Please, help me understand what happened...

[Ezekiel1337]

Let me open by saying i am an experienced projector.  I have had hundreds of astral projections throughout my life, ranging anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours (relative time obviously... there is no time in the astral).  I am 23 years of age, and my first projection was at age 16.  I have seen a lot in the astral.  I have spoken to entities, struggled with learning how to fly, seen the future, heard things so complex, that i could not remember or understand them, so on and so forth.  I open with this not to brag... but because for the first time ever... i encountered something i can not explain.  It goes against everything ive ever known about the astral. 

At about 2 o'clock a.m. last night, me and my fiance decided it was time for bed after watching a nice movie together.  i turned the tv off, kissed her goodnight, and laid on my back while she laid her head on my chest as usual.  I thought for a bit, and realized it had been a good while since my last projection.  I decided to go for it.  No problem, right away the vibrations started and out i went.  I rolled to my left and was out... but it was so different... Let me mention im living in a college dorm room.  When i left my body, there was no color... it was black and white.  I instantly forgot almost everything i knew about my life.  I didnt remember i was in a college dorm, i forgot about my lover laying on my chest, i forgot about most of my mortal life... i was literally restricted to this room and that moment alone.  The room resembled my dorm room but was different as well.  It was larger, and seemed to have no windows or way out.  When i left my body, i realized i was still vibrating, this ussually happens when im to close to my physical body.  I decided to drift away from my body until the vibrations stopped.  The further i got from my body, the less intense the vibrations became.  I did a few tests to ensure i was out of my body and not actually awake (despite the black and white tone to everything...) i passed my hand through a nearby wall and concluded i was in the astral.  As the vibrations stopped, i realized how dumbfounded and cloudy my thoughts had become.  I could barely think, i could barely even remember what purpose was intended for this projection.  I decided to just explore this room.  It had an ominous feel to it.  When i was far enough from  my body to be at rest from the vibrations, i noticed that i was not alone in the room.  I came face to face with 6-8 entities staring at me.  They resembled the grim reaper.  Hooded figures with no face, just a black abyss where the head should be.  They were floating just a bit above the ground and wouldnt stop staring at me.  I knew they were staring at me.  I could feel their gaze.  When i looked into one of their faces (there was no face, just a space where it should be.) i felt an overwhelming sense of malice.  These entities were evil... i could feel their intent.  I immediately knew these were not just residents of this realm... they were residents to me.... 

I have to admit... since my last projection, i have done very very bad things.  I have made horrible decisions.  I have become... evil.  Just as an example... i am a heroin addict.  I am in the process of quiting, but the decisions involved with being a heroin user involve lying, stealing, cheating, etc.  I have treated my family badly with my decisions to use this powerfully addicting drug.  I want so badly to quit, but the pain is so intense, i am drawn back to it every time.  But this experience has completely turned my world upside down.  This isnt about quiting a drug anymore... its about saving my soul....

I knew how sick my soul was now.  I could see what i had attracted.  these things, they follow me everywhere i go and dictate my actions.  Im not saying i have no responsibility in my actions, im just saying my actions have attracted beings that facilitate the ability to do bad. 

