetracked by strange sounds or touch sensations.

[Szaxx]

Rofl, you simply scared yourself.
I guess all of us have been through this.
It's a classic case of thought manifestation.
You did well to get so far. Now you've witnessed the runaway fear aspect, you need to accept wierd things like this calmly and say to yourself "I'm not giving in to this".
It takes the effect of someone doesn't want you to succeed.
It certainly feels that way at that moment.
Later you laugh at yourself after the face palm.
You're a Samurai warrior and nothing will prevent you from your mission, that's a far better mindset to develop.
Success is around the corner.

[jadrian70]

Thank you all for the encouragement.      

I guess whats frustrating is I have zero recall of what it was that made me panic in the first place.  No sights, sounds, sensations, nothing.  At least if I knew what happened I could prepare for it next time.

Oh well, I will plug in my Batman night light and keep at it!

[Mark Alexander]

What you're describing reminds me somewhat of the 'succubus' or hag phenomenon, of feeling some sort of pressure or entity on top of you, accompanied by a sensation of fear, though in your case you didn't have a visual aspect to it. 

As a child, during my early projection experiences, I could often feel a dissociated fear, like an entity all around me or watching me.  It was really more of a general sensation rather than an emotion brought about by stimuli.  However, this was not a bad thing.  Though initially scary, dealing with this strange sensation eventually led me to face down and remove all OOB-related fears.  Also, it has assisted me in learning how to feel subtle energies in and around my body.

Certainly a success for you, I'd say.