I ignored these things, despite the slight fear i felt.  I was able to push them out of the way and pass by them (their gaze still fixed on my consciousness) And behind them was a closed large wooden door.  Seemingly the only way out of this room.  The door looked like it belonged on an old temple or something.   It had square decorative panels.  I was so intrigued by this door, that i had to know what was behind it.  I could pass my astral arm through it, but everytime i tried to pass through it entirely, i was instantly teleported back to my body.  Not awake, just there... vibrating.  I attempted several times to get through the door.  But i couldnt.   After a while, a while of flying up and down through the roof and floor, i realized i was stuck in this place.  There was nothing outside of this room but darkness.  When i left through the roof, i could look down and see the room and myself in bed, but nothing surrounded the room.  Like the room was the only thing that existed in this void.  After about an hour (a literal hour) i decided i wanted to leave this place... and wake up.  Normally i have trouble seeing in the astral, i always end up opening my real eyes instead of my astral eyes.  This time i couldnt open my real eyes no matter what.  2 hours passed by, i spent the entire hour trying to wake up.  I could not.  I was stuck in this room.  I got scarred.  I tried to scream.  Obviously that didnt work.  I tried and tried and tried to yell, but nothing but a subtle whisper escaped my vocal cords.  Finally, after a while, i could feel my fiances head lift off my chest.  I could see her in the astral, she looked at me.  My astral eyes were open, my physical ones closed.  She looked a little puzzled, but went back to sleep.  The dismay i felt was indescribable.  I desperately wanted to wake up.  I couldnt stand being there any more.  When i felt her head lay back down, i screamed at the top of my astral lungs.  "HELP ME!!!!!"   "HELP ME!!!!!!"  i screamed over and over and over again.  "PLEASE WAKE ME UP!!!! WAKE ME UP!!!! PLEASE!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!  WAKE ME UP!!!!!"  Over and over again.  All of a sudden, something embraced me from behind.  As it embraced me, a feeling of primal terror took over my body.  I started breathing very fast and i was so terrified.  Finally, my fiance woke up and heard me whispering "wake.... me..... up...... pleeeeeeeeeeease!"  She said it was so bizzare, to hear somebody ask to be woken up.  She shook me and i flew up to the sitting position.  All my memories returned and my heart was pounding fast.... she hugged me and told me not to worry, that it was just a dream.... no sweety.... im sorry, it wasnt just a dream.  This is real.  this is no imaginary situation.  I am in real danger.  My soul is being steered by these things.  And when i woke up, the very real terror of the afterlife set in.  I wanted to project again and confront these... demons.  I wanted them gone.  But it doesnt work that way.  I need to fix my life for them to go away.

How could i possibly have been stuck out there?  I thought that couldnt happen.  Had it not been for my lover, i would have been there.... for a long long long time.

help me understand what happened... and what i need to do (besides the obvious)

[NoY]

Welcome to the Pulse 

that was an interesting read i think you know that you have some stuff to sort out
there is no advice i can give you other than what you already know maybe someone
else will have a go

GoodLuck

:NoY:

[Jarrod]

I have a theory but that's all it is.  I don't have as much experience as you, but I think that nothing external can actually forcefully keep you from going back to your body, so what was holding you stuck out there must have been yourself, your subconscious mind.  Perhaps it/you were trying to make yourself face whatever those things are.  From your descriptions of them they sound pretty darn evil, maybe your mind's representation of your addiction.  From what I understand kicking heroin is about the hardest thing possible.  Maybe if you can face it in the astral and learn how to deal with their presence it will somehow aid you in kicking the addiction.  This is only my guess though.  Any other members who have more perspective feel free to add.  I have an old friend from childhood I don't see much any more, maybe once every 4 or 5 months, well none now because I'm overseas but anyway, I think he may have picked up the same addiction.  His presence felt different the last couple times I saw him, kind of distracted and detached, and I saw a discarded needle on his front porch...I really hate to see that happen to people.  I wish you the best of luck on your journey to quitting.

[personalreality]

i can actually provide a practical experience in this situation.

i too was a heroin addict once upon a time.  i've been sober from the drugs for nearly 3 years now, but i was on Suboxone (opiate replacement medication) for about 2 years of those 3.  It's only been since march of this year that I have been totally sober, no drugs no meds.  I had an experience that lends itself to this idea of being influenced on an astral level as well. 

So, this past march I began detoxing off of the meds.  The big difference between cold turkey off the heroin vs. coming off the meds is that quitting heroin is really painful and intense but lasts for a shorter time.  Coming off the meds is less intense but lasts longer because of the half-life of the meds.  So I was basically in a weird stupor for about 2 weeks.  After about 4 days into my detox (when it started getting really bad) I was up in the middle of the night having flashes of both visual and auditory "hallucinations".  I hadn't slept the entire 4 days mind you, so I just assumed that these experiences were from sleep deprivation (which they were).  What I didn't realize was that the sleep deprivation was just the trigger, but I was actually seeing into the astral around me.  At one point I had a very vivid vision.  In hindsight I believe that I had phased.  My vision kept flipping back and forth between my living room and some kind of void.  After flipping back and forth a few times my awareness stayed in the void.  I was just floating there and I noticed a number of tentacles connected to my body at various points (maybe 5 or 6).  I got an awful feeling from them, like they were sucking the life out of me.  I decided to push my awareness toward the source of the tentacles to see what it was that was attached to me.  I was quite shocked by the feeling.  it felt cold and hopeless, like i was peering into oblivion, all existence forgotten forever.  I then sensed a consciousness.  It felt primal, reptilian (i don't mean reptilian in the alien sense).  It scared me to the bone, a fear I had never felt before and haven't felt since.  I reached out with my mind and demanded to know who or what was there and I got an intuitive response in the back of my mind that "said" something to the effect of "you allowed my presence and you are now powerless against me".  As soon as the transmission ceased I was back in my living room.

It scared the crap out of me, but afterward I could sense that entity with me all the time.  It was very distressing. 

Once I finished the detox (about 2 - 3 weeks altogether) and returned to work I got a chance to speak to a Druid friend/customer of mine and told him about the experience.  He instructed me to create an astral sword and cut the tentacles off of myself and then create a barrier around me so that they could not return.  He also told me to cleanse myself (with a bath of vinegar, salt, water and rose petals/water) and cleanse my home (sage smudging followed by frankincense).  I followed his instruction and cleansed myself and my home and then performed the cutting and protection.  As soon as I cut the tentacles off I felt an enormous weight lifted and could almost hear a distant groan.  In the weeks and months following, I began to notice an overall increase in energy both physically and psychically as well as an increase in intuition.  I don't want to say that this being was making me do things, but I felt like it was significantly influencing my ability to maintain discipline in regards to sobriety.  I was on and off of heroin for years and could never stay sober, but since I removed the entity everything has been simple.  In my opinion, I had a very strong desire to get off heroin but it was being stifled.  As soon as I was free of outside influence my desire took over and I was able to easily shift my awareness toward personal growth and leave behind the lifestyle I had chosen before.

You don't necessarily have to do what I did, but forcing that "entity" to leave me alone (whether it was a real autonomous entity or just part of myself I do not know) seemed to have made quite a difference in my life at the time. 

[AlanRK]

Your experience sounds intense and I'm sorry I can't offer much insight on it, although the post above me should cover that. One detail I will pick up on is that these figures you met had shadowy faces. As you might already know, when we see something in the astral which our subconscious cannot comprehend, even if our conscious mind has accepted it, we might see that something as a shadow, just plain blackness. This is a form of subconscious censoring, pretty much, and it has become a myth in itself for people who do not know about the astral. While it's possible the beings you met chose to look like that, it's also possible that you didn't want to see their faces for some reason and so blocked them out. This might have some significance to you, either way I hope you can recover from your troubles.

[Xanth]

I don't think I have too much to say here other then Personalreality's experiences should be heeded closely. 

And... you would have woken up, no doubt.  Your body would have eventually woke you up for one reason or another, you can not be "locked out" of your physical body.

[NickisDank]

wow yours and personalrealitys story were both very intense, and he seemed to cover what needs to be done pretty much. i read this story last night before i was going to try and project and it scared me to where i didnt want to lol.

but i hope everything works out for you

[personalreality]

I have really come to the conclusion that the entity was myself, a part of myself, my reptilian brain.  I think that I invited it to take some control from my logical and intuitive mind, let my primal self have a go.  So you have nothing to worry about.

[AlanRK]

Just curious, why do you label it as "reptilian" ?

[personalreality]

because it's the reptilian brain.

the hindbrain, the bit at the back that our glorious cerebral cortex grew around.

it controls autonomic functions, like heart rate and breathing.

it is also heavily influenced by emotion and is the part of the brain most active during a stress response (fight or flight).

that part.

[engagement]

That is some messed up shi*t.

[Xanth]

I don't understand how those functions are associated with "reptilians".

[personalreality]

not "reptilians" like david icke and all that mess.  i'm talking about actual reptiles.

they were some of the first vertebrates to evolve and had this "simple" brain structure.  each successive evolution of the brain grew around the existing brain.  the hindbrain or reptilian brain was the first evolution in the brain that is still visible in our current nervous system.  new layers and structures were added until it reached the brain that mammals have today with the cerebral cortex that allows for higher order logical and abstract thinking.  but reptiles operate/d out of necessity.  they sought warmth, food, sex and safety and so that's what that part of the brain controls.  it is also responsible for the most basic of functions, autonomic functions, things that happen without your conscious intent (breathing, heart beat, blood flow, digestion, sleep, etc.).

don't put a connotation on the word that wasn't implied.  i am speaking from a strictly physiological/evolutionary scientific perspective, nothing else. 

in my story, i intuitively felt the presence as something primal, but familiar, which is one reason why i think it was a part of me.  also, studies on addiction imply that it is parts of the hindbrain that are the most involved.  deals with the pleasure and emotional centers of the brain, which are among the oldest structures, thus the primal reptilian feeling. 

all in all i view my experience as a battle for control with my most primal, grounded self.  it was a battle of growth.  it was like conquering another land and assimilating the residents of that land to become a part of the new kingdom, the kingdom of higher order thought where the emotional outbursts of the old kingdom are in total homeostasis and under complete control.  now mind you, this is a new change so all the kinks aren't worked out yet, but it is the beginning of the golden age in the kingdom of Rusty.  get it?

[Xanth]

not "reptilians" like david icke and all that mess.  i'm talking about actual reptiles.

Ah ok, that's what was throwing me off. 

[gingeralbino]

This is very interesting to me...  I have a few theories...errr...opinions (and I am BY NO MEANS an expert or a professional)...

It sounds as though you willfully projected at the onset of sleep and started out lucidly in the astral, but the door you've opened to negative spirits through your heroin addiction have allowed them to 'attach' themselves to your soul...steering you in the directions they want you to go while simultaneously giving you the false impression that it is beyond your control.  They are desperate for you to believe this lie.  They've confined your waking like...confined it like the room to which you were confined in the astral...or so you originally thought until you were able to leave the room through the roof (proof that you have power beyond their grasp).  However, even then, they wished to manipulate you into thinking there is nothing beyond the box you are confined to in the astral.  In other words, there's nothing beyond your current circumstances and choices you've made in your waking life.  The longer you give them this power over you, the longer they will seize more and more of your energy (they are feeding off your soul).  They don't want you to believe you have the ability to change your situation (when you absolutely possess the ability to overcome it...everyone does, though not easily).  They've never been human.

The end of your astral experience sounds more like you were transitioning to a terrifying episode of sleep paralysis...which I'm NO STRANGER to.  All the elements were there that I personally experience when it happens to me... the looming malevolent presence that comes from behind and holds you against your will, the inability to scream or cry out, the inability to move, all while fully lucid.  In my waking life I struggle with a lot of inappropriate ways to ease emotional instability as well (mostly alcohol...though I'm better about it these days).  Sometimes I think that sleep paralysis serves as a warning from your spirit guide that you've allowed negative forces to enter your personal spiritual space, and that they are trying absorb your energy.  Your spirit guide wishes to reveal them to you in this way to help you recognize that they are mentally/emotionally/spiritually screwing with you.

Does that make sense?

Hope this helps...